Dec 9, 2023

"Human Discoveries": Paleolithic hunks invent underwear, fire, and relationships. But are any of them gay?


Human Discoveries (2019) is an animated series (available on Facebook) about a group of Paleolithic humans who discover things like fire, relationships, and underwear.  Zac Efron stars as Gary, a loveable nebbish looking for love, community, and a way to avoid getting his butt bitten.  I reviewed the first episode to check for gay characters or subtexts. 

Link to NSFW review

Scene 1
:  Ugg (Paul Scheer), a bare-chested caveman, comes running out of some bushes. I'm a fan already. 

He and several other muscle guys run through the jungle, chased by a giant sabre-toothed tiger. They reach a cliff, and have to jungle-vine over it.  Bart, doesn't make it; the tiger starts eating him.  The guys make excuses to not save him.

Scene 2: 
Jane complains about the gender-inequality of their society: the women have to weave baskets and gather fruit, while the men get to fight the tiger that's been preying on them.

At a community meeting, Ugh admits that the tiger is still out there.  Jane raises her concerns about gender equality; Gary (Zac Efron) agrees -- why not have everyone do the job they're best at?  His  roommate Trog (Lamorne Morris, left) thinks that he just wants to impress Jane. 

Meanwhile, the elk are discussing their predicament as prey to the humans. Leader Elk (Adam Devine) complains: "Why are they scared of the tiger but not us? We weigh a thousand pounds, and have spears growing out of our heads."  

Scene 3:
 Night.  Gary and Jane flirt, and almost kiss, but they are interrupted by the camp guard being eaten ("Why is it starting with my feet?). 

Back in the cave, Gary disapproves of the skirts they wear while hunting -- too easy for his dick to be injured -- so he sews in some nuderwear (nice butt shot).  Trog disapproves: how can they poop with that thing on?

I know this isn't supposed to be historically accurate, but I can't help pointing out that no one in the Paleolithic Era actually lived in caves.  They lived in tents, and in some regions huts made of mammoth bones.  

Scene 4
: The men go off to fight the tiger, and the women are assigned to weave baskets.  Jane starts a rebellion: they're going to fight, too. But who's going to weave the baskets?  Jane appoints an old guy who is a closet basket-weaver.  "No more hiding!" he exclaims, displaying the baskets he has hiding in "the closet."

In the wild, Gary brags about the comfort and support his new genital hammock offers.  Two of the hunters, Tristain and Bog (James Adomian, Sam Richardson) are a canonical couple: later, when the group discovers "relationships," they point out that they've been together for years. But here they just display some enthusiasm for each other's accomplishments.  

Scene 5:  The women dig holes and build scarecrows with spikes in the head, hoping that the tiger will attack and impale itself.  But when the tiger arrives, chasing the men, it is not impaled.  It approaches Gary -- who poops his pants, distracting the tiger long enough for Ugg-- to spear it.

Unfortunately, the women were so busy building the scarecrows and digging  holes that they forgot to gather any fruit to eat. So Ugg decrees that the gender-polarized work assignments will remain.

Scene 6: That night in the cave, Gary whines that all of his big ideas get them in trouble.  As he angrily flints his spear head, sparks fly, and some wood catches fire!  Oh, boy, now they can stay up at night, stay warm, and cook!  They try using fire to scare the tiger, and it works.

Scene 7: The elks say "We got to move up the food chain." They approach the sulking tiger and stamp it to death.  As they chortle over their victory, Ugg spears the head elk to death. (Running gag: the head elk is killed in every episode). The end.


Heterosexism: A focus on the Gary-Jane relationship.

Gay Characters; Tristain and Bog, but I don't know how open they will be.  Here they just sort of glimmer at each other.

Premise:  A lot of recent tv shows depict historical figures in modern situations. This seems to be more of the same.

My Grade: C+

Bonus: nude photo of Zac Efron and Milo Ventimiglia (left), who plays Donk, on the NSFW site.

Dec 8, 2023

Nude Photos of Ewan McGregor


There are lots of famous penises among Hollywood stars.  Among the old guard, Milton Berle's comes to mind, although there aren't any actual photos of it.  Rob Lowe accidentally gave us a glimpse of his, fully aroused.  Christopher Atkins displayed his several times, on screen and off.  But Ewan McGregor wins the prize for displaying his on screen all the time.

