"Big Mistakes," Episode 1.6: Nicky comes out, his mom punches a guy, and his sister hates her boyfriend. Confused? Will Armenian guys help?

  

  Link to the not fully clothed dudes

I reviewed Big Mistakes Episode 1.1, with Dan Levy as closeted gay minister  Nicky, and gave it a B. Coming from an evangelical background, the idea of joining a homophobic church -- as a minister -- just didn't ring true, and Nicky was rather disagreeable.  To say nothing of his crazy sister.  

 But in Episode 1.6, Nicky  "comes clean about his relationship" with boyfriend Tareq.  Plus the cast list includes a guy wearing women's clothes and some Eastern European bodybuilders.  

The Premise: After a debacle involving a stolen necklace, closeted minister Nicky and his crazy sister are forced to work for drug trafficking kingpin Ivan (Mark Ivanir).

Scene 1:  As they are making breakfast, Sister Morgan breaks the news that Yusuf, Kingpin Ivan's right-hand man, has vanished.  He left the keys to the truck and the barn where they stash stuff, so it sounds like he's quitting.   She notes that he was upset over his girlfriend back in Istanbul, so maybe he left to visit her.

"But we're in the middle of a major drug deal!" Kingpin Ivan screams.  "Andrei, go find him!"  Andrei appears in his undershirt, as if he's just awakened.  He must be Ivan's boyfriend.

As Andrei leaves, Kingpin Ivan tells the siblings that they'll have to go to Miami in Yusuf's place, to meet with the Brazilian drug cartel.  Nicky tries to refuse, but you don't refuse Kingpins.

Well, maybe you do.  They walk out.  Kingpin Ivan pulls a gun, but can't bring himself to shoot them -- he thinks of them as his good friends.

In the car, Nicky yells at Sister Morgan for ruining everything, and tells her to stay away from him from now on.

Scene 2: Nicky awakens next to Boyfriend Tareq (Jacob Gutierrez).  Why is there a painting of a Catholic angel in a Protestant minister's bedroom?

 Nicky has made a decision: since Out and Loud  is recognizing Tareq for his contribution to the LGBTQ community, it's not fair to force him to be in a closeted relationship.  So Nicky will  come out to the congregation, and they can go to the gala together.

When Tareq heads out to the kitchen, Parishioner Rose is there for some reason.  She screams about an "intruder!" I guess you've been outed, buddy."  

Meanwhile, Sister Morgan listens to a podcast about positive affirmations.  Suddenly she hears gunfire, and drops to the floor.  It's just her boyfriend playing a video game!  She reflects on how much she hates him.

Scene 3:  The siblings' Mom and her assistant are working on her mayoral campaign, Nicky drops by to come out. "I met someone.  Rose caught us this morning, so I'm leaving the church.  Also, I'm going be his date for a gala today, so I'll be late to your fundraising barbecue."

Hey, he was already out to Mom. That's cheating!

She wants to know who the boyfriend is, and upon hearing his name, bursts into laughter. "Tareq?  My Tareq? You have got to be kidding me."  I don't know what that means.

She tells Nicky that Tareq wil get the family discount at the store, then dismisses him to work on her campaign.

Scene 4: Some drug dudes are playing poker and talking about how we should tip flight attendants. Kingpin Ivan and Andrei deliver their money.   They try to dismiss him, but he asks for permission to close the store for a few days, to drive Andrei to Florida to visit his mother. Actually, they need to finish the drug deal that Assistant Yusuf started.

"Are you boyfriends?"  I was thinking the same thing.

"No, we're cousins."  Darn.

"Our boss won't like it if you take off for a vacation in the middle of drug season."  I thought the Kingpin was in charge of the drug-trafficking organization, but he appears to be third in the hierarchy (the head of the operation will come as a big reveal in the last episode).  

Scene 5:  Sister Morgan and her Boyfriend (Jack Innanen, not fully clothed photo on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) appear at a baby shower, and complain about everything being pink.  Rather gender-polarized.  They play a game called Dirty Diapers, which is as disgusting as it sounds.  Next they discuss potty training, with pictures.    

All the discussion of babies and diapers upsets Morgan, so she insists that they leave.  Um...you didn't expect to hear about babies at a baby shower?

More after the break

Brassic: The top ten beefy, brawling Midlands blokes, with some bonus Brummie knobs

 Brassic (slang for "poor") follows a gang of working-class lads in the town of Hawley, near Manchester in the Midlands.  Their escapades involve mostly thefts that go wrong, marijuana deals that go wrong,  and brawling -- lots of beefy guys sweating in barns.  A lot of male nudity, mostly of the bum sort.  And, surprisingly, some gay representation.  

