That 90s Show, Episode 3.6: Ozzie dates, Theo gets groped, and Nate gets dumped. With Theo and Noah nudes.

  

Link to the Theo and Noah nudes

That 90s Show is a nostalic spin-off of That 70s Show, set 20 years later, with the children of the original cast hanging out in that basement: Jay, the pretty one (Mace Coronel, left); Nate, the stupid one (Maxwell Acee Donovan); Ozzie, the gay one (Reyn Doi); and three or four girls, it's hard to keep track.

While the other teens merge in and out of complicated love triangles and quadrangles, Ozzie is always being stymied in his quest for the elusive penis.  He has a long-distance boyfriend in Canada, who dumps him before we can meet him, and then a lost connection with Isaac (Raphael Alejandro) in Season 3.  I'm reviewing the episode where they go on their first date, "Life is a Highway."

Scene 1: Grandma Kitty, Grandpa Red, and Gwen's mom  are in the kitchen, doing stuff with meat, when Gwen's Dad Otis (Cedric Yarbrough) arrives with a big announcement: he was hit by a mail truck, and settled for $20,000, so he can take a break from his truck driving job and spend some time with "his girls."

Gwen's Mom reveals a problem: whenever Gwen's Dad bangs into town, he's so charming that Mom jumps into bed with him, and then they start arguing, and Gwen is in the middle of it. Easy, Grandma Kitty says: "I'll just keep you from having sex with him."

Scene 2: Dad Otis is cooking in preparation for the big barbecue when his daughter Gwen and focus character Leia enter, wanting truck-driving lessons.

Scene 3: At the barbecue, Nate the Stupid One complains that he can't break up with his overbearing girlfriend, Betsy. He tried to break up, and she said "No."  Hey, wasn't this plot on Seinfeld around 1996?  

Dad Otis commiserates:  "I been there -- you lay the pipe too clean, the wild ones never let you go." Ulp, he's talking about Jay the Pretty One's sister!  

Ok, how to break up with her: "Tell her that you cheated with that little hottie." Ulp, he's talking about Jay's girlfriend! 

Scene 4: Nikki, yet another member of the basement gang, and Ozzie meet in the diner. 

Nikki's  problem: Her boyfriend, Theo (Anthony Turpel), just wants to kiss, and she's ready to go downtown, but he's shy, and she's never had to make the first move before.  Her last boyfriend was Nate the Stupid One, aka the Human Erection-- she'd just look down, and his cock would be in her hand. Whoa, these are teenagers. Let's keep it G-rated!

How can Nikki subtly inform him that she wants sex?  Ozzie suggests going to a movie, making sure there's a box of popcorn on his lap, reaching for some, and missing.  Where'd you learn that trick, boy?  Isn't this your first date?

Anthony Turpel, age 24, probably has some beefcake or nudes online.  I'll check after the break.

Ozzie's problem: He can't go to a kid's movie on his first date, but for a R-rated, he needs adults to buy the tickets.  

He asks Sonny and Bunch, an aging hippie couple, or heterosexual life partners -- it's hard to tell. They don't display any heterosexual interest in this episode, but they're played by Jay and Silent Bob, aka Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes.  

They get all excited because they don't have any kids of their own, and will welcome the opportunity to become parents. 

In case you haven't seen Jason Mewes nude recently, he's on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Scene 5: Nate the Human Erection tries to break up with Betsy by claiming that he cheated with "Amy Pasta."  But Betsy likes the idea, and suggests a three-way.  Hey, these are teenagers!

Scene 6: Ozzie and Isaac are alone at the movie -- until the guys arrive to cover their eyes if something inappropriate comes on, like blood or boobs.  Guys, boobs won't be a problem.  Now, let's talk penises.

Scene 7: Back at the barbecue, Gwen's Dad Otis was allowed to cook, and now the wieners are all shriveled.  Penis joke, har har.

 Also, Grandma Kitty was trying to prevent Gwen's parents from having sex, but they had sex anyway.  "It wasn't your fault.  Trying to stop us made it hotter."

Dad Otis also blew off the big, important truck-driving lesson, letting his daughter down, so Leia and Gwen drive off by themselves, with no lessons. 

More after the break. Caution: it gets even more explicit.

Joe Canoli's canoli: frontal nudity and erotic promise from the groovy 1960s

 

Link to the nude photos

Readers were asking about Joe Canoli, one of the random hunks in the Season 2 Gemstone Memes. 

