Apr 21, 2018

The Hottest Beefcake at the Hottest Colleges in the U.S.

College Magazine also lists the colleges with the hottest guys.  I'm not sure how you can generalize the hotness of thousands of guys, and isn't it supposed to be in the eye of the beholder.  But let's see if we can find some good beefcake photos.



1. University of Georgia, Athens.  Enrollment 37,000.  Very pretty campus, with a lot of fake-Greek architecture, but I couldn't find any photos of hot UGA Bulldogs.  This is a wrestler from Brewton-Parker, a Baptist college in Mount Vernon, Georgia, 150 miles from Athens.














2. Florida State University, enrollment 42,000.  In Tallahassee, the panhandle of the state, so it's culturally closer to Alabama and Georgia than to the palm trees of South Beach.  The guy on the left is not bad -- I like how his swimsuit is falling off -- but the others are a little scrawny.









3. Colgate University, enrollment 3,000.  An exclusive private college in Upstate New York that regularly tops the list of "highest tuition."  Your parents have to be rich, but not influential enough to get you into Harvard.

The swim team isn't bad; I like the black speedos.  But I wouldn't mind seeing some variation in skin color.



4. University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa, enrollment 38,000.  I dated a Crimson Tide football player once.  He had never eaten Thai food, and didn't know about the Stonewall Riots.

I rate these four swim stars (left to right) as: maybe, if he buys me dinner; hot; country-western singer ugly; and...um...




5. University of Florida, Gainesville, enrollment 52,000.  In the U.S., typically "universities" are more elite than "state universities": they offer doctorates, they have research professors, and the students are more academically oriented.  And hotter.

















6. University of Southern California. My old alma mater.  Of the two major universities in Los Angeles, UCLA is middle-brow, USC high-brow.  The Philosophy Library is a work of art.  And their team is named after a condom (just kidding -- after the Trojans, the biggest losers in history)


7. Clemson University, enrollment 22,000, somewhere in South Carolina.  In spite of its name, it's public.

Sorry, I'm still not going to South Carolina.










8. Arizona State University in Tempe (a suburb of Phoenix), enrollment 72,000.  Surely with 36,000 men and all that sunshine, there will be a lot of hunks wandering about.

Not these four.







9. Bowdoin College in Maine, enrollment 1,800.  I did a postdoc there, and hated the elitist students, for whom Bowdoin was a safety school.  They made fun of me when I jogged.
















10. Boston College (Catholic, 14,000 enrolled), not to be confused with Boston University (Methodist, 32,000 enrolled), three miles away.

Here are two men from the College.

Apr 20, 2018

Max Thieriot: The Gay Villains of Yesteryear

You probably remember Max Thieriot from Catch that Kid (2004), a teen heist movie in which a  girl and two boys (Max, Corbin Bleu of the High School Movie franchise) break into a bank vault).  It was more about "young love," hetero-romance, than buddy-bonding, but both of the boys received some teen idol treatment.












Next came some father-son or father-surrogate son roles, with Max as a teenager who doesn't express any romantic interest: The Pacifier (2005), with Vin Diesel; The Astronaut- Farmer (2005), with Billy Bob Thornton.  Plus the boyfriend of perennial girl sleuth Nancy Drew (2007) and a few other teens who find "young love."














My Soul to Take (2010) had a gay subtext, at least.  Max starred as Bug, a teenager who tries to save his friends from the dead serial killer who is stalking them, along with bromantic partner Alex (John Magaro).  But there's also the implication that the serial killer was a gay pedophile.  I know -- how about we have a horror movie sometime where the killer is not gay or transgender?






Recently Max has played a lot of damaged or evil teens, often gay-vague or gender-transgressive: an online hustler in Disconnect (2012), a killer in House at the End of the Street (2012), Norman Bates' even quirkier brother in the tv series The Bates Motel (2012-), a prequel to Psycho.  

Sort of a throwback to the gay villains of yesteryear, like Norman Bates himself.


The Top Ten Nature Show Hunks

When I was little, the only nature program we had was Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom (1963-1985), with a grandfatherly host, Marlin Perkins, who didn't actually go into the field; he just narrated, and occasionally lapsed into a commercial: "Just as lions provide for their young, you need life insurance...."

Today's nature show hosts have learned that ratings depend on two things: you have to get out there, pat an elephant, shake hands with a tiger.  And it's hot in the jungle.  Take your shirt off! (And maybe get your crew to take their shirts off, too).

Here are the top 10 nature show hunks:

1. Troy Dann (left) of Outback Adventures (1998-99).  More buffed and less heterosexist than Steve Irwin, and he added aboriginal culture to the mix.

2-3. Nick Baker and Steve Backshall (left) of Britain's long-running Really Wild Show (2004-2006).

