Link to the n ude dudes
Tony Cavalero has been promoting his new movie, Cold Wallet (2024), which just became available to stream: three friends invade the mansion of a crypto millionaire. I don't know what crypto is: some sort of fake money that can be used to buy real money?
Scene 1: Christmastime. Don and Billy (Tony, Raul Castillo) sing "Jingle Bell Rock" at karaoke night. Then Billy tells his bar buds -- all men. Is this a gay bar? -- how they can use cryptocurrency to get rich: "I've been reading Reddit and watching podcasts, and it's transforming lives!" He and Don buy a billion shares of crypto from Tulip and hug.
Cut to Christmas morning, with Billy dressed as Santa Claus bringing a present to his daughter. Heterosexual identity established at Minute 2. Thanks to crypto, he'll soon be able to buy a house, so she can come for weekend visits.
His ex-wife and her husband Justin are upset: his visitation isn't until next week. Hubbie threatens to call the police. He can't say hello on Christmas?
"And where do you get off, buying her a $2000 playstation, when you don't pay the mortgage on your house?" "I don't live here." Don't argue in front of the kid -- you'll traumatize her.
He checks his Tulip to demonstrate how rich he's getting. Wait -- the numbers are going down... negative $42,000? Help!
There's no one named Justin in the cast list, but there's an Evan, played by Logan Slater (n*de photo below).
Scene 2: Billy walking in desolation through an industrial neighborhood in the dark, crying. Wait -- where has he been all day?
So no more house in Pittsfield, Massachusetts, no more idyllic weekend visits with his daughter. And the comments section reveal many others who lost everything: "I'm a mom of three boys. My husband died six months ago. Tulip was supposed to help us..."
Reddit friend Eva Zero reveals that the CEO is alive -- he got a fake death certificate. He swindled them out of their money, and is now in hiding. She wants Billy to help her "take the f*cker down."
Scene 3: The gym. Billy wrestling with Don, his bud from Scene 1, who is all excited because Mr. Bautista, the owner, is letting him buy the place. Billy accidentally punches him in the nose, but he doesn't care because "chicks dig scars." Heterosexual identity established at Minute 11. They still have a gay-subtext buddy bond going on.
Billy breaks the news that crypto is dead, and they owe $67,000 in real money. Uh-oh, Don took out a loan to buy the gym. Plus Mr. Bautista was in trouble; the bank was about to foreclose. Now he and Mr. Bautista are both ruined.
Scene 4: They meet Reddit friend Eva Zero in a deserted AMC theater parking lot.
Cut to the trio buying guns at the ShopMart, then driving through the woods to Hegel's house, a gigantic Tudor. Billy knocks on the door, pretending to be delivering for DoorDash. The groundskeeper says that there's no one home, he has the wrong house, so get out!
Left: I think the groundskeeper is played by Allyn Burrows, who posed n*de in his younger days
More after the break