Jonathan Taylor Thomas: The teen idol superstar plays gay characters, retires from acting before he can show us his d*ck. Probably

Link to the n*de photos

During the early 1990s, ABC offered a "family-friendly" lineup on Wednesday nights, beginning with The Wonder Years, with Fred Savage courting the Girl of His Dreams in the 1960s.  We sang a parody of the theme song, the Beatle's "With a Little Help from My Friends":

What would you do if I spat on your shoes?
Would you get up and kick me to the moon?

Before turning the channel to CBS, with The Nanny and Melrose Place.

But we knew about each of the shows, because you knew about every show in the era. They included:

Doogie Houser, with Neil Patrick Harris (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) as a 13 year old doctor named Doogie.

Coach, with Craig T. Nelson as a coach.

And Home Improvement, with Tim Allen as a grunting, sweating macho man who hosts a tool-themed tv series and tries to instill grunting, sweating masculinity into his three sons.  Zachery Ty Bryant (playing Brad), the eldest and most muscular, was promoted as a teen idol to draw in teenage girls (they weren't aware of gay boys).  But oddly, it was Jonathan Taylor Thomas (playing Randy) who took off, causing millions of teenage and preteen girls to tune it (again, no gay boys exist).  It quickly jumped to #2 in the ratings.

Wait -- Brad is a jock, a football star, a letterman who every girl in the school swoons over.  Randy is soft, bookish, somewhat femme, playing "a fairy" in the school play, an aspiring actor and journalist.  How did Jonathan Taylor Thomas do it?

The showrunners were stumped. They should have realized that straight girls and gay boys just starting to recognize their romantic interests prefer soft, cuddly, and relatable: Malcolm, not Reese (Malcolm in the Middle), Chris, not Drew (Everybody Hates Chris); Adam, not Barry (The Goldbergs). 

In the mid-1990s, Home Improvement moved to Tuesdays, in the hope that its popularity would help stragglers like Spin City.  We still steered clear of the grunting, sweating Tim Allen, quickly changing the channel to Frasier (CBS) and then back for Drew Carey (ABC).    

But we could hardly ignore JTT; he was on every magazine cover, in every talk show.

He presented at the Emmies and the Golden Globes.

We saw him waving in Thanksgiving and Christmas parades

He appeared in specials honoring Tom Cruise and Lauren Hutton

He praised James Bond in a documentary about the super-spy.

Elton John hugged him.

He played Tom Sawyer opposite Devon Sawa's Huckleberry Finn in Tom and Huck (1995), with a story only vaguely related to the original novels.

An adventure boy opposite Devon Sawa (right) and Scott Bairstow (left, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) in Wild America (1997).

More after the break.  

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: The 3rd Rock kid plays gay teenagers, then descends into ceaseless heteronormativity. With his backside and potential d*ck

 

 Link to the n*de photos

Raise your hand if you still think of Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Tommy Solomon on 3rd Rock from the Sun (1996-2001).  A team of aliens is sent to Earth, disguised as a "typical human family," but their superiors get the ages and genders mixed up.  The male security officer becomes a woman, Sally (played by Kristen Johnsten, who would go on to play Eli's estranged sister on The Righteous Gemstones).  The middle aged information officer becomes prepubescent Tommy.  Poor guy has to go through puberty twice.

There were no regular gay characters, and only two references, in "mistaken for gay" episodes, but Sally, as a male being presenting as a woman, has a queer aura in spite of her hetero interests.  Plus John Lithgow, a vocal ally who has played gay and trans characters, imbued the team leader with a number of queer codes, explained as lack of familiarity with human customs.

Joseph was a busy child star long before 3rd Rock, with guest spots on Murder She Wrote, LA Law, Quantum Leap, Family Ties, and Roseanne, and starring roles in the 1991 Dark Shadows reboot (as David Collins, heir to the vampire-ridden dynasty) and the 1992 Powers that Be (as the grandson of the unhinged Senator Powers).

I've already reviewed The Great Elephant Escape (1995), a buddy-bonding adventure set in East Africa.

Duriing and after 3rd Rock, Joseph appeared in several projects of gay interest:

On a 1998 episode of That 70s Show, about a group of high school friends in 1970s Milwaukee, focus character Eric befriends his chemistry lab partner, Buddy (Joseph), who thinks they are dating and kisses him.  Eric struggles with the realization, but in the end decides to stay friends with Buddy anyway.  Buddy was supposed to be an ongoing character, but homophobic fans objected, so he was dropped.

Some historians call it the first male same-sex kiss on tv, but it doesn't really count, since Eric didn't consent.  The first kiss where both men consent aired in 2004.

Latter Days (2003) features a romance between  closeted Mormon missionary Aaron (Steve Sandvoss, middle) and out-and-proud, heavily partying Christian (Wes Ramsey, left).  They end up leaving the church and tthe party subculture, respectively. 

