Gideon Gemstone's Secret Life, Part 1: Jimmy Olsen discovers that the Gemstones Do It Big

 

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Previous: Pontius Gemstone, the Boy Named Stacy, and the Erotic Alphabet. With a special appearance by Gideon Gemstone.

Rev. Jesse Gemstone: The Big Man

Jimmy was prepared for a mansion rivaling Bruce Wayne’s – after all, the Gemstone motto was “Do It Big!”  But he still wasn’t prepared for the Gemstone Lake House, on Lake Murray, South Carolina’s biggest reservoir.  Tudor-style, with three round towers, four decks, eight bedrooms, two swimming pools, two boat launches, and a gazebo decorated with statues of the Greek gods Aphrodite and Apollo. 

Jesse Gemstone himself met him at the door, casually dressed in a checkered shirt and white pants. He shook Jimmy's hand and said “Praise be to He,” as if it was a standard greeting.   Jimmy had interviewed presidents and superheroes, but he was still in awe.  Rev. Gemstone was not only one of the three heads of the most successful Evangelical organization in the world, he was constantly in the news for everything from a mismanaged Prayer Pod debacle to numerous attempts on his life.

“Thank you for agreeing to the interviews,” Jimmy said. 

“It’s a visit,” he corrected.  “You’re our guest for the weekend.  Think of yourself as family – a long lost cousin.  You want anything, just ask.”  Then he flashed The Look – everybody did, Jimmy should have expected it, but he was still taken aback.  This was Jesse Gemstone!

Since he was about 15 years old, everybody who saw Jimmy Olsen, except for kids and the very old, fell in love with him.  Man, woman, gay, straight, single, married – it made no difference.  Usually they weren’t really aware of what was happening, they just knew that they liked Jimmy and wanted to do things for him – he got a free dessert almost every time he ate in a restaurant, he was bumped to first class almost every time he flew, and he had never been turned down for a date or a hookup, except by Clark Kent – but sometimes they knew exactly what they wanted, and got a little aggressive.  God, he hoped that Jesse Gemstone wouldn’t get aggressive.

But all Rev. Gemstone did was caress Jimmy's arm a bit and lead him into the foyer and…the library, where the Gemstone siblings crawled after they were shot by Corey Milsap, and prayed for him as he died -- they prayed for their murderer!  

“I’m surprised that you want to spend time at this place, when you and your brother and sister were shot and almost died here.”

He chuckled.  “So, if I stayed away from every place where someone tried to kill me, I’d never go anywhere.”  Then he hesitated.  “This isn’t going to be one of those smear pieces, is it?   Frankly, I agreed to the visit because  I like some of your articles in the Daily Planet.  You’ve got heart -- not like that Lois Lane and her muckraking interviews with Superman”

“It's going to be about the Gemstone Miracle, how you survive and thrive after adversity.  I get you – I grew up in the South. In an Evangelical family.”

“But you’re not Evangelical anymore?”  Uh-oh, Jimmy felt soul-winning coming on.

“I’m a gay ally – my sister is trans.  And I just couldn't stand the homophobia in my home church."

“Believe me, that’s not a problem here.”  Next they moved into parlor where they held talent contests, and Corey Milsap did a Michael Jackson routine – before trying to murder his friends.  “Is there going to be a talent show this weekend?”

“Why, do you have a piece in mind?”

As Rev. Gemstone showed him the dining room, kitchen, sun room, and game room, Jimmy wrote his introduction in his head:

A cross between Elvis Presley and Conway Twitty, with the Van Buren sideburns and rings on every finger, Jesse Gemstone lives the Gemstone motto of “Do it big!”  He has been kidnapped by his uncle, assaulted by a close friend, and shot by another close friend, yet he doesn’t hesitate to open his home and his heart to a complete stranger.  

“My brother and sister and their spouses will be coming up for dinner, and my oldest, Gideon, will be arriving tomorrow.  Right now it’s just my wife and I, our other two kids, and their boyfriends.”

Wait – boyfriends?  Didn’t Jesse and Amber Gemstone have three sons?  Jimmy would have to check his notes.

More after the break

Pontius Gemstone, the Boy Named Stacy, and the E*rotic Alphabet. With a special appearance by Gideon Gemstone

 Previous: "My Three Gay Sons and...ugh...Vance Simkins": A Jesse Gemstone Adventure, with Guest Star Karl Montgomery

 Link to the n*de dudes

Stacy awoke with Pontius' arms wrapped around him, his head on Pontius' chest.  He could resist reaching down to stroke his.....

"Mmm...keep doing that." 

"Sorry, I didn't know you were awake."

"I try not to sleep when you're lying in my arms.  I don't want to miss any of it."  He leaned up, and they kissed.

"Good morning."  Pontius' gaze was intense, yet warm, comforting, loving.  

"I love you," Stacy said.

Instead of saying "I love you" back, Pontius leapt out of bed.  "Be right back -- gotta pee."  He bounced to the bathroom.

 While listening to the pee-sounds  -- why was that *rotic?  -- Stacy looked around the room: New dresser, desk cluttered with books and headphones, a map of the world taped to the wall, drawings of car designs, a bookcase with mostly Matchbox car models, three dusty guitars that no one had ever used, a glowing neon P.  