I've seen a lot of his movies.  Some I liked, some I hated: 1. Trainspotting (1996) was depressing.
2. The Pillow Book (1997) was disgusting.
3. Velvet Goldmine (1998) was good.
4. Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999) and its sequels, where he plays a young, gay Obi-Wan Kenobi.
5. I walked out of Moulin Rouge (2000) when they started singing 20th century songs in 19th century Paris.
6. Scenes of a Sexual Nature (2003): He appears for five seconds.
7. Doctor Sleep: heteronormative.
8. Halston (2021) was interesting.

But one thing you can always count on.  There will be a penis.

In an interview, McGregor notes that he is a big fan of his penis, and likes displaying it in unexpected situations, such as when the woman in the scene is fully clothed.

Dec 6, 2023

"School Spirits": Ghost girl, her ghost gay bff, and their living buds solve the mystery. Plus the boyfriend desnudo


I'm a sucker for teenage ghost stories, as long as they are comedies, so I reviewed the first episode of School Spirits on Netflix:

Link to NSFW review,

Maddie (Peyton List) wakes up in the boiler room of her high school.  Her blood is splattered around.  But that's not the worst part: she's dead!  She can't touch or move anything.  She can see and hear the living but they can't see or hear her.  And she can't leave the campus!  

Her self-appointed guide is Charlie (Nick Pugliese, center), a gay kid who died in the school during the 1990s (peanut allergy, not hate crime).  He advises her to not try to remember how she died, since she can't change anything: no communication with the living is possible. But don't ghosts communicate with people all the time?  Maybe in the next episode.  And becoming fixated on the past is dangerous: some band members who died in a bus crash many years ago are obsessively performing the school fight song, over and over.

Charlie introduces Maddie to some other ghosts from various decades, notably Wally (Milo Mannheim, top photo and right), who died on the football field, and wishes that he had managed to shower first;  and the Goth Kirsten, who was murdered by her guidance counselor.  

Mr. Martin (Josh Zuckerman), a teacher who died in the school, offers regular group therapy, with regular homework ("write your obituary").  This doesn't get boring after 20 years because ghosts don't experience time in the same way that the living do.  He also advises Maddie to resist checking up on her living friends, as they will gradually forget her and move on.

Of course, Maddie doesn't listen.  She tries to recall events leading up to her death: she made plans to with her BFFs, Simon (Kristian Ventura) and Nicole, to see Carrie that night.  

Her boyfriend Xavier (Spencer MacPherson) was skipping class, and texted her to join him for a smooch session in his car.  She talked him into going to the movie.  They met the others after class with the tickets.  And that's it.

Out in the living world, Maddie's body has not been found, so she gets "missing person" posters and "thoughts and prayers" in class.  The BFFs think that this is ridiculous: they should be out looking for her.  Suddenly Xavier's bag flies open: he has Maddie's cell phone!  Why didn't he tell anyone for the last three days?  This makes him the prime suspect in her murder. The sheriff (Ian Tracey, left), who also happens to be his Dad, arrests him.

Beefcake: Charlie's "office" is the shower room in the boy's gym, where he can watch an endless parade of butts and cocks (just butts are shown).  Otherwise none.

Gay Characters:
Charlie, and maybe Maddie's living bff, Simon. A future episode shows us Simon's high school boyfriend, Emilio, who is now all grown up, married to another guy, and teaching at the school (played as an adult by Andres Soto, seen here

To be on the safe side, I posted what he is doing to the NSFW site, along with a lot of other Andres desnudo photos.  

Heterosexism: Maddie and her boyfriend kiss about 1,000 times. Of course, they won't be able to in future episodes, but Xavier has been seeing another girl on the side, so doubtless Maddie will be seeing some smooching.

The Mystery:  "Who killed Maddie, and why?"  It's obviously not Xavier or one of her bffs, and those are the major living characters introduced to date.  I also hope that we have some subplots involving the other ghosts.

My Grade: A-

The Sopranos: Five things I liked, three things I didn't like, and six Italian-American hunks


My partner and I have finished watching The Sopranos (1999-2007), about Mafioso Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini) and his "family," which controls southern New Jersey.    

Left: Tony's cousin and right-hand man Christopher (Michael Imperioli).

