Gemstones Episode 3.9: Five plot resolutions and a funeral. With collegiate c*cks and a Josh O'Connor bonus

Link to the n*de dudes

Title: "Wonders that Cannot be Fathomed, Miracles that Cannot be Counted." From Job 5,9, NIV.  Many terrible things have happened to Job, including physical ailments and the deaths of his children, but Eliphaz assures him that God can perform "wonders and miracles," and rescue him. We'll see what wonders and miracles God performs here.

Baby Billy is Bi:  Still trying to sell the siblings on his Bible Bonkers game show, Baby Billy reveals he is friends with Dusty Daniels, the racing champ.  We cut to a scene of the two, plus famous actor Gene Hackman  (played by Kevin Murray) in Monte Carlo on New Years' Eve, 1999.  They're awaiting the Y2K bug, hugging, dancing, and dropping acid as if it's the end of the world.  

We cut to an after-party, with Dusty, Baby Billy, and Gene Hackman doing stuff.  There's a male c*ck on display, but it morphs into a lady so fast that I can't get a screen shot, so I'll substitute Josh O'Connor (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends). 

We zero in on the guys facing each other.  Baby Billy's partner is a woman, but Dusty's may be a man -- remember that he was established as bi back in Episode 3.2.

"Wait, " Jesse asks, "Did did you f*k Dusty Daniels?"

"I doubt it,  but you never know...we might have touched each other. That's not the important part of the story."  The important part: he can talk Dusty Daniels into leaving his fortune to whoever wins at Bible Bonkers, the Gemstones or the Simpkins. 

So Kelvin came out to the family yesterday after years anguish, angst, self-doubt, backing-and-forthing, and annoyed viewers, and he still hasn't said the word.  Now Baby Billy comes out as bi with utter nonchalance.  Why couldn't he have said something to his nephew during Cousins' Night, or back in Season 1?

El Molino: We cut to a locust splatting on a windshield.  It's Uncle Peter and Chuck, driving the U-Haul full of explosives.  Peter has finally come up with a plan,  He doesn't specify what it is, but since it involves the Gemstones and explosives, it's not hard to figure out.  They're nearly out of gas, and the militia took all of their money, so they stop at El Molino, a real Hispanic supermarket with two locations in Charleston, to use the cash-counting machine.  

While Peter is inside, the U-Haul explodes!  He thinks that Chuck has been killed.

Out to the Family: The family gathers in Eli's parlor to watch a tv news report about Chuck's death.

Wait --when did the siblings stop hating their father?  Was a reconciliation moment cut?

 Notice that the guys are sitting on the right side of the room.  In four shots, Keefe moves from sitting a few inches away to leaning against the chair, his shoulder touching or almost touching Kelvin's thigh. They are so close that Kelvin can't move his hand or foot without bumping into him.

  They used to be very careful to avoid public displays of affection, holding hands under the table and forehead-pressing instead of kissing.  Now they casually cuddle in front of everyone, even family members who did not see the kiss.

They discuss the Bible Bonkers Family Feud-style game show.  The siblings will compete, but they need two more.  They were going to ask Chuck, a big Bible nerd, but he's dead, so it will have to be Karl and May-May.  

Cut to Jesse and Vance Simpkins (Stephen Dorf) at the Cape and Pistol Society, sniping at each other over who will win the Bible Bonkers game. Vance claims that he has the entire New Testament memorized.  

"We're going to humiliate your family," Vance proclaims, "On your own network. Let's see how far the mighty Gemstone Empire has fallen. They're all going to leave you.  Even God will forsake you."  God will forsake him for losing a Bible trivia game? 

Of all the gas stations in South Carolina:  Homeless, friendless, abandoned by his family, Peter sits outside a convenience store.  He prays: "I am in my darkest hour.  I am but a lost sheep in need of a shepherd.  Please give me a sign."

At that moment, Keefe pulls up in the Smut Busters van.  He's using that van for everyday chores?  Surely he and Kelvin have a dozen cars.   

He leaves the key in the van as he goes inside, so Peter steals it.

God saved you:  In the wilderness church, Karl and May-May mourn Chuck's death, clear off brush, and pray -- then she crosses herself   Surely somebody on the staff knew that only Catholics use that gesture.   Suddenly Chuck walks in!  He's alive!

Cut to the family back in Eli's parlor.  This time it's just Eli, the siblings, and the Montgomerys. Chuck explains that he made sure the parking lot was empty, then set off the explosion and ran away, so his Dad would think he was dead and he could escape.  

