Feb 24, 2024

Eight hot/hung Amazonian Indians with pecs, abs, bulges, and the highest penis string in the tribe


I posted some bonus Amazonian guys in another article, but I had a lot more, so here are eight hot/hung Indios from various parts of the Amazon basin.

Link to the vergas enormes

A muscleman with a bulge -- the one on the left.

There are 2.7 million indigenous people in the Amazon region, divided into 350 ethnic groups.  Most live in indigenous territories or reservations. 

A penis sculpture, La Paz, Bolivia

Thirty million people live in the Amazon, mostly in big cities like Manaus, Brazil and Iquitos, Peru.

Showing off his penis string. The Huaorani of Ecuador, previously called the Auca, tie their foreskins to a string around their waist to protect it and demonstrate their virility. "Look, guys, I'm so big I have to tie my string around my nipples."

More Indios after the break.  

Gemstones Episode 2.6: Yep, they have sex. Plus Judy grows a heart, Torsten a brain, and Amber the noive


This is the G-rated version of the Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.6 Review 

Episode 2.6 has that controversial scene that fans are still arguing about, three seconds that have been analyzed backward and forward, frame by frame. Are they having sex or getting dressed?  But really, it's so obvious that it could become porn with only a few minor changes in the actors' dirctions. It's so obvious that I can't even put a screen shot at the top photo without getting a "sensitive" tag.   But first we have some unfinished business to attend to.

The Cycle Ninjas: 
 We begin immediately after the Cycle Ninja attack in Episode 2.4.  Jesse and Amber grab guns and fire on them as they zoom off, grazing one.  He falls off  his motorcycle, but jumps onto his colleague's and gives them the finger.

The family, except for Kelvin, gather in Eli's drawing room to discuss the incident with the sheriff.  Judy thinks that it was a case of road rage.  Sheriff Brenda thinks that it was a botched robbery by some teenagers: professional assassins would have finished the job.  Eli is sure that Junior sent the Cycle Ninjas to kill him.  Other family members are at risk too, so he puts the compound on lockdown.

Judy complains about being stuck at home, with Tiffany living there after Baby Billy abandoned her. "She cleans everything with vinegar."  Not the time, girl.  Eli agrees: "Are you incapable of thinking of anyone but yourself?"

Out on the porch, Eli asks if Jesse has been to see Kelvin: "No. we ain't friends.  He grew up to be a nerd." 

The Second Dressing Room Scene

We cut to a full body front-and-rear shot of Kelvin, as he stands naked in front of the mirror in his dressing room. "Look at me," he tells Keefe, "A grotesque reflection of what I once was." Dude, you're not going to get any sympathy with that incredible body on display.

 He is distraught over the fight with his father and the loss of the God Squad; he has been de-manned by the symbolic castration. Why should he get dressed?  "I shall remain hidden, like the beast I've become."

 Keefe advises that dressing for the day "soothes the soul," and drops to his knees.  Kelvin pushes his head forward and down to begin oral sex.  We see and (and hear) his climax, orgasm, and post-orgasm release.  Keefe swallows and says "nice." 

The scene lasts only a few seconds, and thus is easy to miss (I missed it the first time).  And it is immersed in the act of getting dressed.  Viewers are expected to be unsure whether they had sex or not, thus continuing the "are they or aren't they?" speculation. 

But the non-sexual explanation makes no sense: 

While stepping into his Tommy Johns, Kelvin steadies himself by pushing on Keefe's head. You steady yourself on your friend's shoulders, not on his head.

Using his hands to push is painful.  Elsewhere he is shown using the palms and base of his hands without pain.  

Keefe says "nice" because...um... Go on? 

Structurally, it is a logical conclusion of the first dressing room scene.  The guys move from quasi-sexual erotic activity to an overt sexual act.

It makes sense for Kelvin's character. He that his injury has rendered him impotent in a society dedicated to the phallus, grotesque in a society that prizes male beauty.   What better way to demonstrate that he is still potent, still beautiful? 

