"Big Mistakes," Episode 1.1: Dan Levy as a gay Christian pastor with a secret boyfriend and a crazy sister. With Patrick and Pacheco n*de

Link to the n*de photos

We all remember Dan Levy as the befuddled fashion plate David Rose on Schitt's Creek (2015-20), whose sweet, cozy romance with newly out Patrick (Noah Reed) culminated with their wedding.  (I put Noah up after the break to refresh your memory.)

Next up: Big Mistakes (2026), with Dan the creator, writer, and star.  Of course I'm going to watch.

Scene 1: Nicky (Dan) and his sister Morgan (Taylor Ortega) at the nursing home, sitting there looking foolish while Mom (Laurie Metcalf) rushes around,  arranging a birthday party for dying Grandma and managing her mayoral campaign.  Their Competent Sister is helping. 

Grandma wants a diamond necklace for her dying birthday present, but Mom knows that they're losers, so just bring something cheap and nostalgic to brighten her last moments.

Scene 2:  Nicky is preaching in a large church that's mostly empty.  The end of his sermon: don't be overcome by the smoke from the bridges you burned.  That makes no sense.  There are crucifixes in the nursing home but not here, so I'm guessing that Nicky is Protestant while the rest of the family is Catholic.

Update: It's the Glenview Community Church, nondenominational Protestant, probably in the congregational tradition.

The service ends, and he returns to the parsonage and kisses his boyfriend.  

In a later episode, Nicky has a boyfriend named Tareq (Jacob Gutierrez, left), but I'm not sure if this is Tareq, or he appears later.  

Uh-oh, a parshioner walks in -- hide!  Are you closeted, Mr. Minister?  

As he gets dressed and prepares to leave, Boyfriend rubs it in: "I'm being honored by Out and Loud next week for the work that I do."  Being Out -- every heard of it?

Nicky explains that the church is ok with gay clergy, but frowns on them doing gay stuff.  Why would you even accept a job at a church that doesn't accept LGBTQ people?  What about the LGBTQ youth in your congregation?  You're promoting the belief that God hates them.

He promises that as soon as Mom's mayoral campaign is done, he'll find a new congregation where gay relationships are ok.

Scene 3:  Sister Morgan has relationship problems, too.  As he drops her off at the elementary school, Boyfriend Max (Jack Innanen, b*lge on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) wants a long, mouth-swallowing kiss, but she breaks away -- kids are watching.  "Why do you always back away from my touch?"  Because kids are watching?

They argue, and he throws an engagement ring at her.  She is ok with it, but she wants a proper proposal.

More after the break

"The Sister": Probably-gay guy marries the sister of the girl he helped vanish. With his ex-buddy, ghostly voices, and many backsides

 

Link to the n*de photos

This morning I was checking my streaming services for new tv shows with gay content, and found The Sister on Hulu: "Almost a decade into married life, Nathan is rocked to the core when Bob, an unwelcome face from the past, turns up on his doorstep."  Sounds like Bob is an old boyfriend.  I'll give it a try.

Scene 1: New Year's Eve.  In his terrible apartment, a guy is watching the news, and planning to off himself with pills and booze.  Watching the news often has that effect on people.  There's a story about a girl named Elise, who vanished three years ago.  A heartfelt plea from her family for anyone who knows anything to contact them.  This shocks the guy, and he gives up the plan.  He must know where Elise is.  

Scene 2: Seven years later.  The guy -- he must be Nathan -- has settled down to an extremely wealthy lifestyle, when there's a knock on the door: the leering, stringly-haired, sopping-wet Bob (Bertie Carvel, according to Mr. Man). 

 "No, you can't be here! We agreed!"  But Bob has news: they're digging up the woods for a new housing development.

He looks much older than Nathan, but the actors are only four years apart.

At that moment, Nathan's wife comes home.  He tells her that Bob is an old mate who dropped by because he was distraught over girl problems, and was just leaving.  Then he goes into the bathroom and hyperventilates and throws up.  There's a flashback of Nathan running through the woods.

