Noah Galvin: 7 gay characters, a husband, a pride cake, and a lot of d*ck pics, and guys still think that he's straight?

Link to the n*de photos

I never watched The Real O'Neals, 2016-17, about a "perfect" Irish Catholic family where the parents discover that they're not so perfect after all: Dad (Jay R. Ferguson, left) wants a divorce, and their kids all suffer from various disorders and psychological problems.  Eldest son (Matt Shively) has an eating disorder; daughter suffers from kleptomania and enjoys con games; and middle son Noah Galvin is gay. 

Being gay as a mental disorder, the equivalent of anorexia and kleptomania.  You see the problem I had with this show.

At least, after some "We've got to find a way to cure you!" hand-wringing, Mom is relatively tolerant.  

Interestingly, RuPaul, Jane Lynch, and Lance Bass agreed to play themselves, and it got a Dorian Award for the best LGBTQ show of the year. 

Ok, I watched a few episodes for the hunky Matt Shively, and for Noah's character bulging in a wrestling singlet.  He bulged a lot. 

The Real O'Neals was the 22-year old Noah's first major acting gig.  He went on to play Marty in Assassination Nation, 2018: a hacker who finds a video of the mayor wearing women's clothing. Upon discovery, the guy kills himself.  

Co-Ed, 2018, a quickly cancelled series about male and female college roommates.  Noah's character was gay, and dating Clark Moore.

George in Booksmart, 2019, about two high school girls, one a lesbian, who want to let loose after being A-earning dweebs for the last 12 years. Noah's character is gay, and running a murder mystery party with his bff Austin Crute. Skyler Gisondo stars as Jared, who is having his own party on his yacht.

The Two Princes, an animated Spotify series that pairs Prince Rupert, Noah, with Prince Amir, Ariel Stachel, whom you can't research because google insists on changing "stachel" to "satchel" and trying to sell you handbags.

The Other Two: he plays Eddie, who pretends that he is new to the gay world, and his lover is his Dad, s "trying to understand," so they can win $30,000 on Pat Dubchek's Ellen-like talk show.  

Glenn Winthrop in Theater Camp, 2023. Noah and future husband Ben Platt wrote the screenplay about trying to save the camp.  Their characters fall in love.

Left: Ben Platt.  

More after the break

Spencer Lloyd: From "American Idol" to a homophobic church, with n*de hocky and a video in between

  

Link to the n*de photos

Making the rounds of actor photos this morning, I came across a "Spencer Lloyd" video.   No other photos, but another n*de pops up on a google search.

No one by that name is listed on IMDB, but when you dump "Spencer Lloyd" into a search engine, it wants to auto-fill with the Canadian tv series Heartland: a multi-generational soap opera set on a ranch in Alberta.  He must have appeared somewhere in the nearly 300 episodes to date -- the IMDB often omits actors. 

Googling "Spencer Lloyd" and "Canada" reveals a young guy, probably just out of high school, who played hockey for the Beaver Valley Nitehawks in British Columbia.  He must have done that before he broke into showbiz -- or tried to break in.

After extensive research on Instagram, Facebook, the American Idol Blog, and Fame Watcher, I have pieced together Spencer's biography.

There's no Canadian hockey or soap opera -- that's another Spencer Lloyd.  But I'm not taking the photos down.

Our Spencer Lloyd grew up in Bryant, Arkansas, population 16,688, known for its La Quinta Motor Lodge, Cotton Shed Vintage Market, and Chick-Fil-A.  

In 2013, at the age of 19, he got on a bus with 3,000 other hopefuls for American Idol auditions in Little Rock.  He made it to the first round.

In Austin he sang "Say Something" and an original song, "At the Final Judgment." Uh-oh, sounds homophobic. He made it to the second round.

In Hollywood, he sang "Ordinary Girl" in the Wild-Card.  And then got booted.

He still performs and records music occasionally. Apple Music lists several singles for sale, most recently "No Love Like Ours," released December 2023.

In March 2016, Spencer found his way to Nashville, where he signed on with Wilhemina Modeling.  This must be where the n*de photo comes from.

He moved to Chicago in May 2016, and went to work as fitness instructer at Barry's Chicago. 

More Spencer after the break.

Ghoul: The Kid from "Modern Family" Fights Zombies

Ghoul  is a gay-subtext buddy-bonding horror novel by Brian Keene (2007), who specializes in postapocalyptic zombie novels.