Pontius had replaced a poster of a bikini babe with a muscleman because Stacy asked him to, and cleared a drawer for some shirts, socks, and underwear, but it was still his room, Pontius with capital P, in the house he shared with his brother. 

They met last July, when Stacy was shot in the Gator Farm Massacre, and Pontius visited him at the hospital.  Since they, they had hung out almost every day.  

There were movies, concerts, plays, Queer Youth Game Nights. dinner at Jason's Steakhouse after church, volunteer work, a Halloween Party, Thanksgiving with Stacy's family, Christmas with the Gemstones, New Year's Eve in Myrtle Beach -- yet whenever Stacy hinted at moving in together, or getting their own place, Pontius deflected, changed the subject, or bounced out of the room, and God forbid he say "I love you."  Did he think of Stacy as a boyfriend or a buddy? 

Sound of the water running, a towel being yanked, and then Pontius rushed out of the bathroom. "So, what we were talking about?"

"Me on my stomach, I think."

"No, on your back.  I want to look at you."

The full story is on  RG Beefcake and Boyfriends . Hint: there's kissing and stuff.

Next: Gideon Gemstone's Secret Life, Part 1: Jimmy Olsen finds out that the Gemstones do it big

See also: Kelton Dumont's Hot Photos, Part 3: Birthday biceps, bare bottoms, ruggers, and brothers for life

Pontius Gemstone and the Boy Named Stacy

Johnny Berchtold: I have good news and bad news.  The good news is his junk 

"My Three Gay Sons and...ugh..Vance Simkins": Jesse find out about Abraham and his boyfriend

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Previous: "Dad Can't Know I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Romance, with a special appearance from Pontius and Stacy

October 18, 2025:

When Jesse walked into the media room, he saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert on the big tv -- drag queens in the Australian outback -- and Pontius with his arms wrapped around someone.  They were kissing.

For a moment he thought it was a girl, proving that this "bi" stuff was just a phase.  But no, it was Stacy, the long-haired femme guy who was shot and almost killed at the Gator Farm Massacre.  How did he and Pontius manage to find each other?   

Sure, Stacy was a nice guy -- maybe too nice for his a*hole son.  But after Kelvin coming out, then Cousin Karl, then his friend Levi, plus both Daddy and Uncle Baby Billy mentioning gay romances in their past, and now Pontius. Who was next,  Martin?  Aunt May-May?  Jesse was getting a little tired of being an ally.

“Hey, cool off," he called down.  "Give your tongues a rest.  Is that all you ever do?”

Pontius raised his head.  “Of course not," he said with an evil grin.  "We do a lot of stuff. Wanna watch?”

"Don't be a smartalec.  You gonna go to the Queer Youth Game Night at Kelvin's house, or you gonna stay here and make out?"

"Stay here and make out?" Pontius asked, looking expectantly at Stacy.

"No, we're going. It's important for us to socialize with other queer youth."  He stood, took Pontius' hand, and pulled him to his feet.

"You're always going to get your way," Pontius said, smiling.  "If only you weren't so gosh-darned cute."

Gosh-darned?  Jesse thought.  Maybe Stacy is a good influence on him.  

"One more for the road," Stacy said, "And then we'd better get to that party."  He leaned up and kissed Pontius.

"Disgusting display!" 

It was Vance Simkins, the megachurch pastor whose homophobic rants almost pushed Kelvin back into the closet, before he rallied, came out on national television, and won the Top Christ Following Man of the Year Award.  

 “Who let you in?” Jesse asked, frowning.  "I defeated you in that duel, remember?  So stay on your own side of the state."

“The security station was letting everybody through, if they said they were coming for the party.  What party?"

“Kelvin and Keefe's Game Night," Jesse said, omitting the "queer."

But Vance caught on anyhow.  "Good thing I dropped by.  Is this one of them decadent parties with little holes in the wall, and guys hanging in stirrups? ”

“It’s just board games,” Stacy said.

"But the party you're planning sounds fun, too," Pontius added.  "Can Stace and I get an invitation?"

Vance grinned.  "Well, if it’s perfectly innocent, you won’t mind if I come along.”

“It’s for queer youth and their allies under age 25," Jesse said.  "Now, you’re obviously queer, but you haven't been 25 since...The Battle of Fort Sumter?”

"Besides," Stacy added, "A lot of the kids are traumatized by growing up in homophobic churches.  Some are closeted, worried that their parents will reject them, even kick them out of the house.  It's supposed to a safe space -- no  homophobes allowed."

“I am not a homophobe, young lady, or fella, or whatever you think you are.  I just want to see the kinds of games homo...um, queer youth play.  Or should I call the police and tell them about the illegal stuff going on in Kelvin's little den of iniquity?"

Jesse sighed.  He was probably bluffing, but... "Ok, Vance, you talked me into it.  We'll go over and check it out. Boys, you go on ahead.  We'll be there in a bit."

There were only two ways to get into the party: they had to either turn 21 again, or bring food.  Jesse dragged Vance to the kitchen, and they loaded up the two trays of lemon bars that Amber was planning to bring to the Marital Problem Group tomorrow -- he would drop by the all-night bakery and replace them later.  

They had to park on the lawn at Kelvin's house.  There were about a dozen cars parked outside, plus two church vans.  Assuming that they carpooled, Jesse estimated that there were about fifty teenagers and young adults at the party.  Hopefully none of them were kissing!