Scene 3: In the morning, the wife thinks he's sick, and offers to pop by the chemist, but Nathan says he's fine, he just needs to stay home and rest.  When she leaves, he researches the new housiing development: Newbeck Green, controversial because it will destroy some virgin woods.  He calls Ex Buddy Bob, who tells him that they have to move fast, and asks if "it" has come yet."  Nathan doesn't know what he means.  

Nice close-up.  Even in a heteronormative project, you can always find something to look at.

He goes down to check the mail, and there it is: a CD-ROM that says "destroy after playing."

Turns out that Nathan is played by Russell Tovey (backside on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends), who is gay in real life and has played gay characters about 100 times.  I wonder if Nathan is gay, too, in a lavender marriage.  That's why he and his wife haven't kissed.  Or else Russell's contract states that he won't have to kiss any icky girls.  I'd insist on it.

Scene 4:  That night Nathan drives out to the woods, and flashes back to hanging out with the missing girl there.  

Then he plays the CD-Rom; It's an indistinct voice, something like a woman saying "Nathan, I'm not dead."  This must be one of those EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon) recordings you can make of ghosts in haunted houses.  My favorites are "You don't belong here" and "It's just me."

Scene 5: Flashback to seven years ago. Nathan waits in his car outside Charles Collier Sales & Letting (rentals), watching Holly, who will be his wife . 

Then he goes to his office and looks at her photo on his computer and a post-it with her work number on it.  He calls, hangs up, calls back, and asks for her.

Left: The gaydar-tinging Sam Henderson plays the receptionist.  I tried looking for n*de photos, but no matter how many key words of "men only," 'no ladies," "absolutely no women," Google always gave me ladies.

 When Holly answers, Nathan claims that he is interested in renting a house, but he can't tell her the basics, like the location and number of bedrooms.  What's with the deception? Did you see her someplace and decide to stalk her instead of starting a conversation?  She invites him to come in for a consultation tomorrow.

Back in the present: Holly wakes Nathan up: he fell asleep in front of the tv (watching the news).  They discuss whether he is feeling better, and then her job, which now apparently involves building houses, not just renting them.  Nathan tries to get some intel about the new housing development "near your mum's house."  Wait -- is Holly the sister of the missing girl?  Did Nathan see her on the newscast seven years ago, figure that she was the Girl of His Dreams, and start stalking?  Or is he feeling guilty for vanishing her sister?

He has a date with Bob, sick or not, so he leaves.

More after the break

Aidan Merwarth: Finn's wannabe boyfriend, pencil company exec, juvenile delinquent, brat. With 3 d*cks and inconclusive social media

Link to the n*de dudes

In Season 2 of Unprisoned, gay-coded Finn (Faly Rakotohavana) and his family go to group therapy. Mom complains  that he spends all day online, not interacting with anyone in real life, so he'll never "fall in love, get married, and have a nice life."  I'm not getting into the assumption that you have to be married to have a nice life.  The therapist assigns Finn to "make a friend," presumably a friend that he could fall in love with.

He invites Spencer (Aidan Merwarth) to his room, but doesn't want to play video games or watch tv or anything.  Dude, if you're not going to make out with him, at least give him something to do.

Spencer plays with his phone for awhile, gets bored, calls Finn a "baby" (you wanted a real man?), and leaves.  He re-appears at the college fair to taunt Finn again.  Well, can you blame him?  Dude thought he was going to at least get some smooching.

Finn remains gay-vague, his s&xual identity unconfirmed through two seasons.  

I wanted to know about this guy who is playing a gay subtext or maybe gay-text teenager.

He was born in July 2022, and grew up in San Antonio, where he was homeschooled.  So either he's a fundamentalist Christian, or he goes on so many auditions that he has no time for school. 

 

He has 133 friends on Facebook.  

He's an acrobatic gymnast.  In 2015, at the International Acro Cup in Poland. Aidan and his sister Devon won second place in the mixed pair 11-16 age range

He attended the Los Angeles Film School, graduating with a B.S. in Animation in 2025.

He has eight acting credits on the IMDB.

A Girl Named Jo (2019). on Brat TV, features two girls trying to unravel a mystery at Attaway High School in 1963.  Aidan appears in four episodes as Felix, apparently Jo's boyfriend.

