Dec 24, 2022

The Action-Adventure "Hazel"

Amazon Prime is streaming a lot of old sitcoms from the 1960s: The Andy Griffith Show, Bewitched, The Lucy Show, Dennis the Menace.  I can't wait for them to get around to Hazel (1961-66), with Shirley Booth as the maid for a middle-class family.  Not because I loved it.  Because it gives me a visceral sense of foreboding and dread, as if something is not right.  And I want to find out why.

I was only five years old when the program ended, so I don't recall more than a few snippets of episodes.  Maybe the premise itself is not right?  

.In the 1960s, middle-class households did not have live-in servants.  Single fathers might have a nanny.  Hazel is a bizarre throwback to an earlier generation.  

There are two types of servants on tv: heartwarming nannies who bring joie de vivre to sullen children (like Fran on The Nanny and "Charles in Charge"); and sarcastic maids who skewer their boss's pretentions (like Florence on The Jeffersons).  But Hazel is neither.  

Accoding to the episode synopses, Hazel doesn't behave like a servant at all: she gets a job at a department store; she publishes a cookbook and goes on tour; a talent scout hears her musical group perform; she takes a job as a spokesperson for a cake mix.  When does she have time for cleaning the house?  Why does she stay a maid, instead of embarking on a career as an actress or singer?

Hazel actually works for two families.  During the first four seasons, lawyer George Baxter (Don DeFore), his wife Dorothy (an interior designer), and their son Harold (Bobby Buntrock).

I tried to research whether Don DeFore was gay, but only discovered that he was married several times and a staunch Republican who worked on the Barry Goldwater campaign in 1964 ("In your gut you know he's nuts.")

Bobby Buntrock retired from acting after Hazel, and died in an auto accident in 1974, at the age of 21. I couldn't find out if he was gay, either.

 In the last season, the network wanted to appeal to a younger audience, so they axed George and Dorothy, sending them off to Iraq (without informing the actors), and gave Hazel and Harold to a younger family: George's brother, real estate agent Steve Baxter (Ray Fulmer), his wife Barbara, and their young daughter Susie.  

Harold was now a teenager, so he started getting "teenage" plotlines about jobs, girls, and the generation gap, and he got a new best friend, Jeff (Pat Cardi).

Ray Fulmer has only a few acting credits on IMDB, notably a 17-episode arc on the soap opera Somerset and the 1963 movie Wild is My Love, about three college boys who fall for a stripper. 

None of this sounds very appealing, but it doesn't explain the visceral dread.  Granted, the snippets of episodes that I remember would be very scary for a five-year old: 

1. Some poisonous mushrooms accidentally ended up in the supermarket.  Some worried-looking government guys complain that not all of the packages have been returned; one is missing.  Whoever bought it doesn't listen to the radio or read the newspaper.  Cut to Hazel, turning off the radio and throwing out the newspaper as she prepares the mushrooms that will kill everyone.

2. Hazel is tied to a conveyor belt that will carry her through a claw machine to her death.  Her hunky, much younger boyfriend arrives in the nick of time, stops the machine, and unties her.  They hug.

But I have found neither of those scenes in the episode synopses, or in the complete acting credits of Shirley Boothe (in case I made a mistake). Hazel has a boyfriend in only four episodes, and it's the middle aged Mitch (Dub Taylor), not the young hunk of my memory.

Maybe that's the reason behind my dread.  I was peering into another universe, where Hazel was an action/adventure series, not an outdated sitcom about a maid.

Happy Trails to Homophobes: The Roy Rogers Show

When I was a kid in the 1960s,  my church didn't allow us to listen to rock music, go to movies, or read comic books or science fiction (I usually found loopholes in the rules).  Television was permitted, but preachers and Sunday school teachers railed against it anyway. 

Did The Man from U.N.C.L.E. ever ask God's guidance in fighting the Communists?
Did The Beverly Hillbillies ever bow their heads and say grace before eating Granny's vittles?
The Flying Nun tried to brainwash you into becoming an evil Catholic.

The only program they approved of was Roy Rogers, about a singing cowboy named Roy Rogers, played singing cowboy star Roy Rogers.  He never said grace before meals, either, but in real life he was a fundamentalist Christian who always mentioned God in interviews and included Christian songs in his live performances.