What I liked about it:

1. The interesting inner workings of the Mafia families.

2. The exteriors in New York and New Jersey.

3. The historical references (well, they weren't historical then)

4. The Italian-American dialect: dropping the ends off words ("Let's have some pizz'"), throwing in Italian words (even people whose families have been in American since the late 19th century), and especially using pronouns, with the subject at the end of the sentence; "She's smart, your daughter."; "I owe him a lot, Ton'." 

5. A lot of very cute guys, notably: Tony's cousin Christopher (Michael Imperioli), Carmela's cousin Brian (Matthew Del Negro), a bunch of daughter Meadow's boyfriends (they keep getting murdered, so she has to get a new one), and two mooks (left) who live together, apparently hang out in their underwear with semis, and are killed for some reason I don't remember.

What I didn't like

1. The hundreds of characters.  Tony's extended family, his business associates, their extended families.  People from two seasons ago re-appear, and we're supposed to know who they are.  I got tired of asking "Who's that guy?  Has he appeared before?" and started treating the characters as interchangeable: One of Tony's associates who might get in trouble for running a side business or betraying him, and will probably go to prison or be murdered by the end of the episode.

Left: Daniel Sauli, who played one of Meadow's boyfriends.

2. The girls.  Mega sickening.  I don't think I saw a single bare-chested man.  At home, their girlfriends are wearing bikinis or skimpy underwear, or dangling their boobs.  Tony's main office is at his strip club, Bada Bing, so an innocent scene cuts abruptly to a close up of a naked girl, too fast to look away.  The camera gradually moves out to Tony and the guys discussing something -- and she keeps gyrating in the background.  

Left: Jason Cerbone, another boyfriend,

3. The intense, intense, incredible homophobia. Their standard slur is "cocksucker!'  They are so disgusted by the idea that Uncle Junior keeps his interest in cunnilingis a secret: the guys will think that if he likes going down on women, he must like sucking cock, too.

Left: Al Sapienza.  No idea who he played.

Even people who seem pretty modern go balistic at the idea that gay people exist.  When the teacher says that Billy Budd has gay symbolism, Tony's wife Carmela starts yelling: "What kind of sick pervert is teaching you those lies?  That's what's wrong with schools today.  They tell you that everybody and everything is gay, so naturally all the kids want to try it."

But it gets worse when one of Tony's captains, Vito, is outed: the guys drop by to extort money from a gay bar, and he's there!  He immediately leaves town, adopts a new name, and goes into hiding, but the guys are irate: "I shook hands with that fucking cocksucker!  I had him in my home!  Now I probably have AIDS.  That disgusting freak has a wife and kids!  They're disgraced forever!"

Left: Matthew Del Negro.  I think he played Tony's wife's cousin.

For the rest of the season, until thankfully Vito is found and tortured to death, each episode featured one of the guys yelling "That fucking cocksucker!  I wish he was here now -- I'd kill him with my bare hands -- no, I wouldn't do that.  I couldn't touch him without throwing up!"  We kept fast-forwarding past the five-minute long rants.

Strangely, most of the cast is gay-positive in real life. 

Dec 5, 2023

"Feast of the Seven Fishes": All of the tropes I hate, but I still liked it. With some bonus italian dicks.

 The Feast of the Seven Fishe
s just dropped on Netflix.  All I know is that it's a Christmas movie starring Skyler Gisondo, so the likelihood of gay characters or even subtexts is minimal.  I'm going to watch anywy

Link to the NSFW version

Scene 1: Beautiful establishing shots of a mining town in West Virginia, winter 1983.  I loved that year!  Madonna, Michael Jackson, "I'm Coming Out," Tom Cruise, Family Ties, Mama's Family.  Tony (Skyler Gisondo) is painting by the river and gazing at his acceptance letter from a prestigious art school.  Angelo (Andrew Schultz, left) and his penis, "Mr. Boner,: stop by to tell him about a party with girls desperate to have sex with any guy who asks.  "Nope."

Well, how about coming along on his date?  There will be extremely horny girls there, too. "Nope."  If I didn't know from the plot synopsis that he has two girlfriends, I'd have pegged Tony as gay.

Scene 2:
Back in his shabby working-class home, Pap tries to get Tony drunk on homemade hooch. We cut to a super-elegant mansion, where a super-elegant rich girl named Beth yells at her even-richer  boyfriend Prentice (Allen Williamson, left) for backing out of his promise to spend Christmas with the family.  He's going skiing with his friends instead. Prentice, baby, the first rule of relationships -- never leave them alone at Christmas. They'll be screwing someone else by Boxing Day. 