It makes sense for Keefe's character.  You've just gotten a good look at the amazingly hot backside of the Man of Your Dreams, and now you are kneeling with your face three inches from his amazingly hot cock --aroused by your proximity.  What guy could resist going down?

Afterwards, Keefe helps Kelvin get dressed, boops his nose, and puckers up for a kiss.  Kelvin moves in, then changes his mind and abruptly turns aside.  He still resists the idea of romantic love, but he is gradually coming around.

Down in the yard, the God Squad is running a motorcycle over the tennis court and otherwise wilding.  They've even moved into the house.  Kelvin is horrified: "Our empire is crumbling."  Notice that it's now "our" empire; they are equal partners.  Keefe encourages him to prove that he is still strong, physically and mentally: "Your will is not broken, even though your thumbs are."

More after the break

"Anxious People": Androgynous Cop Negotiates a Heartwarming Hostage Crisis


Anxious People,
a Swedish limited-tv series about a hostage crisis, is tagged as "heartfelt," "sentimental," and "feel-good."   How could a hostage crisis possibly be "feel-good"?  Who cares if there are gay characters?  I have to see how this plays out.

Scene 1:
An older person, gender indeterminate, jogging through Södertälje, Sweden (a stand in for an unnamed small town).  Suddenly they turn into a teenage boy named Jack (Hugo Gummeson).  He tries to talk a well-dressed man out of jumping off a bridge, but fails.  Back to the older person -- a  middle-aged Jack -- remembering the tragedy.  

Scene 2: At home.  Jack (Alfred Svensson) asks his Dad (Dan Ekborg) why he doesn't run anymore.  Breakfast.  Plot exposition: They're a father and son police team.  Tomorrow is New Year's Eve.  Dad has invited his daughter Jill to visit, but Jack complains that she won't show up, as usual.

Scene 3: Three people walk into an Open House (an apartment for sale that prospective buyers can tour without an appointment). An older man, watching from a car, complains to his female companion that one of the women is pregnant, therefore irratlional, and will "ruin everything."  Are they planning to rob an open house?

Scene 4:
Jack getting his hair styled.  Very androgynous; maybe he's gay.  The stylist knows a secret: Dad sent Jill money for a train ticket from Stockholm.    Jack, irate, confronts Dad: How could you send her money?  She'll just use it to buy drugs and  blow us off, like she did the last million times!

Scene 5: A robber bursts into a bank and demands money, not realizing that it's a "cashless bank,"  Jack and Dad walk past, arguing, not noticing that there's a robbery going on.  Finally the robber runs out.  The cops and the Hairdresser chase him down the street, and into the building with the open house!  Since he has a gun, the cops don't follow; they wait outside until their weapons arrive (I guess cops have to requisition guns in Sweden).

Scene 6: The robber sneaks into the open house apartment, and accosts the guests.: an older heterosexual couple, a young heterosexual couple, a person in a S&M bunny costume, an elderly woman, and a young woman.  No gay representation is immediately evident.  

Scene 7: Backup arrives.  The cops discuss the situation.  A reporter appears, and interviews the Hairdresser.   The cops, now armed, try to reach the apartment through the back stairs, but they find a bomb on the stairwell, and retreat.  Jack wants to call for a SWAT team from Stockholm, but Dad forbids it: they can handle the situation themselves.  Not very heartwarming so far.

While waiting for the robber to make his demands, they discuss sister Jill again.  "She's not coming.  You have to accept it."

Scene 8: Nighttime.  A reporter tells us that more than an hour has passed.  Wait -- didn't Jack go to the hair stylist right after breakfast?  And the hostage crisis started soon after?  Finally someone comes out onto the balcony and says that the robber has a demand: pizza.  

While Dad commandeers pizzas, Jack tries to gain access to a nearby apartment. Why wasn't everyone in the building evacuated?   The "bomb" turns out to be a box of Christmas lights.

They deliver the pizzas, and the robber makes another demand: fireworks.