The preachers didn't realize that his show (1951-57) had been off the air for over ten years.  But I must have caught glimpses of the Saturday morning reruns (1961-65 or after-school syndication (1961-1972),  because I remember hating it.  Who cared about the Old West in the Space Age?  We were all about astronauts, not cowboys.  Besides, there was hardly any gay content.

1.  Roy didn't hang out with guys like "real" cowboys.  He had a wife, Dale Evans, who sometimes rode next to him in her petite cowboy skirt, but usually stayed home to run a restaurant.

2. This wasn't even  the Old West. They had electric lights, telephones, and cars. As a kid, I found that idiotic. Why would you ride a horse if cars were available?

3.  No beefcake of any sort.  Roy never unbuttoned a button on-screen.  There were a few semi-nude shots in movie magazines, but nothing memorable. The top photo, with Roy eating a hot dog, may look promising, but according to Darwin Porter's autobiographical novel, the "squinty-eyed homophobe" was not particularly gifted beneath the belt.

4. No dreamy boys or muscular men. I found Roy unattractive,  with a face like a mask and tiny, beady eyes. The only other male star was Pat Brady, the cook at Dale's restaurant,  a gawky, comic-relief character who drove a jeep named Nellybelle.

5. The closing song, "Happy Trails to You," sung by the disembodied heads of Roy and Dale, freaked me out.  I distinctly remember them singing it to "cheer up" some kid dying in the hospital.  Mememto mori, a reminder of the transience of life and the inevitability of death -- not what a four-year old wants to hear about while eating his Coco Puffs on Saturday morning.

The only gay content: some buddy-bonding potential, I guess.  Roy and Pat starred in many movies together during the 1940s, and were close friends in real life.

Dec 23, 2022

"A Storm for Christmas": 18 People and a Dog Stranded at the Oslo Airport. How Many are Gay?


A Storm For Christmas, an 8-episode Norwegian tv series about eight people stranded at the Oslo Airport at Christmas.  Let me guess -- one of them is dying, another having an affair, a third carrying stolen merchandise, and there will be a little girl asking Santa Claus to either reunite her divorced parents or bring back her dead parent.  It actually sounds kind of fun, and we'll get to see Norway.

Scene 1: A male-female Bickering Couple get off the train, fumble around for their tickets, and yell at each other and their surly teenage daughter.  (The guy is Sindre, and the girl Kaja).  Kaja must be the Christmas wish girl.

Scene 2: They gawk at a skinny black man with a Santa beard jogging up the escalator.   He runs across the airport, rushes through security, and jogs to "Santa's Corner" (in English), where a line of kids are waiting.  He's wearing mismatched, dirty clothes and acting bizarre, so I thought he was crazy.  But apparently he was hired to be Santa Claus. The kids want entitled things, like iphones and Burburry handbags. A young blond woman passes him.

Scene 3: The young blond woman stops at a kiosk for a Coke (yeah!  I could barely find any soft drinks in Europe.  It was or wine, even at McDonald's). 

Marius (Jon Øigarden), the middle-aged manager of the kiosk, steps out to make a phone call, muttering "No, no, no, no, no!"  His doctor's appointment today to discuss his test results has been cancelled!   The dying one!  He runs into the disabled bathroom and looks in the mirror and cries.  

Uh-oh, someone else wants in: a middle-aged man and woman, who smooch while saying "Mmmmm!  Mmmm!"  I guess they're kissing for the taste.  They start mounting each other, or whatever heterosexuals do, while fully clothed.  The affair couple!  

Scene 4: 
 A black-haired lady Celebrity sits in a car with a bearded man, Asle (Kalle Henne) , who is drinking.  She asks how tall he is. "6.4" (presumably translated from meters and centimeters.)  'Where's Ingvid?  She'll make us miss our London flight!'

Ingvid , the Affair Lady who was going "mmmmm...mmmmm" in the last scene, arrives and announces that all private flights are cancelled, but there are still some commercial flights left.  The Black-Haired Celebrity , Ida, fusses: "But then we'll have to go through security, like the nobodies!"  

On the way into the airport, where there is a two-story tall photo of Celebrity Ida advertising something, they pass a sinister-looking man who is smoking.  A sure sign of evil!  He must be a kidnapper or a terrorist!  