Wes Ramsey and Joseph's backsides are on  RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

 Joseph auditioned to  play Aaron, but the directors thought that his aggressive manner was better suited to the homophobic missionary Paul.  

Mysterious Skin (2004) features two boys, Neill and Brian (Joseph, Brady Corbet), who are abused by their Little League coach.  When they grow up, Neil becomes a hustler (gay, but with a girlfriend), while Brian is experiencing "missing time" and believes that he was abducted by aliens.  

Two more Joseph backsides on RG Beefcakes and Boyfriends.

I didn't watch because I heard that it was homophobic, presenting the idea that the abuse "turned" the boys gay.

Then the gay content abruptly  ends.  Joe's character even uses a homophobic slur in Don Jon (2013).  He explains, "that character would say that." So it's realistic to offend your gay fans?

In the same interview, he's asked about his gay fans, and replies: "I can't say it's something I really think about."  Jerk!

More after the break

Zak Ford Williams: Better Bridgerton Batteries and the British Stonewall: all gay roles all the time. With a lot of c*cks.

   

Link to the n*de photos

Awhile ago I profiled Ruben Reuter, the "short guy with a d*ck" who starred in the Channel 4 Britcom Pushers.  In 2023 he appeared in the short Mobility,  about three high school students with different disabilities riding the same bus every day.  

I decided to check out his co-stars -- maybe the others were gay, too -- and found the extremely attractive Zak Ford-Williams. 

Zak was born in Ramsbottom, about 15 miles from Manchester, in 1999.  Growing up, he was deeply involved in the theater, joining Summerseat Players and the Manchester Royal Exchange Young Players.  He took his secondary school at the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts and university at the Manchester School of Theatre (B.A., 2020).

His first on-screen role was in a 2021 episode of Wolfe, with Babou Ceesay as a university professor/ murder investigator.  The team finds evidence of a ritual killing in a "giant fatberg" in Manchester's sewers ( a fatberg is a giant blockage).  Zak's character offers to guide them into the sewer, and then attacks.

Next Zak had a recurring role in Better (2023), about a corrupt police detective striving to "do better."  Her son Owen (Zak), disabled after a bout of meningitis,  starts a relationship with the Crime Lord's son Donal (Ceallach Spellman, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

The short Battery (2023) is set during a lockdown that has turned London into a post-Apocalyptic nightmare.  A boy with cerebral palsy (Zak), forbidden to leave the flat because "it's not safe," sneaks out and braves the mean streets to reunite with his boyfriend (Nadeen Islam, who performs stand-up as "the only brown deaf gay man in England")  It was repeated in the anthology movie 4Love (2023).  

Next came an episode of the long-running  Midsommer Murders.  He plays Ludo Trask, a teenager obsessed with a book supposedly containing clues to a treasure -- and its author, who ends up murdered.  Spoiler alert: he didn't do it.  No heterosexual interest mentioned.

Two episodes of the historical soap opera Bridgerton, as the snarky gossip-girl Lord Remington (dig the old-timey wheelchair).  He hangs out with Penelope (left), but does not express any romantic interest in her.

And she is is busy courting Colin Bridgerton (Luke Newton, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) and Alfred Debling (Sam Phillips).

If you're keeping score, that's five roles, two canonically gay, one gay vague, and two queer coded through lack of expressed heterosexual interest.

More after the break. 

Rooster, Episode 1.1: Trashy novelist at an elite college, hetero romance problems, a gay sidekick, Dunster d*ck, and the guy from "Scrubs"

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Robert Heinlein once complained that science fiction was about exploring the vastness of time and space, while mainstream fiction -- the Rabbit Runs, Appointments in Samarra, and  Complaining Portnoys of our college lit classes -- was about men who hate their jobs and their wives.  "For Heaven's sake, get new jobs, get new wives, and shut the f*k up."

I am reminded of that quote when I think of the works of Steve Carrell:  Anchorman, Dan in Real Life,  The 40 Year Old Virgin, Cafe Society,  Date Night, Dinner for Schmucks, The Morning Show, The Four Seasons, all about little men trying desperately to find meaning in jobs and wives that they hate. Coincidentally, this is precisely the "job, house, wife, kids" trajectory that I rebelled against growing up.

So I wasn't planning to watch the HBO MAX series Rooster (2026).  Then the promo showed a young man telling Steve, "nice washboard (abs)," referring to the hunk on the cover of his book.  Later he seems to become Steve's sidekick.  So Steve probably writes gay novels, and probably has a gay sidekick.  Enough potential to review Episode 1.

Scene 1:  Famous novelist Greg Russo (Steve) looks morose as he is escorted through the elegant Spanish Colonial campus of Ludlow College (actually the University of the Pacific, Stockton).  He sees a n*ked old guy, who waves -- but his escort, Eric (Myles Perez, left), doesn't see anyone.  A hallucination?

Eric tells him to wait here, then zones him out and refuses to speak anymore.  Fortunately, Professor Shepherd, who arranged his campus visit,  is just walking up. 

