Link to the p*eckers
Title: "Interlude IV." The Interlude is usually Episode 5, but this season started with a stand-alone. We're halfway through the action in the present day, with Kelvin's meltdown, Judy's jealousy over the monkey, and Eli and Lori dealing with violence.
The New Parking Lot: 2002. Eli is standing before the County Zoning Board, discussing his plan to build a 10-acre parking lot at the Salvation Center, which would involve buying and demolishing neighboring houses. He claims that they bring thousands of people to town, who spend money, so it's a "win-win" situation. Aimee-Leigh points out that they're also bringing in jobs. The townsfolk growl and complain. So am I. Zoning restrictions? How boring can you get?
Cute council member Terry Cook is eating a donut. A background player notes that they did several takes, asking him to convey anger and eat an egg.
The cast list is not yet up on the IMDB, and googling "Terry Cook" doesn't work, but he looks like Jamie McGuire, the creepy-grin creature on "From."
The council president yells: "You may be able to buy out desperate people, Dr. Gemstone, but that doesn't make it right!" She notes that the county board usually rubber-stamps their crazy plans, but not this time: "The crowd of people behind you is voiceless, and someone has to be their voice!"
The plan is rejected, and the couple leaves in defeat. Aimee-Leigh wonders why they're even doing this ministry stuff.
Eli: "For the lake house." That is, for the money. Um...serving God? Spreading the Gospel? Helping people?
They walk out into a huge demonstration. Someone shoves pies in their faces.
Writers: This sequence has no connection to the plot. In Season 3, the Y2K scandal caused Peter's meltdown and enmity toward the Gemstones, but Cobb's enmity has nothing to do with the new parking lot.
Corey Defends Daddy: At the lake house, Lori's husband Cobb (Michael Rooker) is trying to water-ski, but Eli drives too fast, and he capsizes. His manhood challenged, he splutters and swears.
Meanwhile, on a raft-slide, Young Judy and Jesse laugh at him, which upsets Young Corey.
Young Kelvin defends him, pointing out that at least Cobb is trying, whereas Jesse spends all his time "being bad, having s*ex." This has resulted in Amber getting pregnant. The enraged Jesse tries to attack, but Corey stops him.
A New Album: While Lori and Aimee-Leigh watch their husband in the water, posturing to see who will become the Silverback, they advise the very pregnant Amber that she should go inside and take a nap. She refuses, so they discuss how much they dislike their kids until Amber gets tired of it and leaves.
Then they discuss recording a new album; they haven't recorded together in years.
Cut to the studio, where they are making up song lyrics while Judy listens. Kelvin eavesdrops from outside the door.
More after the break
Kelvin Sneaks Teen Idols: Seeing that Judy is occupied, Kelvin sneaks into her room, says "Hello" to a photo of Hayden Christiansen (top photo), and retrieves a box from under the bed. He draws out a Tiger Beat magazine with Ricky Martin (below) on the cover. "Wow!" Kelvin is afraid to let anyone know about his interest in teen idols, although he had no problem with a muscle magazine cover taped to his bedroom wall in 1993.
He exclaims "Oh, my God!" at photos of Ryan Gosling, Brendan Fraser, Hayden Christiansen, and Josh Hartnet, and then stops at the Gossip Page. This is important, as an interest in gossip makes Kelvin a real-life jerk.
Next he finds Judy's diary, with an entry on a crush on her economics professor, Dr. Carmichael (in Season 1, she admits to s*exually assaulting him, then kidnapping his son).
Suddenly Judy is in the room! She chases Kelvin out of the house and to his treehouse (much closer than it was in an earlier episode). He pulls up the ladder -- safe! -- gives her the finger as she storms off, frustrated.
A Christian Family: At the Salvation Center, Eli and Aimee-Leigh are preaching on "The Christian Home": Children, obey your parents; and parents, don't provoke your children."
Cut to dinner at Jason's Steak House. Corey can't believe how big the church is. He's never been there before? "It makes our church look like a joke."
Kelvin is being condescending and judgmental, revealing that Judy wants to "make babies" with her professor and Jesse's son is a "b*astard.Jesse announces at they have chosen a name for their "beautiful b*astard son": Stallone: after Sylvester Stallone, Rambo, Rocky, and the Italian Stallion.
Everyone except Corey hates it, especially Kelvin, because it rhymes. Amber keeps quiet, fuming.
Recording: Aimee-Leigh and Lori recording the song that Lori will sing at the telethon in 2024:
I feel so lonely, all on my own/ Running from the darkness, since you've been gone.
They take a break, and Lori reveals that things with her husband Cobb are bad. The marriage is over.
Cobb's Pecker: At dinner, Corey is telling about the time a gator took a piece of his Dad's p*ecker off, and all he said was "Boy, go get me a napkin." Lori claims that it was an improvement, because it doesn't work anymore. In earlier seasons, there were frequent symbolic c*astrations. This is the first for Season 4.
Husband Cobb arrives, drunk, and orders Lori to come home. She points out that she's busy working on an album, but he doesn't care. He tries to pull her into the truck, but Eli intervenes and punches him.
"Ok, then, don't come home ever!"
Corey says he's going to drive his dad home, but he'll right back. Wait -- if the Milsaps live close by, why haven't they been visiting all along?
That night, Jesse, Amber, and Judy overhear their parents discussing what they are going to do about Lori and Cobb. Jesse (J. Gaven Wilde) in his underwear displays an impressive d*ong.
A day or two later, Eli arrives at the Milsap Gator Farm to ask how he can help. Cobb: "Your wife is making it easy for her to act like me and her's life together don't even exist." He notes that he's rich, but not into fancy things, and Lori likes fancy.
"Would you like to pray?"
"No, I'd rather jump into the water with them gators. I don't ever want to see your face again."
Another song: Lori and Aimee-Leigh recording:
I was lost in a dream, floating away.
I'm lucky to sing with you.
When we're older, I guess, we'll say
These were the best of times in our lives.
These lyrics make me unaccountably sad, as I remember the best times of my life, Saturday night Mama's Family, Golden Girls, cruising at Mugi, then stopping at the all night comic book store when I couldn't meet anyone; Sunday service at the Metropolitan Community Church on Fairfax followed by brunch at the French Quarter, the beer bust at the Fault Line, then tangerine chicken; buying every new gay book that came out at the Different Light; Hamburger Habit, the Greenery, Mickey's, the Unicorn....
Memory, all alone in the moonlight, I can smile at the old days:
I was beautiful then.
I remember the time I knew what happiness was.
Let the memory live again.
The halfway point of the episode is sort of a downer, but things get more exciting -- and scary -- next. Here's the Italian Stallion to tide you over.
See also: Jamie McGuire: The Smiley Creature from "From," with some Halifax hunks and a nude Dylan Sprouse
Sylvester Stallone: Nude photos of Rocky, Rambo, Estelle Getty's son, and the Italian Stallion
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