While Sinister Guy ( Dennis Storhøi) checks on his flight cancellation, a lady priest wearing an orange vest passes.  She stops to help David (Jan Gunnar Roise, left) , a bumbling man wearing a Hawaiian shirt.  They flirt over a discussion of hot dog toppings (he likes prawn salad on his).  Then he pauses to call his wife, who has already arrived in Malaga, Spain.

Realizing that she won't be taking him back to her hotel room tonight, Lady Priest moves on, past Sinister Guy, who tries to take the FastTrack through security.  But he has an economy ticket, so he has to stand in one of those endless monkey-bar lines.  

The Three Celebrities get to use FastTrack, but they still need to go through security, past star-struck grins, clicking cell phones,  and cries of "Oh, wow, it's you!"  Celebrity Ida doesn't handle it well. Back Story: She is a singer with a super-best-selling record album.

Scene 5:  Bickering Couple, Surly Daughter, Affair Guy, Santa Claus, Three Celebrities, Sinister Guy, Hawaiian Shirt, Lady Priest, Coke Girl, Kiosk Manager. That's not eight, it's 13! The ones traveling are all in the security line, bickering, making jokes, trying to entitle their way past each other.  Sinister Guy cuts through the line and gets in, but it doesn't help: his flight is cancelled.  He tries the VIP Lounge, but his passkey doesn't work.  Sinister Guy has been demoted or fired!  He calls his agent, who tells him that he has indeed been demoted to business class due to a bad review and low ticket sales.  Back story: he's not a terrorist, he's a pianist.

Affair Lady is also looking at the Cancellation Board; her husband calls to berate her for having a cancelled flight, like it's her fault: "Just do what you have to do, and get here!"  Ok, I apologize, Affair Lady is not the same as Celebrity Ingvid; they just look alike, and viewers are deliberately misled when she arrives late immediately after the bathroom hookup scene. There are 14 characters, not 13.

Scene 6:  I guess 14 is not enough.  A suitcase goes through the chute and into baggage handling, where the only guy under age 60 in Norway,  Henrick (Valter Skarsgård, top photo), grabs it.  His friend asks when he's going to start a family.   "Never.  You have to have a wife to have a kid." Maybe he's gay, but more likely he's straight, and going to find love during the storm. 

Scene 7: A plane is landing in heavy turbulance.  A young Spanish-speaking woman and her young son are terrified, and start to pray.  Up in the cockpit, the pilots complain that the autopilot is out, so they will have to land manually, and visibility is nil!

Meanwhile,  Coffee Kiosk Manager serves Hawaiian Shirt.   They discuss Malaga.  And Young Guy is loading luggage, when he finds a dog in a cargo bay!  That's cruelty to animals, and illegal!  So he brings it inside to look for its owner.  

Scene 8:
Oh, no, not another new character.  Olav (Ravdeep Singh Bajwa), a nattily-dressed South Asian guy,  is strutting through the airport like he owns the place.  He's waylaid by a fellow employee, who states that he's on standby, so he can't go home.    

Hey, after all that set-up, we didn't get to watch the airplane land! Now the Spanish-speaking woman and her Very Sick Son are trying to get on their connecting flight ro New York for his Very Important Operation, but all flights leaving Oslo have been cancelled,  She begs the clerk to do something. Like what -- force the plane to take off? 

Meanwhile, Affair Lady is strategizing on how to get home to her abusive husband so he doesn't beat her up.  A boat?  Affair Guy tells her not to worry about it: "Let's just book a room so we can have more sex."  This enrages her.

Scene 9: Sinister Guy sits down at the kiosk, complains about the expensive beer ($11 U.S.).  Hawaiian Shirt recognizes him from a newspaper article -- next to him -- about how his career has tanked. Everyone at the kiosk gives him advice on how to re-start.

Meanwhile, the Lady Priest goes outside and prays for assistance, because there are so many people who need help in this airport, and she can't take care of all of them.  We see their faces as she prays.  The end.

Ok, there are 18 characters, not eight -- 19 if you count the dog.  Are any of the guys gay?  Several expressed no heterosexual interest during their stories.  I'm going to guess Coffee Kiosk Manager (a bit femme), Young Guy (story arc about a dog, not finding true love), or Nattily Dressed Olav.  Only time -- and the next seven episodes -- will tell.