A ghoul, a monster that lives on dead human meat, is terrorizing the town, getting most of its victims in the cemetery run by Clark, who is violently abusive to his son Barry.  Barry gradually realizes that his father is assisting the ghoul, and has even kidnapped a woman from town to become its mate.

Barry's friends, Timmy and Doug, agree to help him look for the ghoul, but they have problems of their own.

Doug is being sexually abused by his mother.

Timmy is being emotionally abused by his father.

The real monsters are the adults.

Doug is quiet, passive, rather chunky, probably gay, and interested in Timmy (who, unfortunately has a girlfriend).  He is the one who gets eaten by the ghoul.  

I wonder why Keene decided to make Doug's mother the abuser.  In real-life, the father is the offender in 90% of cases of sexual abuse.  Maybe he didn't want to reflect the myth that same-sex abuse causes kids to "turn" gay.  Or maybe he wanted to add some diversity by making one of the evil parents a woman. 

The ghoul ends up kidnapping Timmy's girlfriend, and Barry and Timmy rush to the rescue.  They all escape.

But not entirely.  Twenty years later, when Timmy returns to the cemetery to bury his father, he sees that Barry is now the caretaker, and his son has bruises consistent with abuse.

The real monsters are the adults.

The novel was made into a tv movie in 2012, but it aired on the Chiller Network, so I haven't seen it, and I don't know if the gay subtext was retained.   It starred Nolan Gould of Modern Family as Timmy, Mattie Liptak, left, as Steve (the gay-vague Doug character), and Zack Rand as Ronny (the Barry character).  Brett Lapeyrouse (top photo) played Pat.

Gay characters appear often in the works of Brian Keen, including the protagonists of The Rising and of Dead Sea.  

See also: Modern Family, Episode 5.17: Gay stereotypes, traditional gender roles, Nolan Gould's abs, and a nude Dylan bonus

Zev Andros: Tony's gym boyfriend, Phuket diver, grandson of a Hollywood legend. With Phuket penises

  

Tony announces that he has recruited a new God Squad member.  He probably means a gym buddy, or gym boyfriend, or gym buddy that he treats like a boyfriend.

  Link to the nude dudes

I can't give the real name of a non-actor, so I'll call him Zev Andros: an  EMT, divemaster with the American Divers of Phuket, baseball player, and bodybuilder.   I wonder if he can attest to the veracity of that "Cowboys Do It Better" cap.

Zev's grandfather was Charles Aidikoff (1915-2016), who ran a famous screening room on Rodeo Drive  in Beverly Hills.  Movie stars, producers, and critics came to the 57-seat auditorium to see early versions and works in progress. eat the candy that he provided -- Mars Bars and Red Vines -- and exchange Hollywood gossip.

 

Charlie claims that he screened  50,000 films between 1966 amd 2011, when his grandson Josh took over the screening room. It closed with his death in 2016.

His Facebook memorial page contains photos of him with Betty White, Raquel Welch, Peter Fonda, Danny DeVito, Mel Brooks, Ryan Gosling, Wes Bentley, Ice Cube, King Charles...well, everybody.

But let's get back to Bodybuilder Zev, who grew up in Phuket, the gay capital of Thailand, and now lives in Los Angeles.  Some highlights of his social media pages:

Zev: "The posing room goes hard."  I can see why, buddy.

 "Fitness motivation."  Yours, or ours?

More Zev after the break

"Hot Frosty": Not an ice-cream drink, a ridiculous Christmas romcom with Dustin Milligan and a bonus Joe Lo Truglio

 

"Frosty the Snowman" is a song first recorded by Gene Autry in 1950, and since covered by everyone from Perry Como to the Jackson Five: a snowman comes to life due to a magic hat, but can't survive global warming, and...um...melts.  It was spun into a TV short in 1969. and an animated movie in 2005.  I always found the stories sad: the being has a lifespan of only a few months, reminding us of the brevity of human life.

Où sont les hommes de neige d'antan?  Where are the snowmen of yesteryear?

So they spun the story into a Christmas romcom entitled Hot Frosty.  This sounds so ridiculous, I have to take a look.

Scene 1: Establishing shot of the town of Hope Springs, har har.  Narrator: "Since the dawn of time, Christmas fairy tales have talked about a snow sculpture coming to life." Um...we haven't had Christmas since the dawn of time.  Birth of Christ, remember?  And we've only had a snow sculpture coming to life since 1950.

