Gemstones Episode 4.5: The dirt on Vance, Mitch, and Lori. With Gossip GIrl's Dad' and a n*de Teenjus

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Title: "You Shall Remember," from Deuteronomy 8.18: "You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you the power to get wealth,."  The Gemstones have forgotten that God made them rich so they can help people.  Tonight they'll get their comeuppance.  

The Dirt on Vance: Vance Simkins (Stephen Dorff) examines his burnt-out church and glares at the Gemstone satellite church across the street.  Cut to a Simpkins Commercial with him and his siblings, Craig and Shay, saying: "Grace.. .Praise... Rejoice..  Salvation."

Vance calls his siblings to his office, but Shay won't come ("she wants nothing to do with you") and Craig (Gogo Lomo David) is just there for his money: their parents' estate put Vance in charge, so he has to depend on hand-outs.  Vance gives him $10,000, and tells him to make it last.

Craig criticizes Vance for running the church into the ground,destroying their parents' legacy.  He keeps trying to open new churches when they're broke, just to compete with the Gemstones: "You can't admit you're beat, can you?"  

Vance protests that he's going to win the Top Christ Following Man Award. 

"You're a straight white man," Craig digs. "Your kind don't get awards anymore. Wait -- are you straight?  Never had a girlfriend, sweetie-pie."  Enraged by the implication, Vance slaps Craig and throws him onto the desk.

Uh-oh, a church deacon saw the attack.  Vance is violent, like Uncle Peter in Season 3 and Lyle Lissons in Season 2....he's the Big Bad of the season!

Vance had some queer codes back in Season 3, when he swished around with that tiny dog.  It would make sense for him to be gay and closeted.

Gogo Lomo-David is gay in real life, but there's no evidence that his character is gay.

Baby Billy and Kelvin in Decline:  Baby Billy finishes his screenplay about a teenage Jesus and his friends, changes the title from "Teen Jesus" to "Teenjus," and snorts some cocaine.  That's the Belly of the Beast in the Gemstone universe, buddy.

Cut to Kelvin and Keefe rushing through the crowd of queer well-wishers to a party to celebrate his Top Christ Following Man nomination.  Jesse, Amber, and Judy look angry; Eli, Lori, and Gideon look happy.  Abraham looks intrigued; Pontius sneers.  Abraham is the last of Jesse's kids to get a queer code.  I wrote a fan story where he comes out.

They begin partying.  Kelvin joins his siblings to gloat at the big turnout.  Judy sneers: "You're their little gay avatar."  Jesse: "You need to stop smelling your farts."  Translation: He's getting way too conceited about this award thing.

Lori drops by.  They criticize her for doing stuff with their father.  She promises to lock the door next time, and asks if they can start over and be friends again.  After all, she's known them all their lives.  Nope, "We reject this union."  

Lori: "All y'all little c*cksuckers better put on your big boy pants and get the f*uck over it."  Hey, that's homophobic, and at a LGBTQ event!  My estimation of Lori dropped 20 points. 

She continues: "I wanted to be y'all's friend, but if you want a wicked stepmother, I can do that, too."  

The siblings interpret "stepmother" to mean that Lori and Eli got married.  They are disgusted. 

Baby Billy is Doomed. Cut to Baby Billy and Tiffany cuddling in a swing, while the Nanny cleans the pool.  He describes their life as idyllic, but it's going to get better.  They'll make a fortune with his new project, Teenjus.

The Nanny notes that she likes teen dramas like Pretty Little Liars and Gossip Girl.  She would watch Teenjus.  Baby Billy yells at her.

Left: Matthew Settle, who played the Dad on "Gossip Girl."  His frontside and backside are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Tiffany suggests that Baby Billy retire so he will be around for their children growing up, but he refuses. He's got to seize this opportunity.  "I got to provide for you.  I don't know how much time I got."  Another precursor of doom.

BJ's Injury. BJ tries to make it from the toilet to his wheelchair, but fails and falls into the bathtub. Judy rushes in to help.  He complains that he can't even pee on his own. "I'm broken. I'm half a man."

Judy points out that the doctors say he will have a full recovery, but he won't believe it. When she tries to help him out of the bathtub, he angrily yells at her to go.  

Amber arrives to see how they are doing -- they're both miserable -- and to give Judy a service monkey named Dr. Watson.  She works with a charity that trains service monkeys for disabled veterans (first I'm hearing of it).