Another Brat TV series, Crazy Fast (2019), has a group of outsiders join the track team at Attaway High. Colin McCalla (n*de picture on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) stars.  Aidan plays Eamon, a runner "whose past with Rowan threatens everything."

Another straight guy, darn it.

The Forgotten Place is a short about Eric (Jeff Locker), who wants a friend.  He finds one (Brian Flaccus), but apparently he means a platonic friendship.

In Saving Paradise (2021), a "ruthless corporate executive" (William Moseley) has to return to his small town when he inherits his father's struggling pencil factory. At Christmastime.  He has to save it and win The Girl (named Charlie, just to fool you into thinking there's a gay romance).

So Paradise is a pencil factory?  I guess it beats saving the annual Christmas festival.  Aidan plays the  rutless corporate executive as a teenager, already in love with The Girl.

But a pencil factory?  When was the last time you used a pencil?  Or saw one?

More after the break

Lord of the Flies (2026) channels "Lost" and "Hanging Rock," with gay-subtext Jack and Ralph, gay Simon, and n*de Samoan dudes

 

Link to the n*de photos

I took journalism and creative writing in high school, so I was spared most of novels generally assigned in English class. But the journalism teacher assigned Lord of the Flies (1954). I don't know why; it's not about journalists, it's about the viciousness of the human animal.  During the War, a planeful of British middle-school boys crashes on a desert island.  They quickly devolve into savagery, worship a pig's head ("The Lord of the Flies"), and divide into warring tribes led by "let's try to remain calm" Ralph and "kill them all!" Jack.

I found a gay subtext in the soft, femme Jack's interest in Ralph (before they split into good/evil camps), so I'm interested in whether it continues in the 2026 tv miniseries (streaming on Netflix in the U.S.)

Scene 1: Piggy (David McKenna) awakens in the jungle in a scene reminiscent of Jack in Lost.  He wanders around, picks some mangos, and finally, sees another boy, who mysteriously doesn't want to talk. So he's a ghost?  

But Piggy insists.  He's Ralph  (Winston Sawyers), who doesn't remember how they got there, and hasn't seen any houses or people. 

They find a stream, so they can drink.  Ralph has a swim, but Piggy doesn't want to.  

Scene 2: At the beach, they find a conch shell, and blow it to summon any others.   A third boy approaches, with pigment around his eye, either a bruise or a visual difference.  And another and another, until 30 boys have arrived, both 10-12 year old Big-uns and 5-6 year old Little-uns.   We get face shots of most of them.  How does a plane crash deposit the survivors in widely different locations, alive?

Suddenly we hear ethereal music, the screen is bathed in sunlight, and we get a vision of kids wearing strange hats and long black robes.  They look like they're from Hogwarts. So there's already a society of wizards on the island?  I don't recall that from the book.

More face shots.  Turns out that they are a choir, dressed in the uniforms of Bishop Wordsworth's School in Salisbury. Somehow they managed to be ejected from the plane with no scrapes or bruises, and all together.  I'm disappointed.  How is this scene not an intentional misdirection?

Suddenly choirboy Simon (Ike Talbut) faints.  Leader Jack (Lox Pratt) orders the others to "let him be.  Simon's always throwing a faint."

Piggy suggests that the next course of action should be to find out where they are, and what happened to the grownups.  Ralph overrules him: the first thing to do is elect a chief.  Head Choirboy Jack wants the job. 

All of the choirboys vote for him, after he glares menacingly, but the other boys all vote for Ralph, who wins.  Jack glares menacingly again, and suggests that he should be the leader of the hunting team.  Lox Pratt is  gazing menacingly in almost all of his Instagram photos.  He's also playing Draco in the new "Harry Potter" series.

Scene 3:  A team consisting of Jack, Piggy, Fainting Simon, and Chief Ralph hike out to see where they are (they have no reason to believe that it's a desert island; there could be a native village just down the beach).  

They find the body of the pilot, already covered with flies, and conclude that all of the grownups on the plane are dead, as they weren't in "the passenger tube" (the fuselage).

