I watched the Season 2 Episode "Dudes and Chicks." If any episode is heteronormative, that one will be.
Scene 1: The patented Nickelodeon teen hang-out, a smoothie bar. Bella has bought new team jerseys. Newt (Buddy Handleson): "I love the embroidery." Sawyer: "It's a little small." Pepper (a girl): "That's because I ordered it in my size. Team jerseys are for girlfriends." Troy (Coy Stewart): "I ordered mine to say The Troy." But it actually says "Then Troy." Har-har.
Sawyer announces that he's working at his parents' stand at the farmer's market tomorrow. Pepper, his girlfriend, hates working there, and talks Bella into joining her.
Scene 2: At the produce stand. Sawyer (Jackie Radinsky, left) criticizes the girls for watching girly tv shows like Bring Me a Bachelor, but he secretly watches, too. Uh-oh, his crazy cousin Charlie is coming. The last time she saw him was at Sawyer's ninth birthday party, where he splashed a smoothie on her new dress, so she hates him. Surprise: he's grown into a super-hunk (Froy Gutierrez, top photo)
Scene 3: Troy, Newt, and a girl named Sophie eating. The others joke about Troy wanting to marry his fried beef on a stick. I hate jokes that equate loving food with loving a person. Suddenly they encounter a baby chick that escaped from the petting zoo. Ergo the title.
Scene 4: Bella absurdly over-acting her horniness for Hot Charlie. She assumes that he's still a jerk. He turns out to be nice, so she plans a strategy to draw his interest.
Scene 5: Sophie discovers that the farm that runs the petting zoo also supplies the food truck: when the baby chick grows too big for petting, it will be turned into McNuggets! Sophie rushes to tell the others. Newt is wearing tangerine shorts and carrying a handbag. I think he may be gay.
Scene 6: Bella rushes home, gets all dolled up, and returns to put the moves on Hot Charlie.
"So...um...do you have any big plans for later?" I hate the "big plans" question. No one has "big plans" regularly, or they wouldn't be "big."
"So...um...do you like ice cream?" Yawn. Who doesn't like ice cream?
"So...do you want to get ice cream later?" Nope! He refuses. "I think you know why."
Scene 7: That night, in the absurdly elegant houses that pass for middle-class on Nickelodeon. Bella is catatonic with sadness over the rejection. Pepper asks, "What did he mean by "You know why"? Bella has no idea. No doubt the birthday party scene didn't play out the way she remembers it.
Maybe his cousin Sawyer knows? They ask: at his ninth birthday party, Charlie dumped a smoothie on her as a gag, but she overreacted like a little princess and stomped out, bringing all of the other guests with her. The party was ruined! Sawyer eventually forgave her, but Charlie still thinks that she's a "fun-killer." Wait -- it was Sawyer's party. Why does his cousin care so much?
Scene 8: The others sneak into the petting zoo to retrieve the baby chick. Lame petting zoo, just some chickens. They end up stashing several chicks in Newt's handbag and Troy's pockets.
Scene 9: Bella tries to demonstrate that she's not a "fun-killer" by being all "whazzup!" and bringing donuts. Hot Charlie is not impressed. No wonder -- it's a farmer's market. There's food everywhere.) How about juggling peaches? No.
Scene 10: The others are about to make their getaway, when Sawyer and his girlfriend Pepper come to the petting zoo and notice the deceit. "Why are you stealing those chicks?" Turns out that the chicks don't get eaten after all -- the farmer supplies vegetables to the food truck, not chickens. But it does get dead chicken meat from somewhere, right?
Scene 11: Bella keeps trying. She never heard of "no means no"? But it works: Sawyer reveals his version of the party: he had a crush on Belle, so he bought her a smoothie. Then he tripped and accidentally spilled it on her...and everyone made fun of him. He was bullied for years because of that incident. Really? So now they can date.
Scene 12: At the hangout, Sophie complains that all nine of her brothers are grounded, so the air at her house is 100% farts (Nickelodeon shows are required to have at least one fart reference per episode.) The end.
Beefcake: Charlie is sort of cute.
Heterosexism: The A plot is about heterosexual romance.
Gay Characters: Actor Buddy Handleson (left) is gay, but he didn't make any public announcements until the show ended. I don't see any evidence that his character is gay, just rich/feminine. According to the show Wiki, Newt has an ongoing unrequited crush on Sophie in the first season. In the second season, he moves on to other girls, and then Sophie gets a crush on him!
My Grade: F