"Why were you super-mean to us, while we were in captivity?"  Chuck doesn't explain, but he avers that he didn't actually want them to die. Then why were you shooting at them?  Besides, he blew up the van to save them.  Doesn't that make up for the kidnapping?  I thought you blew up the van to save yourself.

So, about Bible Bonkers?  Chuck is a Bible expert, so May-May can drop out. The team will consist of Jesse, Judy, Kelvin, Chuck, and Karl.

Later, at the amusement park, Chuck tries to apologize to Jesse. They bond over having Daddies who are embarrassed by them. 

The Bible Bonkers Filming:   Apparently several weeks have passed. The Bible Bonkers set is finished, and they're going to film the first episode.

In the dressing room, Billy offers to give the sibling  the answers to the quiz questions.  Apparently once a grifter, always a grifter.  They refuse.  He claims that their parents were so neglectful, he practically had to raise them.   

As Gideon drives Eli and May-May to the filming, they see Peter in the stolen Smut Busters van.  He's up to no good!  Follow him! Why didn't Keefe report the van missing?

On set, the band starts to play and the dancers twirl about. Showtime! Baby Billy does a cheesy stand-up bit, then introduces the Gemstones vs. the Simpkins. 

Notice Kelvin's textured single-breasted green coat, "The Attico" from Farfetch, "The global destination for modern luxury."   It will become important later.

 The Simpkins team includes siblings Vance, Shay, and Craig, not seen since Episode 1, plus two young Asian girls.  Apparently they are ringers: there is no indication that any of the siblings has a partner or children.  Compare with the Gemstones, who, for all their faults, have devoted partners. 

Baby Bill asks easy fill-in-the-blank style Bible questions to Jesse-Vance and Judy-Shay.  The Gemstones lose.  

Now it's Kelvin-Craig's turn.  First Kelvin does a self-aggrandizing coat-swirling dance. Keefe, watching from the VIP section with the other partners, responds with a  weird robot thing.  It looks like he's following along with the move they practiced.  

Meanwhile, Gideon, May-May, and Eli follow Peter to the Salvation Center.   Couldn't they have called the police from the car?  Don't these people have cell phones?  He drives to the loading dock, on a day when there are no services, so he probably expects the church to be empty. 

When the Gemstones confront him,  he announces that he has filled the Smut Busters van with explosives, triggered by his fitbit watch.  Wait-- where did he get a second batch?

 May -May yells that both his sons are inside.  Chuck is alive after all.  At this point, Peter would probably give up the plan, but he is interrupted by......

More after the break

Isaac Ordonez models at Paris Fashion Week, with some boyfriends, Lucas from "Stranger Things," and Taylor in underwear

Isaac Ordonez is best known as the sweet, queer-coded Pugsley Addams on Wednesday,, and he's been in a few other tv shows and shorts, but he seems to be more interested in modeling.  In March 2026, he hit Paris Fashion Week.

 

He modeled the androgynous "Washed Out Match," by LaCoste designer Pelagia Kolotourosos.  She was inspired by a tennis game René Lacoste tried to play in 1923: it was washed out due to bad weather, but fans showed up anyway.

Dressed like this?

Galore comments:  "Isaac loves taking risks -- experimenting with textures, fabrics, and silhouettes."  

And gender stereotypes.

Here Isaac schmoozes with fellow LaCoste model Taylor Zakhar Perez, who played Alex in Red White and Royal Blue: The bad-boy son of the U.S. President, who falls in love with the stick-in-the-mud Prince Henry of Britain. 

Taylor's modeling is more masculine-coded, but he uses the same face-up pose.  Isaac has a bigger Adam's apple.

I don't think that Isaac is particularly drawn to gay actors, like Alfie Williams: he also posts photos with straight actors Aubrey Plaza (Rio on Agatha All Along) and Caleb McLaughlin (Lucas on Stranger Things).

Wait -- Aubrey Plaza is bi, and Lucas -- straight, but can you figure out why he might be of interest to a gay teen anyway?

Boyfriends after the break

Adam Basil: Bodybuilder, gay pirate, gay-subtext creature, gay-icon zombie. Are you getting the idea? With his mushroom, n*de Spartacus and Sherlock Holmes

   

Link to the n*de dudes

In the original stories, Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes shows no interest in women and a lot of interest in his "roommate," Dr. Watson.  But most film and tv versions aggressively heterosexualize the guys, sometimes with queerbaiting first.  So I had no faith in the new Amazon Prime series Young Sherlock Holmes. 

With good reason: he meets the Girl of His Dreams almost instantly.  Plus the reviews say that he's nothing like the traditional Sherlock; he's a gormless, idiotic, girl-chasing rapscallion.