Walter Kudzincz, born in 1925, began photographing his well-hung buddies and boyfriends, establishing a catalog of guys in skimpy outfits pretending to be cowboys, pirates, or gladiators, trying to avoid being overtly homoerotic, as was required by the strict censorship and intense homophobia of 1950s society.    You could get them via mail order, or in "fitness" magazines like Physique Pictorial and Tomorrow's Man.  

In 1952 Walt met Jim Stryker, an 18-year old recent high school graduate, pranking his friend by urinating on him from a tree branch.  Stryker became his friend, lover, and the top-selling model in the gay male subculture for the next ten years.

In 1962, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that male nudity was not necessarily obscene, and in 1965, magazines began printing frontal nudity, allowing Walt to challenge the "chaste," closeted gay models of the earlier generation.  It was the era of the psychedelics revolution, the sexual revolution, the youth counterculture, and the more open, out gay subcultures that would culminate in Stonewall and the Gay Rights Movement.  The modern gay man was willing to admit that he liked to look at cocks as well as muscles.

So Walt's Champion Studio models got naked.  Sometimes their photos were campy and cool, brightly colored, "mod," groovy.  Sometimes they made fun of the posing-strap cowboys and football players of the uptight 1950s.  Sometimes they were unabashedly erotic.  

I'm covering a lot about the life of Walt Kudzincz because I have found almost nothing about Joe Canoli.  The earliest photo I could find, a black-and-white with rear nudity, comes from between 1962 and 1965. 

More after the break

Tony Cavalero demonstrates how to pick up that hot guy at the gym

Link to the nude photos

We've all had this problem: the hot guy at the gym won't respond when you try to make eye contact or say hello.    Even the famous actor Tony Cavalero struck out from time to time, until he developed a foolproof method for getting the hot guy's attention, and maybe even making him your gym boyfriend.

1. Scope out your target, then do the same exercise, but with more weight to impress him.

2. That didn't work? Take your shirt off.

3. Still nothing?  

4. Try struggling with a bicep curl.  He'll rush over to spot you.  

More spotting after the break

Nathan Kress, Freddie from "ICarly," grown up. Is he still homophobic? Is he still shy about showing his dick?

 

Link to the nude photos

Many Nickelodeon shows of the 2000s had strong homophobic subtexts, and  ICarly (2007-2012) was one of the worst.  Miranda Cosgrove starred as Carly, who hosts an internet comedy show with her butch-but-straight buddy Sam (a girl) and nerd-next-door-with-a- stereotyped crush on her, Freddie (Nathan Kress).  

They are supervised by her wacky bi-subtext older brother, Spencer. 

 On the way, the contempt for gay men, or as Sam alls them, prancies, oozes out in joke after joke.  The most egregious is Spencer being chased down and arrested for appearing in public in a dress; cross-dressing has not been a crime in any American city since the 1970s.

I especially disliked Nathan Kress, amd not only for the horribly cliched "unrequited crush" plotlines.  As he bulked up, he steadfastly refused to permit beefcake photos.  To an extent, that's his choice: his body, his rules.  But when you choose a career that depends on displaying that body, and further set yourself up as a teen idol, you have a sort of obligation to your fans.

More annoying was his reason for failing to post beefcake: he was a way, way conservative fundamentalist of the "hating ten gays before breakfast" variety, and he didn't want girls and prancies getting ideas.

Today Nathan's instagram is full of wife-and-children pictures. 

Still hardly any beefcake, unless incorporated into the wife-and-kid pictures.

And he's still ultra-fundamentalist.

More Nathan after the break

Gemstone Season 2 Memes: Kelvin swishes, Joe Canoli bulges, I don't get an Easy Bake Oven, and there's no Brad Pitt

 

Link to the nude photos

This is a series of memes -- jokes -- featuring Kelvin and Keefe of The Righteous Gemstones, their friends, and a few random hunks.  Most don't require you to have any background knowledge of the show.

1. A few random hunks

2. Could you at least get naked?

Tony: What do you mean, Kelvin and Keefe don't kiss this season?  Can we at least have sex?

3. How to hug while pretending to be straight.

Kelvin: No, your head goes...

Keefe: I think I put my right arm...um..over here...

Kelvin: My hand goes on your butt...no, on your waist...hey, are you aroused?

Keefe: No..a little...ok, a lot.

Kelvin: Move your thigh over there...no, there...your hand goes here...dude, I told you to research how straight guys hug

4. Ready for another random hunk?

5. Nobody is that good an actor, Kelvin.

6. Eli should have known that this would happen

Eli: Remember, when the new converts walk on stage, Judy hugs the men, and you hug the women.