Here are the top ten hunks: 

1. Vinnie (Joe Gilgun), the leader, grew up in a safe-blowing family.  He suffers from bipolar disorder, and has a son with his best friend Dylan's girlfriend.  

2. Dylan (Damien Molony), Vinnie's best friend, passed up a chance to go to uni to stay with the lads.  

3. Ash (Aaron Heffernan) grew up in a fighting family of Irish travelers (nomads).  He is still a bare-knuckle boxer and the muscle of the gang, and gay (out to his friends, but not to his family).  Nothing in the episode synopsis about getting a boyfriend.

4. Tommo (Ryan Sampson) runs secret S&M nights for the town's businessmen.  Presumably heterosexual S&M, although actor Ryan Sampson is gay.  He came out while starring in the comedy Plebs, and introduced the world to his boyfriend on instagram.

5. Cardi (Tom Hanson) got his nickname from "cardiac arrest" due to his weight (although you'd never know it from his nude scene).  He appears to be cognitively disabled, and acts as the runner for the gang.

More blokes after the break

The twelve scruffy hunks of "Animal Kingdom." WIth a lot of bare butts

  

Someone recommended Animal Kingdom, not to be confused with the Animal Kingdom at Disney World, the Animal Planet network, or a tv show entitled Animal Control.  This one is a drama TNT featuring the struggle for succession in a crime family led by...Smurf?  "Ok, boys, I want you to go smurf out those rival smurfs and bury their smurfs in the smurf."

Link to The 12 bare butts of "Animal Kingdom"

There are a lot of sons, grandsons, and boy toys, even a gay one.  Most are sleazy, scruffy, and tattooed, not my cup of tea.  But most get bare butt scenes, so you don't have to look at their face.

1. Scott Speedman as Baz, adopted Smurf, who wants to try new crime techniques instead of Mama Smurf's old fashioned smurfing. 

2. In flashbacks to 1992 and 1996, Baz is smurfed by Darren Mann, left

3. Shawn Hatosy as Pope, eldest Smurf, who suffers from mental illness and does a lot of risky smurf. Plus he's smurfed in prison.

4.  Kevin Csolak smurfs as Pope in the flashbacks.

5. Ben Robson as Craig, middle Smurf, who parties and does drug instead of paying attention to the smurfing. 

6. Jake Weary as Deran, youngest Smurf, the moral smurf who is trying to distance himself from the family, running a surfing shop instead of smurfing crime. He is closeted for a long time, but when he finally comes out they are fine with it. 

More butts after the break

"Far From Home": Poor boy cheats his way into an elite prep school, almost gets fed to a hyena, and takes off his clothes a lot

This morning Netflix pushed a Nollywood tv series at me, Far From Home: a poor boy gets a scholarship to an exclusive private school "for the 1%," where posters advertise Chess Club and Choir.  The promo shows the poor boy walking into class: a Femme Boy smiles at him, an Arrogant Jock glares at him, a Mean Girl sizes him up, and a Nice Girl helps him tie his tie.  Wait -- Nigeria is one of the most homophobic countries on Earth. There can't be a gay character -- can there?  I'm reviewing the first episode to find out.  

Scene 1: Ishaya's first art exhibition (all black-and-white portraits of expressive faces), treated like the Oscars, with paparazzi and fans clicking away as he walks up the red carpet.  He adulates himself: "Who would have thought that the dreams of a young boy from Lagos would come true?"    

Obviously this is a dream.  Ishaya (Mike Afolarin) awakens late for work.  Nice beefcake shot as he rushes to get dressed. 

Scene 2: Ishaya at his job cleaning a rich guy's house.  The rich guy clomps on his cleaning supplies; the teenage son throws a plate at him derisively.  After work, he tries to sell his painting on the street, but the rich people sneer at him.  

Scene 3: Back in his horrible hovel.  Ishaya's friend Michael (Moshood Fattah) wants to know why he  needs money so badly: "I won a fellowship to study in London with the famous artist Essein, and I need to raise money for air fare."  Suddenly he remembers that he has to buy the cake for his sister's birthday party, and runs out.

Left: during Pride Month, Moshood Fattah promotes the use of PrEP on his instagram page.  That's quite gay-friendly for Nigeria.

