Matthew Jeffers: Zombie fighter, Elizabethan earl, comedic foil, gay dwarf with fights aliens. With short guy bonus

 Link to the n*de short guys

 I don't like the latest (and final?) Walking Dead series, The Ones Who Live: Rick and Michonne, the "heroes" of the zombie Apocalypse even though they make really stupid decisions, are still alive!  Gay characters lose their partners after an episode, or don't even mention being gay except in an off hand comment, but heterosexual romance gets infinite space. 

.Michonne hasn't heard from Rick for years, but she knows he is still alive, and is so desperate to find him that she leaves her two kids behind to search the zombie-infested wilderness.  And she keeps running into people who put their own lives on hold, abandon their family and friends, and leap into deadly danger to assist her in her search. "Heterosexual romance is Everything!  Of course I'll help you!"

But I liked Nat (Matthew Jeffers), the loose-cannon chemistry expert who...drops everything to help Michonne find Rick, becomes her swishy gay-coded best buddy, and dies on the way (it's a sacrifice for heterosexual romance, which is Everything, so he dies happy).  He doesn't display any heterosexual interest of his own, and he's got a cool "screamstick" that can take out helicopters.  In the video game, it's a level 34 weapon that causes 7284 points of damage and can "destroy heaven and Earth."

I'm into short guys, as you know from my profiles of Ryan Pinkston, Daryl Sabara,  and Frederick Koehler -- so really short guys are something of a fantasy.  The shortest I've ever hooked up with was about  4'10."  

Enough about the 4 feet.  Let's talk about the 10 inches.

Matthew Jeffers is 4'2"

Born in Baltimore in 1991, Matt graduated from Towson University with a degree in theater arts. He has 9 acting roles listed on the IMDB, notably 34 episodes as nurse Mark Walsh on the medical drama New Amsterdam (2018-22).

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 2.3 Review, Continued: the darkness of roller coasters, club-bulges, hookups, and apples. With n*de musclemen bonus

  

   This is a continuation of Episode 2.3: Kelvin topples, Keefe cuddles, and Titus is caged.  With bonus s* loads

We're not finished with Kelvin's descent into the Darkness, but first an interlude with Eli answers some questions about his past.  

Link to the NSFW version

Eli's Past: Gideon is clearing out stuff, in preparation for moving into Roy Gemstone's old house on the estate, when he comes across a suitcase full of Eli's wrestling memorabilia.  Plus some newspaper articles about Glendon Marsh, Junior's father, who gave Eli a job as a loan enforcer. He had a whole crime syndicate; he ordered the murders of some police officers who were snooping around -- like Thaniel Block!  So maybe Eli didn't just break thumbs -- maybe he and Junior were  full-fledged hit men!

Jesse concludes that Eli brought Junior to town to kill Thaniel!  He rushes to tell Judy.  

While they are talking, Judy's husband BJ comes in with even more evidence: He was out rollerblading in the amusement park on the estate, and came across Eli riding the rollercoaster by himself, over and over.  (wait -- don't you need someone to turn it and off for you?).

"Funny -- Daddy always hated that rollercoaster," Judy muses.  Maybe he's using it to work himself into a murderous frenzy, so he can kill more people!

More after the break

Jozin z Bazin: The Czech Swamp Monster and His Boyfriend

The Czechs and the Slovaks were joined into Czechoslovakia from 1918 to 1993 because they have similar histories, cultures, and religions.  Their languages are mutually intelligible:

English: My penis is as big as a baseball bat
Czech:  Můj penis je stejně velká jako baseballovou pálkou
Slovak: Môj penis je rovnako veľká ako baseballovou pálkou

They have the same pop culture icons, like model Jozef Mikovčák (left).

Pop singer Miroslav Šmajda (aka Max Jason Mai), a contestant in the 2012 Eurovision Song Contest.

And Ivan Mládek, the Weird Al Yankovich of Eastern Europe, whose novelty song Jožin z bažin (Joey of the Swamp) has been popular since its tv premiere in 1978.

Like the American Monster Mash parodies monster movies, Jožin z bažin  parodies Czech heroic sagas, in which a swordsman kills a dragon and thereby win "half of my kingdom and my daughter's hand in marriage."

Except instead of a dragon, it's a swamp monster named Jožin (Joey), who lives in Moravia (near Brno) but mostly eats people from Prague.  The mayor of the village of Vizovice  offers the narrator half of the collective farm and his daughter's hand in marriage for capturing the beast.  So he drops sleeping powder from a crop duster, putsJoey to sleep, and sells him to a zoo.

Sounds heterosexist, except it's typically acted out with men playing all the parts.

Sometimes the daughter is never mentioned again.

And sometimes the narrator marries the monster.

You can see versions in Czech, Lithuanian, Polish, German, and Hungarian on youtube. With the proper tweaking of the lyrics, it can be turned into a political satire.

By the way, the older guy who pops up out of nowhere and makes frenetic dance moves is Ivo Pešák (1944-2011), who performed in Mládek's Banjo Band in the 1970s, and was a familiar face on Czech tv.  Want to see him with his shirt off?