Gemstones Season 4 Finale: Saying goodbye. With eight gay/bi characters and countless d*cks

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Previous: You are invited to Kelvin and Keefe's wedding, with exclusive NSFW photos from the honeymoon

In March 2023, my partner and I subscribed to the streaming service HBO/MAX to watch science fiction programs like The Last of Us and Doctor Who.  He  also wanted to watch The Righteous Gemstones, a comedy/drama about "a famous and dysfunctional family of televangelists," but "No, thanks." After a childhood of preachers screaming "God hates you!" every Wednesday night and twice on Sunday, I thought that even a critique of evangelical homophobia would be too traumatic.

Then one day I was walking through the living room on the way to a snack, and I saw the Gemstones walking in slow motion toward Jason's Steakhouse: A nuclear family husband, wife, and kids; another male-female couple and their pregnant daughter; and, taking up the rear, a gay couple!  They were holding hands!  They joined the others at the dinner table with no recriminations, no stupid questions about "which of you is the man?", no yelling about the Book of Leviticus.  I was astonished.

Watching from the beginning, I found a show that was crass, vulgar, and often grotesque, with annoying plot holes and a complete disregard for internal consistency.  Plus it took forever for the showrunners to admit that Kelvin and Keefe were canon, resulting in endless annoying "they're really straight buddies" arguments. But once they were acknowledged, Season 4 became a masterpiece of gay inclusion, with their wedding the pivotal moment of the entire series.  

A gay wedding was the pivotal moment in a series about Evangelicals!

Plus:

 A more obvious romance between Gideon and Scotty.

Both Eli and Baby Billy have gay relationships in their past.

Queer coded characters everywhere.  Just when you think there couldn't be any more, they start dropping hints about Pontius. 

Two gay bands of brothers taken directly from Tom of Finland prints.

A near total absence of heterosexual activity, and almost no lady parts.

Nonstop beefcake.

P* enises in nearly every episode.  

 A friggin' glory hole!

Gay men were not only welcome at the table, the table was designed for them. In the midst of some profound theological insights into faith and forgiveness.  There has never been anything on tv like it.

Two years have passed, with two conference presentations, a scholarly book, two blogs with over 500 posts, over 20 fan stories, and endless fan discussions. And now it's time to say goodbye.  

Fortunately, the Series Finale features a special goodbye message for those viewers who found the show, and the characters, especially meaningful:

Saying Goodbye is Never Easy: During the Kelvin-Keefe wedding reception, while Eli watches everyone dancing, we hear the letter that Aimee-Leigh wrote to Lori years ago:

Saying goodbye is never easy -- it's not something I've ever been good at.  Sometimes it's easier to never say goodbye and just leave things where they lay.  Don't wrap it up all nice and neat.  

Hear that, fans?  We're not going to tie up every loose end.

The Grave:  Eli hugging Lori as she cries at Corey's grave.  

Takeaways: 

1. Corey was born in 1976, so he's six years older than Jesse, making it unusual for them to be friends.  Imagine a 10 year old and a 16 year old hanging out.

2. Season 4 begins in September 2024.  Corey dies in July 2025.  The wedding takes place several months later, I estimate in October.

3. Continuity error: the Gator Farm Massacre occurred in late June or early July 2025.  Earlier we read that Big Dick Mitch went missing in March 2024.  No way he was a prisoner for over a year.  

Don't look for closure in a goodbye.  We rarely get the closure we want. Most times we don't even get the closure we need.  Sometimes things happen and the life we knew is taken from us, just like that. It can happen fast.

I'll need a minute.

Hugging: Back at the reception. Eli grins at the people dancing and hugging.  Jesse and Amber hug.  Kelvin dances with Tiffany and Judy. Keefe hugs Baby Billy.  

Cut to Baby Billy, Tiffany, and the Nanny having a picnic. 

It's in those times you realize how precious friends are, family.  

The Gold Bible: The Siblings install the Gold Bible on a pedestal at the Salvation Center, in front of a video presentation about Aimee-Leigh and Eli's ministry.

How important it is to let Jesus' love find you through them so we can lift each other up. 

Gideon Finds His Place: Performing at the opening of the new Gemstone Christian Skatepark, Gideon is able to combine his interest in stuntwork and the ministry. Banners say: Christian Skate Summit.

A shot of Jesse talking to Vance was cut. Apparently they're on friendly terms.

Pontius and Abraham, with Ash on one side and Edge on the other, gawk at the stunts.  Now there are girl skaters; previously Pontius' group has been entirely male.  I'm calling it: he's bi. 

And Abraham's pink shirt? Plus check out his room: Pictures of Holly Hobbie dolls and a ballerina nightlight.  He's gay.  Prove me wrong. 

Aimee-Leigh continues: So we can fly even higher. 

Shot of Gideon flying high.

More after the break

Brock O'Hurn Part 1: From the God Squad to the Immortal Kane, with bonus Daryl McCormack and James Duval

  

 

Link to the n*de dudes

Everybody needs a little Brock O'Hurn now and then.  At least his 1.7 million instagram followers think so.  Brock has played any number of muscle-hunks, including Hulk Hogan, Thor, Tarzan, a "swole Mel Brooks," and guys named Horse and Ragnar Stormbringer.  