Dec 22, 2022

Spring 1983: Reading Faulkner: Redneck Muscle and Boys in Drag

Nothing brings back my memories of college literature classes more than William Faulkner.  Other authors I can return to with respect, even with pleasure, but Faulkner is mostly incomprehensible, and the parts I understand fill me with disgust.

In the spring of 1983, I took a horrible class in turgid, heterosexist "classics."  First Ulysses (by James Joyce).  Then "The Waste Land," by T.S. Eliot.  Then...shudder, gasp... The Sound and the Fury (1929), by William Faulkner.

"Marvelous!" the Professor chirped. "Stupendous!  A masterpiece!  The greatest novel ever written!"

I doubt he has ever read it.  I doubt anyone has.  It is literally impossible to understand even a sentence.  Check out the first two sentences:

Through the fence, between the curling flower spaces, I could see them hitting.  They were coming toward where the flag was and I went along the fence.

Benjy the Idiot (Faulkner's term) is standing on the other side of a fence from a golf course, watching golfers hitting balls toward the hole, which is marked with a flag.  I looked it up -- no way anyone could ever figure it out from the cryptic text, even if they knew about golf, which I didn't. 

As I understand it from extensive research, The Sound and the Fury is about three brothers in the dying, decrepit, depressed Compson family of Mississipi: Benjy, Quentin, and Jason.  I imagine they look like this.

Part 1: Narrated by Benjy, an "idiot" who has no conception of time, and jumps back and forth at random between events that he didn't understand in the first place.  He cries a lot, and he's obsessed with his sister Caddy's muddy underwear.

Gay subtext: The elderly "Negro" servant Dilsey warns her grandson Luster to stay away from the Man with the Red Tie.  Wearing red is probably a gay symbol, like wearing lavender today.  Maybe they're having a gay affair.  And hopefully Luster looks like this.

Part 2: Narrated by Benjy's brother Quentin, a Harvard freshman who's crazy, and whose mind jumps back and forth at random just like Benjy's. He's obviously gay, in love with his roommate, Shreve, who responds by grabbing his knee.  Someone even calls Shreve his "husband."

He claims to have committed incest with his sister Caddy, but he's lying to hide a worse shame -- she had sex with someone else.

Wait -- aren't you supposed to have sex with someone other than your brother?

This part is also completely incomprehensible.  Not even a single sentence makes any sense. I understand Quentin commits suicide.

Part 3: Narrated by Jason, the third brother, the only one who thinks normally and writes normally.  This part is sort of comprehensible, except for references to events from the first part that we don't know about because they were written in gibberish, and the fact that a different Quentin shows up -- this one Caddy's daughter.  Giving two characters the same name is taboo for fiction writers, as it inevitably leads to confusion, and this is already an incomprehensible book.  

Jason's story is about stealing money from Quentin #2 (Caddy's daughter).

Part 4: No narrator. Miss Quentin has taken the money Jason stole from her, plus some of his own, and run off with the Man with a Red Tie (the one Luster is having an affair with in Part 1).  So maybe Miss Quentin is a boy in drag.  Jason does get awfully upset when he sees "her" in a bathrobe.

The homophobic Jason looks for Miss Quentin, to get his money back, but finally gives up.  The end.

It took a lot of creativity and endless Cliff's Notes to get through!

And beefcake photos.  Here's a semi-nude William Faulkner, thinking up new and better ways to torture English majors.

There's a gay dating story about William Faulkner on Tales of West Hollywood.

Dec 21, 2022

"Falling for Christmas": Lindsay Lohan's Boyfriend Gets a Boyfriend in a Ski-Resort Romcom

Most Christmas romcoms depict a woman living a gloriously glitzy life in a big city, getting stuck in a small town for the Holidays, and falling in love with it -- and with a working class guy who lives there.  Coincidentally, 'tis the season where millions of people who have escaped to the City return to their horrible small towns to sleep in their old beds, spend hours talking to people who love everything they hate, and count the minutes until they can get back on that airplane.  Are these movies supposed to convince them to stay?  

Falling for Christmas substitutes poor- and -rich ski resorts for the small town and big city (there are poor ski resorts?).  It reputedly has a gay character, so I'll check it out.     

Scene 1. Lindsay Lohan, who I feel like I should know from something, awakens in her glitzy hotel room in a mountain resort.  Lots of other glitterati are arriving, including two hot guys getting out of a Lamborghini -- are they the gay characters?   Girls in swimsuits show us their butts in a heated balcony-pool.  And there are skiiers.  