Rebuilding the Tree House: Cut to Keefe using his carpentry skill to rebuild the tree house that got destroyed in the storm (he actually has a crew, visible in the background).  He swings like Tarzan from one building to another.  Easter Egg: The blueprints are dated 4/24/24. 

Kelvin exclaims that "it's all coming together.  A project like this tree house is exactly what I needed."

Next up in the Top Christ Following Man of the Year contest is a tv roundtable discussion: "A great chance to drop some dank soundbits and establish myself as a clear fave."

The Yellow Kerchief: Jesse at the Cape & Pistol headquarters, drinking and glaring at Eli as he talks to his friends. Vance stops by to heckle him for Eli dating Lori, and to blame him for bombing the Simkins church.  He threatens to "drop a yellow kerchief," challenging Jesse to a duel.  Jesse smirks and pretends not to know who Vance is, angering him even more. 

BJ and Watson:  Judy introduces BJ to his new service monkey.  She demonstrates, asking him to bring a Black Cherry White Claw (a hard seltzer beverage) -- and he does!  Actually, it's Citrus Yuzu Smash, another flavor of White Claw.  Close enough.  Capuchin monkeys can learn up to 200 words and understand complex sentences. 

The Dirt on Big D*ck: The Gemstone Leadership Team, aka Jesse's Goon Squad, has been researching Miss Lori's socials, and found lots of photos of her with different men, especially Big D*ck Mick, her ex boyfriend (although Matthew doesn't think it's very big -- you can't see the outline through his pants.  This will become important later).  

A newspaper article reveals that Big Dick Mick went missing on May 11, 2024.  Plus several of Lori's other boyfriends have gone missing, and some are just dead: drowning, car accident, suicide.  Uh-oh, she's a "Black Widow."  

Wait -- Lori started dating Eli last September, during the Aimee-Leight telethon.  These guys are dying eight months or more after she ended the relationship.  Why would she kill them?  Corey must be the culprit.

The siblings need more information.  Time to ask someone who knows Miss Lori well.

Teenjus Again: Baby Billy pitches his television show, Teenjus, to the siblings.  They don't like the name.  He promises to give them some dirt on Miss Lori, if they greenlight the project.  SO they agree.

The dirt: Miss Lori begged him to let her sing at the telethon, saying that she was broke and needed the gig.  Don't performers volunteer their time at those things?  And she immediately starts dating Eli.  Suspicious?  That's it?  I expected something juicier.

The Dirt on Miss Lori:  The siblings wait for Eli, discussing who gets to "crush him" first with their revelation. 

When he arrives -- wearing a ridiculous outfit -- they reveal that many of Lori's ex-boyfriends have ended up missing or dead.  Also "she's in debt up to her eyeballs."  Eli thinks they're just making stuff up, and yells at them that "Mama ain't coming back!"

"Us or her?" the siblings demand.  "Pick a side."

He picks the one that lets him have s*x, of course.  

Later, as they fume, Kelvin struts his stuff, bragging about his achievements.  Jesse thinks that his nomination for Top Christ Following Man is a sham, just tokenism.  Got to nominate the gay guy to prove that we're into diversity, but no way will he win. I remember when I was applying for jobs, I would always get interviews as a diversity token.

Kelvin counters that Jesse is a loser.  Even his kids don't respect him.  And Judy, married to "a pole-dancing cripple."  Dang, Kelvin, you're a super jerk today.   They both get hurt feelings from these savage jabs.  "I hope you feel good about yourself," Jesse says. 

Kelvin turns his back -- no, he doesn't feel good about himself at all.  

Filming Teenjus: Jesus (Matthew Garbacz) complains to his sidekick Johnny B, aka John the Baptist (Pilot Bunch) that the kids in the village will never give him a shot.  Maybe if he wins the big dance contest, they'll believe that he's the Chosen One.  A centurion (Dan Auerbach of the band Black Keys) criticizes him for being a trouble-maker: "You're late to class."

Baby Billy cuts the action and asks Jesus for more "smolder."  

Left: 22-year old Matthew Garbacz began his career at age eight.  At age 16 he began touring as John Deacon in a Kings of Queen tribute band.  has performed in Oliver!, Gypsy, Billy Elliot, and Les Miserables.