The rapscallion's rear is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

But there was something of definite interest in the first scene (top photo): Mycroft Holmes goes to Newgate Prison to spring his wastrel brother (set up for pickpocketing, although he always returned the wallets after swiping them), and finds him at fisticuffs with the shirtless muscleman Barney (Adam Basil, top photo).  

Pecs, abs, biceps...dude, you're breath-taking.  Why have I never seen you in anything before?

Turns out that I've seen him in a lot of things, but he's playing characters named The Beast, The Butcher, and The Demon, under heavy stage makeup, so you can't really see his face.  Or physique.

Pity.

I didn't find a lot of biographical information, just what is listed on the IMDB: Adam grew up in the east of England, studied acting, and performed traditional British theater.  His "unusually high levels of athleticism" (meaning his muscles?) led him to creature work.

After a few small roles, Adam became Disney-famous for the live action version of Beauty and the Beast (2017) -- as the Beast, before the spell is broken and he turns into Dan Stevens.

Disney today, Marvel tomorrow: in 2021, he starred in Venom 2: Let There Be Carnage as the sarcastic, gay-coded symbiote who shares the body of journalist Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy). Shares the body?  Tell me more.

But it was his role as The Bloater in The Last of Us (2023) that sealed Adam's popularity with gay fans.  

Wait -- The Last of Us is about a zombie Apocalypse caused by a mutated wheat fungus.   The Bloater is completely covered with fungal pustules, which act like iron plates, making him impervious to bullets -- and giving him super-strength, so he rips people's heads off their bodies, like the zombie Samson in 28 Years Later.  

They also make him so disgusting that I had to avert my eyes whenever he appeared.  How does a being like that gain gay fans?

But in interviews in Out and The Pink News, Adam states that the Bloater has become a s*x symbol in the gay community.  He gets DMs that call him Big Daddy Mushroom.

Are you sure that they mean the Bloater, and not your mushroom....

Adam's mushroom is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

More after the break

The mystery of Kaito Daiki Diver's adult video

   

Link to the n*de photos

The n*de celebrity subreddit had a very nice video of someone named Kaito Daiki Diver.  But there is no  diver with that name.  The closest I could find was Japanese swimmer Daiyo Seto.

There is no Kaito Daiki Diver actor, singer, or any other celebrity.

But there's a character named Kaito Daiki in the Kamen Rider franchise.

Created by Shotaro Ishimori in 1971, the Kamen Riders are tokusatsu, special-effect powered superheroes like the Power Rangers.  Motorcycle-riding loners (until they team up), they wear special belts that transform them into masked, muscled, insect-motif beings.

The belt is called a doraiba, or driver in English.  Maybe the "diver" in Kaito Daiki Diver is a misspelling of "driver"?

To date there have been 36 Kamen Rider tv series in Japan (some are streaming in the U.S. on Amazon Prime).  Plus countless movies, video games, manga, toys, homages, parodies, fan conventions....

In the tv series Kamen Rider Decade (2009),Tsukasa Kadoya (Masahiro Inoue) must travel through the nine universes to fight space-time anomalies.  He encounters Daiki Kaito (Kimito Totani, left), a charming interdimensional thief who eventually reforms and becomes Kamen Rider Diend (named after his home world).  

In an interview, Kimito stated that the guys are involved in a romance, but I think it's subtext rather than text. 

Ryota Murai plays Kamen Kuunga.  Dozens of actors have played Kamen Riders, but this is the only guy I could find with n*de photos (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

Except for the adult video.

But first I have to research Kimito Totani.

Born in Tokyo in 1990, Kimito  broke into on-screen acting with the martial arts movie Tsubaki Sanjûrô (2007) and a 2008 episode of the teen angst drama Gokusen.  But Kamen Rider sealed his career: he went on to play Daiki Kaito in twelve tv series, animes, and video games.  His most recent Kamen Riders are:

Kamen Rider Zi-O (2018): Sougu Tokawa (So Okuno) wants to become king, so he transforms into the titular Kamen Rider, but this has the side effect of collapsing the universe. 

Kamen Rider Zi-O Next Time: Geiz, Majesty (2020): In an alternate universe, some high schoolers try to achieve their dreams by  Kamen Riders. So Okuno is still trying to become king.

Kamen Rider Outsiders (2023): a cross-over anthology series.

Presumably he's played the character as gay throughout.

More after the break

"Love Like a Bike": three gay romances, a lot of hot physiques, four d*cks, and a view of Pattaya. Plus s*x work and human trafficking.

Link to the n*de dudes 

Netflix just dropped a Thai tv series called Love Like a Bike (I think; I am not familiar with an expression about life or love being like a bicycle).  The blur promises "three siblings raised in different countries reunited," but the illustration shows six men , so doubtless at least one of them will be gay.