They set off the fireworks, and the robber releases the hostages.  Just then, the Stockholm SWAT team arrives, and tear-gasses the apartment, but the robber is gone.

Scene 9: They interview the hostages.  No one remembers what the robber looked like.  They all look at each other uncomfortably, as if they are hiding a secret.  The end.

Beefcake:  None.  The top photo is of Klas Eriksson, Alfred Swensson's costar in the comedy series Leif & Billy

LGBTQ Characters:
I made a mistake; one of the "male" hostages is actually a butch lesbian (played by Petrina Solange); her romance with the pregnant woman is one of the main plot threads.  Jack doesn't display any heterosexual interest, but no same-sex interest, either.

Plot Twists: The hostages all have secrets that come out in future episodes.  Most have some connection to the man Jack saw commit suicide years before, and the mysterious letter he sent.

Heartwarming:  Not really.  This is more of a whodunit.

My Grade: B.

Feb 23, 2024

Reefer Madness: marijuana hysteria, demonic bulges, a dinner date with Satan, and Christian Campbell's cock

I've shown many classes the 1936 film Reefer Madness.  It was originally released as Tell Your Children, a cautionary tale about the dangers of marijuana. 

Link to Christian Campbell's cock

There's a strong gay subtext: drug dealer Ralph (Dave O'Brien) sees high schooler Jimmy (Warren McCollum), murmurs "Nice!", and practically licks his lips in anticipation.  Wrangling an introduction, he says "Nice to meet youuuuuu!" with a lascivious leer, then invites Jimmy to the soda shop, where he will try to get him hooked on the psychosis-inducing weed in a parallel to how gay men were accused of recruiting boys.

After Jimmy is tricked into taking a puff of the "evil weed," he is plagued by instant addiction, psychotic rambling, uncontrollable sexual desire (the most horrifying to audiences of the day ), drunk driving, and finally murder.  It seems laughably sensationalistic today, but in fact Harry J. Anslinger, the commissioner of the Federal Bureau of Narcotics from 1930 to 1963, devoted his entire career to feeding the flames of the panic.  As late as the 1950s, marijuana was considered more dangerous than heroin. 

The movie was placed on the exploitation circuit, officially meant to educate viewers about the "dangers" of the  practice, but drawing crowds interested in gawking at the degradation. In the 1970s it was discovered by the hippie art-house crowd, who would watch while high for an ironic twist.  

In 1998, Reefer Madness: The Musical appeared off-Broadway, eliminating the redundant characters and upping the camp.  Christian Campbell (left) played Jimmy, lured from his "wholesome" heterosexual chastity by drug dealer Jack (Robert Torti, top photo) and cohort Ralph (John Kassir).  

In addition to the gay subtext, there was a lot of beefcake, with the super-muscular Jimmy stripped down to his underwear and a chorus of semi-nude male and female devils.

More music and bulges after the break

The Ritual: Guys lost in a cold, bleak woods, with desperation-hugs, human sacrifice, and frontal nudity from another movie

When American filmmakers want to set their horror movies in someplace remote and scary, they choose Appalachia.  Apparently the British choose Sweden.  First I saw Midsommer (2019), where some unsuspecting college students stumbled upon an ancient human-sacrifice cult in rural Sweden. Now, in The Ritual (2017), four unsuspecting middle-aged men stumble upon an ancient human sacrifice cult in rual Sweden.

Link to NSFW version

The men are:

1. Luke, played by Rafe Spall -- below.  The text is right in the middle of the photo in the editing window, so I have no idea what the problem is.  Grr.

Anyhow, he gave us a frontal nude scene in The Lady Chatterley Affair.  Have you ever noticed that ugly guys tend to be gifted beneath the belt?

2. Phil, played by Arsher Ali, who gave us a nude scene in Beaver Falls.  I'm not sure if this is him; there were a lot of nude guys, and none of them really looked like Phil.