He's nervous -- he writes trashy beach novels, not literature: "Characters you like do bedroom stuff characters you don't like get shot in the face."  Why would elite college students want to see him?  

Scene 2: The reading, in a giant lecture hall.  The students criticize his protagonist, Rooster, for describing the Girl in food terms during their 17 bedroom acts (18, if you count the bj). Isn't that sexist?  

Russo counters that she is strong and powerful -- she rescues Rooster, remember? "But she takes off her bikini top to do it."   A jock praises that scene: "The Girl is smokin'!"  Hey, isn't he the gay sidekick?  I'm starting to suspect that I've been tricked.

Scene 3: Next Russo meets the College President (John C. McGinley, the homophobic, sexist jerk on Scrubs).  He strips to his underwear to show off his physique: "You're thinking, most college presidents are bookish shut-ins, but this guy is jacked!" He looks like the n*ked guy from earlier.  So it wasn't a hallucination, just a crazy act that would never happen on any real college campus.

They allude to a "s&x scandal" involving Katie and Archie (not mentioned before), and the President offers Russo a job as Writer-in-Residence.  "But I didn't even go to college."  "Who cares?  It's over-rated."  Academic malaise at its snarkiest. 

 McGinley's backside on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Scene 4:  Next stop: Another giant lecture hall, a lecture on French impressionism, Monet at Giverny.  It's Russo's daughter Katie, a professor of art history (and the s*x scandal lady).  As the students leave, she notes that her Dad doesn't like interacting with other humans, so they can get extra credit for looking him in the eye and saying "I love you very much."  A student does it!

Next Katie points out that the college has asked Russo to do a reading a billion times; why agree now?  "Admit it -- you're checking up on me, to see if I'm ok after the s*x scandal."  We finally find out what it is: her husband Archie dumped her for a grad student.  Hetero Romance Problem #1.  

She has no idea why. Everything was normal, and then she was moving into the dead hockey coach's house.   Everybody on campus knows, and keeps staring at her and asking questions.  And it's difficult to avoid running into him or his new girlfriend on a small campus.  She's about to crack.

She points them out, sitting on a park bench.  "The girlfriend isn't even hot.  She's like a regular person.  Why did he dump me for her?"  Maybe he liked her personality?

As Russo peeks through the bushes, husband Archie and the girlfriend leave, and a lesbian couple notice him.  They think he's a perv, har har.   He runs away as they film him.  

Spoiler alert: This is set up to have consequences, like Russo being arrested, or the job offer rescinded, but it is never mentioned again.

Scene 5: Russo stops at a convenience store for some water.  Tommy (Maximo Salas), the jock from earlier, praises the Rooster books. Uh-oh, he forgot his id, so Russo buys his beer for him.  If he's under 21, you're in big trouble, buddy.

More after the break

Inner City Prettyboy: What's Happening!!

In 1971,  there were no network television programs with all-African American casts.  In 1976, there were six, including such hits as Good Times, Sanford and Son, and The Jeffersons.  But only What's Happening!! featured teenagers (yes, two exclamation points in the title).

It began as Cooley High,  four-episode summer series about the exploits of Shirley (Shirley Hemphill), a sassy waitress in a diner in a poor African-American neighborhood. If you complained about your hamburger, she took a bite and said "It tastes fine to me."  This was supposed to be endearing rather than cringy.

 The regular series began in 1976, in the the ABC Thursday night lineup of hip sitcoms aimed at young people: Welcome Back Kotter, Barney Miller, Three's Company.   The geezers were watching The Waltons 

The focus character was now on the bookish high schooler Raj (Ernest L. Thompson, right).  His partners in hijinks were the Kramer of the series, rotund schemer Rerun (Fred Berry); and Duane (Haywood Nelson, center), a shy younger boy who was happy that they let him hang around.  Filling out the cast was Raj's imposing, no-nonsense Mama (Mabel King) and his little sister Dee, whose catchphrase "I'm telling Mama" enjoyed a brief popularity.

What's Happening!! featured simple morality plays, such as about Mama being accused of stealing; Rerun getting a job on a dance team, unaware that they want to use him for fat jokes; and Raj having a script rejected, only to find the plot stolen.  But there immediate complaints about the simplistic plotlines and the cultural stereotypes. Weren't Raj and Rerun just a teenage Amos and Andy?  And Mama just a new version of Aunt Jemima?  Mabel King wondered why her character had to be a maid.  Why not have her go back to school, get a better job, start a business?  It wasn't happening, and at the end of the second season she left.  The show was moved to Friday nights, dead time for young people, then to Saturday, as a nonsensical lead-in to the oldster favorites Love Boat and Fantasy Island, then cancelled.

Without Mama as a moral center, the series limped along with low ratings and was finally cancelled.

But there was a lot for gay kids to like in What's Happening!!  

