Every year my father celebrated his birthday by hosting a barbecue on the Saturday afternoon closest to June 6th. I always tried to schedule my summer visits to Rock Island and then to Indianapolis to coincide with it.
Dad died last year, so I assumed that the barbecues were over, until I got a text from my sister's son Joseph, a doctoral student in Japanese at Indiana University.
"I'm continuing Grandpa's tradition of Memorial Day Barbecues." Of course he wouldn't realize that they were birthday barbecues. Who knows when his grandfather's birthday is?
Kazakh, the language spoken by the Turkic tribes that descended on Central Asia a thousand years ago:
I like to eat big sausages.
Turkish: Büyük sosisleri severim
Kazakh:Men ülken şujıq jewge unaydı
David didn't want to come along to the dance concert: "Dancing is always about 1,000 women and two men, not very exciting." He went out with my Tyler instead.
In the morning, we started again, until David interrupted us. "Hey, I hate to ruin the party...." He reached out and fondled Ravi.
"No, it's ok, join us," Ravi said.
"Sounds tempting, but no time. Tyler wants to go to breakfast at Milktooth, and then he has church. I'm be waiting in the living room."
Ravi seemed a little put-out by David's reluctance. He let me go down on him until he finished, then quickly dressed and left, refusing breakfast. When I texted later, he ghosted me. Probably turned off by my refusal to top him.
I never found out why David didn't want to "share." Maybe Ravi wasn't his type, or maybe he was just tired after a night Indianapolis cruising.
At least I got to hook up with a beautiful guy from Central Asia, and hear the Kazakh language,
Later I texted Joseph: "Thanks for introducing me to Ravi. He was very nice. Too bad we won't have time to see each other again before I go home." Yes, I was lying to save face.
"You're leaving soon?" Joseph responded. "We never had a chance to talk."
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"I have a job offer at the University of Amsterdam," Joseph said. "I know you go there every year, so I wanted to ask your advice about living there."
Joseph, now Elle, came out as transgender two years later, in Amsterdam. Sorry about the use of her deadname.
"I'm continuing Grandpa's tradition of Memorial Day Barbecues." Of course he wouldn't realize that they were birthday barbecues. Who knows when his grandfather's birthday is?
"At Mom's house, or...."
"At my house in Bloomington. Can you make it? .I want to talk to you about something."
"Sure, no problem," I responded, curious.
"Sure, no problem," I responded, curious.
What could he want to talk about? Maybe he wanted to come out!
Since I lived 500 to 2000 miles away through Joseph's life, I saw him only once or twice a year. We weren't close, but I always thought that he was gay. He was flamboyant and theatrical, swishing and limp-wristed, with that nasal "gay accent" voice. He wore bright pastel shirts and tight bulging jeans and plastic bracelets. He occasionally brought a girl to Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, but surely that was just a screen.
Definitely coming out.
Since I lived 500 to 2000 miles away through Joseph's life, I saw him only once or twice a year. We weren't close, but I always thought that he was gay. He was flamboyant and theatrical, swishing and limp-wristed, with that nasal "gay accent" voice. He wore bright pastel shirts and tight bulging jeans and plastic bracelets. He occasionally brought a girl to Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, but surely that was just a screen.
Definitely coming out.
But -- he graduated from a Catholic high school, and did his undergrad at the Quaker-run Earlham College. His mother was music director at a Nazarene church.
Maybe he turned fundamentalist, and wanted to quote Leviticus at me?
I'd better stay with my friend Tyler in Indianapolis, in case I needed to retreat quickly.
I'd better stay with my friend Tyler in Indianapolis, in case I needed to retreat quickly.
And bring David from San Francisco for moral support. He was an ex-Baptist minister with a master's degree in Classics, an expert on the Biblical passages used to promote homophobia.
We arrived on Wednesday and saw my mother and my sister and brother-in-law, but not Joseph, not until Saturday afternoon, the barbecue: hot dogs, hamburgers, and tofu burgers grilled in the back yard of Joseph's 100-year old house just outside Bloomington.
How did they afford it, when he and his roommates were all graduate students?
We said hello to Joseph, gave him the plate of brownies we brought, then pushed our way through the crowd, saying hello, getting introduced. I counted over 20 people. All heterosexual as far as I could tell -- with one exception.
A young guy on the far side of the yard, talking to someone I didn't recognize. Shorter than me, dark-skinned, square head with heavy eyebrows and a big smile, a v-shaped torso, a hard smooth chest with prominent nipples, a little belly, and heavy, square workman's hands.
"I call the hunk," I whispered to David, and walked over to introduce myself and cruise him.