Scene 1:  Pattaya, a resort town about two hours by car from Bangkok.  A slightly cross-eyed young man named Sailom (Tanapol Jarujittranon)  is walking on a path overlooking the shore, when a guy asks for directions and grabs his hand.  He freaks out, screaming "Don't touch me!", and runs into the path of a bicyclist, who is thrown off.  He falls to the ground,  the bicyclist on top of him, mouth to mouth (I don't understand the trajectory -- did the bicyclist, going forward, somehow manage to fall backwards and spin around?).    He yells "Don't touch me!" again and runs away.  Dude must be on the autism spectrum.  And he's obviously gay. That was fast.

He runs into a cafe (English sign) and tells his brother and sister what happened.  They must be the three siblings. Darn, he lost the necklace that his Mom gave him.  They go back to the shore and look around, but can't find it.

The Brother, James, is played by MJ Teachin Paksa (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends)

Scene 2: The bicyclist, Nubnueng (Masu Junyangdikul), ends up at a Mental Health Clinic (sign in English and Thai), where he works as a psychiatrist.  He talks down an angry husband who claims that Nubnueng encouraged his wife to dump him. I'm going to start calling him the Doctor.

Masu's d*ck is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Scene 3: Next stop: The Life Like a Bike Coffee Shop, run by the Doctor's mother and baby sister.  Uh-oh, in the accident, he lost the ring that he planned to use to propose to his girlfriend, but he found a necklace; he'll use that. 

Cut to that night: the Doctor and his girlfriend are having dinner.  They simultaneously tell each other, "I have something to say." He pulls out the necklace, but asks her to go first.  Gulp...she's going to dump you, isn't she?

Yep: cut to the Doctor in a bar with neon Bible verses on the wall, morosely dangling the necklace.  Sailom and his friends drop in.  He recognizes the necklace, and accuses the Doctor of stealing it.  

"I didn't steal it -- here, I'll give it back."  He presses it into Sailom's hand -- hey, no flinching.  

The argument draws security guards, who start manhandling Sailom.  He has a full panic attack, but the Doctor talks him down, and invites him to come to the mental health clinic whenever he needs to.

Later, Sailom takes a bath (some beefcake) and wonder why touching the Doctor was ok.  

Scene 4:  A bike shop.  A customer is harassing the bike guy  (Us Nititorn Akkarachotsopon), demanding that he work faster.  He's interrupted by a news story on his phone: on this day last year, an airplane on a  Bangkok-Chiang Mai flight crashed, killing a young girl.  The bike shop guy was the Pilot!  

 Nititorn (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) is gay in real life.  Have we got three gay characters so far?

Scene 5: Dindin (Ta Nannakun Pakapatpornpob) is taking tickets for a boat tour, when two toughs, one named Aish, approach him.  Their boss needs his money right away!  Dindin ditches them and runs down the streets of Pattaya, while they discuss how much trouble they'll be in if they don't get that money to the boss.  As he is running, he gets a phone call.  So he stops to take it?  They want him to sing at the bar tonight.   He also sees a job ad for a baker at the Life Like a Bike Cafe.  So, are you a singer or a baker?  I think I'll call you the Baker.

 I couldn't find n*de photos of Dindin, so I posted a random Thai guy.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 3.8: Is Peter a woman? Are Kelvin and Keefe boyfriends? With tender bits, an exploding van, soldiers, and the Kiss

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Episode 3.7 was the worst in the series due to its chronological disaster, plot incongruity, annoying misdirections, and assertion that the guys were just good buddies.  Maybe that was intentional,  to disorient the viewers so they would not be expecting Episode 3.8 : It is intricately plotted, and gives us a huge number of queer codes, including one that most fans consider definitive.

Title: "I Will Take You by the Hand and Keep You."  Isaiah 42.6, ESV: "I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you."  We'll see who gets to hold hands.

Reunited with the Loved Ones: After their rescue, the siblings are taken to Rogers Regional Medical Center to be examined.  Gideon must have finally phoned the family, because the partners and kids burst in, coincidentally in the order they need to be in to reach their loved ones without bumping into each other.  

Notice the difference in response:  When they last saw each other, Jesse and Amber were having a marital spat, but they were still together, so they just hug.  

BJ was deciding whether to stay with Judy or not, so he acknowledges her with a forehead-press.  

Kelvin and Keefe had not only broken up, they had a major post-breakup fight.  When Keefe exclaims "Buddy!," indicating that he wants to stay in Kelvin's life in spite of their problems, it comes as a profound relief.  Kelvin buries his head in Keefe's bicep and sobs, mirroring the Isolation Tank Rescue in Episode 1.9.  Keefe didn't actually rescue Kelvin here, but he is bringing him back from the dead.  