Scene 4: The party is for Ishaya's sister Rahila, but the guests consist of Michael, Ishaya's girlfriend, and the parents.  They play cards and watch an advert for Wilmer Academy, the best school in Nigeria.  Rahila wants to go to the Open Exam Day to try out for a scholarship, but Mom forbids it. 

Scene 5: Ishaya offers to sneak his sister into the Open Exam.  On the ritzy grounds of the Academy, they almost get smushed by a car.  The passenger calls them "gutter-trash" and yells "You don't belong here!"  I can't tell that they are poor by looking. Maybe in Nigeria you can.

Ulp, the registration fee is 150,000 naira ($336)!  They are shocked.  "Aren't scholarships supposed to help people who can't afford extravagant fees?"  "This is Wilmer Academy, you gutter trash!"  They slink out.  Next up: the guy who yelled from his car, and his surly Arrogant Jock son Denrele (Raymond Umenze, left, the one in drag).

Scene 6:  Ishaya offers to help her get the money, but Rahila has given up: "Having dreams only leads to disaster.  Dad wanted to become an artist, and it cost us our brother's life."  I want to know more about that back story!

 Cut to Ishaya's evening job as a waiter at a nightclub where men squeal as women's butts gyrate in their faces (three times!).  His uniform is sleeveless -- so men can gaze at his muscular arms after they finish with the butts?  On to his  day job cleaning houses.  And his side job painting portraits.  (Nice chest shot as he changes clothes.)

Scene 7: Government, the manager of the butt-gyrating club, slams someone for stealing drugs from his stash, and then feeds him to his pet hyena.  Ishaya comes in to ask for his paycheck.  

Scene 8:   Ishaya is still intent on going to London.  Girlfriend finds out that he was planning behind her back, dumps him, and starts dating one of the nightclub guys.  He roils with jealousy.  Plus the travel agent needs the full 300,000 naira fee now.  He can't go.  

Scene 9: At the nightclub, a customer asks for some bills to shove up ladies' butts.  Ishaya goes into the money room to fetch some -- and steals 150,000 naira! Not enough to pay the travel agent, but enough for the Open Scholarship exam, and since his sister is no longer interested....

Scene 10: Ishaya pays the fee, and memorizes the test answers in advance, so he's sure to get in.  Hey, that's cheating!  

Scene 11:  First day of school.  At the assembly, Ishaya sits in the only available seat, next to smiling Femme Guy (Emeka Nwagbaraocha). 

Carmen, the great-granddaughter of the founder of the school, gives a speech.  "That babe is fine!" he exclaims.  Femme Guy Frank: "Sorry, I can't see it."  Did you just come out to a stranger?  In Nigeria?

Ishaya is introduced as a scholarship boy who got 100% on the exam. Everyone wants to get a photo of him.

Scene 12: After the assembly, Femme Guy is buddying up to Ishaya, when a Femme Adult named Atlas (Olumide Oworu) gushes over: "Frankincense, is that you?" "My name is Frank now." Arrogant Jock pulls him away.  I don't understand.  Has Frank turned straight, and rejects people from his old life?  

Time for a campus tour.  When they visit the school's art gallery, Ishaya flashes back to telling his father that he wants to become an artist. "Art is not permitted in this house!" Dad yells.  "It killed your brother!"

Scene 13: Principal tells Ishaya that they need the transcript from his old school. "Gulp...um...er...old school?"  

Meanwhile, Arrogant Jock's Dad is yelling at him for not cheating on the scholarship exam.  "Now the gutter trash who cleans our house won the scholarship!"  I wanted to do it on my own."  "You're an idiot if you think anything can be achieved honestly in this world."  

Scene 14: Ishaya needs 50,000 naira ($112) to buy a fake transcript.  His friend Michael gives it to him.

Meanwhile, Femme Adult Atlas arrives at Carmen's mansion.  He calls his Mum to ask her to pay the school fees, so he won't be kicked out (ok, he's a student.) and can apply to the London Art Institute.  Is everybody at this school an aspiring artist?   Her assistant blows him off: "Your mother is still in Paris.  She'll call when she returns."

Scene 15: While Atlas chats about art with her parents, Carmen is searching frantically through her room.  She orders the maid to fetch Mum:  "Give it to me!"  "You don't need any more painkillers  Your leg is fine."  Uh-oh, Carmen has a drug problem.

Femme Student Atlas and Girl-of-Dreams Carmen head to the car.  She complains:  "It feels like I have no control over my life. I can't wait for us to move to London."  He hugs and kisses her -- a femme boyfriend!  I knew he couldn't be gay.