Should they bury him?  No, Jack says: he made a mistake, and stranded all of us here.  He should pay for his crime.  So they push him into the ocean instead.

Scene 4:  Shots of the boys investigating local bugs and amphibians.  A close-up face shot of a boy watching them. Maybe Roger (Thomas Connor)?   It lasts for an uncomfortably long time.  What is the point of this?  Is he an outsider, someone who was already on the island?  A malevolent force?

Chief Ralph and his team return to tell everyone the bad news: they're on an island with no human habitation, and the grownups are all dead, so they're on their own.  

"Ok, we'll go off and hunt some wild boars for dinner."  Jack tries to lead his hunters away, but Chief Ralph says "Please don't go until we have a plan."

"I like it when you say 'please.'"  Dude wants to be in charge of Ralph.  That's a queer code.

 Piggy suggests that they need three things: a signal fire, shelter, and a latrine, in three different locations.  One of the little ones interrupts to say that they also need to take care of the Beast that's been hovering about.

Long, slow shots of plants, animals, and rocks that look like beasts.

The boy continues to stare for an endless facial shot.  I'm fast-forwarding. 

More after the break

The top 18 gay-positive tv comedies: aliens, vampires, a Christian pastor, a ghost, a teenager named after meat, and a hunky Phung

Link to the n*de photos

When I was a kid, my parents permitted only comedy television, and it is still my preferred genre.  Who wants to watch a detective who doesn't play by the rules solve yet another murder, or some doctors trying to cure the disease of the week?  Give me classic sitcoms, adult animation, parodies, satires, and contemporary dramedies with season-long plot arcs.    

These are my 18 favorite television series with gay characters or subtexts, at least those that I've reviewed here or on the G-rated site. 

Only from 2016-2026.  If I went earlier, the list would include: Absolutely Fabulous, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend,  It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Modern Family, The Real O'Neals, Red Dwarf, Roseanne, Schitt's Creek, Ugly Betty, The War at Home...

Kim's Convenience (2016).  Korean-Canadian family in Toronto, with no gay characters until the daughter finally comes out as bi, but there's a lot of  buddy-bonding and beefcake. Simu Liu (left) takes off his shirt a lot, and buddy Andrew Phung goes on to play a chunk in the gay-friendly Running the Burbs

Big Mouth (2017).  Animated middle schoolers negotiate puberty, with the help of individually-assigned hormone monsters and other supernatural beings.  The gay guy, Matthew (Andrew Rannells),  eventually gets his own plotlines, coming out to his parents, dating the bi guy, and learning about texting.

The Other Two (2019). A young teen achieves sudden fame, which disconcerts the Other Two, his sister and brother (who is gay). By the third season, they've all become successful, but there are still a lot of gay-romance plotlines and bare butts.

What We Do in the Shadows (2019).  Vampire roommates on Staten Island have more and more overtly gay plotlines as the series progresses. With out actor Harvey Guillén as their increasingly out assistant.

The Righteous Gemstones (2019) An absurdly wealthy family of Southern preachers negotiate threats.  I'm not sure I should include this one since, in retrospect, it was a little annoying.  Endless queer codes involving Gideon, Eli, and Pontius, with no resolution, just "crumbs."  And it took forever for Kelvin and Keefe to become canon.  They should have kissed at the end of Season 1.  

Solar Opposites (2020).  Aliens crash-land on Earth, try to adjust to human life, become boyfriends and finally marry.  Plus a spin-off episode with Kieran Culkin and Skyler Gisondo in a strong gay subtext human-alien romance.

Ghosts (American Version).  (2021). A houseful of wacky ghosts, including a hunky stock broker who died without his pants, and a Revolutionary War soldier who comes out and nearly marries the guy he accidentally killed.  Other gay characters appear on occasion.

The Great North (2021). A quirky family in a small town in Alaska, with a gay son who gets a boyfriend, and eventually a horny lesbian aunt.

Run the Burbs (2022): A queer daughter, a gay jerk, and a hot Phung.  What else do you need?