Kathy wakes up to "Jingle Bell Rock" and news of the big snow sculpture competition. Her house is falling apart; no heat, roof leaks although it's cold outside.  By the way, she also has a dead husband. 

On to work at Kathy's Korner, a restaurant which she owns. She exchanges quips with the cook Isaac, then says hello to the regulars and offers special chocolate chip pancakes to the daughter of a supermodel made up for a Vogue cover.  Place is packed -- why is she strapped for cash?

Scene 2: Kathy brings the lunch orders to the clothing shop across the street, run by a middle-aged lady and her assistant, a swishy queen played by Dan Lett. I don't know if he is gay in real life, but he was in Queer as Folk.

Lady asks if Kathy has found a man yet?  No?  "Well, let me lend you the magic red scarf that I was wearing when I met the man of my dreams, swishy queen Theo."  I guess he's a straight swishy queen.

After work, Kathy walks through the snow scultures in progress.  Amid the three-snowball snowmen there's an incredibly detailed, museum-quality sculpture of a naked man -- penis obscured.  Kathy playfully puts the red scarf  around his shoulders,  snaps a picture, and walks away.  Wait -- the middle-aged lady was just lending you the magic scarf.  It must have tremendous sentimental value. And you're just walking away?

The moment she leaves, a mystic wind blows, and -- you guessed it.  He turns into a naked human man.  

He's rather surprised. Who am I?  Where am I?  Why am I so cold?  Then he sees a clothing ad -- oh, humans wear clothes!

He asks a middle-aged couple for help.  The man, played by Allan Royal, stays back, but the woman chases him in hetero-horny lust.  He eludes her, sees clothes in a store window, and bursts in -- not his fault, he doesn't know about windows, or private property.

By the way, Dustin Milligan played Ted Mullins, a small-town veterinarian who becomes the on-off boyfriend of heiress Alexis on Schitt's Creek. 

You know what's going to happen: he's going to solve all of the town's problems like a fairy godfather and convince Kathy to love again. But he's a snowman, with body temperature under 30 degrees, so erotic activity is out of the question. I wonder how he survives in heated houses and businesses.  And he will inevitably die with the coming of spring. 

I'm just going to check on gay characters.

Results after the break

Jackson Kelly: A killer doll, a killer pumpkin, a paranormal trap, shirtless Hicks, and a year of d*cks

Link to the d*cks

Time to start profiling Righteous Gemstones Season 4 actors.  Only two have popped up to date, Charles Ambrose and Jackson Kelly, who plays Winston, probably in the Civil War sequence.  I can't imagine a modern teenager being named after a cigarette or the Prime Minister of Britain. 

Googling the name "Jackson Kelly" yields pages of guitars, so you have to say "Jackson Kelly" and "actor."  The guy has an Instagram, but with only nine photos.  

A search for Jackson Kelly on Facebook yields only this photo.  I don't think it's him.

But Jackson has been profiled in a number of local newspapers and podcasts, so we can get a nice bio:

 He grew up in Waco, Texas, the heart of the homophobic Bible Belt, and had trouble pursuing his dream: the nearest acting class was two hours away, and for auditions, his parents had to drive him six hours to Austin.  There are three theaters in Waco.

In April 2020, COVID hit, and the Vanguard College Preparatory School went online. They have a Latin Club, but no GSA, and no mention of LGBT non-discrimination.    So he packed his stuff and moved to L.A., with the full support of his parents.  If I liked to wear evening gowns, I'd be getting the heck out of Waco regardless. 

Jackson's first industry job was a production assistant for a company making commercials -- a lot of manual labor, moving stuff from here to there.  Then he began appearing in commercials and "zero-budget" independent films:

My Year of D*cks, 2022: he has one that the girl tries to get.

Splinters, 2022: after the death of his father....f*k the Sadness

Witch Mountain, 2022: Two teens, male and female, develop psychic powers.  You see where this is heading.

Portrait of a Young Man, 2022: Jackson, the Young Man, is struggling with "his identity."  Sounds like a coming out story, but in the trailer he kisses a girl.

Hard Miles, 2023: Matthew Modine plays a social worker who organizes a 1,000 mile bicycle trip to the Grand Canyon for a group of teen convicts, including Smink, played by Jackson.