1. Minimal heterosexual interest.  During the first two seasons, no episodes involved Raj and Rerun liking girls or getting girlfriends (two involved Duane).

2. Homoromantic buddy bonding between Raj and Rerun.  In the third season, they even move into an apartment together.

3. Duane was shy, soft, passive, pretty -- gay-vague.  Maybe he had so many "winning the Girl" plotlines, because audiences need reassuring that he was straight.

5. No shirtless shots, but lots of bulging.  Duane looked good coming and going.

A sequel, What's Happening Now!!, aired from 1985 to 1988.  The gang was now young adults.  Raj, newly married, was a writer. Rerun sold used cars. Duane was a computer programmer with a spectacular bodybuilder's physique (but he took off his shirt in just one episode).  They also added a couple of teenage best friends (Martin Lawrence, Ken Sagoes).  The homoromantic subtexts were all but forgotten.

More after the break

The 12 most homophobic, heterosexist, and horrible songs

Heterosexism is commonplace in the "girl! girl! girl!' banter of popular music.  But some songs are so heterosexist, homophobic, or otherwise horrible that I literally can't stand to hear them.  If they come on tv, I click the channel, and if I can't find the remote, I run from the room.  If they're playing in a store, I leave. And heaven help the friend who starts singing one of them!

I'm not including songs that were intended to be homophobic, like "My Girl Bill" and "Big Bad Bruce."

1. "It's a Man's World" (James Brown, 1966)

It's a man's world, but you're nothing...nothing at all, without a woman (or a girl).

This from a guy who dresses like a 1950s housewife.

2. "She Bangs" (Ricky Martin, 2000).

A gay guy singing about how much he likes the way a girl moves, and then a pun on "shebang" and a dirty phrase for s*x.  Can't get any more Uncle Tom than that.

3. "Stand Tall" (Burton Cummings, 1976)

December of my junior  year: I was home sick, looking for a gay comic book, and thinking "No way am I a f*g!"  And I heard on the radio:

Stand tall, don't you fall, don't go and do something foolish
All you're feeling right now is silly human pride.

Right, not gay, don't do anything foolish.

4. "Lady" (Kenny Rogers, 1980).

I was in college, not out because of course no one came out in those days, negotiating the incessant "No homosexual has ever been a great writer" from professors and the "what girl do you like?" chants of my family and friends.  And I heard:

Lady, I'm your knight in shining armor, and I love you.
Let me hold you in my arms forever more....

5. "When Doves Cry" (Prince and the Revolution, 1984).

 I'm on my way to Hell-fer-Sartain State University in ugh...Texas or the worst year of my life, and this ultra-feminine, super-gay coded guy starts singing about a heterosexual breakup:

How can you just leave me standing, alone in a world so cold?
Maybe I'm just too demanding
Maybe I'm just like my father, too bold

6. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (Judy Garland, 1944).

I've heard the first few words of this monstrosity many times, as I'm rushing to turn off the tv or run from the mall.  Once I was visiting my partner's cousins, and their kid started playing it..  I ran upstairs and hid in the bathroom for ten minutes, but when I emerged it was still playing!  

More (gulp!) after the break.

Leonard Bernstein, Aaron the Rabbi's Son, and a poem about masks on the verge of coming out

  

Link to the n*de photos

Sorry for two autobiographical stories in a row, but I'm trying to build up my Fiction/Travel Index, and there aren't many tv programs around in the summertime to review.

When I was a kid, my church had no problem with classical music, but my parents hated "that longhair stuff," so there was none in the house.  My first exposure to Bach, Berlioz, Beethoven, and Mozart came through a series of Young People's Concerts which appeared occasionally on Sunday afternoons, hosted by famous composer Leonard Bernstein.

Later, when I joined the school orchestra, I learned more about Leonard Bernstein.

I saw his gay symbolism-heavy musicals, On the Town (1949), starring Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra, and West Side Story (1961), starring gay actor George Chakiris and assorted high-stepping hunks.

And his Symphony #3, Kaddish, named after the Jewish prayer for the dead.

He appeared on tv, conducting Gershwin, Mahler, and Beethoven.

No one ever mentioned that he was gay, of course, and his works revealed nothing, except maybe the Serenade for Solo Violin, Strings, Harp, and Percussion, after Plato's Symposium (1954).  The Symposium contains Plato's famous defense of same-sex love.

In the spring of my senior year, Aaron, the rabbi's son who was gay (but didn't know it yet), invited me to a performance of Bernstein's Mass, a musical theater piece based on the Latin Mass.  

"Wait -- isn't Bernstein Jewish?"

He nodded.  "That's what makes it interesting."

Nazarenes weren't supposed to associate with Catholics, or have anything to do with Catholic music, so of course I wanted to go.

There are three acts.