3. Hutch (Robert James-Collier).  James-Collier agreed to play a gay character in Downton Abbey because he needed a job, without realizing how horrible it would be -- people thought he was actually gay in real life!  Plus it ruined his career.  He's relegated to roles in trash like...um...The Ritual.

4. Sam Troughton, who has played gay characters several times, as Dom.

5. Philip Hulford, top photo, as the Monster.

The difference from Midsommer?

Differences after the break

Feb 22, 2024

"Splitting Adam": Jace Norman uses clones to win the Girl of His Dreams, With the stars All Grown Up.


While looking through Tony Cavalero's work on the IMDB, I noticed that he had a major role in Nickelodeon's Splitting Adam (2015) -- which make sense, as he was a Nickelodeon staple, starring as the zany music teacher Dewey in School of Rock.  The reviews say that Splitting Adam is awful. and it's not on any of my streaming services, so I'll have to pay for it.  But first the trailer, to check for heterosexism and gay subtexts.

Link to the NSFW version

Scene 1:
 Jace Norman of Henry Danger dances with a girl, wakes up, delivers newspapers,  gets yelled at by a gay-stereotype poof and his pocket dog, gets cheered on by a girl, and gets hit with a golf ball. The Narrator complains that he doesn't have enough time to do everything he needs to do. 

Scene 2: Crash and Splash Amusement Park.  A swimming pool Tootsie Roll, Jace getting yelled at Jack Griffo and his girlfriend, Jace and his buddy Amar M. Wooten in a dunking booth.  We see that hoary old chicke of the Girl of His Dreams walking in slow motion, waving her hair. 

Top photo: the grown up Jack Griffo.

Scene 3: 
Amar advises Jace that he doesn't have enough prestige to impress The Girl.  Shot of him holding a yellow barrel over his crotch in the swimming pool. Griffo agrees: "You can barely keep your shorts on."  Is that a sexual double entendre?

Left: recent photo of the grown-up Amar.

Scene 4: 
Uncle Magic Mitch, played by Tony Cavalero, arrives in his purple van and shows the guys his new -- tanning bed?  That night Jace sees it glowing, investigates, and accidentally falls in.  Zap! 

In the morning, there's a clone in the house, fully self-aware: "I'm here to help you."  He cooks breakfast. 

Scene 5: Magic Mitch, not to be confused with Magic Mike, is happy with the clone because he made chocolate chip pancakes.   Jace's two friends, Amar and Seth Isaac Johnson, hug each other in terror.  

Scene 6: In the tree house, Jace's friends, whose sole reason for existing is to facilitate getting him laid, devise a plot to use the clones.  They each have different personalities; the Gilr is bound to like one of them. Zap! Zap!   

Scene 7: Shot of Jace and two clones, in disguise, entering the amusement park.  Magic Mitch performs. Jack Griffo snarls: "To get to her, you have to go through me!"  

Scene 8: Jace's clones are: the Sensitive One; The Party Boy; Mr. Responsible; Mr. Perfect; and goofball Winston.  Montage of several meeting or hanging out with The Girl,  She complains: "Every time I see you, you seem like a different person."

Scene 9:
 Of course she prefers the original.  Boy-girl hug. Uncle Magic Mitch tells him: "That's where the magic happens."

Moral: Be yourself.

Beefcake: These are all little kids, but there may be some hunkoids in the swimming pool scene. 

Heterosexism: Of course. The whole plot arc is about winning the Girl of Your Dreams.  We even get tips on how to do it.

Gay Stereotypes: The guy with the pocket dog. Sensitive Jace, although he's obviously heterosexual.

Magic Mitch Questions: Does he know that the tanning bed is a clone machine?  Why is he the sort-of responsible adult -- where are Jace's parents?  Does he get a girlfriend?  The movie probably clarifies things.

Will I Watch: Heck, no.

The grown up Jace photos include some nudity, so I put them on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Jack Griffo's Gay Connection

 Jack Griffo (left) was both a Nickelodeon and a Disney Channel teen hunk, with a guest spot on Jessie and a starring role in The Thundermans.(2013-2018).

