Jason Segel: Heterosexual college student, husband, oldster. But at least he showed us his penis

  

Everybody knows who Jason Segel is, but it's hard to name a movie or tv series he's famous for.  He's just been a fixture in the media, hanging out with the Judd Apatow gang.

So here are some highlights from his acting, not his hanging-out:

1. Freaks and Geeks, 1999, a sitcom about high school life in the 80s. He plays the drummer Nick Andopolis.

2.Slackers, 2002, not the cinema-verité about slackers in Austin, Texas.  The usual gang of idiots, including Devon Sawa and Jason Schwartzman, try to help their buddy win the Girl.

3. Undeclared, 2003. The usual gang of idiots, including Jay Baruchel and Seth Rogan, go to college, except Jay's dad tags along.

4. Knocked Up, 2007. The usual gang of idiots, including Jay Baruchel, Paul Rudd, and Seth Rogan, deal with Seth's one-night-stand getting pregnant.  And Jason gets naked, sort of.

5. Forgetting Sarah Marshall, 2008. A starring role: Jason heads to Hawaii so he can forget Sarah Marshall.  Except she tags along.  He gets naked again, sort of.

Just kidding.  He goes Full Monty.

6. I Love You, Man, 2009.  Jason needs a best man for his wedding, but he has no male friends, so he goes on some man-dates to find one.  The description sounds totally homophobic.

7. The Five Year Engagement, 2012.  They take that long because each wedding plan ends in catastrophe.

8. This is the End, 2013.  The usual gang of idiots faces the Apocalypse.

9. Sex Tape, 2014.  It's about what you think.

10. How I Met Your Mother, 2005-14.  Never saw it, but I understand that Jason plays Marshall, one of the gang in the story that Ted tells his kids for nine years.

11. Our Friend, 2019, is about dying people. Sounds awful.

12. The Sky is Everywhere,2022, is about a grieving musician.  

13. Shrinking, 2023, is about a grieving therapist.  Hold on, I'm seeing a pattern here. 

So, college-student hetero-romances, middle-aged hetero-romances, and grief-stricken older people.  The cycle of life.  

No gay characters, not gay in real life, and the guy's not handsome or muscular.  Why does he deserve a profile, again?

Oh, right -- his dick.

See also: This is the End: Celebrities are Left Behind

Penis Expert Adam Devine evaluates Zac Efron's

"Kevin from Work": Tony Cavalero tries to steal Noah Reid's boyfriend. With random Colt model dicks

  

  

 Link to the nude photos

Kevin from Work is a ten-episode sitcom that aired on ABC Family in the fall of 2015. It got awful reviews centered on "raunchy jokes delivered by unsavory characters," but it's available for binging on Hulu if you're interested.  I reviewed Episode 1.2 because it starred Tony Cavalero as a creepy gay guy.

The premise: Noah Reid plays Kevin, a nebbish who's been in love with a female coworker for years, but too chicken to say anything.  He thinks he's being transferred to Italy, so he expresses his love in a grand gesture before leaving forever.  Whoops, the transfer falls through.  Now they have to continue working together...awkward!

Scene 1:  Kevin gets a ride to work with his best friend, gym rat Brian (Matt Murray, below).  He wonders about Don (Tony Cavalero), the guy in the back seat who is leering at him and invading his body space.  

Best Friend Brian explains: "When you left me for Italy, I had to look after myself.  You made me turn to the internet to find a friend. You search 'fit man seeking man,' you're going to find some crazy stuff."   

The viewer is expected to interpret "crazy stuff" as "gay men," and sympathize with Brian.  Creepy gay guys responded!  He must have been horrified!  But he just means that some of the guys who answered were not as fit as they claimed to be.  

Creepy Don in the back seat points out that he and Brian are a good match, because he has only 2% body fat. "What's your body fat percentage, Kevin?"  Jealous, Don?

Left: Mike Timber, a Colt model who Google Images thinks is cast member RogerTimber.

Kevin ignores him. He thinks he sees His Crush, whom he sent the awkward grand gesture to, and insists that they park in the back.  We get a montage of their awkward close encounters as he tries to work in the office without running into her.  "I could have lived a happy, fulfilled life if only I hadn't told her that I loved her!"  

More after the break

Does Kit Harington really have a tiny pecker? And what's wrong with that? With examples of tiny peckers

  

Link to the peckers

I never heard of Kit Harington before yesterday, when a reader mentioned that he appears in Season 3 of  Industry.  I was going to do a profile, but got sidetracked by Kit's penis.