Kelvin's boyfriend Keefe answered the door with his fists raised.  "Pontius and Stacy told us you would be trying to get in.  But we don't allow homophobes."

"Down, boy!" Vance said with a laugh. "I promise to be on my best behavior."

"We're just dropping off some snacks for the group.  Two dozen lemon bars -- Amber and our housekeeper Tanya made them."

Keefe looked suspicious, but he dropped his fists.  "Well, I do love a good lemon bar. Come on in."

They carried the trays from the foyer into the formal parlor, where about twenty people were sitting in small groups.  Kelvin, leading what sounded like a Gay Trivia game, nodded at them.

"Hey, Buddy," Vance said, "Isn't that your son Geraldine?  The one who wants to be a preacher?"

It was definitely Gideon and his friend Clay, the Classics major -- really, who majored in Latin? -- sitting with their backs to them, playing a "How well do you know your partner" game with two girls, one with pink hair. 

"They must be here as allies.  See, they're with their girlfriends."  Why hadn't Gideon mentioned having a girlfriend?

The question was “What tv show does your partner watch, but feel guilty about?”  One of the girls guessed “Euphoria!”  The other:  “Wrong – the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” 

Gideon’s turn: “Cobra Kai.”  Clay: “Cobra Kai!  You're right!”  They got the point.  They kissed.

Vance laughed.  "Why so surprised, Jesse?  Didn't you know that your son was gay?"

A few years ago, when Gideon was with Scotty, Jesse figured that they were a couple, and went out of his way to be accepting.  He announced "I love my gay son."  But Gideon said he wasn't gay...right?  Did he change his mind?

The full story, with n*de photos, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Next: Pontius Gemstone, the Boy Named Stacy, and the *rotic Alphabet. With a special appearance by Gideon Gemstone.

See also:  A Perfect Southern Gentleman: A Karl and Percy Romance

Gavin's Cute/Cool Photos, Part 3: A boy and his monkeys, a boy and his fish, n*de bikers, and bodybuilder buds

Gideon Gemstone and the Return of Scotty Steele

"Dad Can't Know That I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Adventure, with Ash, some twink d*cks, and a special appearance by Pontius and Stacy

 

 
Previous: Pontius Gemstone and the boy named Stacy. 

Link to the n*de dudes

In this story, Abraham is 16 years old, and Ash is 17.  All models in the illustrations are over 18.

August 23: The first night of The Play that Goes Wrong, and everything did go wrong!  It was supposed to be about mishaps during a performance, with forgotten lines, broken props, and so on, but Ash really did forget his lines, miss his mark, and open his eyes while dead!  It was unusual for juniors to get starring roles, even during the Lowland Summer Stock -- usually they went to seniors preparing to study drama at prestigious universities.  So this was a big opportunity -- that he flubbed.  

After the requisite standing ovation, he wanted to slink out quietly, skip the cast party, and go home, but Pontius Gemstone and Stacy, two guys from his skateboarding group, were waiting in the wings, along with the cutest boy Ash had ever seen: a round face, blue-grey eyes, a shock of unruly brown hair.  He looked familiar, but Ash couldn't place him.

"My man!" Pontius exclaimed, pulling him into a hug.  "We had to come out and support our skating bro!"

"So...er...how did you like the show?" he asked the cute boy.  

He  said "Nice" in a near whisper, and looked up at Pontius.

"You know my little brother Abraham, right?"  

Now he remembered.  "Oh, sure -- I've seen you around the skate park, and in French class last year?"  He turned to Pontius.  "This guy spends three-fourths of the class not saying a word, and then suddenly he gives a five-minute spiel on Cocteau."

"Cock Two?" Pontius repeated.  "Sounds like my kind of writer."  

Stacy laughed and grabbed his arm.  "Be good!"

"Oh, I'm always good, Stace."

Wait -- were Pontius and Stacy dating?  He knew that Stacy was gay-- but didn't Pontius like girls?  

"We're...um...going out for pizza," Abraham said, looking down.  "Do you want to come with us?"

"En Francais, s'il vous plait."

He grinned -- a smile that made Ash melt!  "Veux-tu manger une pizza avec nous ? Et baise-moi "

And kiss me?  Whoa....  

They stopped at Famulari's for a bacon-cheeseburger pizza.  Yep, Pontius and Stacy started dating while he was in the hospital after the Gator Farm Massacre.  Stacy didn't want to tell their parents or anyone in the skating group yet.  He didn't explain why, but Ash suspected that it was because Pontius didn't seem like the monogamous type, and why get everyone all excited for them if they were going to break up in a few weeks?  

Once he had about a quart of soda in him, Abraham opened up.  His parents took him to Paris for his tenth birthday, and he was hooked.  He wanted to major in French in college, and become a translator.  He liked Heartstopper on Nickelodeon, country-Western music, mountain bikes, water-skiing, and scary movies.

Ash saw his chance: "Have you seen Sinners?  It's about twin brothers fighting vampires during the Great Depression."

"Sounds cool," Abraham said, flashing that incredible smile.  "Where's it playing?"

Ash checked his cell phone.  "At the Terrace.  I'm performing tomorrow and Sunday, but we could go on Tuesday night, if you're free."