Then Joseph grabbed me. "Can I talk to you for a second. Without David?"
He took me onto the screen porch.
Uh, oh -- this is it! I thought. He's either going to come out or pull out a Bible!
But he said "Is David your boyfriend?"
"Uh -- no,"
"Ok, good. I didn't expect you to bring anyone...um...so I got a date for you."
"What?" A blind date?
"I know what it's like to feel out of place at these family gatherings, so I invited Ravi, from Kazakhstan. He's just come out, and looking to meet people. And he likes older guys." He grabbed my knee. "I got you tickets to a dance concert tonight -- but I didn't know David would be here, so I just got two."
"Oh, no problem, he sounds great. We can get a third ticket."
We arrived on Wednesday and saw my mother and my sister and brother-in-law, but not Joseph, not until Saturday afternoon, the barbecue: hot dogs, hamburgers, and tofu burgers grilled in the back yard of Joseph's 100-year old house just outside Bloomington.How did they afford it, when he and his roommates were all graduate students?
We said hello to Joseph, gave him the plate of brownies we brought, then pushed our way through the crowd, saying hello, getting introduced. I counted over 20 people. All heterosexual as far as I could tell -- with one exception.
A young guy on the far side of the yard, talking to someone I didn't recognize. Shorter than me, dark-skinned, square head with heavy eyebrows and a big smile, a v-shaped torso, a hard smooth chest with prominent nipples, a little belly, and heavy, square workman's hands.
"I call the hunk," I whispered to David, and walked over to introduce myself and cruise him.
Then Joseph grabbed me. "Can I talk to you for a second. Without David?"
He took me onto the screen porch.
Uh, oh -- this is it! I thought. He's either going to come out or pull out a Bible!
But he said "Is David your boyfriend?"
"Uh -- no,"
"Ok, good. I didn't expect you to bring anyone...um...so I got a date for you."
"What?" A blind date?
"I know what it's like to feel out of place at these family gatherings, so I invited Ravi, from Kazakhstan. He's just come out, and looking to meet people. And he likes older guys." He grabbed my knee. "I got you tickets to a dance concert tonight -- but I didn't know David would be here, so I just got two."
"Oh, no problem, he sounds great. We can get a third ticket."
Kazakh, the language spoken by the Turkic tribes that descended on Central Asia a thousand years ago:
I like to eat big sausages.
Turkish: Büyük sosisleri severim
Kazakh:Men ülken şujıq jewge unaydı
More after the break.
Ravi (real name Ravil) turned out to be in engineering, not in Central Asian Languages: 23 years old, in the U.S. only about a year. He always knew that he liked guys, but only acknowledged that he was gay a few months ago. He had never met any older gay men before, and peppered me with questions about how gay men came out, how we formed romantic relationships, if we ever wanted to get married and have kids, if there were any gay Muslims.
I told Ravi about the gay custom of sharing friends and boyfriends, and he was into it, but when we got home, David and Tyler were already asleep in the master bedroom.
We took the guest room. Ravi was very passionate, into kissing and fondling....
In the morning, we started again, until David interrupted us. "Hey, I hate to ruin the party...." He reached out and fondled Ravi.
"No, it's ok, join us," Ravi said.
"Sounds tempting, but no time. Tyler wants to go to breakfast at Milktooth, and then he has church. I'm be waiting in the living room."
Ravi seemed a little put-out by David's reluctance. He let me go down on him until he finished, then quickly dressed and left, refusing breakfast. When I texted later, he ghosted me. Probably turned off by my refusal to top him.
I never found out why David didn't want to "share." Maybe Ravi wasn't his type, or maybe he was just tired after a night Indianapolis cruising.
At least I got to hook up with a beautiful guy from Central Asia, and hear the Kazakh language,
Later I texted Joseph: "Thanks for introducing me to Ravi. He was very nice. Too bad we won't have time to see each other again before I go home." Yes, I was lying to save face.
"You're leaving soon?" Joseph responded. "We never had a chance to talk."
"No, I'm going to be here for three more days," I said, embarrassed. How about tomorrow afternoon?"
It can't be a homophobic spiel after he fixed me up with a guy. Is he coming out, finally?
We met at a little restaurant on the south side of Indianapolis.
It can't be a homophobic spiel after he fixed me up with a guy. Is he coming out, finally?
We met at a little restaurant on the south side of Indianapolis.
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"I have a job offer at the University of Amsterdam," Joseph said. "I know you go there every year, so I wanted to ask your advice about living there."
All that buildup to ask about travel tips? How disappointing!
Joseph, now Elle, came out as transgender two years later, in Amsterdam. Sorry about the use of her deadname.
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