Left: Matthew Modine jumps rope in Vision Quest.

The Western The Warrant: Breaker's Law, 2023, with Dermot Mulroney as the villain. Jackson plays someone named Brig Farkus.  At least he has some interesting character names.

Five episodes of Lucky Hank, 2023, a quickly-cancelled series about college English/creative writing professor Bob Odenkirk having a midlife crisis/meltdown. 

Jackson plays an aspiring novelist named Barstow Williams-Stevens. In the trailer, he throws shade at the prof during class: "You haven't said anything for an hour and a half. Would you please say something?  Your only novel isn't even available in your own campus bookstore."  The prof responds in kind, and gets in big trouble.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.4: Keefe looks for love in a sports bar, and Kelvin meets a girl. Plus Blair Jackson and a random hunk

 

This is the censored version of the review.  Link to the n*de photos and explicit s*xual discussions

Episode 1.4 is pivotal to the Kelvin-Keefe relationship, establishing that they both are gay, and that they have similar life goals: treated as babies in their subcultures, they long to prove themselves men.

Title: "Wicked Lips," from Proverbs 17.4: "An evildoer listens to wicked lips, and a liar gives ear to a mischievous tongue."  I wonder who will be listening to wicked lips.

The Satanists:  Keefe is walking through downtown Charleston, eating an ice cream cone -- a childlike activity, maybe signifying that he has been "born again," started life anew.  He had to give up his old Satanist friends and lovers to follow Christ, and now he's looking for new friends -- and a boyfriend (he does not yet think of Kelvin as a potential partner).

He looks longingly at a hot guy through the window of a sports bar (it's Kyle Walsh, who has been Adam Devine's assistant  in 10 of his movies and tv shows).  Then the hot guy turns around, stares at Keefe, and licks through a v-symbol: a vulgar offer of s*x, usually aimed at a woman, but apparently aimed at Keefe).  Offenderd, Keefe moves on.

Next Keefe runs into his old Satanist buds, especially Daedalus and Cryptocore (who wears a gas mask and doesn't speak).  They heard the he was hanging out with "those Gemstone weirdos," but he denies it.  Then he refuses their invitation to a party at Club Sinister Friday night. 

"Keefe's a fucking nerd now!" Daedalus exclaims.  The slurs he uses, "nerd" and "weirdo," suggest the taunts of a high school bully rather than critiques of Christian believers.

As Keefe leaves, the Satanists demonstrate their new dance number.  They look like they are having fun; he is tempted to join them.

Money is on my mind:  While Quincy Jones' "Money Is" plays in the background, Martin and Judy (his secretary in this season) are showing Gideon how they separate the donations from the prayer requests (these are handled by paid prayer teams.  Imagine being a professional prayer).  The requests are then shredded, for liability reasons.  Anything important, or a donation over $10,000, goes straight to Eli.  The cash is then sorted and placed in the vault.  Gideon's eyes light up as he gets an idea.

Fancy Nancy:  "Gay, you know..." Wait, is Amber talking about Kelvin?  

No, it's Sunday dinner at Jason's Steakhouse with major donors Dale and Gay Nancy, owners of Fancy Nancy's Chicken. They are parodies of Dan and Rhonda Cathy of the notoriously homophobic Chick-Fil-A, but let's take a closer look at those those names: Dale's wife is named "Gay," and " "Nancy," and "fancy" are long-standing homophobic slurs. The whole scene is a play on homophobic slurs, calling attention to the problems that Kelvin and Keefe will have if they come out

The Nancys' problem: their teenage daughter Dot is on the wrong path, hanging out with an older, decadent boyfriend -- so they won't let her use the family helicopter anymore.  Everybody volunteers to intervene, but Eli notes that Kelvin is the Youth Minister, so he should do it.  He is thrilled: a way to earn his Daddy's respect! 

Script problem: Shouldn't it be Kelvin's job by default?  Why is there even a question? This seems to be a holdover from an earlier draft, when Dot was older. 

Gay slur: Angry at being passed over for the job, Jesse criticizes Kelvin's glasses: "You look like Jeffrey Dahmer."  The gay serial killer.  Kelvin takes the glasses off.

What happened in Atlanta: We cut to Chad's wife Mandy telling the ladies that she broke into his email and found a message he received from Jesse last March: "Atlanta was dirty, dirty, for sure-y!" Other emails describe "titties," suggest getting tested, and ask how much he owes for the prostitutes. 