Act 1: Devotion and Celebration.  The celebrant invites the congregants to worship.  They begin authentically, but then doubt creeps in.  Nazarenes were told that it was a sin to doubt the existence of God, the inerrancy of the Bible, or the fundamental beliefs like the Virgin Birth: the Devil's primary temptation was not to do bad things, but to doubt. But here it is celebrated as part of the worship experience.  How can God be with us when there is so much suffering in the world?

Originally the congregants mentioned war, but in more recent versions, they mention racism and homophobia.

Act 2:  Crisis and Collapse: The anxieties and doubts of the congregants take their toll on the celebrant, who has a spiritual collapse, breaks the sacred objects, and screams in rage against God.

What  I say -- I don't feel.
What I feel -- I can't show.
What I show -- isn't real.
What is real?  Oh Lord, I don't know.

Suddenly I realized that he was mirroring the interrogation that I received constantly from parents, friends, teachers, my brother, the preacher at church,  "What girl do you like?  What girl?  What girl?  What girl?" 

Every boy has discovered girls at your age.  Every boy has experienced True Love, that fills "the hearts of boy and girl with mutual flame."  If you haven't, you must pretend.  Smile, grin, flirt, talk about how much you long for feminine smiles, every day, every hour, for the rest of your life.

In the third act, Resolution, a boy emerges from the congregation and sings "I will lift up my eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help," offering hope in the midst of despair.  The celebrant is restored, and the Mass continues.

But I wasn't paying attention.

More after the break

Murder, They Hope: Terry and Gemma visit a village with weird rituals, dark secrets, dead Santas, former hunks, and Jack Carroll's d*ck

 

 Link to the n*de dudes

I haven't reviewed anything on Amazon Prime for awhile, because I'm annoyed by having to wade through two minutes of commercials before they'll let me check to see if it's awful. But a  Christmas-themed murder mystery in July sounds fun, and the title has two allusions: Blood Actually , a Murder They Hope Mystery (Love Actually, Murder She Wrote).

Scene 1: Santa Claus runs through the woods, terrified and bleeding.  We hear a squelch as he is murdered off-camera.  Cut to the opening credits.

An elderly man and his much younger wife or daughter discuss how this will be the best Christmas ever as they approach their Christmas holiday cottage.  The guy with the key popped down to the pub, but that's ok.  They love old-fashioned English pubs full of friendly villagers. 

Scene 2: The C*ck Inn.  I'd patronize that.  Carolers are singing "Ding Dong, Merrily On High," which I've never heard before.  Must be distinctly British.

When the Elderly Man and his Wife or Daughter enter, the carolers and pub patrons glare in anger and "cold contempt."  Are they acquainted with the couple, or do they belong to an evil fertility cult?

One of the villagers, Gavin, approaches to apologize: "We don't get too many outsiders here."  He is shushed by the head caroler-- wait, that's Jane Horrocks, the ditzy assistant Bubble on Absolutely Fabulous!  

And Jack Carroll from Coronation Street is one of the glaring patrons (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends)

The Elderly Man, Terry, is played by Johnny Vegas, who starred with Jack in Eaten by Lions. Tour bus driver Terry and guide Gemma (Sian Gibson) have stumbled upon murders in two movies, two tv miniseries, and two tv specials. By this point, they have married and started their own private investigation business, but they're just here for the Christmas holiday.

Creepy David, who owns the holiday cottage they're renting, takes them to get settled.  When they leave, the carolers and patrons glare and fuss; "What are they doing here?  They'll ruin everything!"  Are they planning a Midsommer-style human sacrifice orgy?

Scene 3: Tour of the cottage, with a huge kitchen.  Terry is happy; he can get some creating done here!  He means cooking: he's hoping to do a proper Christmas dinner, to make up for the horrible ones his mum and nan foisted on him.

By the way, Creepy David lives in the granny flat out back, but it has no kitchen, so he'll be popping in to do his own cooking, and he's coming to their Christmas Dinner, of course. 

Left: Creepy David is played by Peter Davidson.  Not the multiple-tattooed Peter Davidson; he was the fifth Doctor Who, appearing 1981-84, and in many movies, tv series, and podcasts thereafter.

When he leaves, Gemma notes a problem: she was busily eating a chocolate mousse, and left the turkey on the kitchen counter back home.  This freaks out Terry: "It's not Christmas, it's Nothing-mas!"

Scene 4: Terry rushes into the village to see if there are any turkeys left.  There are three in a shop with a sign: "All are welcome. Terms and conditions apply."

Uh-oh, the proprietor is Bubble, the most vicious of the carolers.  "We haven't got any turkeys for you.  Those are reserved for members of our community."

Terry notices a poster for the  Santathalon -- prizes for the best Santa Claus!  Anyone in the village is permitted to compete.  Aha, a loophole! If he wins the contest, he'll be accepted as a member of the community, and then she'll have to sell him a turkey. Bubble grudgingly agrees.

Cut to Terry modeling the makeshift Santa Suit that he made from the clothes of Creepy David's dead wife. This causes David to tear up. Heterosexual identity established at Minute 9. 

