Here's how to play: Go through the list of recommended movies to find one that isn't about a man and a woman finding love, or a conflicted, angst-ridden gay guy who finds love with a woman. If you can find 1 or more in 10, you win.
Post-script: It's horribly over-written and cliched, and the boy and the girl find love.
1. Spy Intervention: "When a spy meets his dream woman...." Starring Drew Van Acker as the Spy (unfortunately, this is a scene from another movie." Next!
2. Guns Akimbo: "A guy relies on his newfound gladiator skills to save his ex-girlfriend...." Starring Daniel Radcliffe, who just posted an impassioned rebuttal of J. K. Rowling's transphobia. So I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and read the plot synopsis, just in case the two didn't break up just so they would get back together.
They don't. But I'm still not interested in a "Saving The Girl" plot. Next!
3. The Unearthing: "An adventurous teenage girl unearths a supernatural mystery." The trailer makes it look like either supernatural horror or fantasy-adventure. No plot synopsis available, but according to a review, the filmmaker, Tristan James Jensen, was only 16 years old. This was a student project. How did it get on Amazon? Maybe.
4. Bindlestiffs: Three high school students, all boys, act out the plot of Catcher in the Rye. Holden Caulfield was a raging homophobe. But I'll read the plot synopsis. One of the boys has sex with a homeless woman because he's upset over discovering that his teacher is a lesbian. Another has sex with a prostitute. A third is forced to perform a gross, disgusting sex act...with a guy! Aren't gay people the worst? Next!
5. Just Jim: A Welsh teenager becomes the cool kid after making a "deal with the devil" with his new American neighbor. The trailer looks very angsty, like Fight Club, but the poster says "hilarious!" No plot synopsis available, but I'll bet that if there is a gay subtext, it's all evil and destructive: same-sex desire pushes you into violence and oblivion. Next!
6. Reach: Band nerd Steve (Garrett Clayton, left) is planning to kill himself (come on, playing a musical instrument isn't that bad). Well, according to the review in Variety, he's being bullied by everybody, including a villainous gay drama nerd and a "closeted homosexual" ex-friend. (The homophobic term is from Variety, not me). Then the new kid befriends him. The review didn't say if they start dating or not, but I'll bet, with all the homophobic queer villains around, they don't. Next!
7. Totally Confused: Johnny is a rock and roller "struggling with his sexuality." "Confused" is a homophobic term for "gay." The blurb on IMDB says "gay," not "confused," but still, it's totally offensive. Next!
8. Speedwalking: Martin is "getting ready for the transition from boy to man." Whoops, that usually means sex with a girl. But according to IMDB, he has a "confused sexuality," homophobic for "gay." And it's not symbolic -- he literally joins a "speedwalking" team. Who cares about sports, especially a weird sport like that, even if a "confused" boy is playing it? Next!
9. The Trigger: Erik, a hustler just released from prison.... A hustler is a male prostitute. You don't go to prison for prostitution -- it's a misdemeanor offense. And 99% of a male prostitute's clients are men, but in the trailer Erik is shown sexing a woman. Next!
10. An Awkward Sexual Adventure: After The Girl of His Dreams dumps him, an uptight accountant meets a beautiful stripper, who helps him try to get The Girl back, but turns out to be The Girl herself. Sure, I'd be happy to watch...just kidding. Triple Next!
Looks like I'm watching the student project.
Post-script: It's horribly over-written and cliched, and the boy and the girl find love.
"Bindlestiffs" looks awful and amateurish- but somehow they got Kevin Smith to like it and it won an award.
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, the spy's dream woman could be an assassin sent to kill him. Yeah, the entire spy thriller genre is heterosexist and misogynistic. (I hated Tom King before it was cool.)
ReplyDeleteI don't know, whenever Trump or Biden speaks, I'm confused. But I don't think it's the same kind. (These days it's even more used if you're bi or trans.)
I can tell you, at least for strippers, women tip better, but men (so long as you don't go in the private room) respect personal boundaries more. FWIW
You were to quick to pass on Speedwalking...imagine returning to the 70s and seeing Lance Kerwin play coming of age but gay this time. Great movie.
ReplyDeleteIf Speedwalking is the Danish film from 2014, you should actually have a look. It's a coming of age film that's more of a threesome and surrounding adult disfunction.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to be gone from Amazon Prime. It's not on my "movies we think you'll like" list anymore, and when I search for it, all I get are "Escape from Alcatraz" and "Freeway."
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