Amber insists that it's none of their business. There are any number of innocent explanations.  Later, she confronts Jesse, who gets mad at Mandy "for lying." 

Timeline note: This episode takes place shortly before Easter 2022, which fell on April 17th.  Mandy probably means March 2021, or she would have said "last month." So about a year has passed since Jesse's sex-and-drugs party.

The Semen Load: At the Nancy Estate, Kelvin announces that he and Keefe will be performing a Satanic Sweep  (Keefe demonstrates by sweeping at his crotch.  Satanic sweeps are about s*x.)

Keefe connection: Jade Pettyjohn (Dot) starred with Tony Cavalero in School of Rock.

In Dot's room, they destroy: posters of the dark metal groups Bauhaus and Ministry; an ashtray; a "fidget spinner" (toy) that almost hypnotizes Keefe; two Ken dolls (used for gay play?); and a used condom. They bring everything out to their SCU (Spiritual Collections Unit) trailer.  Lots of questions here: did they get a whole Satanic Sweep system started in just the few weeks since Keefe was saved (converted)?  Wouldn't a real Satanist know that those so-called Satanic influences are bogus?  And why are the Satanic Sweeps never mentioned again?  

Keefe apologizes for displaying the used condom; Kelvin advises him that if it contains a semen-load, "don't even touch it."  This queasiness about touching semen appears again in Season 2 with Judy and Jesse.  Here Kelvin seems to be trying to steer Keefe away from his gay "lifestyle," which involved touching a lot of semen-loads.  To emphasize his heterosexual manliness, he tries to draw Keefe into a play-fight.

Suddenly Dot's boyfriend Austin (Blair Jackson) appears.  "I bet you money that was his semen-load," Keefe says.  As they are drawn instinctively to thoughts of his penis, Kelvin decides to "Snip him right out of this situation." Castration joke, har har.

Blair bod after the break

Meet Me Next Christmas: Romcom with a drag show, a queer cousin, Pentatonix, and a dancer's d*ck

Link to the n*de photos

I fast-forwarded through the first 20 of the Christmas movies streaming on Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu, and found only one with probable gay characters: Meet Me Next Christmas.  Plus there are two hot guys on the icon, so there's bound to be some beefcake.  

Scene 1: It's snowing in a Chicago with no recognizable landmarks.  Pentatonix is singing on holograms and store cams everywhere: "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."  The Girl, Layla, is in the airport with her luggage on Christmas Eve.  Who flies on Christmas Eve?  You won't get there in time for anything.  But all flights out are cancelled.  

While she is waiting in the VIP lounge, James (Kofi Siriboe, top photo), a hot guy with a cancelled flight, sits next to her.  Her flirting bio: she runs a charity that gives scholarships to deserving youth to attend Historically Black Colleges and Universities.  She shows him a photo of Derek, who graduated from Langston College in Oklahoma last year. 

Named after Langston Hughes, the Westernmost HBCU is advertised as an "excellent value," with a lot of white kids on its website. and no mention of LGBT people.

"Right now Tanner and I would be going to the Pentatonix Christmas Eve Show."  You're flying on the same day as the show?  Idjit!

James doesn't know what Pentatonix is, even though they've been singing all through the airport, so Layla tells him. 

They decide that, if they're both single next year, they'll meet at next year's big Pentatonix Christmas Eve concert. 

Scene 2: The next year, three days before Christmas, Layla is at work, busily placing students at HBCUs, when her bff calls -- not a gay guy, darn it, but she talks like a drag queen.  Layla is going to pick up boyfriend Tanner's favorite dinner -- takeout Italian with a Christmas twist.

She arrives at her stunning Victorian -- in Poughkeepsie?  Why not near a HBCU college? -- screams -- and a half-n*ked lady runs out, followed by a shirtless Tanner (Brendan Morgan, left).  What idjit has a hookup when he knows his girlfriend will be home any minute?

Layla wants to know that too.  He explains that this is the day the maid comes, so he couldn't hook up at his place. So she dumps the Italian food on his bare chest,  slams the door, and looks out the window, miserable. 

Scene 3: In New York, staying with her bff, Layla drinks wine and stares out onto the city.  Girlfriend says that she always picks the wrong guys -- successful, muscular, well-hung -- but forgets to find out if he's into her.  "Is he your ride or die?"  