Atlas is so angry about his mother that he drives erratically.  Carmen flashes back to the car accident a year ago that squashed her leg, and shrieks for him to stop the car.

Scene 16:  Ishaya delivers the fake transcript to the Principal. "Great, now we just need to call your old school to verify it."  "Um...er....um..verify it?"  He desperately calls his friend Michael to ask him to pretend to be a school official.  

Meanwhile, Atlas and Carmen arrive at school, and are greeted by another power couple, Reggie (Natse Jemide) and Nen.  They go to "the shrine," a single-person restroom with a door that locks, where they can smoke marijuana.  Carmen wants to know why they've been ghosting her for months.  "We're like...um...busy."

Scene 17: Ishaya rushes into the bathroom, changes into his school uniform, and rushes into class late.  This is the scene in the promo, with Arrogant Jock glaring, Femme Guy Frank smiling, and a purple-haired girl helping him adjust his tie.  

After class, Purple-Haired Girl, Zinna, asks if he likes Carmen, since he drew a portrait of her in his notebook.  Arrogant Jock introduces himself, but she snubs him to flirt with Femme Guy Frank.  He is thrilled.  I knew he couldn't be gay.  

Scene 18:  Art class.  Ishaya is busily drawing instead of listening to the lecture, so the teacher confiscates his notebook.  "This year the three best students will be permitted to apply for the London Art Institute Grant."  A grant to get into the school, and now a grant to go to another school.  Aren't these rich kids who don't need grants?

Scene 19:  Ishaya in the Bursar's Office, getting his grant money.  After subtracting the cost of his school uniform and textbooks, he gets 5,000 naira ($11.00).  Even in Nigeria, you can't survive on that!  He rushes into the bathroom and takes off his shirt and cries.

Scene 20:  Back home, the manager of the butt-gyrating club has taken Ishaya's family hostage.  He wants to know why Ishaya stole 150,000 naira from him.  "You have one week to pay me back, or your sister will become one of my prostitutes. We'll take her now, to save time."

They leave.  Dad, understandably upset, kicks Ishaya out of the house.  The end.

Beefcake:  Ishaya, frequently.

Other Sights: Lots of establishing shots of Lagos.

Heterosexism:  Atlas-Carmen-Ishaya, and I think the Surly Jock is into her, too.  Everyone else pairs off into boy-girl couples.

Gay Characters: Frank has a gay-subtext romance with Ishaya, but he's mostly busy fallin gin love with his sister.  Feminine appears to signify "rich" rather than "gay" in Nigerian culture.  The "frankincense" line was just an all-purpose insult.

My Grade: Ishaya comes across as a jerk: "I really want to become an artist" is no excuse for stealing, cheating, and (later on) helping your boss kidnap your best friend.  But the juxtaposition of the "who's dating who?" teen angst and the "feed him to my hyena" mob plotlines makes for an interesting drama.  And there is A LOT  of beefcake.  B

"Snatch": Caper Movie With Two Unintentional Gay Subtexts

 

Snatch (2000) has a complicated plot with lots of unlikely coincidences, people surviving multiple lethal injuries, and impenetrable dialogue, even with subtitles.

I gathered that there are two interconnected plot arcs: first, something to do with a "diamond as big as the Ritz," which was stolen from a jeweler in Belgium, and passes from hand to hand as everyone tries to track it down; second, a member of the Irish "traveler" (nomadic) community who is a proficient bare-knuckles boxer (played by Brad Pitt, who is frequently shirtless, but his physique is ruined by multiple rings and huge tattoos).

Every pair of criminal partners has a gay-subtext relationship, but here two stand out:

1. Turkish (Jason Statham, top photo) and Tommy (Stephen Graham, left) handle the Irish traveler plotline, but they also run afoul of the diamond several times, and end up with it (and a dog).  Turkish explains that although they're partners, they "don't hold hands or walk along the beach."  Nevertheless, their bond is physical and permanent.

2. Small-time crooks Vinny (Robbie Gee, left) and Sol, (Lenny James, below) mostly handle the diamond plot arc, which means they get into more trouble: they are captured by various bad guys (erm...worse guys, I mean) and are nearly killed several times. Finally they are arrested when the police find several bodies in their trunk (although they didn't actually kill anyone). 

 They have an extremely physical relationship, including hugging, laying heads on shoulders, and at one point holding hands (I think).

