Meet Me Next Christmas: Romcom with a drag show, a queer cousin, Pentatonix, and a dancer's d*ck

Link to the n*de photos

I fast-forwarded through the first 20 of the Christmas movies streaming on Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu, and found only one with probable gay characters: Meet Me Next Christmas.  Plus there are two hot guys on the icon, so there's bound to be some beefcake.  

Scene 1: It's snowing in a Chicago with no recognizable landmarks.  Pentatonix is singing on holograms and store cams everywhere: "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."  The Girl, Layla, is in the airport with her luggage on Christmas Eve.  Who flies on Christmas Eve?  You won't get there in time for anything.  But all flights out are cancelled.  

While she is waiting in the VIP lounge, James (Kofi Siriboe, top photo), a hot guy with a cancelled flight, sits next to her.  Her flirting bio: she runs a charity that gives scholarships to deserving youth to attend Historically Black Colleges and Universities.  She shows him a photo of Derek, who graduated from Langston College in Oklahoma last year. 

Named after Langston Hughes, the Westernmost HBCU is advertised as an "excellent value," with a lot of white kids on its website. and no mention of LGBT people.

"Right now Tanner and I would be going to the Pentatonix Christmas Eve Show."  You're flying on the same day as the show?  Idjit!

James doesn't know what Pentatonix is, even though they've been singing all through the airport, so Layla tells him. 

They decide that, if they're both single next year, they'll meet at next year's big Pentatonix Christmas Eve concert. 

Scene 2: The next year, three days before Christmas, Layla is at work, busily placing students at HBCUs, when her bff calls -- not a gay guy, darn it, but she talks like a drag queen.  Layla is going to pick up boyfriend Tanner's favorite dinner -- takeout Italian with a Christmas twist.

She arrives at her stunning Victorian -- in Poughkeepsie?  Why not near a HBCU college? -- screams -- and a half-n*ked lady runs out, followed by a shirtless Tanner (Brendan Morgan, left).  What idjit has a hookup when he knows his girlfriend will be home any minute?

Layla wants to know that too.  He explains that this is the day the maid comes, so he couldn't hook up at his place. So she dumps the Italian food on his bare chest,  slams the door, and looks out the window, miserable. 

Scene 3: In New York, staying with her bff, Layla drinks wine and stares out onto the city.  Girlfriend says that she always picks the wrong guys -- successful, muscular, well-hung -- but forgets to find out if he's into her.  "Is he your ride or die?"  

"Hey, maybe I can fall in love with my airport hookup from last year, James." They said they would meet at the big Pentatonix concert, but Tanner the idjit ordered Macklemore tickets this year! 

No problem; they'll just go to the Rockefeller Center website and buy a ticket for Pentatonix. Sold out!  "But you can go through a concierge service to get them." I thought a concierge worked in a hotel, but it's a general service that rich people use for help of all sorts, like getting sold-out tickets.

Scene 4: In New York,  two days before Christmas, concierge Teddy (Devale Ellis) passes out Christmas fudge to his coworkers, and cioppino to the boss lady.  I'll bet that Layla gets with him instead of James. 

Layla has hired him, after sending a lot of emails and showing up at the office. His job is to get her Petatonix tickets by tomorrow night.  "Your client reviews suck," Boss lady snarls,"So get this one done or you're fired."

In Teddy's office, Layla explains that she's freaking out because she's tried everything to get that ticket: Ticketmaster, Tickpick, Stubhub...none available.  Girl, just text the guy and offer to meet him somewhere else. 

Nothing in the company databases, but Teddy knows a guy who might have one. "He has a kiosk.  I'll go get it.  No, Layla wants to go with him, to make sure there are no screw-ups. And fall in love, of course.

Scene 5: Out onto the streets of Toronto masquerading as New York.  The kiosk is closed, but Layla found a guy on Dave's Tickets who has a couple, and wants to meet in the Village.  Tony resists -- he's the professional with the contacts, so this guy must be a scam -- but she drags him on.  Squabbling- they'll be smooching in the last scene, 100 to 1

Gay characters after ther break

Noah Galvin: 7 gay characters, a husband, a pride cake, and a lot of d*ck pics, and guys still think that he's straight?