Scene 5: Terry at the pub with the other Santa contestants, including Martin Kemp of EastEnders (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends). Robert (Ed Kear of Nasty Neighbors) brags that he has made runner-up seven times, but his opponent points out that he's lost seven times. Plus his wife is cheating.  Heterosexual identity established immediately.    Robert counters that this is not a big deal, because every wife in the village is cheating. 

"You've just made the Naughty List," Eaten By Lions points out.  And you'll be the first victim, I'll bet.

While they are bickering, a muscular Green Man enters (Samuel Anderson of Emmerdale Farm) and announces that he is Centaur Klausenhof, a Scandinavian Santa Claus (no such being).  He insults Terry by calling him Klausenhoff's Empty-Headed Servant, Rupert.

Scene 6: The first challenge: Give a gift to a ceramic child, judged by your kindness and your ho-ho-hos.

Terry suggests using a real child, which causes everyone to glare, stare at the floor, and hug each other in despair. "There are no children in the village," Bubbles says ominously. Have they sacrificed all their kids?

Perpetual runner-up Robert goes first, but is disqualified for using an inhaler.  Next Terry, but when he opens the package, a head in a Santa hat drops out!  

"It's going to be that sort of Christmas," Terry says resignedly.  You're an amateur.  Jessica Fletcher of "Murder, She Wrote" stumbled upon murders 264 times.

More after the break. 

Sawyer Nicholson: A dimly lit chest shot leads to Kit Connor, Colby College, a croc monster, Wally's d*ck, and some n*de Sawyers

 

Link to the n*de dudes

In Batwoman Episode 3.1, two college students sneak into an indoor swimming pool at night. Derek takes off his shirt and pants and tries to kiss the girl, but she playfully tosses him into the water.  He's under there for a long time.  Suddenly he emerges, being tossed around by an unknown force.  The pool fills with blood.   Turns out that he has been eaten by a newly-created crocodile monster.  

The monster takes the girl back to its lair to eat later, giving her a huge amount of screen time and a Batwoman rescue, while Derek is on-screen for like ten seconds and never interacts with the main cast.   Apparently tv writers can't imagine that a man would ever need rescuing.  They must be strong, powerful, in control; only women get to be damsels in distress.  Even in a show that has to date featured two lesbian superheroes.   

We don't even get a clear picture of Derek during his ten seconds.  This photo is as clear as I could get,  and still half in shadow, there's a brief face shot -- which makes him look like Kit Connor of Heartstopper -- and the tossing-about is too fast for a good look.  

It's like the director has to film a pool scene, so the croc monster can get them, but wants to obscure Derek's body as much as possible.  The Girl is sequestered in a brightly-lit sewer, with everything clearly on display.

Dang it!  To assuage my disappointment over the Derek erasure, I'm going to research the actor, Sawyer Nicholson.  

He has four acting credits listed on the IMDB:

"Child in Meadow" in The Last Mimzy (2007)

Derek in Batwoman (2021).

Huge Football Player in How to Win a Popularity Contest (2026): Elle and her archnemesis Nate team up to win back their exes, and end up in love with each other.

And Walters in two episodes of Off Campus (2026), with Hannah using a jock (Belmont Cameli, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) to make her crush jealous.  I couldn't find him in the two episodes, and he's not mentioned in any synopsis.

Sawyer seems to be pursuing a career as a stunt performer.  He has 14 stunt credits, mostly from 2025 and 2026, including Tron: Ares and Playdate (which has gay subtexts), and episodes of Black Mirror, Upload, The Last of Us, and Every Year After.

He stunt doubled for Luke (Lachlan Quarmby), an "arrogant" rookie constable, in the Canadian police procedural Allegiance (2024-26).

And Wally (Milo Manheim) on School Spirits.  So we can assume that the backside on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends is actually Sawyer, but the d*ck belongs to Milo. 

Next I'll check Sawyer's social media.

Problem: There's a female Sawyer Nicholson, a very famous runner who gets 99% of the google results, even when my search string ends with -female -girl -lady absolutely -ladies, men  only.  Piecing between them for Sawyer Nicholson male actor men only,  I found no online resumes, no newspaper or magazine articles, and only three social media sites:

A Sawyer Nicholson Male Actor Men Only  on Facebook is from Brunswick, Maine, and graduated from Colby College in 2021.  The Batwoman episode was filmed in 2021 in Vancouver, quite a distance.  Besides, this Sawyer is currently  Operations Director for U.S. senator Angus King (Independent).  I doubt that he is doing much acting or stuntwork on the side.

More after the break

"Dad Can't Know That I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Adventure, with Ash, some twink d*cks, and a special appearance by Pontius and Stacy

 

 

Link to the n*de dudes

In The Righteous Gemstones, Abraham (Gavin Munn) is the teenage son of megachurch pastor Jesse Gemstone, and grandson of patriarch Eli Gemstone. He doesn't have many queer codes, but Gavin has a few.  I'm writing Jesse's other two sons, Gideon and Pontius, as gay, and Uncle Kelvin and his partner Keefe are canonical.

