Gemstones Episode 4.2, Continued: Pontius' private parts, Gideon's bottom buddy, and JR's junk. Plus Karen from "Will and Grace" sings

  

Link to the NSFW version

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.2: Baby Billy's dong, BJ's pole, Kelvin's pipe, and the Clobber Verses.

In Part 1, the conflicts of the seasons were introduced: Eli is looking for meaning, BJ for independence, and Keefe for a wedding ring. Next up: Jesse and his Cain-and-Abel sons, Pontius and Gideon.

Pontius' Private Parts: Jesse taping a commercial for his new line of Prayer Pods, like privacy pods except that inside you can pray, play Bible Bonkers, listen to a sermon, and so on.  He forces the entire family into one.  It's a tight fit: Pontius, sitting on his lap, deliberately f*arts in his face.

In the dressing room, we get some back story:  Pontius (top photo and left) got kicked out of the Citadel for low grades, and  because he was posting videos of his buddies sticking firecrackers up each other's bottoms.  

That sounds like slang for gay activity, but apparently it's a real thing: people put fireworks in their friends' bottoms as a prank.  

I still think Ponty is hinting at same-sex interests.  

His privates are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Amber notes that you can "hurt your privates doing things like that, but Pontius insists that his privates work fine, disgusting his parents.  Darn, now you have viewers checking out your bulge.

Gideon's Bottom Buddy: Jesse can't communicate with his father Eli, but Gideon has no trouble: "I call Granddad, or he calls me."  

This enrages Jesse, who calls them bottom buddies.  Amber points out that the phrase actually refers to "s*odomy," so he backs down: "I didn't mean it like that.  I'm not trying to say that he's trying to f*k Daddy."  Of course not, Gideon is a bottom.

This is a continuation of the Eli-Gideon relationship from Season 3, so it shouldn't come as a surprise.  I'm wondering, however, if Gideon is ever going to have a relationship with anyone outside the family.  His last friend or boyfriend was Scotty, who died at the end of Season 1.  Your Granddad has overcome his grief and moved on, Gide Baby; maybe you should, too.

Abraham's got nothing: Poor Gavin; his last plot arc was in Season 2, and it was about leaving s*emen loads all over the house.  Looks like he's got nothing here, either; after the Prayer Pod commercial, he sits by himself and plays on his cell phone, just entering the conversation to laugh that his Dad is "b*utthurt" over Gideon's relationship with Eli.  

Amber criticizes that phrase as referencing "s*odomy" also.  What you got against gay sex, girl?

Karen arrives:  The siblings are getting jetpack training from J.R. Rodriguez (good idea), when it's time for the friend or relative from Eli's past to arrive and shake things up: Baby Billy in Season 1; Junior in Season 2; May-May in Season 3; and now "Mama's bestie," Lori , played by Megan Mullaly, Karen on Will and Grace.   

Everyone rushes to hug her; Kelvin blurts out "I love you."  It sounds like he means it in a romantic way.  Is he going to dump Keefe for the old lady?  They discuss how much they miss Aimee-Leigh.

She explains that she hasn't visited for awhile because she's been doing dinner theater in Pigeon Forge -- the Smokey Mountains home of Dolly Parton's Dollywood and other countrified attractions.  An article in Focus, the Tennessee LGBTQ magazine, calls it a "Gay Mecca."

Maybe not a mecca; it's still overwhelmingly "family friendly" conservative fundamentalist Christian. They had a "Gay Day" at Dollywood in 2004, but horrified protests caused it to not be repeated.

More after the break. 

Pontius Shreds: Pontius lights up outside the Salvation Center and does some professional-looking skateboard stunts. 

Gideon invites him to "Gideon's Prayer Time," which the church Information Booth announces at 11:00 every Wednesday.  This is apparently the first time: he'll be preaching the sermon. Wait -- you don't preach at a prayer meeting.  You lead prayers.  

Pontius sneers. "And watch you flounder?  I'll pass."

Gideon Flounders: Cut to a meeting room with about a dozen senior citizens and Jesse and Eli.  Gideon has a powerpoint presentation and note cards, but he doesn't even remember the Bible verse. John 18:6: "And Jesus said, "I am He."   That's six words.  Did you do any prep at all?  

"The Roman soldiers came looking for Jesus of Nazareth.  When he said 'I am He,' they all fell to the ground. Um...er...I guess that's it."  So what does this mean for us today?  Sermons are supposed to apply the text.

Later,  in the hallway, Gideon gulps: "I'm no good at preaching."  Jesse suggests dropping the powerpoints and the monotone voice, and Eli, "It's an older crowd.  Keep it simple."  Gideon prefers Eli's advice; they fist bump, which enrages Jesse.  Well, Jesse's advice was more useful. 

Is Lori the Season's Big Bad?:  Time for the telethon.  As Eli and the siblings perform the opening banter, Lori watches from offstage, looking rather mean and sinister, as if she has a nefarious motive for re-appearing.  

The first two episodes usually introduce real and red-herring antagonists: Scotty/Gideon and Rev. Sessions in Season 1; Junior and the Lissons in Season 2; May-May and Uncle Peter in Season 3.  So far Lori is the only new character.  But she's being set up as sinister so thoroughly that I suspect she's the red herring.  

Cut to Gideon, Amber, and a lot of extras answering the phones, as people call in their donations. 

Lori performs: "Time moves so slowly, since you took your love away/  But I won't be lonely, because love will come back here one day."  Wait -- were Lori and Aimee-Leigh more than friends? 

Afterwards, she finds Eli in the Green Room, and announces that she's leaving right away.  He offers a handshake, then thinks better of it and rushes out of the Salvation Center to her car.  They kiss -- a lot.

Meanwhile, the siblings rise up on the jetpack-spacesuits and float through the audience. Notice that Jesse has a winged gemstone, Judy a U-shaped collar, and Kelvin what looks like...um...some sort of beads. 

Their jets blow the papers and Bibles out of people's hands, and they fly too low, knocking a few heads.  Finally they settle into a circular formation.  Jesse rises higher and higher, toward the disco ball at the top the auditorium.  He's going to crash and fall like Icarus! 

The closing song is "It's a Sin," by the Pet Shop Boys (1987):

So I look back on my life forever with a sense of shame.

I've always been the one to blame.

For everything I long to do, no matter when or where or who, has one thing in common, too:

It's a, it's a, it's a sin.

Growing up Nazarene, I know that feeling. You felt guilty about everything.  Most acts are sins; some aren't technically sins but waste precious time that you could be using to serve God; and some are serving God, but you should be doing them better. Nothing is ever right. 

Looks like Eli is going to feel guilty about moving on to a new love with Lori, probably because they had some sparks or even a full affair while Aimee-Leigh was alive. Jesse never feels guilty about anything, but he'll be jealous of his son's relationship with Eli.  Judy and BJ, Kelvin and Keefe will spar, as usual.  I'm looking forward to seeing Pontius get a plot arc other than "bad boy."  The end.

Bonus: The only new male character is JR Rodriguez, who plays the jetpack instructor. He has 19 acting credits on the IMDB, includiing episodes of One Tree Hill, Dawson's Creek, Creepshow, Hightown, and The Summer I Turned Pretty. 

See also: "How do I know I'm g___?"  A Young Gideon Story

"The Boy on the Prospect List": A Nazarene Story

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