He may be most famous as  Torsten, the "gentle giant" of the God Squad, a gay muscle commune, in Season 2 of The Righteous Gemstones.  Presumably Adam Devine isn't in character here, or he'd be much more interested in the muscles pressing against him.

Here Brock is a shirtless cowboy in the video Wild West Showdown.  

Brock is a co-creator and model for Kane Comic Universe about an immortal muscleman who travels through time, fighting demons, evil gods, madmen, and so on. Warning: Issue #2 features women

Taking his pet pigs to the beach.  He also has dogs and cats.

More Brock after the break

History of the World, Part II: Homophobic jokes, gay subtexts, and Brock O'Hurn. With Ike and Nick naked

  

Link to the NSFW Version

History of the World, Part I (1981) was a Mel Brooks vehicle involving sketches parodying various historic periods, from the Stone Age to the Spanish Inquisition, featuring nearly every comedian in the business.  To the infinite confusion of audiences, no Part II was intended.

Until 2022, when Part II appeared as a tv series on Hulu, again (mostly) produced, written, directed, and narrated by the 96 year old Mel Brooks (swole body by Brock O'Hurn).  Three or four historic periods are parodied, but I'm going to review only the Civil War.

Episode 1: 1865. In the waning days of the War, President Lincoln asks the drunken Ulysses S. Grant (Ike Barinholtz, below) to take charge of his son, Robert Todd (Nick Robinson): the 22-year old Harvard studenthas been begging to enlist, and now that the war is nearly over, he can do so safely. This is historically accurate: Robert Todd did serve on Grant's staff for several months in 1865.  But he was a "dandy," and Lincoln was gay; both are closeted here. 

Every soldier in Virginia has been ordered to deny Grant alcohol, so he decides to take RT on a "dangerous mission."

"I would follow you to the gates of Hell," RT says.

"It's worse than that.  We're going to West Virginia."  Har, har. 

Episode 2:  In Rock Ridge, West Virginia, stylized as an Old West town out of Blazing Saddles, RT and Grant try to fit in because "They don't like our kind." He means Yankees, of course, but.... In  a tavern, we get a shot of the two holding hands as they both look at the same menu.  That's a queer code.

Their cover is blown when Grant tries to use Union currency, and his face is on the bill!  Grant is on the $50 bill today, but of course he wasn't during the Civil War. "We hate Yankees!"  The scene dissolves when a Red Sox fan starts to complain (the baseball team opposed to the New York Yankees).  

A mob (led by Scotty McArthur) leads them out to be hanged.  Actually, West Virginia was almost entirely Union-occupied through the war.

Episode 3: Three expendable Union soldiers  are sent to rescue them. Lt. Henry Honeybeard (Tim Baltz), being white, is made their leader.  The others are the black Mason Dixon (Tyler James Williams) and the Native American Mingoes  (Zahn McClarnon, left).  As they leave, we see two pairs of legs protruding from a tent (guys having sex, har har).  

They are all dumb as a stump, and can't figure out which way West Virginia is. They end up the Underground Railroad, which is actually a subway run by Harriet Tubman, going the wrong direction.

Episode 5: In Rock Ridge, Grant and RT are about to be hanged by the Confederate mob.  They discuss how much they care for each other.  Another queer code. 

The guys arrive.  They send Mingoes to rescue them while Honeybeard and Mason-Dixon distract the crowd with a performance as the Dickie Dicks.  

Their song, "Fuck the North!",  is a run-down of how bad the Northern states are, with some homophobic lyrics: "Illinois sucks donkey dicks/ Michigan sucks and swallows." They are technically accusing the states of bestiality, but doubtless they would find a man sucking a man equally repellent.

The rescue attempt fails; all five are now going to be hanged.  But at the last minute Harriet Tubman saves them.

Episode 6:  Separated from the guys, Grant and RT are on the road alone, in their underwear.  Grant needs a uniform, so they approach a swishy gay stereotype and order him to "take off his clothes."  He responds as you would expect a swishy gay stereotype to.

General Lee signs the surrender documents; the war is over.  

We end with everyone celebrating. Now that the war is over, Grant's charge of RT is done, but they decide to stay together anyway, and dance and hug. Third and fourth queer codes.  The guys decide to stay together, too: they move to California to perform as a trio.

Beefcake: None.

Gay Characters: None specified except in sight gags.

Gay Subtext: Grant and RT have a lot of physical-affection codes, and they stay together at the end of the adventure.

Homophobic Jokes: Three.  But that's standard Mel Brooks.  His 1970s movies are full of them.  Dom DeLuise said that he thought gay men were bizarre creatures, "from another planet."

My Grade: B-

Left: Ike Barinholtz bulge

Nude Barinholtz and Robinson on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Euphoria: High school boys in love, gay/bi affairs, toxic masculinity, and lots of penises

  

I went in Euphoria Episode 2.3 cold, with no prior research.  All I knew was that Brock O'Hurn had a nude frontal (fully aroused, not a prosthetic).  And I had a vague impression that the show was about paranormal events in a quirky small town. 