We cut to the siblings being interviewed by the police.  BJ and Gideon stand in front of them.  Amber is not present. Keefe waits by the door, still not included in the family; but he does get a bit where he knocks over a trash can and yells "I hate what you had to endure."   They all hate Eli, who left them to suffer and possibly be killed. 

Next, having established that May-May wasn't in on the kidnapping plot, she and Eli bond.  

Which of you is a woman?:  With the marital problem plotlines nearly over, we have time for a deep-dive into the Militia. 

Peter and Chuck are driving a U-Haul full of explosives, followed by a ragtag caravan of militia men. Marshall and Dakota (Sturgill Simpson, Quinn Dunn-Baker) complain that they don't know where he's going.  

Does Peter know?  Two compounds have been destroyed.  The kidnapping scheme has been foiled. Everyone has forgotten the first scheme, which required the truckload of explosives.

They stop at Dodge's Fried Chicken, a real fast-food place on Savannah Highway in Charleston (next to a KFC, har har).  Marshall continues to grumble. Peter asserts that complaining is "like a woman," and Marshall retorts that he drives "like a woman."  They continue to call each other women until Chuck gets tired of it and tells them to focus on the new plan.  Whatever it is.

Peter re-asserts his authority: if they rebel against him, they are rebelling against God, because he is the Keeper of the Word. Uh-oh, another Messiah.

We see again parallels between the Militia and Kelvin's God Squad in Season 2: both societies devoted to the masculine, suspicious of women, informed by homoerotic or homosocial desire. run by a messianic figure. 

The militia is the dark side of Kelvin's God Squad  We can go even farther and juxtapose Kelvin's bodybuilder fetish with the militia's fetishization of the soldier.  

Seasons 1 and 2 featured gay-subtext friendships to counterbalance the development of the Kelvin-Keefe romance.  I was surprised to not find one in Season 3, but maybe it's here, in Peter and Marshall's bickering.

Bedroom Time:  With almost no sleep, almost nothing to eat, and only a bucket to poop in for 36 hours or several days (depending on the chronology), I'd be interested in dinner and bed rather than bedroom time, but after two militia scenes, we cut to the two couples doing stuff.

First, BJ and Judy take a bath together. BJ: "The whole time you were in captivity, I would light candles and just cry."  It sounds like they were held for longer than a day.  Also, his eye, puffed out from his fight with Stephen, is almost healed. Maybe a week? 

He continues: "The best way to reset is with a really good, deep fucking."  They play a game of helicopter-d*ck.  You can sort of see it,  actually a prosthetic, in the swirling water.

Next it's Kelvin and Keefe's turn.  Keefe has changed into a sleeveless leather top with gold studs from the Jim Morrison Mr. Mojo collection.  The Doors' song "Mr. Mojo Risin'" may be relevant here:

I see your hair is burnin' / Hills are full of fire.

If they say I never loved you/ You know they are a liar.

Kelvin has showered and restored his top wave.  After keeping his body under wraps all season, he displays his backside, again becoming an object of homoerotic desire.  Keefe pretends to give him a massage, but slides right past his shoulders to concentrate on his backside.

Like BJ and Judy's bath, this is a prelude to "a really good, deep fucking" -- notice that Keefe is thrusting during their conversation, behaving as if the bedroom activity has already begun. 

After being invited to fondle an ex-boyfriend's backside, most people would assume that he wanted to get back together, but Keefe has received so many mixed signals in the past that he has to be very careful.  His questions are skillfully designed to push Kelvin to a decision: are they going to be post-breakup pals, good buddies with benefits, or lovers?

First he eliminates the post-breakup pal option by asking if Kelvin and Taryn are dating.  Immediately after asking, he has Kelvin spread his legs, feels up his inner thighs, and starts"taking liberties," as Adam Devine reveals.  The actor needed to have a semi so he would look bigger.  In-universe, Keefe is answering his own question.

Kelvin: "Nah. She ain't my type." I've heard gay men say "You're not my type" to reject a flirtatious woman without coming out, but why would Kelvin feel the need to be closeted with his ex-boyfriend?  This must be a structural ploy to avoid having him say "gay."  

He continues: "I hated all the forced claps and laughter and fun times.  I like doing claps and laughters with you."  I've analyzed this scene in detail, and I still can't think of an in-universe reason for bringing up Taryn's work performance. That wasn't the question, and besides, Kelvin quit his youth minister job, so he's in no position to hire Keefe back.  

But Keefe assumes that he's talking about the assistant youth pastor job, and responds in kind: "I love getting the children zazzed up and excited to learn about Jesus with you." 