 

August 23: The first night of The Play that Goes Wrong, and everything did go wrong!  It was supposed to be about mishaps during a performance, with forgotten lines, broken props, and so on, but Ash really did forget his lines, miss his mark, and open his eyes while dead!  It was unusual for juniors to get starring roles, even during the Lowland Summer Stock -- usually they went to seniors preparing to study drama at prestigious universities.  So this was a big opportunity -- that he flubbed.  

After the requisite standing ovation, he wanted to slink out quietly, skip the cast party, and go home, but Pontius Gemstone and Stacy, two guys from his skateboarding group, were waiting in the wings, along with the cutest boy Ash had ever seen: a round face, blue-grey eyes, a shock of unruly brown hair.  He looked familiar, but Ash couldn't place him.

"My man!" Pontius exclaimed, pulling him into a hug.  "We had to come out and support our skating bro!"

"So...er...how did you like the show?" he asked the cute boy.  

He  said "Nice" in a near whisper, and looked up at Pontius.

"You know my little brother Abraham, right?"  

Now he remembered.  "Oh, sure -- I've seen you around the skate park, and in French class last year?"  He turned to Pontius.  "This guy spends three-fourths of the class not saying a word, and then suddenly he gives a five-minute spiel on Cocteau."

"Cock Two?" Pontius repeated.  "Sounds like my kind of writer."  

Stacy laughed and grabbed his arm.  "Be good!"

"Oh, I'm always good, Stace."

Wait -- were Pontius and Stacy dating?  He knew that Stacy was gay-- but didn't Pontius like girls?  

"We're...um...going out for pizza," Abraham said, looking down.  "Do you want to come with us?"

"En Francais, s'il vous plait."

He grinned -- a smile that made Ash melt!  "Veux-tu manger une pizza avec nous ? Et baise-moi "

And kiss me?  Whoa....  

They stopped at Famulari's for a bacon-cheeseburger pizza.  Yep, Pontius and Stacy started dating while he was in the hospital after the Gator Farm Massacre.  Stacy didn't want to tell their parents or anyone in the skating group yet.  He didn't explain why, but Ash suspected that it was because Pontius didn't seem like the monogamous type, and why get everyone all excited for them if they were going to break up in a few weeks?  

Once he had about a quart of soda in him, Abraham opened up.  His parents took him to Paris for his tenth birthday, and he was hooked.  He wanted to major in French in college, and become a translator.  He liked Heartstopper on Nickelodeon, country-Western music, mountain bikes, water-skiing, and scary movies.

Ash saw his chance: "Have you seen Sinners?  It's about twin brothers fighting vampires during the Great Depression."

"Sounds cool," Abraham said, flashing that incredible smile.  "Where's it playing?"

Ash checked his cell phone.  "At the Terrace.  I'm performing tomorrow and Sunday, but we could go on Tuesday night, if you're free."

Pontius began "Sure, we'd...", but Stacy shushed him.  "I mean, sorry, we have plans.  Why don't you and Abraham go together?"

Abraham looked down at his plate. "That'd be ok."

"Great.  I'll pick you up..."

"No!" he said forcefully, almost angrily.  "I'll pick you up..."

They all stared.  

"See, Grandad gave me a car for my sixteenth birthday, so I like to do the driving."

Ash's performance was better on Saturday night, and nearly perfect for the Sunday matinee, but still, the hours dragged.  He couldn't stop thinking of Abraham's smile, and resisted the urge to text him every five minutes.  He still texted a lot, just not every five minutes.

August 26: The movie was one of the best he'd ever seen, and the date was the best he'd ever had, cuddling against the amazingly cute Abraham Gemstone, arranging to reach for the popcorn when he did so their hands could touch.  But things came crashing down when Abraham dropped Ash off at his house, and he leaned in for a kiss.

Abraham moved his head.  "Hey, watch it!"

Ash's stomach churned.  Wasn't this a date?  Wasn't Abraham gay? "Sorry.  I thought..."

He was staring straight ahead.  "It's ok."

"If you don't like me in that way, we can always be friends, right?"

"Sure."

"Shake hands?"  He held out his hand.  Abraham took it, pressed the open palm to his face, and closed his eyes.  Was he trembling?

"Are you ok?" 

"No.  I mean, yeah, sure, of course."  He dropped Ash's hand.  "Good night."

When Ash texted a "thanks for a nice evening" later, he didn't respond.  And in the morning, when he texted "Are we still friends?", no response.  

The full story, with n*de photos, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: "My Three Gay Sons and...ugh...Vance Simkins": A Jesse Gemstone Adventure, with Guest Star Karl Montgomery

Gavin's Cute/Cool Photos, Part 4: A boy and his bully, a boy and his stuntman, Kelton Dumont, Santa Claus, and some n*de dudes

Michael Sayfou: Ethiopian-American model/theater major with a cat, a physique, and a lot of queer codes. Plus some Ethiopian d*cks.   I'm using Michael as the model for Ash.