Pontius began "Sure, we'd...", but Stacy shushed him.  "I mean, sorry, we have plans.  Why don't you and Abraham go together?"

Abraham looked down at his plate. "That'd be ok."

"Great.  I'll pick you up..."

"No!" he said forcefully, almost angrily.  "I'll pick you up..."

They all stared.  

"See, Grandad gave me a car for my sixteenth birthday, so I like to do the driving."

Ash's performance was better on Saturday night, and nearly perfect for the Sunday matinee, but still, the hours dragged.  He couldn't stop thinking of Abraham's smile, and resisted the urge to text him every five minutes.  He still texted a lot, just not every five minutes.

August 26: The movie was one of the best he'd ever seen, and the date was the best he'd ever had, cuddling against the amazingly cute Abraham Gemstone, arranging to reach for the popcorn when he did so their hands could touch.  But things came crashing down when Abraham dropped Ash off at his house, and he leaned in for a kiss.

Abraham moved his head.  "Hey, watch it!"

Ash's stomach churned.  Wasn't this a date?  Wasn't Abraham gay? "Sorry.  I thought..."

He was staring straight ahead.  "It's ok."

"If you don't like me in that way, we can always be friends, right?"

"Sure."

"Shake hands?"  He held out his hand.  Abraham took it, pressed the open palm to his face, and closed his eyes.  Was he trembling?

"Are you ok?" 

"No.  I mean, yeah, sure, of course."  He dropped Ash's hand.  "Good night."

When Ash texted a "thanks for a nice evening" later, he didn't respond.  And in the morning, when he texted "Are we still friends?", no response.  

The full story, with n*de photos, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Next: "My Three Gay Sons and...ugh...Vance Simkins": A Jesse Gemstone Adventure, with Guest Star Karl Montgomery

See also: Gavin's Cute/Cool Photos, Part 4: A boy and his bully, a boy and his stuntman, Kelton Dumont, Santa Claus, and some n*de dudes

Michael Sayfou: Ethiopian-American model/theater major with a cat, a physique, and a lot of queer codes. Plus some Ethiopian d*cks.   I'm using Michael as the model for Ash.

Gavin Munn's polar plunge. Plus Tony's cold dip, a bondage hookup, and some nude dudes in the snow

Pontius Gemstone and the Boy Named Stacy: What happened after the Gator Farm Massacre?

Previous: Gemstones Season 4 Finale: Saying goodbye to the Gemstones. With eight gay/bi characters, countless d*cks, and a friggin' glory h...

Link to the n*de photos and s*xual content

July 7, 2025:

Stacy woke slowly, his eyes gradually adjusting to the hospital room. The monitors on his left side, the nightstand with cards and books on the right.  The window that looked out onto the parking lot, with maybe a little green beyond.  A countertop loaded down with "Get Well" balloons.  Two chairs -- wait, there was a figure sitting in one.  His eyes weren't focused yet -- who was it, his brother?

"You're not here to tell me how lucky I am, are you?  Another inch, and the bullet would have hit my aorta, and I would have bled out before the paramedics arrived?  God was watching over me, but not the 17 men that Cobb killed?"

"Hell, no."  Stacy recognized the voice...but...the guy slid his chair over to the bed with a loud screech.  His friend Pontius!  Well, not really a friend -- Stacy had seen him on tv and at the Salvation Center, of course, but they didn't really meet until he started going to the skate park last month, and they had only spoken a few times..   "I'm here to tell you to get well, so I can get back to watching you wipe out your *ss on the tail slides. "

"Har-har, big joke.  Dude, you know you're a wannabe mobber.  Just wait til I get back to that skatepark."  He hadn't realized how much he missed skating, and jamming about skating.

Pontius grabbed Stacy's free hand and pressed it against his own.  "I brought you some chocolate Turtles, 'cause you know, you're into reptiles, working at the Gator Farm, but they accidentally got eaten in the car on the way over."

"Jackass!" 

He laughed.  Stacy felt surprisingly happy to see him. His brash, no-nonsense attitude was the perfect remedy to a week of "God had his hand on you!"

"I wanna know what it was like to work for Jeffrey Dahmer.  Did Cobb like, give you body parts to feed to the gators?"

"It was weird.  I liked working at the Gator Farm. Cobb was so nice to me, always asking about my classes and the Salvation Center, and and all the time he was killing people, and he kept that guy Big Dick as a slave, like five feet from where I was mopping the floor."

"Yeah, dude, if you knew, you could have splattered the mother-f*cker!"  

"Hey, do you think he was asking so many questions because he was keeping tabs on your Grandad?"  

"Probably.  Seems like every year, some guy pops up with a grudge against my Grandad, the World Famous Eli Gemstone or whatever."  He reached up and squeezed Stacy's left shoulder.  "Does this hurt?'

"No.  I was shot in my right..."

"How about this?"  He moved his hand down to Stacy's crotch and squeezed.

"Hey, knock it off!"

"Just checking to see if your junk still works. Scoot over."  Pontius slid onto the bed next to him, so their thighs and legs were touching, and grabbed the tv remote.  "You get any p*rn on this thing?" 

"I don't think you're supposed to do that." 

"So call a nurse and complain."  