Link to the n*de photos

I never watched The Real O'Neals, 2016-17, about a "perfect" Irish Catholic family where the parents discover that they're not so perfect after all: Dad (Jay R. Ferguson, left) wants a divorce, and their kids all suffer from various disorders and psychological problems.  Eldest son (Matt Shively) has an eating disorder; daughter suffers from kleptomania and enjoys con games; and middle son Noah Galvin is gay. 

Being gay as a mental disorder, the equivalent of anorexia and kleptomania.  You see the problem I had with this show.

At least, after some "We've got to find a way to cure you!" hand-wringing, Mom is relatively tolerant.  

Interestingly, RuPaul, Jane Lynch, and Lance Bass agreed to play themselves, and it got a Dorian Award for the best LGBTQ show of the year. 

Ok, I watched a few episodes for the hunky Matt Shively, and for Noah's character bulging in a wrestling singlet.  He bulged a lot. 

The Real O'Neals was the 22-year old Noah's first major acting gig.  He went on to play Marty in Assassination Nation, 2018: a hacker who finds a video of the mayor wearing women's clothing. Upon discovery, the guy kills himself.  

Co-Ed, 2018, a quickly cancelled series about male and female college roommates.  Noah's character was gay, and dating Clark Moore.

George in Booksmart, 2019, about two high school girls, one a lesbian, who want to let loose after being A-earning dweebs for the last 12 years. Noah's character is gay, and running a murder mystery party with his bff Austin Crute. Skyler Gisondo stars as Jared, who is having his own party on his yacht.

The Two Princes, an animated Spotify series that pairs Prince Rupert, Noah, with Prince Amir, Ariel Stachel, whom you can't research because google insists on changing "stachel" to "satchel" and trying to sell you handbags.

The Other Two: he plays Eddie, who pretends that he is new to the gay world, and his lover is his Dad, s "trying to understand," so they can win $30,000 on Pat Dubchek's Ellen-like talk show.  

Glenn Winthrop in Theater Camp, 2023. Noah and future husband Ben Platt wrote the screenplay about trying to save the camp.  Their characters fall in love.

Left: Ben Platt.  

More after the break

"Love is a Poison": Lawyer and con artist fall in love or obsession in a post-gay Japan

 

Link to the n*de photos

Love is a Poison, a Japanese tv series on Netflix, has this description:  "An elite lawyer with social anxiety takes in a genius con artist."  Ok, if they're both men, there may be some gay subtexts.The Episode 1 description: "After meeting a young man named Haruto, elite lawyer Shiba can't stop thinking about him. He goes
camping to clear his mind, but runs into Haruto."

He goes camping.  Shiba is a man, and "can't stop thinking about" a man.  Either this is a gay romance, or world-class queerbaiting.

Scene 1: High-power lawyer Shiba's partner congratulates him on winning his case. "I've learned so much from working with you."  Shiba is upset: "You've learned?  If you're still learning, you're not fit to be my partner. You're fired." Jerk

Shiba tells us that he passed the bar with the highest score, and now, at age 27, works in in the most prestigious law firm in Japan.  He wants to make the name Shiba a worldwide legal brand.  "This is a serious legal drama."

Cut to a young man, sweating and crying, telling Shiba, "please don't leave me," and touching his face.  "Or not. This is a legal drama and romantic thriller."  This is a gay romance or a seriously excellent job of queerbaiting.  

 

Scene 2: Shiba in a bar with colleage Kotaro Kozama, a caring human rights lawyer, his exact opposite, but he wins cases.  Kotaro shows the bartender a photo of his new lover: "He's gay, but I don't care about other people's sexual preferences," har har. 

In other news: the big boss won't give Shiba any more partners, since he's chased away 99.  Not to worry, Shiba tells him: "I can handle the work load alone."