Gavin Munn's polar plunge. Plus Tony's cold dip, a bondage hookup, and some nude dudes in the snow

Akuma Kun: The Chosen One and his canonical boyfriend investigate paranormal problems in a soggy, decaying neighborhood.

 

Akuma Kun (2023), on Netflix, drew my interest because of its excellent animation, all soggy, decaying opulence, and because of its blatant buddy bond between the two paranormal investigators.  Most of the anime we see on streaming services expect you to have known and loved the characters throughout your life, after buying the hundreds of manga, video games, comic strips, and tie-in toys and going to fan conventions to meet the stars of the live-action movies, but I'm going in fresh, with no research.  Episode 1.1: "Demons."

Scene 1:  A shabby office full of old furniture, books, papers, and weird bricabrac.  A big-headed boy named Mephisto complains that a lanky, gray-haired boy summoned him to deal with a toilet clog, and then ate all of his ramen! 

"It would have gotten soggy just sitting there, so I ate it," the boy responds, his nose stuck in a book. 

"If you want me to come over, why don't you call me on the telephone instead using a summoniing spell?"

"You come faster this way."

"But I'm half human, half demon, so I never cross over properly."  So Mephisto has been roped into becoming the Boy's servant, like a genie in a bottle?

 

The Boy is named Ichiro Umoregi, and titled Akuma Kun.  Akuma is translated "Demon," but it refers to any type of supernatural being, and Kun is a diminuitive used for close friends and little boys, so "Little Demon."  He is actually an adult -- everyone in this anime is drawn as a child.  He is voiced by Yuki Kaji, top photo in Japanese, Michael Johnston, left, in English, and Aidan Vallejo, below, in Spanish.  Both Michael and Aidan are gay.

Scene 2: Night.  A young college student walks down a dark, deserted street.  Suddenly a shadowy monster with glowing red eyes attacks!

Cut to a young woman named Hina walking toward the Millenarianism Research Institute.  So a cult?  Up a flight of wooden stairs to a courtyard with scary, ornate doors beyond.   She enters a drawing room cluttered with creepy skeletons and skull candleholders. Mephisto enters from the kitchen, exclaims "We have a client!  We can pay the rent!", and changes into a purple suit with a top hat and magician's cane. 

So they live together?  Then why does the Boy need to summon Mephisto?

Hina's case:  Two of her college classmates died two nights ago, at exactly 2:23 am.  And she discovered that three other people in the Kamichoufu Sector also died at the same moment.  Also, she's been plagued by nightmares.

Scene 3: They arrive at Hina's house to conduct some research.  The Boy immediately goes to her bedroom, angering her mother: "You can't just barge into a lady's room!  It's rude!"  

"Is this how your partner usually behaves?" Hina asks.

"He is a once-in-10,000 years genius, but he's sort of lacking in social skills." I'd put him on the autism spectrum.  The English, French, and Spanish voice actors speak in a monotone.

Mom recovers from her shock and brings them tea, but the Boy demands hotcakes ( hottokēki), not pancakes (pankēki).  He needs the sugar to get his brain cells active.  "Ok...um...I'll make you some hotcakes, I guess."  Ok, a little research.  Hotcakes are thicker than Western pancakes, with a custard-like texture.

Scene 4: The Boy rates the hotcakes the 18th best that he's had.    

Mom is a professor of European history.  The Boy has read her book, Lives and Sins of Kings, and found her interpretation of the Medieval monarchy "banal."  Way to insult your hostess, kid.

Hina tells them that the murdered people were all college students, but some went to other universities, and one had just graduated.

While Mephisto tries to discuss payment with Hina, the Boy looks under the bed  and sees a red-eyed monster.  No one else can see it.  He draws a mysterious Eye in the Pyramid on a scrap of paper and tells her to keep it close.  They'll be back tomorrow.

Scene 5: That night, while Hina is asleep, a red-eyed monster sneaks out from under the bed, but she holds up the Eye, and it vanishes.

Scene 6: Kamichoufou Odeon Cinema, a run-down theater near the Boy's office.  Hina tells him about the monster.  He suggests that someone is trying to keep them from investigating the case.

When he pinppoints the locations of the deaths on a map, it creates a pentagram.  So someone is trying to protect the person or thing in the center.  Hina recognizes the building: it's the home of her college friend Ichika. 

As they approach the house, Hina reveals that her friend didn't know any of the murder victims, except as faces in the cafeteria.  She belonged to a club with a "seedy" reputation. And she hasn't come to class in weeks.

The Boy suddenly decides not to go in. "Come by the Research Institute tomorrow."

That night the red-eyed monster appears again, but Hina has laminated the Eye and tied it to her wrist, so it can't attack. She doesn't even wake up.

More after the break