I don't like the beard.  He looks better clean-shaven.

Apparently Kit is or was the resident hunk on Game of Thrones.  I only watched ten minutes before being turned by the constant naked ladies, but here he's kissing a guy, so he's played a gay character.

But not in Thrones.  Costar Nicolaj Koster-Waldau notes  “a change in the level of female lust in the room when Kit is there, which all the males find annoying and disrespectful."

First, how can he help it if all the women in the world lust after him?  It's not his fault. 

Second, why do all the males in the world find it annoying.  Surely there's at least one or two gay men on Earth, Nicolaj?

You're from Denmark, which has gay marriage,  and you starred in Bent, about gay men in Nazi Germany.  You played a gay character!  You should know that gay men exist, friggin' homophobe!

I'm already angry with Kit, and he didn't even make the homophobic statement.    

Everyone on the internet thinks that he's got a small dick, due to an article that states that Kit Harington is the reason Jon Snow, presumably his character, has a tiny penis.

But actually the writers "got even" with him for being so attractive -- only to women, of course -- and had someone reference his  character's lack of penile hugeness: "What kind of God would have a pecker that small?

In real life, all we have is this heavily censored j/o session. 

And this photo, from Fleshbot, advertising a "gay make out session" between Kit and Chris Zylka.  Except it's Chris Zylka, whom Kit kisses in The Death and Life of John F. Donovan.

What's wrong with a small dick, anyhow?  

First, the average penis size is much smaller than you think.  Internet porn and the guys who post on Grinder are outliers. The average erectile length is 5."  4-6" is average.

Second, small cocks are easier.  No gagging, no pounding on your uvula.

Third, skinny guys tend to have big ones, while stocky/chubby guyes tend to be small.  Which would you rather go home with?

The small and not-so-small dicks are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also:

Industry: Can we skip the boring plot, and go straight to the cocks?

The Naked Thugs: Danny McBride thinks we won't like these cocks

Industry: 5 butts, 4 cocks, and 3 chests of the top moneymakers at a banking CPS something in London

  

Link to the naked guys

Industry is being pushed on MAX as the greatest television series of all time; it has a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes; and there's at least one gay character.  Should be an obvious must-watch, right?  

Maybe not.  I've tried getting into it twice, and get immensely bored after five minutes.  It's about money.  The inter-office squabbles of guys in suits making money by making money for other guys in suits, and trying to position into positions of higher power so they can make more money by making more money. 

 Shape without form, shade without colour, 

 Paralysed force, gesture without motion

It's not only boring, it's depressing.  You're in friggin' London. Go to the British Museum and see some art.  

Can we skip the money and just look at some naked guys?

1. David Jonsson, top photo, plays Gus Sackey, the main gay character. He majored in humanities before he sold his soul to Mammon.  Apparently he's closeted, not fitting in to the heterosexist money culture.  According to the Wikipedia, he's "assigned to the Investment Banking Division, IBD, and then the CPS desk.  I don't know what that is, either.

2. Will Tudor as Theo Tuck, the other gay character, an Eton graduate consigned to a lowly position as research analyst.

Guys, seriously, the British Museum has the Rosetta Stone.

3. Harry Lawley as Robert, from a working-class Welsh background, so he doesn't fit in with the upper-class Oxcam graduates working the money angle. There also might be some prejudice against the Welsh. He's on the CPS desk.

And it's open till 20:30 on Fridays

4. Ben Lloyd-Hughes as Greg, VP at the CPS desk.  Ok, I looked it up: CPS means Cross Product Sales, where you try to sell your bank customers things they don't need, like Wells Fargo:  "Oh, you want to open a checking account?  How about an auto loan and a credit card?"

How about the Victoria and Albert Museum?

5.Derek Riddell, here getting sexed up in The Book Club, as Clement, the CPS vice manager.

The St. Paul's Cathedral Choir is performing on Friday night.

More money-making cocks after the break

Hung Harvey: I hook up with the boyfriend of Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Link to Hung Harvey's cock

I was back in West Hollywood for my friend Larry's annual Oscar party.  On March 25th, the night before, Lane and Randall the Muscle Bear with the Pierced Penis took me out to all our old haunts: Bodhi Tree, Different Light, the French Quarter, the Gold Coast, and the Faultline.

But we never made it to the Faultline.

I was struck by a twink sitting at the bar in the Gold Coast. A little shorter than me, broad shoulders, very handsome round face with sandy hair and glasses, kind of a Harry Potter look except for the lumberjack shirt.