Kelvin: No problem, Daddy, I can handle that.  Here comes the first....eww....Judy, stop laughing...eww....eww

Eli: Game change.  Kelvin, you take the men.

Kelvin: Oh, thank God!

More closeted Kelvin after the break

Allan Hyde: Roman-era vampire boy with one dude-on-dude kiss and a lot of frontal nudity on Danish tv

  

Link to the frontal nudity

We're watching True Blood (2008-2014), about vampires coming "out of the coffin" in contemporary Louisiana.  They have a very bureaucratic organization: focus character Sookie is dating Civil War-era vampire Bill, who has to kowtow to the Sheriff of Area 5, Viking-era vampire Eric.

Eric must kowtow to the much more important Sheriff of Area 9, Dallas, Roman Empire era  vampire Godric (Allan Hyde).

Godric turned Eric, back in the day, and since vampires have a permanent erotic bond with their makers, the two lived as lovers for many years.  In the present day, he is a pacifist, pushing for human-vampire equality, and tired of eternal life after 2,000 years, ready to "meet the sun."

Allan Hyde was born in Copenhagen, with an English father and a Danish mother, so most of his 41 acting credits on the IMDB have been in Denmark:

6 episodes of 2900 Happiness, about rich people with scandals.

24 episodes of Juleønsket, about a girl and Christmas magic.

5 episodes of Gidseltagningen, about people being held hostage on the subway.  He really has a lot of range.

You and Me Forever, 2012, centers on a girl-power friendship, but it gives Allan's character a fyr på fyr kiss.  That's dude-on-dude.

This one is on Amazon Prime.

In Sommerin 92, 2015, the Danish football team is competing for the European championship, and Allan is showing his dick.  Not for the last time.

More after the break

"The Neighborhood": Two nuclear families and a kid who may or may not be trans. With bonus chubby black men

  

We'll start with a chubby black man.  Just keep him in mind

I was going to give The Neighborhood, on Hulu, a miss.  Next door neighbors, both heterosexual nuclear families, dealing with race issues, and not a gay person in sight.  But 14-year old Hank Greenspan, who plays Grover, has long hair and a femme look, so I checked his Instagram to see if he is gay in real life, I found this:

"Together we win."

I'm not familiar with this symbol, but one of the comments was: "Another trans actor or just brainwashed."  

So presumably Hank or their character has come out as trans, and love wins.  

But when I searched for  "The Neighborhood," "Cedric the Entertainer," and gay or transgender, nothing came up.

When I tried "Hank Greenspan" and gay or transgender, I got an article on cultural appropriation that doesn't mention either, and a reddit post that called him a "child actress," but was being homophobic.

So who is winning for trans equality?  

Seasons 6 and 7 are not available on Hulu, so I'm reviewing a Season 5 episode that looked Grover-centric, "Welcome to the Working World." 

Scene 1:  The chubby Marty (Marcel Spears, below), and a woman are cuddling while watching a movie.  He says "God is good." Then his Brother Malcolm (Shean McKinley) wants to know why it's dark in here, and he groans "The devil is active, too."  The deadbeat used up all of the woman's strawberry -mango body wash, and when they're not looking, steals their snacks.

Their Dad, Calvin (Cedric the Entertainer), and Mom, Ticina Arnold of Everybody Hates Chris, knock, wondering why the door is locked   Wow, Cedric is chubby, too.  If you're a chubby chaser -- and who isn't?  - this is the series for you.

 Chub Marty and his girlfriend scurry to fix things so Mom and Dad won't know that they were getting busy.  Then the oldsters insist on barging into their movie night, so no smoochinig or sex!

Everybody Hates Chris also starred Tequan Richmond, now grown up and hung, as Chris's younger brother, whom everybody in the world fell in love-at-first-sight with.  It allowed him to score free desserts at lunchtime, and he never got detention, but around Valentine's Day, the truckloads of cards and presents began to arrive.  

Sorry,  not sorry for the digression. Back to The Neighborhood after the break

Everybody Hates Chris

Everybody Hates Chris (2005-09),  loosely based on the childhood of comedian Chris Rock in the 1980s, was about a boy named Chris (Tyler James Williams) beset-upon by weird neighbors and a crazy family.  School is even worse; as the only black student at Corleone Junior High, he suffers both overt and well-meaning liberal racism.

True to the tradition of erasing black beefcake, no one disrobed on camera.  But there were nearly as many bulges as on The Jeffersons, and you could easily find shirtless and nude shots elsewhere.