Jackson Robert Scott: It prey, Locke boy, gay superhero, muscleman...and a fundamentalist hippie? With some backsides and d*cks

 

Link to the n*de dudes

Jackson Robert Scott appeared on the teen idol site with the notice that he played Georgie in It (2017), a movie based on the 1986 Stephen King novel about an transdimensional being who usually manifests as Pennywise the Clown.  I never read the novel or saw any of the movies, but I heard that one of the "losers" who combat "It" has been subjected to homophobic fanboy howls of "he can't be gay!  He's just a teenager!"  Presumably Jackson played the gay one.

Nope, that's Richie Tozer (Finn Wolfhard).  Georgie is the younger brother of focus "loser" Bill Denbrough, who gets sucked down into a storm sewer in It's first appearance. 

Left: Bill is played by Jaeden Martel as a teenager, James McAvoy as an adult (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

Finn Wolfhard is too famous for a profile, and it looks like Jackson is working his way to becoming a bonafide muscleman, so I'll continue.

Jackson was born in 2008 in Phoenix, Arizona, and in 2014 started training at at CGTV , a young actors' "incubator" featuring acting lessons with celebrity coaches and connections to media professionals.  He started doing commercials almost immediately, and broke into on-screen acting in 2015, playing a boy kidnapped by a psycho on an episode of Criminal Minds.

2017 was Jackson's annus miribilis.  He played Georgie in It.

Bodie, the son in the family investigating paranormal gateways, in the pilot of Locke & Key.

The young Troy Otto, who will grow up to run a ranch with his brothers in the zombie Apocalypse series  Fear the Walking Dead.

The grown-up Troy (Daniel Sharman, left) is queer-coded, and has a nearly-canonical romance with the probably bi Nick (Frank Dillane, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyyfriends) .

The short Skin (2018) won an Oscar: In a working-class town, a black man smiles at a white boy (Jackson), and his father objects to the interracial fraternization, resulting in a race war.

But The Prodigy (2019) was rated "one of the worst horror movies of the year": is the cute kid/killer (Jackson) possessed by a supernatural entity, or just bad?

After more horror in It Chapter 2 (2019), Jackson took a reprieve with Gossamer Folds (2020): In 1986, Tate (Jackson) moves to a new town and befriends Girl Next Door Gossamer (Alexandra Gray), who isblack and trans.  I don't think they fall in love: Alexandra Gray was 30 years old, not the best choice for a preteen.  In the trailer, Tate looks up the word "f*ggot" in the dictionary, so maybe he's coming out.  

Timothy Richardson played the Handsome Man (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).  Don't be shy, spoon with him.

Next Jackson returned to Bodie (actually spelled Bode) in the supernatural horror/fantasy Locke and Key (2020).  He's got a gay uncle (Aaron Ashmore), and his hetero-horny older brother is played by gay actor Connor Jessup.  

And four episodes of Wandavision (2021), as the body reference for Billy Maximoff (Julian Hilliard), son of the witch-turned-1950s housewife Wanda Maximoff.

More after the break

Evan Jachelski: Rooster Spooner, angel, pizza boy, jock with a c*ck. Plus Andrew Santino and some Polish dudes

Link to the n*de photos

 In the season finale of Rooster, acerbic college writer-in-residence Greg  (Steve Carell) tells his students about the movie It's a Wonderful Life (1946), where Clarence the Angel convinces a down-and-out dude not to off himself.  They're confused by the line: "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings."  What if you're in an arcade, with bells ringing all the time?  You'd have a surplus of angels.

The guys decide to make some wings to wear at Greg's end-of-semester party.  Spooner shows off his while shirtless.  Hot twink physique with some delt and bicep development.

Spooner has been basically a background player, a member of gay-subtext Tommy's friend group with a salacious name.  His scenes consist mostly of buddy-bonding with George or J.D.  But that unexpected shirtless shot was stunning, in a series that has been skimpy with beefcake, so I wanted to do a profile of actor Evan Jachelski.

Evan was born in September 2003, and grew up in Hanover, Pennsylvania, a rural community about an hour north of Baltimore.  He is close enough to his Polish heritage to know some slang terms: badooshk, asshole; kutas, d*ck; chuj, d*ck; palka, big d*ck.