Mom is upset: "You'll never land a rich husband with that attitude!  Like all men, he prefers the company of other men."  So all men are gay?  Beth wants a husband who will spend time with her.  That's what gay bffs are for, girlfriend.

Scene 3:
Beth hanging out with her Italian-American friend, complaining about this whole "get a rich husband" thing.  They smoke pot.  

Meanwhile, Tony's Uncles Carmine and Frankie (Ray Arbruzzo) are stocking up on booze, when they see Tony's ex, Katie, throwing herself at a truck driver.  They discuss her boobs for several minutes before getting around to complaining about her post-breakup downward spiral.

Cut to Juke (Josh Helman, left) telling his buds about the Feast of the Seven Fishes, although they obviously already know.  He stops to complain about not having a girlfriend, which is especially tough at Christmas. Foreshadowing -- ten to one he gets with Katie, the one with the big boobs.

Scene 4: Rich-girl Beth and her friend,  incredibly high, stare at the menu at a hot dog restaurant, trying to decide what to order.  How about hot dogs?  They discuss going to a party tonight, but all of the parties are full of girls desperate to have sex with any boy who asks, so they'll get groped and prodded all the time. "Well, maybe I'll do a little groping," the friend jokes.  Ok, this is a lesbian.

Nope.  "I've been dating this guy and his penis." Wait -- her boyfriends are  "Come along on my date tonight" Angelo and Mr. Boner. And they have this cousin: "Cute, nice, smart..."  A gay guy would immediately ask "How big is his cock?"  Maybe Rich-girl Beth could dump her Christmas-hating boyfriend for Tony? Or at least seduce him and then dump him on New Year's Day? 

Scene 5: At his parents' grocery store, Tony yells at Vince (Cameron Rostami) for being late. They argue and fight until Dad breaks them up and yells at Tony for being too hard on the kid. So, baby brother?  They discuss his future running the family business.  Uh-oh, Tony hasn't told the folks about art school!   

 Cut to Vince walking home.  His Uncles, who were buying booze and discussing Katie's boobs  earlier, give him a ride. See how intricately everybody is interconnected?

They arrive at Tony's house in time for dinner.  Dad yells at them for not bringing any "v.o."  "Well, you didn't ask for any."  "It's Christmas -- we always get v.o."  The family so far consists of Dad, Mom, Grandma, two uncles, Vince, Juke, Tony, Angelo, and his penis.

Meanwhile,  Tony, Cousin Angelo, his penis, and the friend (Sarah) are on their way to pick up Rich-girl Beth.  They discuss the horrors of Catholic school, with those sadistic nuns, and then wonder why Beth would be into an Italian.  "Is she getting extra credit in anthropology class."

How about that? I'm out of space.  You know what's going to happen, right?  Tony and Beth, Juke and Katie, the end.

Beefcake: None.  But no half-naked girls either, not even at the strip club where Katie works (we just see the back entrance).

Other Sights: Beautiful exteriors and a lot of food cooking, mostly the seven kinds of seafood traditionally eaten on Christmas Eve.

Gay Representation:  No, except for an occasional line that could be taken as suggestive.  No homophobia either, except for an occasional "fruit."

Plot: Mostly conversations and food preparation.  Minimal conflict: Grandma doesn't like Beth because she thinks all Protestant girls are prostitutes, Beth's mom and boyfriend try to get her back, Tony breaks the news of art school.  Very predictable, to the point of being clunky. Of course Tony-Beth and Juke-Katie become couples. 

My Grade: This movie has most of the tropes I hate: "small towns are superior to cities," "family is everything," "girls are the meaning of life," and "gay people do not exist."  But I still liked it.  B-

There are some butts and bonus Italian cocks on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Bonding

What Has Nolan Gould Been Up To Lately?

I thought that Modern Family would end in 2019, after 10 seasons.  I actually don't know anybody who watched after the first few seasons, after the novelty of seeing a gay couple (albeit highly stereotypic) integrated into the affluent extended family wore off.  The Modern Family was just so affluent, so entitled, so removed from any actual problems of modern society that it transcended escapism, becoming just annoying. 