Tequan Richmond, who played Chris's opposite, his supremely lucky and supernaturally attractive brother, posted many muscle pix on his website.  He now plays a teen hunk on General Hospital.

Terry Crews, the Dad, is a former football star with a bodybuilder's physique who often flexes in his movies (most recently he has done voice work on The Ultimate Spider_Man).

The word "gay" was never spoken, though once they used "androgynous" as a euphemism.  And, at least in the first season, Chris featured one of the strongest teenage homoromantic subtexts in contemporary tv.

When Chris arrives at Corleone Junior High, the only kid who will befriend him is the nerd Greg (Vincent Martella, who also voiced the Disney Channel's Phineas and Ferb).  Soon they become inseparable  -- and exclusive; when one courts another boy, the other seethes with jealousy. They break up, realize how much they care for each other, and reconcile again.

They have a Romeo-and-Juliet moment in “Everybody Hates Greg” (November 24, 2005): Greg’s father forbids him from seeing Chris, and the two go through absurd machinations to be together, behaving according to media conventions for heterosexual participants in a “forbidden romance.”  Finally Greg’s father relents, saying “You’re big buddies, huh?”, apparently recognizing that the emotional importance of their bond transcends that of ordinary “buddies.”

The adult Chris Rock, who narrates each episode, seems somewhat discomfited by the intensity of the pairing.  Some of his asides, such as “Hey, this ain’t Brokeback!” (referring to the gay-themed movie Brokeback Mountain) deny that the pairing is romantic while explicitly linking it with gay romance.

Other asides, such as “How could I have so much drama without a girl?” appear to proclaim that the relationship is invalid because it does not involve girls, but actually indicates that girls are not necessary, that “drama” (emotional turmoil) is equally possible in same-sex relationships. The attention paid to the homoromance, and its thematic association with heterosexual romance, suggests that it is significant, even intentional.

However, it is temporary; after the first season, the two become ordinary best friends, both are wild about girls.

See also:  "The Neighborhood"

Preston Oliver: Teen idol with four tv roles, two boyfriends, "Ask Me" Toney, and some nude costars

Link to the nude costars

I found Preston Oliver by accident while researching Ian Winningkoff.

According to the IMDB, he was born in 2006 and grew up in Las Vegas.  He got bit by the drama bug in fifth grade, when he was cast as a pirate in a version of Peter Pan.  Acting classes and professional representation followed, and, at age 12, his tv debut on two episodes of Chicago Fire: 

As the troubled son of richster Bradley Boyd (Justin Belfi), he sts Dad's boat and garage on fire, is sent away for counseling, and is never mentioned again. 

Less than six months later, Preston was cast in two episodes of This is Us, as the son of Kevin. played by Justin Hartley.  It's a soap opera, so Kevin's character arc was very complex and loaded down with tragedy.

Then came an episode of Roswell, New Mexico as young Michael. one of the main characters, who abandons a relationship with a man to fall in love with a woman. I don't know if he's bisexual, or got "cured" of being gay.  He's played by Michael Vlamis. 

Preston's big break came in the Disney Channel's Secrets of Sulphur Springs, about a boy and a girl solving mysteries involving time travel. 

More Preston after the break

Gideon Gemstone memes: Impressing a cute boy, some hung dudes, and Skyler's first clothed scene in three years

This is a series of memes -- jokes -- featuring Gideon of The Righteous Gemstones, and friends.  Most don't require you to have any background knowledge of the show.

Link to the hung dudes

1. Some friends

2. We've all been there

Teenage Gideon at the sleepover: "This is fascinating.  Reminiscent of the early Faulkner, with the homoerotic subtexts that one often finds in Southern Gothic fiction."

The cute boy he's trying to impress: Dude, that's a blank scrapbook.

3. Perform with your shirt off.  No one will notice.

Gideon: I'm sorry, I'm not up to performing in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.  Tell my understudy that he'll have to do it.

Keefe: This is NOT a coat of many colors.  Three, tops. Call Gideon again.

4. Room for one more.

When Gideon invited his buds to the sleepover, he didn't mention that they would be sharing one single bed. Not that they minded.

5. A random hung dude

More Gideon after the break

Stephen Schneider: Heterosexual love interest, heterosexual bottom, hung sleazoid, diversity dad

 

 Link to the nude photos

Stephen Schneider's profile on the IMDB tells us only that he was born in Sharon, Massachusetts and he's married with children.  Wikipedia adds that he's Jewish.