Apparently he needs to describe his d*ck quite often (Polish guys on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

He attended South West High School, where he played football, and trained with the Baltimore Improv Group. 

He graduated in 2022, and moved to Los Angeles to become an actor, starting with commercials for Peloton exercise equipment (playing a buffed sufer) and Reebok shoes. 

In a 2023 episode of Dave: the mild-mannered wannabe rapper (Dave Burd) returns to Philadelphia to look up the childhood Girl of His Dreams, who stuck him in the friend zone.  He's homophobic, referring to the jock who won her as a c*cksucker, but also into guys at least according to some photos that show him doing kinky gay stuff.   

Evan played "Matt's Replacement," presumably someone who took over for Dave's roommate / manager, Matt (Andrew Santino, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends). But I couldn't find him in the episode.  Maybe he wasn't blond.

More after the break

What has Ian Winningkoff been up to lately? Hint: you'll need several n*de dudes, one going downtown, to get through it all

  

Link to the n*de photos

In October 2023, I posted a profile of Ian Winningkoff: Young Chuck Montgomery in Righteous Gemstones Season 3, Classmate #2 in an episode of Secrets of Sulphur Springs, and Danny Zuko in a local production of Grease.  There were a lot of page views during the first week or so, and then they dwindled to near zero, the usual fate of profiles of actors who aren't particularly famous. 

 But during the last few days, the number of page views has skyrocketed, leading me to wonder if something has happened.  Did Ian get a starring role in a big production?  Did he come out?  Did he get arrested?

So let's check Ian's Instagram, his dad's Facebook page, and his high school website to see what he's been up to lately.

In the summer of 2024, Ian starred as Troy Bolton in a local production of High School Musical.

2024-25 was his senior year at Ben Franklin High in New Orleans.  We see him in January 2025, filling out a profile for the NCSA college recruiting website: "I love the game of basketball on a larger note then just playing, but my dream is to play for a college program."

And he's got a goatee that makes him look like a Disney villain.  Not just Disney:  Leonardo DiCaprio, Wes Bentley, Tom Cruise, Liam Neeson, Alan Rickman, and Spock got bearded up when their character went dark.

Mardi Gras, 2025: Ian is hanging with some rather hot homies, no girls. So, into guys, buddy? 

In April 2025, Ian's dad notes that he is starring in the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

A photo dump from April 2025 shows Ian hugging his buddy Xander, who will receive the Louis Armstrong Jazz Award and be named to the LHSAA All-Academic Team.  Quite an impressive boyfriend -- oh, wait, the rest of the photos show Ian hugging, kissing, and pretending to strangle a girl.

Next comes a n*de dude on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.  You'll need it to get through what comes next:

May 2025, Ian's Senior Prom photo dump: multiple scenes of hugging, kissing, pretending to strangle, dancing in his underwear with, sticking his tongue out at, and licking the corsage of a girl. Here he winks so we will congratulate him on being heterosexual. 

N*de photos on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

More after the break.  

The Adventures of Pete and Pete

Juvenile tv programs of the 1950s and 1960s, such as Captain Kangaroo, Shari Lewis, and Andy's Gang,  were dedicated to socializing kids into the norms of adult society.  The rules may seem odd, the hosts seemed to say, but they were established by wise, sensible adults, and you musst conform. 

Then came the dedicated kidvid networks, Nickelodeon, The Disney Channel, and the Cartoon Network, telling us something quite different.   Adults are inept, crazy, or downright evil.  Their rules make no sense.  Don't even try to conform society: rebel, resist, be yourself.

The benchmark of this new anarchic juvenile tv was Nickelodeon's The Adventures of Pete and Pete (1993-96), about two brothers, teenage Pete (Mike Maronna) and preteen Pete (Danny Tamberelli) living with their parents in the town of Wellsville, New York.

If the two brothers with the same name don't suggest that something is askew in Wellsville, what about the opening song:

Hey, Smilin' Strange, you're looking happily deranged
I could've settled if you shoot me, or have you picked your target yet?