"Hey, maybe I can fall in love with my airport hookup from last year, James." They said they would meet at the big Pentatonix concert, but Tanner the idjit ordered Macklemore tickets this year! 

No problem; they'll just go to the Rockefeller Center website and buy a ticket for Pentatonix. Sold out!  "But you can go through a concierge service to get them." I thought a concierge worked in a hotel, but it's a general service that rich people use for help of all sorts, like getting sold-out tickets.

Scene 4: In New York,  two days before Christmas, concierge Teddy (Devale Ellis) passes out Christmas fudge to his coworkers, and cioppino to the boss lady.  I'll bet that Layla gets with him instead of James. 

Layla has hired him, after sending a lot of emails and showing up at the office. His job is to get her Petatonix tickets by tomorrow night.  "Your client reviews suck," Boss lady snarls,"So get this one done or you're fired."

In Teddy's office, Layla explains that she's freaking out because she's tried everything to get that ticket: Ticketmaster, Tickpick, Stubhub...none available.  Girl, just text the guy and offer to meet him somewhere else. 

Nothing in the company databases, but Teddy knows a guy who might have one. "He has a kiosk.  I'll go get it.  No, Layla wants to go with him, to make sure there are no screw-ups. And fall in love, of course.

Scene 5: Out onto the streets of Toronto masquerading as New York.  The kiosk is closed, but Layla found a guy on Dave's Tickets who has a couple, and wants to meet in the Village.  Tony resists -- he's the professional with the contacts, so this guy must be a scam -- but she drags him on.  Squabbling- they'll be smooching in the last scene, 100 to 1

Gay characters after ther break

"Love is a Poison": Lawyer and con artist fall in love or obsession in a post-gay Japan

 

Link to the n*de photos

Love is a Poison, a Japanese tv series on Netflix, has this description:  "An elite lawyer with social anxiety takes in a genius con artist."  Ok, if they're both men, there may be some gay subtexts.The Episode 1 description: "After meeting a young man named Haruto, elite lawyer Shiba can't stop thinking about him. He goes
camping to clear his mind, but runs into Haruto."

He goes camping.  Shiba is a man, and "can't stop thinking about" a man.  Either this is a gay romance, or world-class queerbaiting.

Scene 1: High-power lawyer Shiba's partner congratulates him on winning his case. "I've learned so much from working with you."  Shiba is upset: "You've learned?  If you're still learning, you're not fit to be my partner. You're fired." Jerk

Shiba tells us that he passed the bar with the highest score, and now, at age 27, works in in the most prestigious law firm in Japan.  He wants to make the name Shiba a worldwide legal brand.  "This is a serious legal drama."

Cut to a young man, sweating and crying, telling Shiba, "please don't leave me," and touching his face.  "Or not. This is a legal drama and romantic thriller."  This is a gay romance or a seriously excellent job of queerbaiting.  

 

Scene 2: Shiba in a bar with colleage Kotaro Kozama, a caring human rights lawyer, his exact opposite, but he wins cases.  Kotaro shows the bartender a photo of his new lover: "He's gay, but I don't care about other people's sexual preferences," har har. 

In other news: the big boss won't give Shiba any more partners, since he's chased away 99.  Not to worry, Shiba tells him: "I can handle the work load alone."

Scene 3: Shiba runs into the bar bathroom, and accidentally hits a young man,  Haruto.  He gives him his wallet so he won't sue.  Kneeling on the floor, Haruto smiles serenely and says "You're very kind."

Back home, Shiba tends to and talks to his plants, but he can't stop thinking about the guy.  "Ridiculous!  I'm not interested in him!"  The only way to clear his head is to go camping.

Scene 4: At the campsite, Shiba can't start a fire, so he eats an energy bar instead of the expensive beef he brought.

Suddenly Haruto appears.  He explains that he's staying with a friend nearby, so it's just a coincidence that they ran into each other again.  I'm not buying it.

After insulting Shiba's camping skill, he starts the fire and cooks the best beef that Shiba has ever eaten.  Then he gets a call, says that he has to return to his friend's house, and leaves. Curioser and curioser.

Even more curious after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.3, Continued: Gideon acts like a woman, Kelvin acts like a man, and chubby guys show their d*cks

  

This is the censored version of the review, with no n*de photos or explicit discussions.