Stacy had never sat pressed against someone before, except maybe his brother when they were little.  He dated a couple of girls, back before he figured out that he was gay, but they never did any hugging, just handshakes and goodnight pecks.  He had been with two guys, but they were just hookups, don't say hello in the hallway the next day.  Was this what having a boyfriend felt like? Were they cuddling?  

Wait -- wasn't Pontius straight?

Pontius was casually clicking on the remote as if the closeness didn't bother him at all. Flustered, Stacy tried to think of something simple to talk about. "Did you know that your Grandad visits me every day?  Your brother Gideon has been by, and Kelvin.."

Uh-oh, Pontius took that as an accusation.  "I would have come before, but I've been busy.  Gideon is starting a new Christian-themed skatepark.  I'm going to be the manager"  He stopped on Spongebob Squarepants, then put down the remote and took Stacy's hand.  Their fingers interlocked.

They watched in silence for a few minutes.

"This is nice," Stacy said.

Pontius started to blush, a reddening in his neck and face.  "Yeah, well, touching a dude is good for healing, or some New Age bullshit." 

He had a thin, tight frame, small hard biceps, some cool tattoos, and the most beautiful hands.  Why had Stacy never thought of asking him out?  

Reason #1: Stacy was a straight-A student at the College of Charleston, a biology major, planning to become a herpetologist. And Pontius was kind of a screw-up.  Fun to hang out with, but no goals, no future.  Wait -- managing a Christian-themed skate park?  

Reason #2: Wasn't he straight?

"I've seen this episode," Pontius complained.  Let's find some chicks, or some dudes."  He clicked until he found a soap opera with a shirtless hunk sitting on a couch. "Awright! Check out those pecs! Man, I'd love to be working on those."

"I thought you were...you know...you like girls."

The full story, with n*de photos and ex*plicit situations, is on RB Beefcake and Boyfriends

Next: "Dad Can't Know I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Romance, with a special appearance from Pontius and Stacy

See also: Jackson Tessmer: from Hebrew School to toga parties, with angst tv, Christian drama, Asa Butterfield, and n*de selfies

Reacher, Episode 3.1: The man-mountain bonds with a gay college boy with a drug dealer dad, and there are plot twists and d*cks

Nick Vardakas: Sex toy guy, lucky f*king dude, Atari spirit, Dillon's boyfriend, IT major. A lot of d*ck pics, but is he gay?

Gemstones Episode 4.9: Corey moonwalks, Pontius hugs, and BJ greases his pole. Plus guys on crosses

 Link to the NSFW version

Title: "That the Man of God May Be Complete."  

1 Timothy 3:17,  ESV: All Scripture is inspired by God, so "that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work."   Sounds like the Golden Bible will play a role.

Left: Pontius spends nearly the entire episode hugging Gideon.  It looks like Abraham squeezed between them.  I can't tell which leg belongs to who.

The Duel:  The Cape and Pistol Society.  Vance Simkins bursts in, drinking, and everyone laughs at him.  He points out that Kelvin has defeated him, but not Jesse, and throws down the yellow handkerchief, challenging him to a duel.  Vance will have Pastor Brad as his second, and Jesse will get Eli. Duelling and challenging someone to a duel has been illegal in South Carollina since 1880.

They immediately adjourn to the front lawn.  Jesse is nervous, since he's a terrible shot. Eli suggests that he back out, but nope: "He insulted Kelvin and built mini-malls in our territory."  

Vance's shot goes way over the trees.  Jesse aims at him, but he runs zigzag.  Then he stops and begs for his life.  Jesse deliberately aims away from him, but accidentally hits someone else. 

He tells the group:  "You don't need a secret society to be an impressive man.  It's what you do that makes you impressive.  So I quit."  Thus ends Jesse's plot arc: he's going to stop being jealous of others' success.

The Proposal: Kelvin examines the newly-completed treehouse.   "Great job, Keefey."  You've never once called him that, Bro. 

Keefe points out that a storm is brewing, and "the devil's urine causes you terror."  Nope, not anymore.  In fact, a lot of things don't scare him anymore: spiders in toilets, the old lady puppet from Mr. Rogers (well, she was scary).... and marriage. 

Remember, in Episode 4.2, Keefe suggests getting married, and Kelvin completely tears down the idea?  Now he proposes: "Keefe Chambers, will you marry me?", with a box with an engagement ring.  They hug and kiss.  

This is the end of Kelvin's plot arc: he is no longer paralyzed by fear.  We still need a wedding -- hopefully.

BJ Greases His ___: At home, BJ is unscrewing the pole he used for dancing: "I thought  I needed this to prove how manly I was, riding this long, sleek pole up, only to drop down, my thighs squeezing it."  Um...BJ, it's getting hot in here.  

He tells Judy, "It's about to pop off.  Put your hands in position, right at the base...squeeze it tight....  Dude, I might join you.

Now that the pole has come...apart, they discuss the Monkey.  BJ misses him, and wants him back.

Cut to Judy taking him to visit the Monkey.  They end up reconciling.  I fast forwarded past that part: boy-and-dog, or in this case boy-and-monkey stories make me uncomfortable.  But I wanted to profile Jonathan M. Jones, who plays the Monkey's new owner: he was planning on a career in sports management before an accident left him an amputee. So he took acting lessons, and  now has nine credits listed on the IMDB, notably the voice of Scar in several crime shorts.