Born in December 1996, Jack got his first commercial contract at age 2, and soon began modeling and acting in community theater in his hometown of Orlando, Florida.  A talent agent spotted him, and convinced him and his family to relocate to Los Angeles in 2010.

In 2011, he appeared in the movie Sound of My Voice, and on the Disney channel teencom Kickin' It (as a dancer) and Nickelodeon's Bucket and Skinner's Epic Adventures.

In 2012, in the short What I Did Last Summer: First Kiss and the music video American Hero.

In 2013, in Nickelodeon's See Dad Run with Scott Baio and Marvin Marvin 

He starred as a gay-vague supervillain in training in the Nickelodeon teencom The Thundermans. 

More after the break

Feb 21, 2024

Gemstones Episode 2.5: Yep, Kelvin is gay. But there's embezzlement and murder, too, and some accountant cocks


This is the G-rated review of the episode, in case you want the insightful analysis without the nude accountants

Nope, let's see the cocks

Episode 2.5 is a flashback to Christmas 1993.  Since two of the season's big questions are "Did Eli kill Glendon Marsh?" and "Is Junior trying to kill to get revenge?" we get some Eli-Glendon back story.

Knives or nunchuks? As the family is photographed at the Gemstone Christmas tree, Judy torments 4-year old Kelvin.  Jesse says that he's going to give him a weapon for Christmas, so he can defend himself: "Knives, or nunchuks."  Eli forbids him from giving his brother weapons.  Jesse complains that he's going to grow up to be "a pussy."  He explains that a pussy is someone who doesn't like to do things and is afraid of everything.  Sounds sort of like a gay stereotype.

You have to think of the optics: 
Eli is planning to move the Salvation Center to a giant coliseum.  The church board complains that he can't afford it: he's already spent church money on a private zoo and amusement park.  Hey, that's embezzlement!  They also advise that "the rich pastor is not a good look."  But Eli won't listen: "I cannot imagine a more ridiculous comment.  Big means success. People want to see something bigger than life." Well, this is during the tail-end of the Reagan-Bush "wealth is virtue" era.\ \\

"But we're spending more than we have!" accountant Terry (Mike Ostroski) complains. Gulp: Eli fires him!

Get that boy some mousse: Baby Billy shows up unexpectedly, having abandoned his wife Gloria and son (he claims that they abandoned him, but Aimee-Leigh calls her and discovers the truth).  

Kelvin: "Dang, Baby Billy is thirsty."  But Billy isn't drinking anything.  Does he mean "thirst trap'?  That expression won't be common until the 2010s, but apparently it is used here to indicate that he thinks his uncle is hot.  Remember that in Season 1, the adult Kelvin and Judy comment on the attractiveness of their grown-up nephew Gideon.  

Baby Billy tells Kelvin that his estranged wife said:  "You have the most boring haircut in the world.  Get that boy some mousse."  Kelvin is upset (concerned with his appearance, a gay stereotype). Remember that the adult Kelvin uses mousse to create that upward wave.

Later, Kelvin demonstrates that he can play the harpsichord blindfolded (um..big deal?  Nobody looks down at the keys while playing).  Baby Billy calls him a prodigy and hugs and kisses him, obviously looking for a brainy replacement for his special-needs son.  The siblings scoff.  This musical talent is never referenced again.

The Return of Glendon Marsh:  As Eli walks through the office, everyone smiles and says "Good morning, Dr. Gemstone."  Everybody.  It looks creepy rather than friendly. "Be nice, or he'll turn you into a toad." 

His new accountant, Martin, starts off on the wrong foot by sitting in his chair!  

 Glendon Marsh, his boss when he was wrestling and breaking thumbs back in Memphis, shows up unexpectedly and asks Eli to take care of $3,000,000 that he doesn't want the government to know about, and he can keep $1,000,000 for his trouble.  Hey, that's money laundering!  But Eli has already been embezzling, so what's the difference?  Aimee-Leigh and Martin disapprove, and Eli finally refuses. 