Scene 2: Lindsay's boyfriend Tad (George Young, top photo), on the way to the resort, tells her to just say no to her dad. Back story: Dad, hotel magnate Beauregard Belmont (1980s soap hunk Jack Wagner), wants her to take a job as Vice President of Atmosphere (involving, I assume, decor, not oxygen). Guest Services Manager Terry and his "Glam Squad" arrive to do her makeup and hand-feed her caviar and wine.  

Meanwhile, "poor boy" Jake Russell (Chord Overstreet) asks Dad to invest in his struggling lodge next door.  Beginning skiiers choose discount lodges, and then move up to the big time as they improve, so investing in it will actually create some customers for Dad's mega-lodge.  He says no anyhow.

Scene 3:  Exterior shot past the girl-butts in the balcony-pool to Lindsay and the Glam Squad walking through the lobby in slow motion.  Poor Boy Jake, busy on the phone telling someone that Dad didn't buy it, spills his hot chocolate on her for a classic meet-cute.   Boyfriend, who has just arrived, complains that her couture is ruined. 

Scene 4: Having changed, Lindsay has breakfast with Dad and Boyfriend, whom Dad disapproves of.  Well, he works as a social media influencer.  Wouldn't you be leery of him dating your heiress daughter?

Meanwhile, Jake returns to the North Star Lodge next door, which looks quite elegant.  Back story: He's a widow with a young daughter, and a mother-in-law hanging around to help out, sort of like a 1960s sitcom.  And the resort will close after this season,  unless they get "a Christmas miracle."  He gloomily throws his business plan in the trash and recalls how much he loved his dead wife.

Scene 5: Lindsay tries to tell Dad that she doesn't want the hotel job, but she's distracted by a snow-globe belonging to her mother, Dad's dead wife, who died when she was five years old.  They discuss how much they loved her.  Dude, it's been at least 20 years, and you haven't dated anyone else?

Scene 6:  Guest Services Terry has reserved a gondola for a photo shoot, but Boyfriend won't hear of it: "Gondolas are for losers.  We'll take a snowmobile up the mountain."  He zooms up with his snowmobile in tow, running over a bellboy's foot.  "He'," Terry complains.

On the way up the mountain, Lindsay starts singing "Jingle Bell Rock," and Boyfriend criticizes her pitch.  What, exactly, does she see in this guy?  Is he hung to his knees, or what?

Meanwhile, Jake is taking a hot guy (Oscar Rudecindo) and his girlfriend on an actual sleigh ride, and Mother-in-Law and Granddaughter discuss how much they love each other (help -- saccharine overload!), and tag a wish onto the Wishing Tree. Santa Claus, watching, magically makes it float up into the sky.  Mother-in-law is Hispanic, and Hot Guy is black; at the Mega-Lodge, all of the guests shown to date have been white.  Is that significant?  

Scene 7:  High up in the mountains, Boyfriend zooms around on the snowmobile, while Lindsay gets slapped in the face with tree branches.  He accidentally zooms up a trail marked "Danger!  Do not enter!"   They arrive at the summit and take some photos, and Boyfriend asks Lindsay to marry him (with a diamond the size of a snow globe).  

Uh-oh, the wind whips up, and Lindsay falls off the summit!  So does Boyfriend.  They tumble down different sides of the mountain.  

Scene 8: Lindsay tumbles into Jake's resort.  She has lost her memory, and he doesn't recognize her from the meet-cute.  After the doctors check her out, he invites her to his resort to recuperate.  Couldn't he contact the Mega-Resort, to see if any guests are missing?  

You know happens next, right? Lindsay bonds with Jake's daughter, learns to appreciate "simple pleasures," uses her managerial skill to turn the resort around, and falls in love with Jake, but can't admit it because we still need a denouement.

Boyfriend, meanwhile, has a much shorter story.  He is rescued by a grinning, white-haired Santa Claus-type hermit, who can't drive him to civilization for a few days due to the storm. They don't fall in love, but they do some flirting: "I let you sleep in -- you looked so cozy."  "You're so strong!"  After Boyfriend is rescued, they promise to stay in touch.

Scene 13:  Boyfriend returns to Lindsay, who gets her memory back.  They return to the Mega-Resort.    