Now Kelvin clarifies that he was answering the "Are you and Taryn dating" question, not "Can I have my old job back?"    "I mean, Taryn was nice and all, but she's not you." She was nice, but you can't build a romance from niceness.  You need passion. 

Keefe understands:  "She tried to replace me, but it was a failed try." They're going to be romantic partners, combining eros and phileo, trying to "build something" for the future., reguardless of its impact on Kelvin's career.  Which shouldn't be a problem.  He's not working for the church anymore.  They can move to Atlanta and march in Pride Parades. 

Protesting People who Protest Statues: The militia stops under a highway overpass to grumble about the small portions of fried chicken that they received and ask again, what's the plan?  Peter wants to do something with the explosives in the U-Haul, but the guys want to protest people who are protesting statues, a reference to the attempts to remove some of the Confederate monuments in the South. To date, 44 monuments have been removed, but 771 remain.  

I thought these guys were Doomsday Preppers.  Have they switched to being Christian Nationalists or neo-Nazis?  But where's the racism?  No one in the militia has made a single racist comment.

Back at the mansion, Chuck sneaks a phone call to his brother Karl, to complain that escaping put him and his dad in a bad spot with the militia. Oh, was not wanting to be murdered inconsiderate?  Terribly sorry, Bro.  He insists that he wouldn't really have killed his cousins. Everybody's got excuses.

I can be true to myself:  The siblings meet for lunch at Jason's Steak House, and discuss how the kidnapping ordeal has changed them.

 Judy: "Things are better than before the kidnapping." You and BJ having a second honeymoon?  

Kelvin: "Makes everything snap into focus, that's for sure." You and Keefe having a second honeymoon?  

Jesse: "I can be more honest, true to myself." He's stopped dying his sideburns, letting the natural gray appear.

Jesse asks them to return to their jobs at the church, and they agree. They don't mention Keefe returning as assistant youth minister, but it's implied: everyone has apparently forgotten about the Smut Busters scandal. Then they hold hands.  In this season, holding hands has been awkward and uncomfortable for the siblings, so this is an important milestone in their relationship.  

Not much left in the episode, but what's left includes most important scene in the series. 

More after the break

Reid Miller: Femme boy plays mostly gay characters, closets his partner's gender. With Marky Mark's underwear and Tyler Gray's abs

 

Have you noticed that muscular actors rarely have hairy chests?  I guess they shave so you can see their muscles better.   So seeing Reid Miller with a bare hairy chest was something of a treat.

He sort of has to, since without a bare chest he looks like a girl.  Especially when he wears dresses. 

There are many photos of Reid with his partner on his social media.  He is shown doing the usual couples things with them: they hug, kiss, duck lips, stick out tongues, tell viewers to "stick it", pretend to strangle each other.  But I can't tell the partner's gender.  They have a boy's haircut and usually wear masculine clothes, with makeup and girls' dangling earrings.

Reid describes them extensively as "the most wonderful person in the universe, the love of my life, my reason for living, the person who gives my life meaning, the person who makes me ecstatically happy every moment of every day."

You'd think that somewhere in all of that gushing, he'd give a name or a pronoun.  Maybe they're nonbinary.

Wait -- in one of the posts, he gushes about "my incredibly amazing, wonderful, beautiful, incredibly gorgeous wife!!!!!!!!!"  So she must identify as female.  

He genders her once, at the end of 16,000 superlatives. Why so circumspect?  Does he not want his followers to know that he's involved in a boy-girl romance?

 

Pop quiz: Is this Reid or his partner?  Feminine face, girl's haircut, masculine physique. 

Gender is a continuum, anyway.  Let's go on to see if Reid has any gay roles.

He was born in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and grew up in small town-Texas, where he appeared in local theater.  A femme drama kid in small town Texas?  It must have been hell.

He was homeschooled from 4th grade on (no wonder), and then moved to L.A. to pursue his acting career.  The IMDB list begins with shorts, around 2014-15, and episodes of two tv shows with gay content, The Fosters and Mr. Student Body President (2016).  

Wait -- that's the one about the gay teen who wants to become student body president as a stepping stone to a career in politics, so he pretends to be straight, right?

Update: No, I was thinking of The Politician, starring Ben Platt and Russell Posner.