The Sleepover:  Baby Billy and Kelvin are playing hide-and-seek or something on bunk beds, while Jesse lies in a sleeping bag.   The top bunk is fenced in, so you don't accidentally fall out.  This must be Kelvin's room. 

Judy enters with her own sleeping bag, angry that she wasn't invited. Jesse explains that it was impromptu: nothing going on in his room, so he came in here, looking for action.  "What'd you find?" Judy asks. "Uncle Tickles molesting Kelvin? Flopping that little dong?" This is the first of three pedophilia references this season, and another of  the incessant digs about Kelvin's penis.  No wonder the adult Kelvin is afraid to show it to Keefe. 

Baby Billy tells her to "hush that kind of talk.  Ain't nobody playing dong pong in here."  But suddenly Kelvin doesn't want his uncle to sleep with them. Wait -- I thought they had a special bond.  Is it because of the pedophilia accusation?  Or is he self-conscious because Judy dissed his penis?

Muscle and Fitness
: Holy sh*t, there's a cover of  Muscle and Fitness magazine taped to the wall!  It's only visible for a second before Judy turns off the light, but holy sh*t. "Mama, please buy me that magazine.  I know I can't read yet -- I want to look at the hot guys."

If it is meant to signify Kelvin's interest in muscle, why just a man on the cover?  I worked for Muscle and Fitness back in the day, and the cover always featured a man and a woman together or a celebrity bodybuilder like Lou Ferrigno.  The set dresser  chose  this one deliberately to signify that Kelvin likes men  (or had it made up. That cover did not appear on any issue from 1990 to 1995).

Christmas Day: 
 . I couldn't tell if Kelvin received any gay-coded gifts.  Baby Billy asks for his help in opening his present, and at the Christmas service they sing together and hug, so they are apparently friends again. 

That night, Jesse and Kelvin are playing their Double Dragon arcade game -- call back to Episode 1.1 -- while Eli and Aimee-Leigh discuss the move to the coliseum.  How can they afford it, when they're broke? 

Suddenly accountant Martin Imari appears -- no security station yet, just a buzzer.  Eli lets him in -- but Glendon Marsh has him at gunpoint!  Glendon orders Eli to take the money, or he'll kill his family.   Then Eli's dad, Roy Gemstone, appears and shoots Glendon.  He has dementia, and has been running around in his underwear, asking "Are we going hunting?", so it is unclear whether he is saving Eli or just shooting. 

Martin and Eli bury the body under the site for the new rollercoaster at the amusement park, thus explaining the obsessive riding.   

In the present, we see Eli riding the roller coaster, looking grim, while Junior, Glendon's son, looks at old photos and plays with a gun.

Accountant cock on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Luke Perry: From Teen Idol to Hot Gay Nerd to Riverdale Dad

Viewers of the prison drama Oz in the spring of 2001 were treated to the sight of disgraced evangelical preacher Jeremiah Cloutier (Luke Perry) having his towel stolen as he leaves the shower, forcing him to walk back to his cell naked and swinging.

Male frontal nudity was commonplace on Oz, but this was Dylan McKay!

His character was homophobic, but what do you expect from an evangelical preacher?

Luke Perry got some teen idol attention while he was playing troubled Dylan on Beverly Hills 90210 (1990-2000), but not a lot of beefcake shots, so even seeing his tight, hairy chest was a big deal.

The versatile actor has been in several other gay-subtext vehicles:

The Triangle (2001): Two buddies (Luke, Dan Cortese) and a third guy get trapped in the Bermuda Triangle.

 Jeremiah (2002-2005) about two buddies (Luke, Malcolm Jamal Warner) wandering around in a postapocalyptic world.

And he's played gay characters:

Family Guy (2000): When Peter "accuses" Luke Perry of being gay in Meg's school newspaper, he sues them for slander. But he turns out to be gay after all.

Will and Grace (2005): he plays a "hot gay nerd" who Jack dates.

Later he played Archie Andrews' dad, Fred Andrews, on Riverdale, the teen angst revamp of the comic book series.

