Players: Romcom with a sports writer who ends up with who you expect, plus a bi guy who hooks up off-camera, and a bunch of butts

  

Brock O'Hurn is starring in a new movie on Netflix, Players: a female sports writer named Mack has a foolproof plan for hooking up with guys, but then she falls in love with a hookup.  Do straight women really have trouble finding guys to have sex with?  Aren't they, like, hit on constantly?

Link to NSFW site

Her best buddy is played by Damon Wayons, who I thought was homophobic due to the shockingly hateful In Living Color (Remember "Men on Film"?).  In 2019 he apologized for some homophobic tweets from 2011 to 2016: "I was unaware of the emotional impact they would have."  He is currently the executive producer of Glamorous, which stars a nonbinary or femme gay guy, so we'll check....

No wikipedia plot synopsis, no LGBTQ representation in the trailer. Grr -- I hate these Netflix one-word titles!  They make it impossible to research.  No way to tell if there are any minor "sassy work friend" gay characters, except by watching.

Scene 1: At a bar, Bran (Augustus Prew) and his crew discuss strategies for getting him into the pants of his target: pretend to be drunk and spill a drink on her?  Steal her scarf and pretend that you found it?   They decide on Fiji Fantasy: Bran and his "girlfriend," Mack, argue and break up in front of the target.  The girlfriend is careful to emphasize that it's not about the sex: he is incredibly fantastic at that; she just feels inferior because he's so rich and has been with so many attractive women. 

Their buds Adam and Little (Damon, Joel Courtney) watch in adoration: "This is a master class."  I think it's a little heavy-handed.  Unless she's a complete nitwit, the target will catch on that it's a hookup scam.

Scene 2:  She's a nitwit.  While Bran is off sexing her, the others walk home.  Adam wonders what will happen when the target finds out he's not rich.  "Are you new here?  After the sexing, he'll never see her again."  

Uh-oh, Bran calls: he "bucknerded" it by forgetting the name of his "girlfriend."  Why not use the same name every time? 

 But it doesn't matter, because hes's moving on to a new target; the guy by the white owl back at the bar.

A guy?  The buds approve  "Been awhile -- I like your style."  Mack suggests "Run Time Step."  Little, who happens to be Bran's baby brother, offers to help.

We don't see the play.  Why do we see the girl target but not the guy target?  Afraid the audience will be offended by a gay hookup? 

Instead, we continue to focus on Adam and Mack.  They discuss their problems working for a newspaper, a "dying medium," Mack's new feature on memorable local sports, and "we're perfect for each other but don't want to admit it"."  The background song: "What cha waiting for?  Your prayers have already been answered!"  

Scene 3: Whoops, Mack is late for a hookup target, Brock O'Hurn.  She rushes home, shoves magazines about fly fishing into her target's mailbox,  scatters books and magazines about fly fishing all over, pulls out a fishing pole and a chest full of lures, and waits for him to find the magazines and bring them to her.  

That's a lot of expense for a single hookup, but at least it works: Mack and the Brock get it on. A bit of Brock's chest as she throws him on the bed, but no Brock bulge.

Scene 4: At work the next day, Mack and Adam ask Bi Bran how the guy hookup went. "He's not a groomer, so I got lost a bit in the weeds."  Translation: small cock, so I got a lot of pubic hair.  Suddenly famous journalist and major hunkoid Nick (Tom Ellis) appears, asking for the boss's office.  Apparently he's an old friend. All three gape at his bulge, which we don't see, and Mack starts scheming.

Scene 5: Retirement party at a bar. The gang stares lustfully at Hunkoid Nick, They encourage Mack to hookup with him, but she isn't into it.  She only hooks up with dumb fratboy horndogs.  But she changes her mind: he's hot, so why not?

The plan: Bobby Hull, straight for the goal.  She takes off her top, revealing her boobs, and dances with the guys in front of the target to whet his interest.  They start hanging out.  Then the guys make an excuse to leave, and...hookup time! 

Scene 6: At Nick's place for heavy smooching and pawing that breaks his objects d'art.  Sex, but no beefcake.  Afterwards, she examines his elegant decor,, with books, framed journalism awards, and a photo of his parents.  He appears shirtless for lots more smooching.  You really have to be into men and women kissing to enjoy this movie. 

Scene 7: Mack meets with the gang to praise Hunkoid Nick as "a grown-up," someone you marry rather than just  screw, and expresses discontent with their hook-up lifestyle. "Don't you guys ever get tired of this?"  Nope: Bi Bran and his Little Brother argue over who's going to hook up with the lady at the bar.   

Little Brother gets her, Bi Bran leaves, and Mack and her BFF Adam have another "we're in love but can't admit it" conversation. In real life the two would have figured it out eons ago, but in a romcom you need Complications.

Scene 8: The gang devises a game plan to make Hunkoid Nick fall for Mack. You already hooked up -- why not just ask him out?  Everybody gets a job to scope out Nick's tastes, interests, and daily routine, and to block any romantic activity with other people.

They meet at work to go over the data.  Little Brother, who doesn't work there, get all gaga over the Receptionst.  So, a B-Plot romance?

After going through Nick's strengths, weaknesses, dating history, and workout schedule -- all cardio -- they realize that they don't have a game play for romances.

Scene 9: Mack hanging out with BFF Adam, who suggests: "Why don't you just ask him out?"  That's what I suggested ten minutes ago!

I'm out of space, so I'll stop the scene-by-scene there.

Beefcake:  Two bare chests, plus a sort of boxing chess match.

Heterosexism: Lots. 3/4ths of the movie involves Mack kissing guys.  Little Brother falls for the Receptionist, who joins the group.  Spoiler alert: Adam and Mack finally admit that they are in love, with a Big Damn Kiss followed by 18 more kisses in close succession, while the buds look on in ecstasy. Whoops, she comes back for another kiss. 19.  

Bi Bran: Bran remains the wacky fifth-wheel.  He doesn't even bring a date to a fancy ball, and the writers generally forget that he's bisexual: "I'm so attracted to everyone here. Red dress...green gown..."  

He does mention that he tried the "Sid and Nancy" hookup play with a guy who was doing his own "Jealous Girlfriend" play. He got punched by the girl, but he still tapped the guy. 

My Grade:  There are a lot of humorous scenes, but way too many "I'm not in love" discussions that you have to fast-forward through.  And Bi Bran should have gotten a boyfriend, or at least an on-screen hookup. C.  

Most of the cast flashes their backsides on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: Brock Cock: Brock O'Hurn nude