Presumably this is the end of Judy's plot arc, but I'm not sure what it was.

Aimee-Leigh's Letter:  Visiting Eli, Lori notes that the kids like her again, now that they aren't dating.  In other news, Corey is taking the death of his father  "real rough." He hardly leaves the house, and his wife Jana has moved in with her sister. Well, he killed Cobb to save Eli and Baby Billy.  You might expect some trauma.

Lori found some mementos that Eli might enjoy: A flier from one of her shows, a letter that Aimee-Leigh wrote her soon after the divorce. Hey, the Gold Bible isn't there.  They say goodbye and hug.  Doesn't she live nearby?  Can't they continue to be friends?

Later, Eli retrieves the letter from the box, but can't bring himself to open it.

Hunkoids on Crosses: Baby Billy goes back to work after his ordeal at the Gator Park Massacre. Everyone applauds.  He notes that he is happy to be alive, and God gave him the physical prowess of a teen boy to help vanquish Cobb.

Left: Ash (Michael Sayfou) tied to a cross.  

"Ok, back to work. Work, work, work."  He doesn't seem happy as they set up the crucifixion scene.  He recalls his argument with Tiffany: "Is that all that matters to you?", and flashes back to spending  time with his family. 

More after the break

"How do I know if I'm g....": A Young Gideon Story

 

This story features Gideon Gemstone (Skyler Gisondo) of The Righteous Gemstones as a teenager.  All of the subjects of n*de photos are over 18.

Link to the n*de photos

“Hey, Bro,” Pontius called, rushing up to Gideon’s locker at the Riverpointe Christian Academy in Charleston. 

“Hey, yourself.”  Gideon was a bit suspicious: his younger brother rarely talked to him at school.  Sometimes he didn’t even accept a ride home, preferring to call one of the Gemstone drivers to avoid being seen with a “glee club nerd.”  An odd insult, since Gideon didn’t belong to Glee Club.

“Are you staying after for gymnastics?”

“No, that’s on Tuesday and Thursday. Why, what do you need?”

“Well, a ride home.”

“Why – the drivers are both busy, and your pogo stick’s in the shop?”

Pontius smiled, either not noticing the dig at his age, or too invested in whatever he wanted to care.  “And  can we stop for pizza on the way?”

This was really suspicious -- Pontius never invited him to go anywhere.  Maybe the age difference was too great for them to really be friends – Gideon was in eleventh grade, with a girlfriend and college plans, while Pontius in eighth grade still played with toys.  

Maybe they didn’t have much in common – Gideon was into gymnastics and acrobatics (he loved tumbling with Uncle Kelvin at the Gemstone Teen Center), while Pontius was into…well, hanging out with his buds and telling dirty jokes.  Or maybe they just didn’t like each other.  He must want a big favor, Gideon thought.

 They climbed into the Lexus that Granddad Eli gave him for his sixteenth birthday and drove down to Famulari’s, the go-to pizza place for all of the Gemstones, probably because the delivery guys didn’t mind driving ten miles out to the Compound.  The moment they sat down, Pontius said, "Ok, here’s the thing. I want to have a sleepover Friday night, and you have to come."

"No way, José! 16-year olds do not go to slumber parties.”

“You used to like them.”

“Sure, and I used to like Battlebots, too. I grew up.”

From his 10th birthday until last year, when he graduated to the high school building at the Academy, Gideon and Pontius hosted sleepovers at least once a month. They each invited two or three friendss, plus their younger brother Abraham by default. 

They spent the night playing video games, watching tv, eating snacks, and bragging about how late they were staying up.  Then they bedded down in the Kid Guest Room, Pontius and Abraham on the top bunk, Gideon and another boy “on the bottom,” and the rest in sleeping bags.   Gideon always took awhile to choose his bed partner: not necessarily his best friend.  Maybe even one of Pontius’s friends, if he was cute. 

How did I know which boys were cute?  Gideon thought, surprised by the memory.  Why did I care?

"We haven't had one for a long time!" Pontus protested.  "And Mom says I can't have one by myself – you have to be there, too."

The waiter came – a rather chunky, sandy-haired guy from Gideon’s Biblical History class – and they ordered their usual bacon-cheeseburger pizza (sometimes Mom and Dad called for something “healthy,” and they had to scour the menu for healthy toppings.  What kind of pizza topping was healthy?).

“What will my friends say if they find out I went to a sleepover with a bunch of eighth grade dorks?  What will my girlfriend say?”  He and Katie had only been dating for three weeks, but Gideon mentioned her every chance he got. “Katie likes lima beans. Katie’s aunt lives in Belgium.  Katie’s favorite Harry Potter character is…”  

"They won't all be dorks," Pontius said.  "How about if you can invite some of your friends. Whoever you want.”

"As if!  My friends are way too cool for sleepovers!”

"Well, maybe not one of your friends, just guys that you like.  You know, want to spend time with, like the guys that Uncle Kelvin hangs out with”

Gideon felt the anger rising.  “I do not want to spend time with guys like that, Jackass!  Uncle Kelvin is gay, and I have a girlfriend!”

Pontius laughed.  “You dummy, no way is Uncle Kelvin a homo!”

“How do you know?”

“Number One, he’s got muscles.  Number Two: he works with kids…”

“You’re an idiot. Gay guys have muscles sometimes, and they can work with kids like anybody else.”