Scene 3: Shiba runs into the bar bathroom, and accidentally hits a young man,  Haruto.  He gives him his wallet so he won't sue.  Kneeling on the floor, Haruto smiles serenely and says "You're very kind."

Back home, Shiba tends to and talks to his plants, but he can't stop thinking about the guy.  "Ridiculous!  I'm not interested in him!"  The only way to clear his head is to go camping.

Scene 4: At the campsite, Shiba can't start a fire, so he eats an energy bar instead of the expensive beef he brought.

Suddenly Haruto appears.  He explains that he's staying with a friend nearby, so it's just a coincidence that they ran into each other again.  I'm not buying it.

After insulting Shiba's camping skill, he starts the fire and cooks the best beef that Shiba has ever eaten.  Then he gets a call, says that he has to return to his friend's house, and leaves. Curioser and curioser.

Even more curious after the break

Gemstones Episode 1.3, Continued: Gideon acts like a woman, Kelvin acts like a man, and chubby guys show their d*cks

  

This is the censored version of the review, with no n*de photos or explicit discussions.

Link to the uncensored version

God offers one thing:  Eli and Baby Billy attend a service at Locust Grove Baptist Church. where Rev. Seasons preaches.  The sermon: when people pray, they're really asking God to give them stuff.  But God only offers one thing: His love. Yawn -- Baby Billy is bored.  His church offers razzle-dazzle.

Later, at an after-church potluck, Baby Billy tries to mediate between Eli and Rev. Seasons, but it doesn't work: "Get the hell out of my church.  I got nothing to say to you."  Eli counters that he's been spreading lies about the Gemstones.  

Then: "What do you want, Eli?  You've got everything, and you want more.  Why are you so hungry?"  Eli responds by throwing a baked potato through a church window. Baby Billy is here the voice of reason.

As Eli stomps off, followed by a conciliatory Baby Billy, Rev. Seasons makes a throat-cutting gesture at some of his congregants.  We will see their d*cks later.

Later, Baby Billy argues with Eli: he has to live in Locust Grove, and Eli is out there making him enemies.  "Well, what could I do about it?" Um...not throw a baked potato through his window?  Eli, increasingly unsympathetic, dismisses Baby Billy as a "two-bit con-man."  He never cared about the family, not even his sister Aimee-Leigh.  

Baby Billy calls him a "righteous Gemstone d*ck" and quits the Locust Grove job. 

The Family Dinner:  Next, Gideon goes to work for Martin, ostensibly to learn church operations, but really looking for a new way to steal a million dollars. Jesse disapproves, hurt that they decided on this new job without consulting him.

 Later, the family gathers for a "welcome home" dinner for Gideon at Jesse and Amber's house.  

This is the only time that we will see the family here; later family dinners will be held at Jason's Steak House. Notice that Kelvin sits on the left side, between Pontius and Gideon, as if he is a kid.

Gideon is discussing his stunt work: because of his slim frame, he stunt-doubles for women a lot: it's called "wigging."  Jesse disapproves of him "pretending to be a woman." Amber defends him: it's just for the stunt, because "he's very manly," not feminine, not gay.  Notice Kelvin's reaction: he does not like this conversation at all.  He keeps his head down, worried that someone will apply it to him.

But the industry is moving toward having women stunting for women, so no more wigging.  Jesse mocks him: my son is sad "cause he can't pretend to be a woman for money anymore."  He's really pushing the hegemonic masculinity here: behavior that men are expected to engage in, and punished if they fail: being important/ in charge, aggressive, stoic, politically and socially powerful, muscular, and heterosexual.

BJ thinks that "representation of marginalized peoples is a big deal," so if a script calls for a woman to fall off a building, a woman should do the stunting.  Amber disagrees, promoting stereotypic gender polarization: "only men should jump off buildings."

Finally Kelvin has had enough, and changes the subject: "Wasn't Baby Billy supposed to be here tonight?"

The party devolves into a fight between Jesse and his son Pontius. He blames Pontius's bad behavior on Gideon leaving: "Actions have consequences."