 

Here he and his Dad study for his Bar Mitzvah.

He graduated from Emory University in Atlanta, started a sketch comedy website, and wrote, produced, and starred in some short films, including "Not Gay," 2006.

Soon Stephen found his niche in comedy, playing quirky boyfriends.

Ray Stark, the Love Interest of one of the Best Friends Forever, 2012.

Ben in the relationship comedy, Things You Shouldn't Say Past Midnight, 2014.

You're the Worst, 2014-17, follows the romance of two horrible people, Jimmy and Gretchen.  Stephen plays Gretchen's ex, who is still in love with her.  They eventually hookup, of course.

Stephen is on the IMBD list of Hung Actors, along with Derek Yates,John Cena, and Ben Affleck -- #32, but I don't think it's organized by size.  He gets naked here, but no frontal.

Broad City, 2014-2017, follows two female best friends looking for love and sex in contemporary New York. Stephen plays Abbi's hunky next door neighbor, whom she is crushing on.  When they finally hook up, she discovers that he's a heterosexual bottom. Not a problem, until...

For someone who gets placed on the Hung List, Stephen is rather stingy about showing his dick.  In Broad City, all we get are underwear shots.

Imaginary Mary, 2016-17, follows public relations executive Alice getting career and relationship advice from the imaginary friend from her childhood.  Stephen plays Ben, her Love Interest.  He doesn't strip, but Nicholas Coombe, playing his teenage son, does.

In Breaking Them Up, 2020, Stephen makes the break from Love Interests to Dads. Fifteen-year old Damien enlists the help of his best buddy/love interest Erin in breaking up his parents so they can find better partners.

Iwent through this on fast-forward. Erin switches between masculine and feminine clothing, but everyone uses she/her pronouns, and no queer, nonbinary, or trans identity is mentioned. Actor Tess Aubert identifies as queer and uses they/them pronouns.  

Best Foot Forward, 2022, is a change of pace for Stephen: the father of a kid with a prosthetic leg negotiating public school. the kid, not the leg.. 

A profile on CBS Philadelphia notes that Logan Marmino, who plays Josh, is an accomplished athlete: he plays on his school baseball team, competes in Paralymptic track, and is into basketball, surfing, skateboarding, and running in 5ks

More Stephen after the break

Lucien Laviscourt: Shirtless in soaps, romcoms, Shakespeare, Archie comics. With frontal nudity

  

     Link to the frontal nudity

In 2020, during the COVID lockdown, everybody watched the Netflix series Emily in Paris, because they couldn't get to the real Paris. Surprise -- it's still streaming, with Season 4 coming up. The hapless social media content creator and her friends are still falling in love at the drop of a script, with Lucas Bravo, Charles Martins, Kevin Diaz, Paul Forman, and most recently Lucien Laviscount.

The British actor -- I know, I thought he was French, too -- has 43 credits listed on the IMDB, beginning with Clocking Off, 2002.

The interconnected lives of Manchester mill workers.  I wonder if they do a Full Monty.

Soap stud roles followed: 13 episodes of Grange Hill, 34 episodes of  Coronation Street, 18 episodes of Waterloo Road.  Plus guest spots on Life Bites, Father & Son, New Tricks, Shameless, Mount Pleasant...well, the list goes on and on.

I might want to see Still Star-Crossed, set in Verona shortly after the deaths of Romeo and Juliet, with new Montague-Capulet lovers investigating political machinations. Lucien plays Romeo in a flashback.

Plus a lot of modeling, here for Tommy Hilfinger.  I guess they're supposed to be very close teammates, not boyfriends.  But you never know.

The Bye-Bye Man, 2017, is Lucien's first starring role: "three friends stumble upon the horrific origins of a mysterious figure they discover is the root cause of the evil behind unspeakable acts."  

 Got all that? A bit overblown, with way too many adjectives, but I gather that we're working down from unspeakable acts caused by an evil caused by a mysterious figure who has horrific origins. 

Ulp. All you really need to know is it's all straight people, and Lucien shows his butt.

Another starring role in Snatch, 2017-2018, about...well, the IMDB description is suffering from adjective overload, but it's about con artists who get in over their heads.  The guys, Lucien and Rupert Grint, have a gay-subtext buddy-bond that gets ruined when they both fall in love with The Girl.

Katy Keene, 2020-21, was an ill-fated attempt to hit Riverdale gold by shoving minor Archie Comics characters like Alexander Cabot III into modern-day New York.   

More Lucien after the break