I sat next to him.  He said "Howdy, pardner," and held out his hand to be shaken.

I made a quip about Hogwarts.  He countered with a quip about Lemony Snicket's Unfortunate Events.

Our legs pressed together under the bar.  "Can I buy you another beer?" I asked.

"Heck, I'll buy you a beer.  I'll buy everybody a beer.  Drinks are on me!"

"Well, I don't really drink."

"A virgin margarita, then.  You have to let me buy you something.  I can afford it.  I'm Harvey, and I'm always going to be Harvey, no matter what they say!"

Was that name supposed to mean something?  All I could think of was Harvey the Giant Rabbit in the James Stuart movie. 

 "Ok, Harvey, a Coke will be fine."

He seemed a little soused, but not unbearably so.  I reached out, unbuttoned a couple of buttons of his lumberjack shirt, and slid my hand down to feel his firm, hairy chest.  Few twinks have that much hair -- I was hooked!

I reached down and groped him.

Nice bulge.  Maybe an 8-incher beneath the belt.  I was even more hooked!

"Hey!" Harvey exclaimed.  "This place is dead!  Let's go to the Rage!"

The notoriously noisy twink bar? But I was over 23

"Well, I'm here with my friends.  We were going to the Faultline.  We're a little old for the Rage."

"Nonsense.  You're with me.  Harvey can open every door."

The Rage was only a few blocks from our old apartment.  Maybe it would be fun.

It wasn't.  The music was blaring, the air was thick with cigarette smoke and poppers, and there were swarming munchkins everywhere.  It was uncomfortable for everyone, especially the bears I dragged along.

They sat at one of the little round tables, Lane with a soda and Randall with a beer, while Harvey and I danced.  Or did whatever swaying movements we could with the press of gyrating twinks.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder.  It was Randall.

"Hey, either seal the deal and let's go home and screw," he yelled, trying to make himself understood over the roar, "Or drop this twink and let's go home and screw!"

"Ok, ok."  I took Harvey by the hand and led him to a dark area where couples went to kiss.

"What do you want to do now?" he asked, grinning.

"What do you think?"  I put my arms around him, and we started kissing.  He allowed only a brief kiss-- not very impressive.  I reached down and groped him again.  His Kielbasa became aroused, but he didn't t grope me in return.

A bit cool, but I was too into him to notice.  "Let's go back to my place.  I'm staying in my friends' guest room."

More after the break

Popeye: The First Gay Superhero

When I was a kid, Captain Ernie's Cartoon Showboat often showed Popeye cartoons.  They were awful, nothing but heterosexist morality plays.  In every single one of them, the absurdly macho sailor Popeye and Bluto vied for affections of sexist stereotype Olive Oyl, they fought, and Bluto was pulverized (even though he had a far superior physique).

Then I stumbled upon a book called Popeye: His First Fifty Years, which talked about Castor Oyl, Ham Gravy, King Blozo, Tor, and Oscar.  Who were these people?

I discovered that the cartoons were the latest incarnations of  E.C. Segar's "Thimble Theater" comic strip, which began in 1919, starring get-rich-quick schemer Castor Oyl and his wise-cracking sister Olive.  In a 1929 continuity, Castor hired gruff one-eyed sailor Popeye for a sea voyage.  He became so popular that Segar added him to the cast, honed down his rough edges, and eventually made him the star of the strip.  It continues to run in some newspapers today.

There have been Popeye comic books almost continuously since 1948, published by Dell, Gold Key, Charlton, Harvey, and IDW.

There's a lot of gay content in the comic strip and comic book Popeye:

1.  He's sweet on Olive Oyl, but his main emotional bond is with Castor.  They run a detective agency together, rescue each other from danger, argue, break up, and reconcile.

2. Popeye has no interest in women other than Olive, but he develops several gay-subtext male friendships, notably with King Blozo.

Similarly, he becomes the object of desire of several men.  Reformed villain Tor keeps trying to kiss Popeye and saying that he loves him.

In fact, male friendships drive far more plots than quests for heterosexual romance.

3. The comic strips and comic books mostly occur in male homosocial spaces -- ships, boxing rings, detective agencies.  But Olive constantly disrupts those spaces.  The other characters keep telling her to "wait here" or "stay home where it's safe," but she is a full participant in every adventure.  And when there's trouble, she proves herself a competent fighter, as good or better than Popeye himself.