He died on March 4, 2019, at the age of 52.

Midsommar: Murderous pagans, Christian dick, and three gay-subtext couples. You can almost ignore the gay erasure


Link to NSFW version.

I'm interested in the possibiliy of ancient pagan religions surviving in contemporary Europe, in mummer's plays and Punch and Judy, so I wanted to see  Midsommar (2019) in spite of the reviews pointing out that everyone is heterosexual and a lot of girls get naked.

In The Wicker Man (1973), an uptight British police officer investigates a free-love island  ("Children, what does the maypole represent?" "A penis!"), and ends up being their virgin sacrifice.  A naked lady bounces all over the place, and there's a lot of heterosexual shenanigans.  Midsommar couldn't be worse, right?

It could. It's very long and very boring, with the "surprise" ending broadcast from Scene 1.  But there are a lot of subtexts that turn it into a gay horror movie.

Anthropology student Christian -- ironic for a movie about paganism (Jack Reynor, left and below) was planning to break up with his girlfriend, but then her familiy was murdered, so he stuck around out of pity.  

A year later, he's ready to pull the plug on the long-dead relationship and move on.  His new bromantic partner Pelle invites him and another bromantic pair, Josh and Mark (William Jackson Harper, Will Poulter, top photo) back to his village in northern Sweden to witness an ancient pagan midsummer festival.

The Soon-to-be-Ex invites herself along.  "But Babe,.it was really supposed to be all boys, buddy-bonding, late-night groping, and orgies with Swedish studs, but....

Imagine the discomfort of sharing an 8-hour plane flight with your Soon-to-be-Ex, while the guy you are crushing on is sitting right across the aisle!

When they reach the village, which is populated mostly by young blond women and elderly white-haired men,, they meet Pelle's brother Ingemar  (Hampus Hallberg, left), who has picked up a boy-girl couples in London: Simon (Archie Madekwa, who you know from Saltburn) and Connie.

Simon and Ingemar are gay subtext crushing on each other. 

Got all that?  Three bromantic couples,  two with third-wheel girlfriends.  You don't need to worry about who's who; they're interchangeable.

Things go wrong immediately when one of the girlfriends has a bad trip on some magic mushrooms.  And when some of the village elders commit suicide by jumping off a cliff.

I'd be on the next bus back to Stockholm at that point, but the gang sticks around.

One of the bromantic partners is lured away by a naked lady to his death.  So much for heterosexual desire!  It can only end badly, either with a fragile, clingy, basket-case girlfriend or with a murderer.

Josh (William Jackson Harper) goes out in search of his bromantic partner, and is killed by a naked man wearing Mark's face as a mask.  A nightmare of heavily symbolic homoerotic desires

Simon and his third-wheel girlfriend  are separated and killed off camera.

Then Christian faces a fate worse than death: he is paralyzed and forced to have sex with a naked lady.


Of course the only way the villagers can get him to do the deed is against his will. 

Turns out that the villagers need nine human sacrifices every year: four outsiders, four villagers, and one who could be either, chosen by the Festival Queen.  So Pelle invited three people, and Ingemar two, so they'd have a leftover just in case.

The girl with the murdered parents becomes Festival Queen, and has to decide:who to sacrifice: Christian, the guy who was about to break up with her, or a random villager.  Who does she choose?  

There are only a few scenes featuring breasts and vaginas, and enough Swedish-hunk chests to keep you interested.  Plus Christian's penis.

If you want a bright, sunlit, openly-gay character, or any deliberate reference to same-sex desire, this movie ain't it.  Everyone pretends that they never heard of gay people.  But for a blast to the past, to the old days when gay people never appeared in movies except in occasional "fag" slurs,  it's a pleasant diversion.

And did I mention Christian's penis, along with a few others, on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Carl Milles: The Swedish Sculptor of Naked Men

Carl Milles (1875-1955) is the greatest sculptor of Sweden.  Although he claimed to be heterosexual, his sculptures are imbued with homoerotic motifs.