Next Reid got a starring role in A Girl Named Jo (2018-2019), one of those interconnected Brat Network shows.  Dad (John Charles Meyer) goes to prison (for a crime he didn't commit), which results in his son Allen (Reid) being verbally abused and beat up, and his house set on fire.  The family moves away to avoid the harassment, but ten years later, when Mom can no longer take care of him, Allen is sent to live with his recently-released Dad.  Then Dad shoots himself.  Dang I thought this was a teencom

Another starring role in Play By Play (2017-2019), with adult sportscaster Peter Hickey (Reid) giving us a play-by-play of his adolescence. Here he snoops with Max Amor, whose Instagram shows a girl with purple hair giving her followers the finger.

He wrote, directed, and stars in Flikker (2018),  a 9-minute short about a teenage boy being overcome by a malevolent force.  While n*ked.  (Don't worry, in 2018 Reid was 18 or 19).

More after the break

"Vladimir": Pretentious English profs have affairs with students and each other. And talk. And talk. With some prof d*cks and backsides

  

Vladimir, on Netflix, has a man and a woman both gawking at a hunk as he dives into the pool and climbs out, so there are obviously gay characters.  Maybe the hunk is himself gay: he's played by Leo Woodall of Vampire Academy and White Lotus 

And some of the episodes are named after literary classics:  "We Have Always Lived in the Castle," "The Awakening," "Everything that Rises Must Converge," "Against Interpretation."   

I got a M.A. in English and started on a Ph.D. in Comparative Literature before switching to the social sciences, so I'm getting a tinge of nostalgia.  Let's go.

Scene 1: A rustic cabin.  A lady in her pajamas puts Toni Morrison's Beloved back on the bookshelf and tells us that she will never again have power over another human being.  Her students think she's out-of-touch; her daughter dislikes her; and she is no longer able to give men ___.  

As she tells us all this, we see that the unconscious Hunk is chained to a chair.  He awakens and starts yelling.  Well, if you can't give men ___  just by looking at them, this is your next best option.

Scene 2: Six weeks earlier.  The lady is buying greens for a salad to take to the faculty retreat -- her 30th.  She's been at the college for 30 years!  She isn't named on the IMDB or the Episode Cast, so I'll call her Madame X

She notices the Hunk chivalrously getting something from a high shelf for a lady shopper.  He glances at her a few times and gets an instant erection, then walks away.  Hey, I thought she couldn't do that anymore.

Scene 3: Madame X in her car outside the faculty retreat.  She tells us that this one will be fun, because there will be a scandal: a professor (her husband John) caught with students.  He texts to ask how f*ked he is. 

Inside, they faculty is discussing the situation.  Andre (Milton Barnes, bottom photo) reports that there are six accusers now (all female), and over a thousand signatures on the petition demanding Husband John's removal.  He'll be suspended until the hearing, and David (Matt Walsh, left) has stepped up as department chair.  

Matt Walsh, a founding member of the Uptight Citizens Brigade, has 190 acting credits listed on the IMDB.  I've only seen him in animated shows like Rick and Morty.

On RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: he pulls out his d*ck so Will Ferrell can get busy in Get Hard (2015).  Will is too disgusted to go through with it. .

Scene 4: 1:30 pm, time to go in and apologize for being late.  There are no chairs left, but the Hunk from the supermarket -- a new assistant professor named Vladimir -- offers his.  While the meeting drones on (I know all about that!), she zeroes in on his knees and neck.  

Scene 5: After the meeting, Madame X is eating Frito pie when the Hunk dismisses the other flirty female profs and zeroes in on her.  They discuss how sitting is a lethal habit, so everyone should stand at their desks; it's good for the quads. 

Just as he moves on to the shoulder-touching, his wife appears.  Ulp, competition!  Small talk: she's teaching as an adjunct,  she loves Madame X's novel, and she's late because their daughter pooped in her dress. Too much information, girl!  

Madame X tries to save face by inviting them "both" over for cocktails. The Wife refuses -- she doesn't drink.  Maybe the Hunk could go by himself?  Are you pushing them together?

Then David the Department Chair whisks them away.  She growls.

Scene 6: Stomping out, Madame X runs into Andre (who reported on the inquest earlier), and asks for a copy of the report on her suspended-and-soon-to-be-fired husband. 

She reads it in the car.  Pictures of all the complainants, including one with the girl sitting on his lap.  "Scandalous!" she tells us.

Scene 7: As husband John (John Slattery) grills steaks, Madame X sets the table outdoors, and asks us why people are scandalized by prof-student affairs.  They're fun because of the power differential.  The girls who complained are just sad, miserable losers.  So you're going to get even with them?  

John is the one who gawks at the Hunk in the opening sequence, but I think it's just a tease: he only references hetero interest in this episode.

John's backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Later, John swims and complains that there are no rules against profs dating students, and his wife Madame X is fine with it, so what's the problem?  Then they discuss compost and growing lettuce (someone actually scripted dialogue about lettuce, yawn), what they hate about the new professors, and not telling their adult daughter Sid about the scandal.

