I met Carl Gustaf, the King of Sweden, 30 years ago when he visited Rock Island, and my friend Zack claims to have hooked up with his son, Prince Carl Philip, when they were both attending the ritzy Kent School. So I have a vested interest in seeing how the royal family is portrayed in the Netflix series Young Royals.
Scene 1: Teenage Prince Wilhelm of Sweden (Edvin Ryding, below) in the bathroom, distraught, bruised. Flashback to him in a crowd of partygoing teens, being photographed by papperazzi, getting into a fight.
Switch to driving in a car with a woman -- his press secretary? She gives him the speech where he'll beg the country for forgiveness and announce his "decision" to enroll in the Hillerska Boarding School. He scoffs, but it's all been decided.
At the palace, while getting ready for the apology video, he tells his parents that he won't go. "I'm not even Crown Prince. My brother will inherit the throne. Why can't I live a normal life and go to a regular high school?" "Nope, that didn't work out. You got into a fight."
Scene 2: Establishing shot of the boarding school, which apparently doesn't get many royals: the staff is all atwitter. Crown Prince Erik (Ivar Forsling), who just graduated a few years ago, shows Wilhelm around. We meet their second cousin August. Lots of handshaking and photographers saying "Could you do that again, only smile?"
Into a welcoming assembly, where everyone giggles and stares (half the royal family is going there; should they be so absurdly starstruck over Wilhelm?). The choir starts their welcome song; Wilhelm gazes in awe at the curly-haired soloist. The Boy of His Dreams!
Scene 3: Another photo shoot, on the grounds. Wilhelm and Crown Prince Erik playfully escape.
Meanwhile, Second Cousin August (Malte Gårdinger, top photo) finds out that the secret police have scoured everything; no booze anywhere on campus! And he promised Crown Prince Erik that he'd give Wilhelm "the wildest initiation ever." Wait - Curly Haired Soloist lives in town; maybe he could smuggle something in.
Scene 4: Crown Prince Erik helps Wilhelm move into his tiny single room. How can he live like this? He's used to a palace! Wait -- didn't he want to live a normal life? "The faster you adapt, the easier your life will be," Erik suggests. And leaves.
Scene 5: Cousin August approaches Curly Haired Soloist -- Simon (Omar Rudberg) --as he leaves school at the end of the day, and introduces himself. "We're having an initiation party for Wilhelm, and if you provide the booze, I'll make an exception to the 'no first year students' rule and invite you." Simon refuses.
Scene 6: In the stables, Felice is having trouble with her horse, so Sarah offers to help. Felice snippily refuses. Later, she refuses Sarah'a offer of help rubbing the horse down. Lots of close-ups of the horse's eyes, making me worry that we'll have an Equus situation later. Curly-Haired Soloist Simon arrives to pick Sarah up -- his sister?
On the way to the bus stop, they discuss why Felice is being so bitchy. "It's not a problem," Sarah says. "I'm used to no one liking me."
The bus travels into the city and picks up some kids from the regular high school who know Simon. "Prince Wilhelm arrived today. He seems a bit of a loser."
Meanwhile, back in her dorm room, Felice masturbates to a picture of Prince Wilhelm. WTF? This is a bit racier than I expected!
Her roommate Maddie interrupts to speculate about the Prince's penis. Then she asks "Why do you like him, anyway? You're rich." "But he's royal. His children -- our children -- will be princes and princesses." So being rich is not enough -- she wants to become the Queen Mum.
Scene 7: Dinner in Curly-Haired Soloist Simon and "Nobody Likes Me" Sarah's small apartment. Two other girls, both around 10 years old; maybe one of them is Mom (why do middle aged women always look 10 years old in Scandinavia?).
Mom asks if Sarah is making any friends at her new, ritzy private school, and she gets mad and storms off. "Leave me alone! I don't need friends!"
Scene 8: Dinner time at the boarding school. Prince Wilhelm is forced to sit at the far end of the table, with the other first-years. He is annoyed when the other guys agree with everything he says.
So far the Eton of Sweden has been disappointing, a series of nondescript classrooms, dorm rooms, and dining rooms. Prince Carl Philip attended several much more elegant-looking schools, such as the Enskilda Gymnasiet.
Later, Curly-Haired Soloist Simon calls his friend Ayub to ask for booze. He can't provide any.
Switch to Prince Wilhelm, in his underwear in bed, texting his Mom: "Please let me come home. I hate it here!"
Scene 9: Morning. In class, the teacher announces that murder is top, followed by child abuse and rape. What about tax evasion and welfare scamming? What class is this? Simon wants to know why when rich people do it, it's "evasion," and poor people, "a crime." "You know who the biggest welfare scammers in the country are? The Royal Family." He glares at Prince Wilhelm. Simon isn't afraid to criticize a prince! Wilhelm is impressed!
Scene 10: Prince Wilhelm tries to sit with Simon at lunch, but Cousin August calls him away.
After school, Simon tells Cousin August that he will provide booze, if he and his sister are both invited to the post initiation party. He goes to the scuzzy apartment of his ne-er-do-well father, who is wearing sweat pants and a Star Trek sweater.
Simon: I know you're dealing booze. Everyone knows. Can you hook me up with some? I need it for a party. How strict are the liquor laws in Sweden?
I checked: you can get alcoholic drinks in bars and restaurants, but if you want alcohol to take home, you have to face the complex, expensive government-run monopoly. Many Swedes go to Norway or Finland to get their booze, and moonshine is common in rural areas.
Dad: I remember what it was like, trying to impress a girl.
Simon: I'm gay, Dad.
Dad: Oh, right, sorry. A cute guy, then. Sure, you can count on me to save the day.
Simon: Just don't tell anyone I've been here. He's not allowed to visit his father?
Scene 11: Prince Wilhelm is kidnapped by scary clowns, squirted with water, ridden like a horse, and forced to drink a glass of spit. The hazing over, he pledges loyalty to Forest Hill House, and it's time for the party.
Lots of boys and girls drinking and frolicking. Cousin August: "Your problem was that you wanted to have normal friends, meet normal girls, go to normal parties, but the normal people will never accept you as one of them."
On cue, two normals, Sarah and Simon, arrive. Sarah finds a drunk Felice and bonds with her. Prince Wilhelm gazes at Simon from across the crowded room, but doesn't approach: he's busy drinking, dancing, and being gazed at by star-struck girls. When he finally gets around to saying hello, Simon makes an excuse and leaves. Prince Wilhelm follows. They end up sitting outside, laughing and talking and gazing at each other. Enough with the gazing! Kiss, already!
Nope. Their faces are about an inch away when the closing credits start to roll.
Beefcake: Some cute guys. Prince Wilhelm is not at all attractive.
Other Sights: No.
Gay Characters: Obviously Prince Wilhelm and Simon. Maybe Sarah.
A Gay Royal: Sweden is one of the most gay-positive countries in the world, with 98% of the population favoring gay rights and 92% supporting same-sex marriage. But since the job of a prince is to smile, wave, give speeches, and have sex with a princess, the Royal Family may disapprove of Prince Wilhelm and Simon dating. I assume this will be the main conflict of the series.
My Grade: Pleasant, but a little slow (they don't kiss until the end of Episode 2). and the Wilhelm-Simon and Sarah-Felice plotlines are too similar to be of much interest. We need something else to stir things up. B
They have sex at the end of Episode 4. After that it's just holding hands, hugging, and getting yelled at by the Prince's parents: "You're going to be King! You have obligations! You can't come out, or it would destroy the monarchy!"
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