 Many of the most homoerotic are collected or reproduced in the Millesgården, an art gallery and sculpture garden in Stockholm.

1. The Sunsinger, 1926, dedicated to the poem "Song of the Sun," by Esaias Tegnér, a 19th century bishop, translator, and founder of the Gothic League, for young patriotic men. The original lacks a head and arms.  You're not supposed to be looking at the head.

2. The Little Triton (left), half very muscular man, half fish, 1916.

3.William Penn, the founder of Pennsylvania, being guided by a very buffed angel, 1948.

4. Vingarne (The Wings), aka Boy with Eagle, 1908.  An interpretation of the story of Ganymede: remember that Zeus fell in love with him, and transformed into an eagle to seduce him properly, later bringing him to Olympus as his..um...cupbearer.  The first gay-themed film in Sweden was named Vingarne after this statue.

5. The Spirit of Transportation, 1952, an Indian carrying a canoe.

6. Aganippe Fountain (left), 1955, a girl being inspired by the Muses, who are all naked men.

7. The Astronomer, 1940, a naked man looking at the stars, 1940.

8. Europa and the Bull, 1942.  This time Zeus appears as a bull to seduce a woman, but in the fountain, they're surrounded by muscular naked tritons (sea gods).

More after the break

Feb 20, 2024

"They're combing Wyoming": Eight hot/hung guys flexing in Idaho, hiking in Wyoming, and going to the Denver Opera


The title of "Eight Hot/Hung Arnkansans" comes from the musical Annie Get Your Gun, as Frank Reynolds explains that he's extremely good in bed, but a player, so you shouldn't get involved.  He continues:

There's a guy in Wyoming -- they're combing Wyoming/ To find the man in white who was with him that night. 

Gulp, that sounds sinister, but he just means that he ghosted the guy after the hookup.  

Here are eight hot/hung/naked guys from Wyoming and nearby mountain states.  First up: a wrestler from the University of Idaho, Moscow.

Link to the nude version

The Denver Art Museum. Generic name, Gaudi style.

Denver Opera Bulge

Wyoming muscle.

More muscle after the break

Red Hot Chili Peppers: What the Socks Covered

Anyone who performs wearing only a sock over his penis is ok in my book.

But I have no idea who he is.

Well, now I know he's Anthony Kiedis from the band Red Hot Chili Peppers, but I never heard of him or the band, until on the Simpsons episode "Krusty Gets Kancelled" (May 13, 1993).  And hardly at all since.

They apparently haven't made much of a splash in traditional pop venues, but they've torn up the alternative rock charts, with lots of albums and singles reaching #1, including "Give It Away," "Soul to Squeeze," "Scar Tissue," and "Californication."

So that's where they got the name of that tv series starring David Duchovny.

I listened to these songs, to determine if I've ever heard them before.  Nope.

Some of the lyrics seem relatively heterosexist:

"Scar Tissue" is about feeling the breasts of a young Kentucky girl.
"Californication" is about a pregnant teenage girl whom the singer wants to marry.

Some aren't:
"Give It Away."  I don't know what he's giving away, but he's giving it to his mother, father, and brother, so I imagine it's not sex.
"Soul to Squeeze": he's in love, but doesn't specify with a man or woman.

Another member of the group, Flea (Michael Peter Balzary), has become quite a prolific actor, appearing in My Own Private Idaho, Motorama, The Big Liebowski, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and The Wild Thornberries.

He's straight, not to be confused with fellow insect-named performer Ant, who is gay.

Both performers are pro-gay, supporters of gay marriage, and open to speculation about their own sexual identities.

There have been 12 other members of the Red Hot Chili Peppers over the years, but these four are the "classic group."  From left to right: Chad Smith, Anthony Kiedis, Flea, and probably John Frusciante.

Chad Smith and John Frusciante both have wives and children.  I haven't been able to determine if they're gay-friendly or not, but at least John Frusciante had a nice pecs and abs abs.
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