Link to NSFW review

Scene 1: A woman named Rue narrates.  "When Cal was a senior in high school...."  Holy cow, the screen fills with his butt as he puts on his underwear!   

Cal (Elias Kacavas) calls his friend Derek (Henry Eikenberry), insults him by implying that he's a woman ("put your bra and panties on"), and then drives over to pick him up.

Holy cow, cock shots of both of them,then a close-up of Derek's butt and cock in the locker room!   When they get girlfriends, they have a skinny-dipping party, with even more cock!

After graduation, they're going to separate colleges, so they have to part.  On their last night together, they go to a redneck honky-tonk gay bar, where they slow-dance and kiss a lot.  Then next morning, Cal gets a call from his girlfriend: she's pregnant! So the preacher in my old church was right: homa-sekshuls cause teen pregnancy.

Darn, yet another plotline about gayness as something for adolescents, to be abandoned for heterosexual destiny!  Well, at least we saw a lot of cocks, and Brock O'Hurn's aroused frontal is coming up.

After the 1990s flashback, we cut to modern day high school students, and I get completely lost.  This is not the sort of show where you can start in media res. As far as I can tell, there are plotlines about addiction and recovery, some sort of criminal activity, and four central relationship groups (some of the background comes from the Euphoria wiki)

1, Cal (Eric Dane, right) is now middle-aged, married, with two sons. Eldest son Nate (Jacob Elordi, left), a football player who oozes toxic masculinity, is dating/abusing evil antagonist Cassie (both straight).  

Problematic statement: Cassie, sun-bathing with a little boy, tells him "When you get bigger, don't be an asshole to girls you like."  Heterosexist jerk, how do you know he's not gay?

2. Rue, the narrator, is involved with Jules, a trans woman, who is involved with Ellie (Dominic Fike), who is straight (well, not into labels) and interested in Rue. 

Problematic statement: Jules says that she's fucked so many men that she's not interested in them anymore, so she's switched to women. That's not how sexual identity works.

Another problematic statemet: Ellie tells Jules the reason he hasn't acted on his crush on Rue: "She's not into sex.  She's gay or asexual."  You think lesbians don't have sex?

3. Rue's friend Kat is involved with Ethan (Austin Abrams, left), but suffers from delusions and keeps breaking up with or gaslighting him.

4. Cal (remember him?) runs afoul of Rue's drug dealer, Fezco (Angus Cloud), who is angry about the Nate situation.   Cal also had sex with Jules, but begged her not to tell anyone, for fear that it would hurt his reputation (because she is a minor, or because she is trans?).  And. in the next episode, he returns to the redneck honky-tonk gay bar and dances with a man, who he pretends is his long-lost boyfriend Derek. 

Where the heck is Brock? I read the IMDB wrong. He appears as Super Hot Warrior Man in Episode 2.2, and shows his aroused dick to the delusional Kat. 

Quirky small towns:  That's Eureka, not Euphoria

My grade:  I didn't care much for the old-fashioned, stereotypic view of sexual identity, but these are teenagers, trying to figure things out in a world of abusive or clueless adults, so I'll give them a pass.  And nearly every male actor shows his dick at some point.  B

The frontal and nude pics are on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Lucky Vanous: The Diet Coke Guy

Like Scott Madsen, the Soloflex Guy , and Clara Pelter, who asked "Where's the beef?", Lucky Vanous became famous in an instant.  Though the Nebraska native had been modeling and studying acting for several years, he became the talk of the town through a series of heterosexist commercials for Diet Coke: some female office workers gaze through the window at the construction site next door, where lean, muscular Lucky goes on his break, rips his shirt off, and opens a can of Diet Coke.  They become more and more aroused as he drinks.

He was not a bodybuilder, but he was lean, muscular, and hirsute, a perfect New Sensitive Man even without saying "I know how you feel."

Lucky's exercise book and video, aimed at a female audience (The Ultimate Fat-Burning Workout) appeared in a few months.  In May 1994 he took off his shirt on tv sitcom Wings.  He was a presenter at the Clio Awards (for excellence in advertising).  In December was profiled in Playgirl.

A couple of movie roles followed, plus some tv: the evening soap opera Pacific Palisades (1997), guest spots on Pensacola: Wings of Gold and Will and Grace, and finally 18 Wheels of Justice (2000-2001), about a federal agent turned trucker who helps people with their problems.

Although in real life Lucky was always gracious to his gay fans, his stage persona maintained the heterosexist "every woman's fantasy" myth, insisting that all women but no men wanted to see him with his shirt off.  So the shirt came off when the audience was mostly women, but stayed on when it was mostly men.  This promo for 18 Wheels of Justice gives you the general idea.

In 2016, mega-hunk Brock O'Hurn starred in a homage to the commercial for Icelandic Water.  Only this time there was some gay inclusivity.

See also: Brock Cock: Brock O'Hurn Naked

Everybody Needs a Little Brock O'Hurn