Adding to the subtexts is the total lack of heterosexual desire or romance.  There are no major female characters; no one is shown having sex with a woman or ogling a woman. Only the minor character Franky Four-Fingers is even shown with women, and then only in a split-second shot.  There are some naked ladies in photos and calendars on the wall, and once in a pack of playing cards, and that's it. Considering that gangster movies usually feature incessant shots of gangster gals and strippers on poles, this is amazing.

An article from 2000 reveals that Paul O'Boyle, who played the minor character Patrick,  "shocked" Brad Pitt, Lenny James, and director Guy Ritchie during filming, when he mentioned that he was going away for a vacation with his partner.  They asked "What's her name?" "Gareth."  "Funny name for a girl," they responded in heteronormative ignorance, before catching on and being shocked. 

Guy Ritchie didn't fire him on the spot, but I gather from his shocked reaction that the gay subtexts are unintentinal.

"Baby Driver": Gay Boy Meets Girl in 1950s/2010s Small Town Atlanta

 Last night's Movie Night movie was Baby Driver, which I naturally assumed was a comedy about a chauffeur for a daycare center.  Actually, it's a reference to a Simon & Garfunkel song that I never heard of before:

They call me Baby Driver, and once upon a pair of wheels, I hit the road and I'm gone.

It stars the stunning Ansel Elgort as a Southern-fried country boy whose Mama actually named him Baby.  Aspiring country-western singer Mama and abusive Daddy are gone now, killed in an auto accident that gave Baby tinnitis, so he must constantly listen to music to drown out the whine (the opening credits demonstrate -- painfully loud!).

He works as a driver for the heists masterminded by supervillain Doc (Kevin Spacey), with whom he has a creepy gay subtext relationship:  "We're friends, aren't we?  You're my lucky charm.  You're my baby."

Other members of Doc's crew, which changes for every heist, disapprove, thinking that he's autistic, "retarded," or gay.  When Buddy (John Hamm), wall street banker turned criminal, is listening to Queen with Baby, the loose-cannon Bats (Jamie Foxx) objects:

Bats: Queen?  What's next, show tunes?  How you gonna pull off the heist when you prancing around like that?

Doc: You'll all be spending the night.

Bats: Great, now we gonna be sleeping together, too!

Baby lives with his aging foster father Joe, who is deaf, uses a wheelchair, and is apparently senile.  But he doesn't think that Baby is gay, not even when the boy pretends to flirt with him, or when he prances around the apartment, lip-synching Barbra Streisand like he's practicing for Rue Paul's Drag Race.

The heists get more and more violent.  People are killed.  When they stop for snacks, Bats kills the convenience store clerk ("What, you expected me to  pay for it?").  He even opens fire on the dealers trying to sell them guns:

Bats: They were cops.

Doc: Yes, but they were my cops.  

Oh, how will Baby ever escape this sordid world of heists, murder, and creepy gay relationships?  

You guessed it: A girl.

Correction: The Girl.

After work Baby goes back in time to the 1950s, where Debora (Lily James)  is working at Bo's Diner. 

 Well, not really working, since Baby is the only customer, and he never orders any food:

Debora: What can I get you?

Baby:  The title of that song you were singing.

There's another gay moment when Baby thinks that Debora is named "Jonathan" -- is she a boy in drag?  No, she's just wearing someone else's name tag.

Like The Girl in a hundred movies (and that Journey song), Debora dreams of escape from her dull small-town world (in Atlanta, metro population 6 million!).  She sees Baby, who she thinks works as a chauffer for rich people, as her ticket out. 

 They go on one date, kiss, and then things get interesting, with hostages, car chases, double-crosses, cops, and vigilante thugs.  Doc agrees to help them because "I was in love once" (he says while staring at Baby. Not much for subtlety, are you, dude?).

Cops everywhere, chases, dropping off the stepfather at a senior care facility, then more chases, Debora shows that she knows her way around a gun.  There's almost a Thelma and Louise conclusion.  But that would be too cliched even for Baby Driver. Instead, Baby goes on trial, and Debora claims that she was a hostage.  But he has a good heart.  

The closing shot literally places them in the 1950s, with Debora dressed like one of Fonzie's girlfriends on Happy Days picking up Baby in a pink 1950s convertible so they can go to a sock hop at Arnolds and rock around the clock.

I liked this movie, in spite of the cliched, homophobic plotline of a boy being saved from a destructive gay "lifestyle" by The Girl.  The driving sequences were beautifully choreographed.  Presenting Atlanta as both a modern metropolis and a cliched 1950s small town was wonderfully absurd.  There were lot of cute guys, especially if you like tattoos.

And I don't care if he did drive off into the sunset with a girl, that boy was definitely gay.