I figured "it" out last summer, but I haven't met any gay people yet, and I know nothing about gay life. Except one thing: no straights must ever know. At best they will never speak to you again. More likely they will attack. You will be kicked out of the house, expelled from the college, arrested.
So watching tv in a group presents a problem. You have to feign disinterest in the hot male actors and pretend to find the "hot chicks" attractive. If you make a mistake, and accidentally express an interest in an "uggo," it will all be over.
And what about the occasional gay characters? If you seem too interested, act as if you want to hear about "fags," the straights will suspect. But they wil also suspect if you bellow with outrage ("Why do you care so much? Are you that way?)
You have to express just the right level of disgust: "I don't care what they do in the bedroom, as long as they don't try anything with me."
Happy Days: "Happy days" in the 1950s. Fonzie, motorcycle hoodlum turned role model, bonds with his ex-girlfriend's son, whose father abandoned him. No references to gay people, no hot guys, a few murmurs about the hotness of the ex-girlfriend, no big deal.
Laverne and Shirley: More "happy days," with two working girls in 1950s Milwaukee. Neither is presented as particularly attractive. They go on a quiz show. No big deal.
Three's Company: Jack Tripper (John Ritter) pretends to be gay so the uptight landlord will let him share an apartment with two girls. Usually not a problem: no actual gay people appear, and when Jack has to "be gay," he swishes and limp-wrists to elicit laughter rather than outrage. He doesn't even swish in this episode: the gang mistakenly believes that Helen is cheating on her husband.
Not a problem, except for trying not to sigh over the rock-hard hunkiness of Tony Danza. This episode centers on Elaine (Marilu Henner), an aspiring artist who doesn't want her snooty friends to know that she drives a cab.
Then....
Elaine's fare (William Bogert) believes that she is deliberately driving the "scenic route," and refuses to pay. She threatens to claim that he tried to rape her. He says: "You may have a little trouble getting that story to stick when the police find out I'm the National Secretary for the Gay Liberation Force."
I blink in surprise. Is there such an organization (no, there wasn't)? Do gay people have groups, clubs, national organizations? I thought it was just clandestine bars.
Suddenly I realize that everyone is laughing.
Should I laugh, too? Should I make a comment about how New York is full of fairies? What if he turns out to be a major character in the episode, the owner of the art gallery or something? What if he turns out to be a recurring character in the series?
Should I stay or should I go?
I go.
See also: Taxi
Talking about the right amount of outrage made me think of Frank Miller: Blatant homophobe (He turns Robin into a gay villain, and I'm half-convinced one line about "the multiversal constant" was a slap at Miller.) but he really likes writing about naked muscular men, judging by Sin City and 300.
ReplyDeleteThe strange thing is, I have seen some gay men, not most but some, swish. I don't get that.
Were cabbie rapes a thing even back then? It's a huge deal with Uber, I know. My generation's problems. What you get when you play nice with fanatics.
For me, it was watching TV with friends. One of us had premium channels, so we all stayed there. One night, his A/C conked out, so we were all sitting around in our underwear, eating pizza and watching Beastmaster (It was the 90s.) when they noticed my boner. (Kinda hard not to. It was peeking out of the fly.) Luckily, while you have Marc Singer wearing next to nothing, you also had a Playboy model playing the obligatory tacked on love interest, and she has a nude scene.
I was an early bloomer, and I did teach my friends how to masturbate that night, but that's another story. Funny thing, nobody thought I was gay. (I'm bi, which also helps because. I wasn't clueless about which girls are hot.)