Pontius sneered. “Number Three, he never brings a little fruity friend to the family dinner….”

“Maybe he’s afraid to bring a boyfriend around. Granddad Eli might kick him out of the church.”

“Number Four: He doesn’t live in California,”  Pontius said with a flourish, as if that was a definitive argument.  “Why do you want Uncle Kelvin to be gay so much?  Are you in love with him?  Do you want to, like, hug and kiss?” 

“Dude, that’s my uncle!” Gideon said, disgusted.

“Ok, so if he wasn’t your uncle, you’d be all into him.”  He made pucker sounds. “Oh, Thweetie, your muscles are so big! Kiss me again!”

“You’d better stop talking trash about me if you want me to come to your darn sleepover.” 

“Ok, ok, sorry…Thweetie.”  He giggled. “Now pick two guys that you want to invite. Somebody you want to spend time with.”

“Someone you want to spend time with” made sense to Gideon.  Maybe a guy who was a little standoffish at  school, or constantly involved with his own clique.  This could be his chance to break through and make a friend.

"Ok, let’s go for it. For my first boy I pick Derek from Gemstone Teen Time.”  A tall, blond 10th grader with a round angelic face.  For some reason he went to public school, not the Academy.  When he got the lead in the drama club production of Oklahoma last fall, Gideon made his Mom and Dad and brothers all go to see him, but they didn’t hang out afterwards. 

"No problemo.  Derek and me are tight."  He paused.  "So...who's the second boy?"

More after the break. 

Gemstones Episode 4.4, Continued: Keefe in drag, Pontius with four d*cks, Jasper with one, and Casper the Friendly Ghost

  

Link to the d*cks

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.4: Gideon is gay, Jesse jealous, and Kelvin scared.  Plus a Big Dick and a play within a play

In the first part of Episode 4.4, the family gathers at the lake house Galilee Gulch, where Jesse and Kelvin hatch schemes to break up their father  and his new girlfriend.  We see some d*cks and beefcake, some cute Kelvin-Keefe scenes, and hints that both Gideon and Abraham are gay. It's Pontius' turn next.

I forgot to post this photo of Tony in the swimming pool scene. 

And this one of BJ and the nephews hanging out, with the cute attendant in the background (still can't find him on the IMDB).  Abraham is shirtless, but not old enough to be a hunk.  Maybe a hunkoid.

BJ is angry because he spilled his drink.    

Judy's Breakup Plan:  Jesse and Kelvin have failed in their attempts to break up Eli and Lori, so Judy decides to use her "super power": the ability to incite the er*otic interest of anyone, anytime.  She goes to Lori's room and tries to get with her.  Lori just stands there.

I didn't want to illustrate the scene with pics of Lori and Judy, so I put a n*de photo of a daddy by the pool on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Next she offers Lori $500,000 to get gone. "If I was in it for the money, why wouldn't I stick around for a lot more?"  

Ok, so Judy orders her to break up with Eli, or she'll claim that Lori tried to r*ape her.  Lori glares at her. "Are we done?" 

Takeaway: Judy wouldn't know that her technique works on women unless she's tried it out.  Add her to the ever-growing list of bi/pan Gemstones. 

Keefe in Drag: Saturday night.  In bed, Kelvin is distraught over the continuance of the Eli/Lori romance.  Keefe asks if he can do anything to help: "Not unless you can bring my dead Mama back to life." The episode title is about Jesus rising from the dead, and the siblings worship their Mama, so...

Keefe decides on the next best thing:  dress-up.  He puts on one of Aimee-Leigh's dresses, her wig, her glasses, and some makeup (wait -- where did he get makeup?),  goes to Eli's room, and tries to haunt him: "I'm the ghost of your dead wife. Break up with Lori."  

Eli doesn't respond, so Keefe crawls on top of him and starts singing Aimee-Leigh's signature song, "Misbehavin'"

 

Suddenly Eli and Lori awaken; everyone screams.  Keefe rushes out and falls down the staircase into the parlor whereupon the Nanny, thinking that he is an intruder, pulverizes him.  

"Who are you?" she shouts.

"I'm just a ghost -- a friendly ghost."

First he consorted with Hot Stuff, the Little Devil, and now he's Casper the Friendly Ghost.

More after the break

Gemstones Episode 4.2, Continued: Pontius' private parts, Gideon's bottom buddy, and JR's junk. Plus Karen from "Will and Grace" sings

  

Link to the NSFW version

Previous: Gemstones Episode 4.2: Baby Billy's dong, BJ's pole, Kelvin's pipe, and the Clobber Verses.

In Part 1, the conflicts of the seasons were introduced: Eli is looking for meaning, BJ for independence, and Keefe for a wedding ring. Next up: Jesse and his Cain-and-Abel sons, Pontius and Gideon.

Pontius' Private Parts: Jesse taping a commercial for his new line of Prayer Pods, like privacy pods except that inside you can pray, play Bible Bonkers, listen to a sermon, and so on.  He forces the entire family into one.  It's a tight fit: Pontius, sitting on his lap, deliberately f*arts in his face.

In the dressing room, we get some back story:  Pontius (top photo and left) got kicked out of the Citadel for low grades, and  because he was posting videos of his buddies sticking firecrackers up each other's bottoms.  