Kelvin's Basketball:  After things calm down, Judy and Kelvin find Jesse in the back yard, crying, the super-masculine guy exhibiting "feminine" emotion.  He asks if they have come to make fun of him.  Judy: "Well, Kelvin has."  

Notice that Kelvin is carrying a basketball. Where did he get it?  Did he bring it with him, as a "welcome home" gift for his adult nephew?  Did he pick it up from an off-camera basketball court?

This is the only time in the series that Kelvin exhibits an interest in any team sport, or any athletic activity other than acrobatics and bodybuilding.  I wonder if he is trying to project a stereotypic masculine image in response to the talk about "acting like a woman."  

The Naked Thugs: Baby Billy and Tiffany are alone in the satellite church, when thugs burst in, presumably sent by Rev. Seasons, and start destroying the place. They hide, but the thugs find them (maybe you shouldn't pray so loudly?),  and prepare to attack.  At that moment, Eli appears with a gun.  He forces the thugs to strip and run naked through the mall. 

The act is meant to "unman" the thugs, suggesting that, although they are physiologically male, they are no longer "men."   It serves as a counterpoint to the gender polarization displayed by Jesse and Kelvin earlier.  Being a man is not a matter of pectoral muscles or sex organs: it is a performance.  The end.

Bonus: more chubby guy dicks on  RG Beefcake and Boyfriends 

See also: The Naked Thugs: Danny McBride thinks we "wont like these dicks."

The gay characters in this year's crop of Christmas movies

 

After seeing a gay couple as full participants in Christmas on Cherry Lane, I'm hopeful that there will be some LGBTQ representation in the rest of this year's crop of Christmas movies.   I'm going through them on fast forward, looking for a swishy guy, or any two guys of about the same age having a conversation.  I have to give the plot, or it will be the word "Christmas" over and over, until it starts sounding weird.

"This year" means that they popped up on my streaming services this year.  They may have been produced earlier.

1. Christmas in the Vineyard.  A widow with two young sons is trying to keep her vineyard afloat, so to speak, and falls in love with soap hunk Josh Swickard.  No

2. A Biltmore Christmas. A screenwriter gets zapped back to the set of the 1947 holiday classic His Merry Wife. No

3. Fall into Winter.  A woman has to work with her "arrogant" high school nemesis to save her candy shop. At Christmas. No.

4. A Paris Christmas Waltz.  A novice dancer pairs with a professional, Matthew Morrison, left, to win a dance contest, go to Paris, and fall in love. No.

5. A Miracle in Bethlehem -- Pennsylvania, har har. A single mother with a newly adopted baby finds no rooms in the inn, so she stays with a stranger and...wait for it...falls in love.  No.

6. A Christmas Spark -- a widow directs a Christmas pageant and falls in love with the star. No

7. Christmas Island.  Not an Australian territory near Java in Indonesia.  This must be a fictional island, since it's snowing, and pilot Kate's flight from Los Angeles to Switzerland is diverted there. She falls in love with local Andrew W. Walker, left. No

8. Christmas in Paradise. Dad Kelsey Grammar has been dumped, and runs away to the Caribbean, so two adult sisters fly down to find him, and fall in love, one of them with Billy Ray Cyrus of Hannah Montana. By the way, the family is named Christmas, har har. No

9. Haul out the Holly. While staying alone in her parents' house for Christmas, a woman joins in the neighborhood festivities and falls in love. No

10. Christmas on Notting Hill. At minute 5,  a fruity guy -- William Moseley -- is having a conversation with a masculine Peter Rothwell.  His friend tells him: "You have a woman you adore."  Close, but No

11. Christmas with a Kiss: Same plot as Haul Out the Holly, above, except it's a black neighborhood, and the woman falls in love with Jaime M. Callica, left. Well, it's hard to come up with plots about big-city women falling in love with small-town men at Christmas.  No

12. Meet Me Next Christmas.  There's a femme guy at Minute 23, and a drag show at minute 100.  Probably

More men and women teaming up to save Christmas after the break