John Slattery, who has been nominated for 4 Primetime Emmys, has 94 acting credits listed on the IMDB.  I've seen him in an episode of What We Do in the Shadows and...um...

More after the break

Ryan Merriman: From gay-vague child star to "girls! girls! girls!" teen to man's man. With a gay kiss, Michael's d*ck, and his backside

  

Link to the n*de dudes

During the late 1990s, Saturday night was home to the  ultra-conservative "God and family" series aimed at an audience of your grandparents: Walker, Texas Ranger; Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman; and The Pretender (1996-2000)

No self-respecting gay guy was home on Saturday night (or would admit to it), but surprisingly a lot of guys in West Hollywood knew that it starred Michael T. Weiss, who starred in the gay movie Jeffrey (1992).  He played  Jarod, a genius who travels from town to town, taking on various jobs (pilot, physician, lawyer, lots of cops) to help people and meet girls. How does he get the credentials and references?

Left: Michael n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends. 

And gay kids would have noticed the numerous flashbacks featuring the gay-vague Young Jarod (Ryan Merriman, top photo).  They knew that he was going to grow up to be the girl-hugging Jarod, but still, he had the whole "different from other boys" trope.  

Not a bad start for a 13-year old theater kid from "family friendly" Choctaw, Oklahoma.

Ryan achieved Disney kid fame with Luck of the Irish (2001), about a teenager who discovers that he's actually a Leprechaun (well, half-Leprechaun on his mother's side).  While questing for the maguffin, he gets a Leprechaun ally (gay actor Henry Gibson) and a girlfriend.

Like many teen actors, Ryan next moved into horror with Halloween: Resurrection (2002): he fights Freddie Krueger and gets a girlfriend.

The Ring 2 (2005): He and his girlfriend watch the cursed tape.

Final Destination 3 (2006): He and his girlfriend survive a roller coaster accident. But Death has other ideas.

Like many teen actors, a gay-vague childhood gave way to "Girls! Girls! Girls!"  But Ryan was a mainstay on the gay celebrity websites of the era.  I'm not sure why.  Is being cute enough?

I figured Veritas: The Quest (2003-04) was a fundamentalist project.  Who would entitle a tv series THE TRUTH?   But it was actually about a rebellious teenager (Ryan)  tracking down magical artifacts like Leonardo Da Vinci's notebook and a crystal skull owned by Hitler.

His Scoobies include Eric Balfour (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) and The Girl. 

Next came some comedies that I'm too discouraged to research, but you can get an idea of their plots from the titles and Ryan's backside shots Wild Cherry, Elevator Girl, Cheesecake Casserole, Tomorrow's End, Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader...

Well, maybe not Tomorrow's End.  The title is completely misleading: it's not about the end of the world, it's a series of comedy shorts.

More after the break.

Harrison Houde: It's Bowie! Plus gay-adjacent tv, synth-wave music, and a pink Ford. With Diego, Harrison backsides and Nemo d*ck

Link to the n*de photos 

 School Spirits features a high school girl named Maddie Near, who becomes a "ghost" when her spirit is dislocated from her body.  In Episode 2.3 (2025), we meet Diego (Zack Calderon), the older brother of Maddie's friend, n the best possible way -- wearing just a towel. 

Well, maybe not the absolute best possible way...

And we learn that Maddie's body is now occupied by Janet,  the ghost of a high school girl who died in 1958. She goes on the run, bringing a satchel-full of stolen cash. When she stops for supplies, we met Carl (Harrison Houde), a clerk at the superstore.  He has long hair and femme multicolored bracelets, pinging my gaydar.  And he's 5'5".  

Which should I profile?

Sorry, Zack.

You may remember Harrison Houde from Some Assembly Required (2014-16), the Canadian teencom about a boy (Kolton Stewart) who sues his way into owning a toy company,   Harrison plays Bowie, his cute, quirky best bud, who is put in charge of the Jokes and Pranks Division.  (He's pictured with Dylan Playfair as the dimwitted hunk.)  

Although the gay-vague fashion plate of the series is Aster (Travis Turner), until he gets a queerbait girlfriend, Bowie only expresses heterosexual interest in one or two episodes. 

Harrison began his on-screen career as Darren Walsh, who becomes an outcast for touching cheese, in Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010).  

Next came three episodes of Spooksville (2013-14), about teenage ghost-hunters.

42 episodes of the "how it works" series Finding Stuff Out (2012-14)

And the movie Pants on Fire (2014), with Bradley Steven Perry as a chronic liar who wins The Girl of His Dreams (not by lying).

More after the break.