But it's still getting 4 million viewers in the U.S.  Go figure.

Nolan Gould was the only reason for watching, his hunkiness expanding exponentially as the seasons progressed.  He didn't capitalize on his physique as deliberately and ostentatiously as, say, Alan Kaiser of Mama's Family( even today, while watching old episodes, you are stunned by how blatant his bulge was).   But still, the transformation was startling.

However, Nolan seems to have tapered off.  Either he's not hitting the gym quite as often, or he's more interested in being taken seriously as an actor than in causing teenagers to write his name amid little hearts in their chemistry textbook.  Recent beefcake photos are hard to come by.

Just having your shirt off doesn't make it a beefcake photo.  Looking extremely uncomfortable destroys the hotness.

Flexing in front of the Coliseum in Rome.  You're not thinking "How buffed!"  You're thinking "So he's been to Rome."

Maybe there will be better beefcake in Nolan's upcoming projects.  He has two coming out:

Camp is a web tv series about a Jewish summer camp. There may be hijinks and swimming.

Yes is a drama about a washed-up former child star (Tim Realbuto) who mentors -- and falls in love with -- a 17 year old ingenue (Nolan). At least there are gay characters.

See also: My 10 Favorite Pictures of Nolan Gould

10 Gay Things You Didn't Know about "White Christmas"

1. White Christmas is not about Christmas.  It's a backstage musical that just happens to end at Christmastime.  Backstage movies were well-known for gay subtexts.

2. The songs are by Irving Berlin, who looked good in a swimsuit.

3. It's about two showbiz partners, Bob and Phil (Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye), who find their relationship threatened by women.

4. The women, Judy and Betty (Vera-Ellen, Rosemary Clooney), are sisters.  At least, they perform as sisters, although their numbers would work well in a drag act.

God help the mister, who comes between me and my sister
And God help the sister who comes between me and my man!

5. Bob and Phil perform as "sisters," too.

6. Rosemary Clooney was a gay icon and reputedly bisexual.

7. Early in his career, Bing Crosby was the roommate of gay jazz musician Bix Beiderbecke.

8. Danny Kaye was bisexual.  He had a long term romance with Sir Laurence Olivier.

9. He played gay fairy-tale writer Hans Christian Anderson, whose psychiatrist coined the word "homosexual."

10. John Brascia was in the cast as a "special dancer."  You can see his physique, and his bulge, in several numbers.  As far as I can determine, he didn't have any gay rumors.

Dec 4, 2023

Champions: Gay kid with two dads played by Andy Favreau and Anders Holm

TV series that failed after only 10 episodes used to fade into oblivion.  Now they are picked up by streaming services, Amazon Prime, Vudu, and Netflix.  But streaming services also have self-contained 10-episode series, designed to tell a story and end.  Which is Champions?

Episode 1: We open in a run-down Brooklyn gym, where two guys, a hunk and a dork, are arguing over whether to get a dog.  A gay couple?  Nope, just heterosexual life partners -- gym owner Vince (Anders Holm, below) and his layabout brother Matthew (Andy Favreau, left). Think Alan and Charlie of Two and a Half Men.

  Suddenly a gunman bursts in, threatening to kill Vince for sleeping with his wife. Matthew convinces him that Vince has such a horible life that death would be a blessing.  This is the stuff of comedy?

Is it just me, or are the pair named wrong?  The hunk should be named Vince, and the dork Matthew. And shouldn't the one with the muscular physique be the gym owner?  Did the actors get their casting calls switched?

Also, why is it the dork who has sex with a hundred women per day, beginning in high school, where he got his girlfriend Priya (Mindy Kaling) pregnant?

Speak of the devil.  Cut to the ritzy Manhattan Academy of the Performing Arts, where 15-year old Michael (transgender actress Josie Totah, before she transitioned) is being told that there's a problem with his application (whose bright idea was it to name the two stars Michael and Matthew?).  The Dean of Admissions, who admitted him and offered to let him stay in his house, has been arrested in a "Jared from Subway type sting," so Michael (the kid) has nowhere to live.

Wait -- Michael (the kid) was being groomed by a pedophile?  This is the stuff of comedy?

The solution is clear: Michael (the kid) can live with Dad Vince (the dork) and Uncle Matthew (the hunk), who didn't know that he existed before today.