That sounds like slang for gay activity, but apparently it's a real thing: people put fireworks in their friends' bottoms as a prank.  

I still think Ponty is hinting at same-sex interests.  

Amber notes that you can "hurt your privates doing things like that," but Pontius insists that his privates work fine, disgusting his parents.  Darn, now you have viewers checking out your bulge.

Gideon's Bottom Buddy: Jesse can't communicate with his father Eli, but Gideon has no trouble: "I call Granddad, or he calls me."  

This enrages Jesse, who calls them bottom buddies.  Amber points out that the phrase actually refers to "s*odomy," so he backs down: "I didn't mean it like that.  I'm not trying to say that he's trying to f*k Daddy."  Of course not, Gideon is a bottom.

This is a continuation of the Eli-Gideon relationship from Season 3, so it shouldn't come as a surprise.  I'm wondering, however, if Gideon is ever going to have a relationship with anyone outside the family.  His last friend or boyfriend was Scotty, who died at the end of Season 1.  Your Granddad has overcome his grief and moved on, Gid Baby; maybe you should, too.

Abraham's got nothing: Poor Gavin; his last plot arc was in Season 2, and it was about leaving secretions all over the house.  Looks like he's got nothing here, either; after the Prayer Pod commercial, he sits by himself and plays on his cell phone, just entering the conversation to laugh that his Dad is "b*utthurt" over Gideon's relationship with Eli.  

Amber criticizes that phrase as referencing "s*odomy" also.  What you got against gay stuff, girl?

Karen arrives:  The siblings are getting jetpack training from J.R. Rodriguez (good idea), when it's time for the friend or relative from Eli's past to arrive and shake things up: Baby Billy in Season 1; Junior in Season 2; May-May in Season 3; and now "Mama's bestie," Lori , played by Megan Mullaly, Karen on Will and Grace.   

Everyone rushes to hug her; Kelvin blurts out "I love you."  It sounds like he means it in a romantic way.  Is he going to dump Keefe for the old lady?  They discuss how much they miss Aimee-Leigh.

She explains that she hasn't visited for awhile because she's been doing dinner theater in Pigeon Forge -- the Smokey Mountains home of Dolly Parton's Dollywood and other countrified attractions.  An article in Focus, the Tennessee LGBTQ magazine, calls it a "Gay Mecca."

Maybe not a mecca; it's still overwhelmingly "family friendly" conservative fundamentalist Christian. They had a "Gay Day" at Dollywood in 2004, but horrified protests caused it to not be repeated.

More after the break. 

Andreas Alvarez: Righteous Gemstones stunt skater has lots of man friends and a potential p*enis. With skater dude bonus

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Although he's not in the cast list, Andreas Alvarez performed all of Pontius' skateboarding in Righteous Gemstones Season 4, and maybe Gideon's.

He has tats of his own, so Pontius always skateboarded in a long-sleeved shirt.

Of course, one of the perks of being a stunt performer is meeting the cast.

I wanted to research Andreas, but he doesn't seem to have any other stunt listing on the IMDB.  He was apparently cast because he has a similar body build to Kelton Dumont.

Not a lot of biographical information available. His facebook says that he was born in 1999.  He grew up in Compton, Virginia, an unincorporated small town in the Shenandoah Mountains.  Now he lives in North Springfield,Virginia, a suburb of Washington, DC.

Google searches are stymied by the much more famous Andreas Alvarez, baseball player.

All we have from our Andreas are skateboarding stats: overall global rank 326th, street 196th, park 984th, earned $2,184, with sponsors:Fairfax surf, Llama spit brand, Saiber (SABER), fly paper grip, OC Ramps

Over 100 competitions beginning iin 2016 with The Boarder Am Qualifiers (where he placed #52).

His most recent competition was the Jackalope Mens Street Semi Finals, where he placed #16 of #24.

I found a potential n*de photo, but it would have come before he most of his tats (the arms are visible).

More after the break

Gemstones Season 4 Memes: Kelvin is kissing, Jesse is packing, and Pontius is coming out. With random d*cks and the Wicked Witch of the West

  

Link to the n*de dudes

This is a series of memes -- jokes -- from The Righteous Gemstones Season 4.  Most don't don't require you to have any background knowledge of the show.  There are also a few random n*de dudes.

1. Random n*de dude

2. Isn't the wiener-licking monster implied?

Keefe" I don't have time for the Kissy Monster right now."

Kelvin: "How about the Wiener-Licking Monster"?

3. Listing the heterosexuals would be faster

Vance: "How many homosexuals in your family?"

Jesse: "If you mean gay men, just two.  If you mean bi/pan guys, there's Daddy, Uncle Baby Billy, Keefe, Pontius, and...why are you in that position?"

4. Don't forget jumping out of buildings.

My name is Gideon Gemstone.

My first boyfriend was the Devil.

I took out the Cycle Ninjas.

I smashed the Brotherhood of Tomorrow's Fires.

I'm a skateboard phenom.

But the greatest challenge I'll ever face is preaching the Sunday sermon.

5. Jesse knows what he likes.

Corey: "Are you as turned on as I am?"

Don't worry, Gaven Wilde, Sean Ryan Fox, and their characters are all over 18

6. Corey cock.  

More memes after the break