4. Australian herpetologist Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter (1997-2004).  He had the annoying habit of calling female crocodiles "darlin" and referring to them as his girlfriends, but his khaki shorts left little to the imagination.

5. Mr. Greenjeans of Captain Kangaroo (1955-1984).  He only played with cute domesticated animals, like bunny rabbits, but at least he had a boyfriend.



6-7. Surprisingly muscular brothers, Chris and Martin Kratt, who hung out with creatures on Kratt's Creatures (1995-96) and Zooboomafoo.  They also got animated.  Do a search for them on Deviant Art -- it's amazing how often they're shipped (made into romantic partners) by eager fans.

8. Boomer Corwin (left) of Going Wild with Boomer Corwin, The Boomer Corwin Experience, and so on.  He strips off his shirt at the drop of a script, and is rumored to be gay, in spite of his wife and kids.  Maybe because of the episode where he frolicked in Cambodia with Anderson Cooper.

9. Jim Fowler of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom.  He never showed any muscles, but we saw him occasionally in the field. And I figured that he was Marlin Perkins' boyfriend.

10.  Stan Brock, man-mountain same program.

11. Dave Salmoni, a big-cat specialist who hosted Living with Tigers, Animal Face-Off, Expedition Impossible, Rogue Nature, and Into the Pride.   He loves his gay fans, and often poses semi-nude for them.

Honorable mention goes to Chris Pontius and Steve-O of Wildboyzand Mark Trail, actually a comic strip character.



Apr 18, 2018

Philips Andover Aquatics: Beefcake since 1912

Phillips Andover Academy, an elite private school in Andover, Massachusetts, has trained hundreds of notable people, including Edgar Rice Burroughs (creator of Tarzan), Presidents Bush Junior and Senior, gay writer Paul Monette, and my friend, crazy-as- loon Matt.

It has had an aquatics team since 1912, with team photographs from each year posted on its website.

Notice the chest-covering swimsuits in the early years




In 1938 a few brave souls pose bare-chested for the camera; it was still considered a bit indecent, illegal in many cities.














By 1945, they're all bare-chested.  They play the Olneyville Boy's Club, the Boston Boys' Club, Harvard Freshmen, and Gardner High.  The captain has the odd name of Chips Lazo (real name Mario; his father designed airports).







In 1963 we see the first nonwhite athletes.  They also start looking younger.  I've noticed that in a lot of old photos: before the 1960s, teenagers looked like men in their 30s today.










Through the 1970s they're all photographed wearing white jerseys.  Got to cover up those chests.

In 1986 we see the first Asian boys.

More after the break













Apr 17, 2018

10 Fratboys in Bondage

When I was in high school, we used the term "fratboy" to refer to a boy who had wealthy parents and could sport  $20 haircuts, designer shirts in pastel colors, and his own car; plus was an athlete, a straight A student, president of the student council, and so on, and so on, perfect in every way, with a bright future of ivy-league college, skyscraper-and-business suit job, and house on a winding cul-de-sac.  He may or may not have belonged to an actual fraternity. 

When I was a sophomore in high school, the seniors kidnapped the valedictorian at Better-Dork high school and made him guest of honor at our graduation party.  I wasn't there, but I heard that there were a lot of cocks and balls rubbing against him.

I have a collection of photos of wealthy, elitist, snobbish fratboys getting their just desserts.  Here are some of my favorites.

1. Pants down.  What comes next?




2. Does this answer your question?




3. I love the Harry Potter glasses and look of apprehension. 






















4.  Fratboys often have wavy blond hair,  I don't know why.



















5. But there are fratboys of every race and religion.

More after the break


















Apr 16, 2018

Even More Nolan Gould


Modern Family, the oddly popular sitcom about an extended family of annoyingly privileged people in contemporary Los Angeles, began in 2009, with eleven-year old Nolan Gould as the youngest kid in the nuclear-family Pritchetts.  With a very large cast, there wasn't much for him to do, so he was a stereotypic kid for a few seasons, then a stereotyped dull-witted girl-crazy teenager.

And he started to beef up.

You could see the transformation, season by season, sometimes month by month.  The guy is now nineteen years old, and knows his way around a gym.

I haven't watched Modern Family for a while, but I was wondering if Nolan Gould has been showing us any beefcake since I checked last year.




As it turns out, not much.  Just a few pics here and there.

He's got a little chest hair now, compared to last year, a glory trail, and a little pudginess around the abs.

Not that I mind.














A selfie at the gym.  Who hasn't taken one of those?



















No fair turning around to flex.



This is an old one, but I love the pale hard chest, like a marble statue. Also the guy he's with is hot.












His old hairstyle.  It's more dorky now.


















Way dorky.














But look where he started out.

See also: My 10 Favorite Pictures of Nolan Gould; The Beefcake Explosion of Nolan Gould





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