The rest of the series: Michael is the only kind of gay kid one ever sees on tv, an uber-swishy, facial product-wearing, show tune-obsessed swish.  He reminds me of Justin from Ugly Betty, except that Justin took five years to come out, and Michael's gayness is a done deal, not ever questioned.  In this world, homophobia does not exist.

But racism does: Vince has a type, preferring to date Indian women, although he's eclectic in his choice of bedroom partners. Anti-Indian and other racial prejudice is frequently evoked.

Michael proceeds to rehabilitate his two Dads. He encourages Vince to cut back on his womanizing, Matthew to study for his GED, and the duo to reconcile with their estranged mother.  He helps out at the gym, too, revising its web page and giving gym bookkeeper Dana (Ginger Gonzaga) advice on her love life. 

Not that Michael (the kid) lacks problems:  he's painfully naive about everything but musical theater, he struggles to embrace his Indian heritage and to accept the fact that he's no longer the most talented performer in his school.

I watched one of the two "someone tries to take Michael away" episodes:  Rich Uncle Ro (Hasan Minhaj) breezes into town, courts Michael with trips to Paris and tickets to Broadway musicals, and petitions to take over as the boy's guardian.  Vince and Matthew (the dork  -- no, wait, Vince is the dork, Matthew the hunk) discover that he doesn't care about Michael (the kid) at all; he just wants his urine for drug tests.

In the other episode I watched, Vince (the dad) finds a sexy poster of Matt Bomer in Michael's room, and decides that it's time for "the talk."  But he knows nothing about gay sex, so he conducts research, and prepares a 4-hour long lecture beginning with the need for a Hepatitis B vaccine, which mortifies Matthew -- um, I mean Michael (the kid).

And what does this mean: "If you have any questions about this (rubbing his chest), let me know."

Um...fondling the chest is not Second Base for gay men.

The characters are likeable, and the conundrums, if not original, are pleasant.  The caste is diverse, with many Indian actors showcased.

I would prefer more beefcake in a show set in a gym (even the personal trainers are rather less than muscular).  And there are occasional cringeworthy moments of sexualization that give the whole show a bad taste.

Michael looks much younger, and characterizes himself as "a kid" and "a little boy."  He's not even ready for his first kiss.  But Vince suspects that Uncle Ro has a sexual intent with Michael, and he rubs his chest in a weird attempt to portray gay second base.  It's not a raunch-fest, like Two and a Half Men, but still, we could do without jokes like that.

In the last episode, Michael brings a dreamy boy (Kevin Quinn) home for dinner.  Vince takes that opportunity to announce that he has taken a job managing a baseball team in Louisiana (really?), leading to an abandonment-argument and fist fight with Matthew (the hunk), thus ruining Michael's first date.

Not to worry, Vince decides not to go.  Zoom out with the three riffing.

I'll give it a B

Answer: Champions was cancelled by NBC, and failed to find a home elsewhere.  Josie Totah has transitioned, so she will probably not be playing any more boys.  So this is all you're going to get of  Michael, Matthew, and Vince.

Which one is which, again?

Blair Jackson: Fitness model, stripper, deputy, blond, brunette. Only his abs stay the same


Blair Jackson has nine acting credits on the IMDB, notably Terminator: Dark Fate and something called Psycho Stripper (the psycho is male).  Plus The Righteous Gemstones and four episodes of Deputy, starring Stephen Dorf, 

I went through them on fast-forward, but couldn't find him, maybe because his look keeps changing: blond, brunette, short hair, curly hair.  Only his abs and cock stay about the same

Link to NSFW version

Blair is also a personal trainer, and he has done some fitness modeling.  As you can probably tell.

I can't tell from his social media whether he is gay or just gay-positive, but his instagram contains lots of photos with guys and no girls.

A lot of guys

On the other hand, he calls this a bromance, a romantic relationship between straight guys.

And he calls this Paradise.  I'd rather check out the museums.

There are nude and bulge photos on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends

Dec 3, 2023

Nude Photos of Brad Pitt


Brad Pitt has been part of our lives since his cowboy hitchhiker took off his shirt in Thelma and Louise (1991). A short list of his most beloved movies has to include Interview with the Vampire, Legends of the Fall, Fight Club, Ocean's Eleven, World War Z, and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Only one gay role -- The Normal Heart (2014) -- but lots of gay subtexts, from vampires to con artists to imagniary friends.