Or the adult characters:

Mom, who has a steel plate in her head that can pick up radio.

Artie, the Strongest Man in the World (Toby Huss, left), who is not at all muscular but brags that he can move a house a whole inch.

Mr. Slurm (Don Creech), the high school shop teacher with a claw for a hand.

Pit Stain Jones, a super-villain whose powers are obvious

Big Pete (Michael Maronna) is drawing close to adulthood, so he is the most conformist, with part-time jobs and career plans and crushes on girls.


But Little Pete (Danny Tamborelli) resists the International Adult Conspiracy on bedtimes and dodgeball, and investigates such mysteries as the "Inspector" tag in clothing, the "time warp" of Daylight Savings Time, and a telephone that has been ringing for 27 years.

More after the break

The18 best Gemstones stories: Kelvin with Percy, Cousin Karl with Vance and Percy, Keefe with Gideon, Pontius with Stacy. Plus Abraham comes out

  

Link to the n*de photos

I never wrote fan fiction before, but I got the urge frequently during the run of The Righteous Gemstones, to "fix" terrible plotlines, expand upon minor characters, and respond to the incessant "that doesn't make Kelvin gay" fan complaints.   There are 25 on Archive of Our Own, but I've only reposted 18 here:

Before Season 1

How do I Know If I'm G...:  Pontius pressures his older brother, 16-year old Gideon, into coming to his sleepover.  He invites the "juvenile delinquent" Manny, gets his first kiss, and wonders if he is g___.

During/After Season 1

My Boyfriend and my Satanist Ex-boyfriend at Thanksgiving Dinner.  Kelvin wants them to stay closeted at Thanksgiving Dinner with Keefe's family, but his ex-boyfriend, Daedalus, is coming, too, and wants to get back together.

Is there S*x After Death?  Scotty dies in Episode 1.8, but Grandma Aimee-Leigh guides him through all the moments of Gideon's life, so he can forgive him for all the moments lost to pettiness and fear.

Kelvin and Keefe under the Christmas tree.  After the events of Season 1, everyone thinks that Kelvin and Keefe are boyfriends -- except for Kelvin.

During/After Season 2

BJ's Angels.  I envision Gideon and two members of the God Squad getting jobs as detectives in a Charlie's Angels parody, with BJ as Charlie.

During/After Season 3

B*ndage doesn't solve everything.  There were several hints in Episodes 1-2 that Kelvin and Keefe were into tie-up games, so I wrote a story where they guys break up during a scene, then reconcile when Kelvin arranges for Keefe to get a job as manager of the Gemstone Health Club.

Kelvin's Rebound Date with Percy.  Percy appears in just one scene, as an interior designer working on the church board room.  In this story, Kelvin is distraught after the Episode 3.4 breakup, and his siblings suggest that he move on...with a date with Percy.

Gideon Moves out of the Friend Zone. After the Episode 3,4 breakup, Gideon gets the nerve to ask Keefe out.  They have a hookup, but is that enough to move out of the friend zone?

The Kiss Heard 'Round the World.  The day of the Episode 3.8 Kelvin/Keefe kiss, seen through the eyes of Amber, Gideon, Eli, Judy, Keefe, and Jesse.

More after the break

"What You Wish For": Nick Stahl plays a chef who discovers what's on the menu. With two n*de Ecuadorian guys

 

Link to the n*de dudes

What You Wish For (2023) just dropped on Hulu.  It stars Nick Stahl, who played a lot of conflicted queer teenagers back in the day, so I'm in.

Scene 1: A very craggy Nick Stahl arrives in an unspecified South American country (very near the equator, so maybe Ecuador).  He tries to get a cab, but he doesn't speak Spanish, and the taxi drivers don't speak English...then he sees that his host sent a driver!

Through the jungle to a beautiful ultra-modern house.  The host left a note: he won't be back until late, but make yourself at home.  So Nick cooks himself an omelette.

Uh-oh, a text from Rabbit: he wants the $50,000 right away.  Leaving the country won't help: "I'll track you down."  Gambling debts?