Link to the uncensored version

God offers one thing:  Eli and Baby Billy attend a service at Locust Grove Baptist Church. where Rev. Seasons preaches.  The sermon: when people pray, they're really asking God to give them stuff.  But God only offers one thing: His love. Yawn -- Baby Billy is bored.  His church offers razzle-dazzle.

Later, at an after-church potluck, Baby Billy tries to mediate between Eli and Rev. Seasons, but it doesn't work: "Get the hell out of my church.  I got nothing to say to you."  Eli counters that he's been spreading lies about the Gemstones.  

Then: "What do you want, Eli?  You've got everything, and you want more.  Why are you so hungry?"  Eli responds by throwing a baked potato through a church window. Baby Billy is here the voice of reason.

As Eli stomps off, followed by a conciliatory Baby Billy, Rev. Seasons makes a throat-cutting gesture at some of his congregants.  We will see their d*cks later.

Later, Baby Billy argues with Eli: he has to live in Locust Grove, and Eli is out there making him enemies.  "Well, what could I do about it?" Um...not throw a baked potato through his window?  Eli, increasingly unsympathetic, dismisses Baby Billy as a "two-bit con-man."  He never cared about the family, not even his sister Aimee-Leigh.  

Baby Billy calls him a "righteous Gemstone d*ck" and quits the Locust Grove job. 

The Family Dinner:  Next, Gideon goes to work for Martin, ostensibly to learn church operations, but really looking for a new way to steal a million dollars. Jesse disapproves, hurt that they decided on this new job without consulting him.

 Later, the family gathers for a "welcome home" dinner for Gideon at Jesse and Amber's house.  

This is the only time that we will see the family here; later family dinners will be held at Jason's Steak House. Notice that Kelvin sits on the left side, between Pontius and Gideon, as if he is a kid.

Gideon is discussing his stunt work: because of his slim frame, he stunt-doubles for women a lot: it's called "wigging."  Jesse disapproves of him "pretending to be a woman." Amber defends him: it's just for the stunt, because "he's very manly," not feminine, not gay.  Notice Kelvin's reaction: he does not like this conversation at all.  He keeps his head down, worried that someone will apply it to him.

But the industry is moving toward having women stunting for women, so no more wigging.  Jesse mocks him: my son is sad "cause he can't pretend to be a woman for money anymore."  He's really pushing the hegemonic masculinity here: behavior that men are expected to engage in, and punished if they fail: being important/ in charge, aggressive, stoic, politically and socially powerful, muscular, and heterosexual.

BJ thinks that "representation of marginalized peoples is a big deal," so if a script calls for a woman to fall off a building, a woman should do the stunting.  Amber disagrees, promoting stereotypic gender polarization: "only men should jump off buildings."

Finally Kelvin has had enough, and changes the subject: "Wasn't Baby Billy supposed to be here tonight?"

The party devolves into a fight between Jesse and his son Pontius. He blames Pontius's bad behavior on Gideon leaving: "Actions have consequences."

Kelvin's Basketball:  After things calm down, Judy and Kelvin find Jesse in the back yard, crying, the super-masculine guy exhibiting "feminine" emotion.  He asks if they have come to make fun of him.  Judy: "Well, Kelvin has."  

Notice that Kelvin is carrying a basketball. Where did he get it?  Did he bring it with him, as a "welcome home" gift for his adult nephew?  Did he pick it up from an off-camera basketball court?

This is the only time in the series that Kelvin exhibits an interest in any team sport, or any athletic activity other than acrobatics and bodybuilding.  I wonder if he is trying to project a stereotypic masculine image in response to the talk about "acting like a woman."  

The Naked Thugs: Baby Billy and Tiffany are alone in the satellite church, when thugs burst in, presumably sent by Rev. Seasons, and start destroying the place. They hide, but the thugs find them (maybe you shouldn't pray so loudly?),  and prepare to attack.  At that moment, Eli appears with a gun.  He forces the thugs to strip and run naked through the mall. 

The act is meant to "unman" the thugs, suggesting that, although they are physiologically male, they are no longer "men."   It serves as a counterpoint to the gender polarization displayed by Jesse and Kelvin earlier.  Being a man is not a matter of pectoral muscles or sex organs: it is a performance.  The end.

Bonus: more chubby guy dicks on  RG Beefcake and Boyfriends 

See also: The Naked Thugs: Danny McBride thinks we "wont like these dicks."