4. Popeye has no qualms about gender transgressions. He frequently dresses in women's clothing to accomplish some plot point.  When he becomes the ward of the infant Swee'Pea, he joins a women-only parenting class.

All that changed in the heterosexist "every man's fantasy" world of the cartoons.

Cobra Kai Episode 6.1: Danny and Johnny are boyfriends? Mr. Miyagi wasn't a saint? With some naked karate guys

Link to the nude photos

In Karate Kid, 1984, the small, scrawny Danny, trained by the saintly Mr. Miyagi, uses the Power of Love to beat the much more muscular Johnny, trained by the evil Kreese. 

The TV series Cobra Kai catches up with the former enemies 40 years later. Apparently they now run a dojo together.  I reviewed Season 6 Episode 3, because it features Tony Cavalero

Scene 1: A party, maybe a baby shower, is going on, with two teenage boys -- one might be Tanner Buchanan, top photo, and the other might be Brandon H. Lee -- saying "I don't think I'll ever get used to that" and somebody yelling about Anthony eating all the cannolis.  She complains that he just flew in to kill someone, and has stayed for six months. So this is a crime family?

Out in the living room, a super-femme guy grabs some kind of beverage that looks like a jar of molasses, while his boyfriend complains that he's a drunk. 

Wait -- Super-Femme Johnny is the father -- Hired Killer Anthony asks if he wants a boy or a girl.  He doesn't care; he's so femme that he can relate to either. 

Uh-oh, somebody delivered a box that's ticking!  One of their enemies, maybe Silver or Kreese, must have sent a bomb!   

Back in the kitchen, everyone hears an explosion: it was pink paint for the gender-reveal!

Wait -- super-femme guy is Johnny, William Zabka from the movie.  He got swishy in his old age.  And his boyfriend must be...Danny, Ralph Macchio!

Scene 2:  In East Asia, a militarized dojang in a sculpted estate like a Hollywood drug lord.  Enemy Kreese -- Martin Kove, still sneering -- brags about the discipline of his ninjas.  

Yoon, his best student, can break a board, but Sung, the rebel, can chop it in half.  For his back-talk, he is assigned to clean the toilet.

Contrast with Femme Guy's more easy-going dojo.  One of his students asks how, if they're so easy-going, they can compete in the big tournament   "They're not. They're going to get their asses kicked."  But it's all about having fun, right?

More after the break

Carlin James: The third thug, a gay three-way, a queer romance, and Pretty Dudes

 

  Link to the NSFW version.

In Episode 4.5 of Better Call Saul, the Breaking Bad spin-off starring Bob Odenkirk as a sleazy lawyer, a flashback to 2003 shows the young Saul/Jimmy McGill working in a cell phone store.  He starts a side-business selling stolen burner phones (popular with drug dealers, gang members, cheating husbands, and so on). 

While scoping out customers at the Dog House sleazoid-favored hot dog stand, he approaches teen thugs Peewee, Skipper, and Scooter. They don't need any phones, but they'll wait until he's done for the evening and beat him up his profits. Jimmy kicks himself for not being able to foresee that the interaction would go bad.

In the next episode, Jimmy approaches the guys at their laudromat-hangout and offers to give them a cut if they let him sell without harassment: a more reliable dividend stream than robbing him just once.  They decide that they prefer robbery, and chase him -- into a trap!

Jimmy's allies, Huell Babineaux and Man Mountain, tie them up, gag them, and hang them upside down in a piñata warehouse.  They begin smashing the piñatas with baseball bats, while Jimmy asks the teen thugs if they prefer to be smashed to death quickly or slowly.  

The thugs are so terrified that they promise not to bother Jimmy anymore, and to tell all the other thugs to leave him alone.  He calls off the smashing, but his goons pretend not to hear him until the bat comes withn inches of Peewee's face.  "You get one warning," he tells them as they whimper.  "And that was it." 

Other than the gay-subtext potential of the three guys hanging out without chatting up girls, I was interested in this scene because I have posts on two of the actors: Tommy Nelson, left, and Cory Chapman, center.  

Both would go on to roles in The Righteous Gemstones, but in different seasons, and both have a substantial amount of gay and gay-subtext work.  

So what about the third thug, Scooter?  

He's played by Carlin James, a Filipino-American actor from Long Beach.  His on-screen career begins in 2009-11, playing college students in dramatic shorts and guys who get killed in thrillers.

His first mainstream role was in a 2016 episode of  How to Get Away with Murder: he plays Martin, one of the guys that main character Connor, played by Jack Falahee, invites home for a three-way.

More Carlin after the break