Scene 2: Jack (Brian Groh) arrives.  Back story: they were roommates in culinary school 12 years ago, and haven't seen each other since. So, whose idea was this reunion?   Nick is a failure, reduced to cooking in a hotel kitchen ("a lot of roast chicken"), while Jack travels to exotic locations all over the world: he spends a week in the ritzy house, vetting ingredients, prepping, and cooking a meal for rich people.  He's paid extraordinarily well for this.  "But it's not as exciting as it sounds.  My bosses are assholes, and...well..."

Scene 3: They drive into town.  Jack complains about cooking for the super-rich among the most impoverished people you've ever met.  When they stop for lunch, Jack asks "So, do you have a wife or girlfriend back home?"  No.  You forgot to ask about a boyfriend or husband, buddy.

Not to worry, a tourist named Alice, having a "spontaneous adventure," joins them, and asks if they're together.  "No, we haven't seen each other in twelve years."  That doesn't tell her if you are gay.

They invite her back to the house to see which is the best chef (she prefers Nick's risotto).  Then they go swimming, and Alice and Jack head off to bed. Heterosexual identity established at Minute 15. Interesting that there's no question about who Alice will hook up with. Is Nick not into ladies?

Scene 4: In the morning, Jack drives Alice back to her hotel, and returns to hang out with Nick again.  

"Why do you need a whole week to source the ingredients for just one meal?"

"It's complicated.  My bosses are...well, people are just the worst, selfish assholes.  And they're destroying the planet.  We'll all be dead in ten years, so what's the point."

Scene 5: The next morning, Nick wakes up to discover that Jack has hanged himself!  This came as a shock.

He doesn't grieve much, because he didn't really know the guy.  Suddenly Rabbit texts: "I need that $50,000 or your mum gets it!"  

Nick gets the bright idea of stealing Jack's identity, raiding his bank account to pay his gambling debts, and taking his place in the cushy chef job.  He talks his way into changing the password on Jack's bank account, then rushes out and buys a fake id.

Later that day, director Imogine and her assistant Maurice (Juan Carlos Messier) arrive, and are horrified that he's been there for a week, but hasn't vetted out the meat yet.  "No problem: it's just one meal.  I'll buy it tomorrow." 

"Buy it?  Are you daft?"  Uh-oh.

Director Imogene rushes him to a convenience store in town; maybe someone there is healthy.  Nope, they'll have to try again tomorrow.   Healthy?  Finally Nick realizes that he's supposed to cook people! 

Scene 6: Nick tries to leave during the night and change back to his Nick identity, but they are both up.  They sense that he's trying to leave, and explain: they serve 50 meals a year, but often choose two people for each, in case one is "rotten."  That's about 75 deaths per year, far fewer than workers in the oil industry, or cab drivers.  Plus they channel 10% off their profits back into the community they harvest from, so it's a win-win.

But they're counting on Nick.  If he refuses to cook, or prepares a bad meal, he's dead.

Scene 7: In the morning, Maurice takes him into the village, where Sunday Mass is just letting out.  They set their sights on a teenage girl, but she's with an old lady, who would be no good.  An  auto mechanic named Jose (Felipe Solano) looks ok.  Maurice flirts with him, asks about his interest in sports and healthy eating habits, and shoots him. 

Uh-oh, the two ladies have contacted the police, who interrogate Maurice.  He claims that they're scoping out sites for a possible hotel.  Nick is the architect.

Scene 8: Back at the house, Nick has the job of butchering the body.

Jose, N*de Guy #1, on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Afterwards Nick tries to run away again, but accidentally hits a member of the grounds crew (and crashes the car).  

Maurice tells him that only one chef has ever been allowed to quit: she cooked so well that the Agency was impressed, but instead of payment she asked to be released, and they agreed.  So maybe Nick could cook an exceptional meal, and get ou that way?

Scene 9: He announces four courses: Carpaccio with pozole soup; turnip spaghetti carbonara with sage beurre noisette; thigh Bourdelaise and beets;  and tongue sashimi for dessert (requested by one of the guests).  You don't generally think of beets and turnips as South American, but they grow specialized tropical varieties in Ecuador.

More after the break.