Brad is regularly listed as the hottest man alive or the sexist man alive, and he doesn't appear to age -- in 2023 he's still as buffed as he was is 1993.  And, fortunately for us, he's not shy about showing off his physique on camera.

The nude rear and frontals are on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends.

"Once Upon a Time in Hollywood": Where Were You in 1969?

 Wait -- Leonardo DiCaprio is 46 years old, and Brad Pitt is...ulp... 57?  When did that happen?

Great Caesar's bust is on the shelf, and I don't feel so well myself.

They are together in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019):

Rick Dalton (Leo), once the star of a popular tv Western, is now (in 1969) relegated to guest-spots as villains on other people's shows.  His friend Cliff Booth (Brad), "more than a brother but less than a wife," can't find work either, and works as Rick's assistant and driver.

We see them going through a typical day.  Rick preps for a guest spot as a villain on Lancer, starring a star-struck James Stacy (left), played by Timothy Oliphant; bonds with the very precocious 8-year old Trudi Fraser (Jodie Foster?), who plays his victim; can't remember his lines and flubs two scenes; and invites Cliff over to watch tv, order pizza, and spend the night.

Meanwhile, Cliff takes his shirt off (what Brad Pitt movie doesn't require him to take his shirt off?), gets fired from a stunt job for beating up Bruce Lee (played by Mike Moh), and picks up a hippie chick who lives at Spahn's Movie Ranch.  There he spars with several other members of the cultlike hippie "family," including Tex Watson, Susan Adkins, Linda Kasabian, and Patricia Krenwinkle.  Sound familiar?

Although both are established as heterosexual, the bromance between Cliff and Rick has a deliberate gay subtext.  They'll only hug in private (hint-hint), Cliff has his own place, but often spends the night with Rick (hint-hint); in the final scene, Cliff turns out to be "more than a wife": Rick definitively chooses him over her. 

Rick (and Cliff, when he sleeps over) live next door to famous director Roman Polanski (Rafal Zawierucha) and his girlfriend Sharon Tate (Margo Robbie), but they don't have the nerve to go over and introduce themselves.  We see a typical day in Tate's life, too: she picks up a hitchhiking hippie chick from Spahn's Movie Ranch (ulp!), buys a book for her boyfriend, and goes to a screening of her movie, a spy spoof starring Dean Martin called The Wrecking Crew.

Not to worry, both Roman Polanski and Sharon Tate's sister liked the script.

On August 8th, 1969, Rick and Cliff have just returned from six months in Italy, where Rick starred in some spaghetti Westerns.  Rick has just married his co-star, and there are no jobs in the foreseeable future, so he has has no money, and can't afford to have Cliff living with him anymore.  They are both heartbroken over this decision.  Leaving the jet-lagged wife asleep, the two go out to dinner, and come home extremely drunk.

Meanwhile, Roman Polanski is away making a movie, so the eight-month pregnant Sharon Tate invites some friends over: her ex-boyfriend Jay Sebring; coffee heiress Abigal Folger; and her boyfriend Wojciech Frykowski.  

Around midnight, some hippies from Spahn Ranch, on order from Charles Manson to go to the Polanski house and kill everyone inside, make a wrong turn and end up at Rick's house.  

I'm not going to say what happens next, but it's quite different from what really happened that night.  This is a fairy tale, after all: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Some hunks at a pool party, and Brad Pitt shirtless.  What more do you want?

Gay Characters: Deliberate gay subtext between Cliff and Rick.

Heterosexism: None.  Rick's wife seems mostly a publicity stunt, and she definitely plays second fiddle to the great love of his life, Cliff.

Feet: I could do without the closesups of shoes and bare feet, especially the ones that take up a quarter of the screen.  It is possible for a girl to sit without shoving her feet into the air, you know.

1960s: An amazing number of famous names, movies, tv shows, songs, and even iconic streets from the Hollywood of the era appear or are referenced.  If you were alive during the late 1960s, you'll  probably be overwhelmed by nostalgia.  If not, you'll be constantly asking your partner "Who's that?  Was that a real show?  Did that really happen?" 

My grade: A if you remember 1969, B+ if you don't.

See also: Nude Photos of Brad Pitt

Nude Photos of Leonardo DiCaprio

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