On Christmas morning, a terrified Guest Services Terry summons Boyfriend, because Lindsay is in the hotel kitchen, making her own breakfast!  And she's going to her after-rescue press conference in a regular dress, not in something designed by someone famous.  

Afterwards, Lindsay breaks up with Boyfriend because "she's not ready."  He's not heartbroken; in fact, he seems overjoyed.  What exactly happened in that mountain cabin?  She walks away; Boyfriend turns to Guest Services Terry, who is hovering around for some reason, and asks "What are you doing for New Year's?"  

That was fast.  They've said like three words to each other, and they only touched once, when Terry helped him on with his coat.  How does he know that Terry is gay (ok, he's swishy) and single, and ok with being a rebound hookup?

Scene 14:  Jake decides that he wants to wrest Lindsay away from her Boyfriend, so he sleigh-rides to the Mega-Resort.  He rushes up to an airport shuttle and says through the tinted window: "I know that we barely know each other, but I'm falling in love with you." 

 Suprise, it's Boyfriend!  "That's very flattering, but I have other plans."  He grins at Guest Services Terry (Chase Ramsey).  This perplexes Jake; apparently he is not aware that gay/bi people exist.  But Santa Claus points him in the direction of Lindsay.

So, is Boyfriend just realizing that he is gay or bi, or has he always been out as bi?   The ease with which he gets dumped -- and picks up the nearest gay guy -- suggests that he was not aware before. 

Of course, heterosexual viewers are denying that he is either, using the strategy that everyone must be presumed straight unless they are carrying a sign reading "I am gay. "

By the way, Chase Ramsey, shown here with his wife and kids,  is an "actor, writer, director, teacher, husband, and father," a graduate of Utah Valley University with several theatrical and film credits. They hired a straight boy to swish it up as Terry.

Dec 19, 2022

"Would You LIke a Cup of Coffee?": Korean Slice-of-Life with Cute Guys and No Hetero-Romance


I started watching the Korean tv series Would You Like a Cup of Coffee because dinner wouldn't be ready for a half hour, and because the star was the amazingly cute Ong Seong-Wu), a former member of the K-Pop Band Wanna One and "voted the #1 K-Pop Idol Among Gay Men." 

It's based on a web comic by Huh Young-Man (nicely coincidental romanization!), "Korea's most beloved comic book artist," with 215 series spanning four decades.  

Having studied all night for his civil service exam and failed once again, Go-Bi (Ong Seong-Wu) needs to clear his head and think of a new path in life.  He drops into the coffee shop (after reading its Yelp reviews, of course).  It's empty except for a middle aged woman working on a computer and a high school girl doing art; as they wait, another high school girl comes in with the croissants she baked.

Go-Bi orders his coffee, but falls asleep at the table before he can drink any.  Later, Mr. Park obligingly gives him a new cup and one of the high school girl's croissants. He takes a sip and is mesmerized.  It is a "God Cup," a cup that will change his life forever.  His goal in life is now to become a barista, specifically working for Mr. Park.

Later he approaches Mr. Park and his girlfriend, the middle-aged woman, to ask for a job.  Mr. Park responds that he doesn't need any help.  But Go-Bi seems to be on the autistic spectrum, and appears every day to ask for a job, meanwhile importuning the customers with questions, some coffee-related, some not.

Mr. Park finally gives in and lets him make a latte.  It's not very good, but Mr. Park gives him a job anyhow.  He bows about a hundred times and leaves.

Every episode introduces a different character, whose life is changed by hanging out in the coffee shop.  And that's all.  No paranormal powers, no gangsters, no no dark secrets, no major crises, just a few minor squabbles and some minor pleasures.  Like everyday life.  

Mr. Park and Go-Bi become close friends, but I don't see any romantic subtexts between them. 

 To see if Go-Bi gets a girlfriend, I watched an episode in which he asks to collaborate with the high school girl (the one who bakes) on a special drink.  She thinks that he wants to date, and politely rejects him, but that was not on his mind at all.  In fact, he doesn't express any romantic interest in anyone.  

And Mr. Park's relationship with his girlfriend is so understated that they could easily be platonic friends instead.  No one else expresses any romantic interest. Like everyday life, but without the incessant interrogations: "Do you have a girlfriend?  Do you have a wife?  What kind of girls do you like?  What girl?  What girl?  What girl?" 

My Grade: A

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