I assume that he is gay because appeared in Trust in Love (2024), about a record producer who comes out to his wife and son

And because of the way he celebrates Valentine's Day: "Tag the one you love."

And because he played a Queen.  Not the gay one, but still....

And because he shows us his....

More after the break

Blair Jackson's Hot Photos, Part 2: Fitness model, stripper, deputy, blond, brunette. Only his abs and d*ck stay the same

Link to the n*de photos

This is a collection of hot/hung and humorous photos of Blair Jackson, the actor/model who became Kelvin's nemesis in Righteous Gemstones Episode 1.4, "Wicked Lips." 

1. Teenage abs.

2. Grown-up abs.

3. Austin from "Wicked Lips" goes cruising. 

4. Going blond.

5. Blair's Starry Night.

6. You weren't looking at his face, anyhow.

More Blair after the break.

Giovanni Ribisi: Cute on "Friends," then dreary, depressing, homophobic art-house movies. At least he shows his d*ck

 

 Link to the Giovanni d*ck

I first saw Giovanni Ribisi on Friends, where he had a recurring role as Phoebe's cute, naive younger brother Frank (1995-2003).  

His plotlines were extensively heterosexist -- it was Friends, after all.   Eventually he falls in love with a much older woman (Debra Jo Rupp of That 70s Show), and asks Phoebe to be the surrogate mother for his child.

But at least he had nice biceps.

The 21-year old actor, son of a talent agent and a musician, had been on screen since he was 9 years old, with recurring roles in The New Leave It to Beaver, Davis Rules, My Two Dads, The Wonder Years, and Family Album, and guest shots practically everywhere.

Here Teddy and Boz (Giovanni, Stephen Dorff) rib their "dateless amigo" Bud Bundy on a 1989 episode of Married With Children. 

As a young adult, Giovanni had a lean, rugged frame and a handsome but quirky  face.  I got such a strong gay vibe that I expected a lot of gay characters or subtexts in his work.  Instead, he played a lot of brooding, depressed heterosexuals in art-house movies: 

SubUrbia (1996): a group of teens in small-town Austin, Texas (of all places) experience angst and want to escape.   Nice physique, buddy

Lost Highway (1997):  A neo-noir by David Lynch, so of course it makes no sense.  No men show their stuff, as one expects from Mr. Lynch, but there are lots of lady parts.

First Love, Last Rites (1997): Two Generation X-ers, Giovanni and a girl, do bedroom stuff and are bored.  

More after the break

Gogo Lomo-David: "Shameless" actor, model, motivational speaker, host. Did I mention his c*ock?

 

Link to the c*ocks of Gogo and some other guys

 The Nigerian-American actor Gogo Lomo-David was born in Indiana, Pennsylvania but grew up in Greensboro, North Carolina, where his Dad taught business analytics at the North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University.  

He graduated from Dad's school (free tuition!) in 2013.  Summa cum laude, with two degrees: a B.F.A. in Professional Theater and a B.A. in Business Management.

Gogo has 28 acting credits listed on the IMDB, quite a lot for someone whose screen career began in 2014.  Well, except for a short, Wrap It Before You Slap It (2011).

His first major screen role was Israel in Field of Lost Shoes (2014), which, he tells us, won Best Dramatic Feature at the GI Film Festival (for movies about military veterans).  It's about the cadets at the Virginia Military Academy drafted into the Civil War, oddly presenting them, and every Confederate, as not at all racist. 

Other significant roles include:

Loterna in a 2015 episode of Zoo, with Jason Wolk as the leader of a team trying to figure out why animals are starting to attack.

Walter in Evil Nanny (2016), also starring Demetrious Stear (c*ock on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends)

Danjuma Okafor in two episodes of the crime drama Shameless (2019), "Adios Gringos" and "Sparky."  The character is not listed in the fan wiki or wikipedia synopsis.

Gogo's biggest role to date is Craig Simkins, the younger brother of the Simkin siblings, arch-rivals of the Gemstones, in the Righteous Gemstones.   He defeats Jesse at car racing in Episode 3.1 and defeats Kelvin at Bible Bonkers in Episode 3.9.  

And he'll be back in Season 4, maybe as an ally of Big Bad Vance Simkins, maybe working against him. 

His resume says that he appeared in Iron Man 3, Banshee, Homeland, and Under the Dome, but they aren't listed on the IMDB. Maybe he was a background player.

Also commercials for Bojangles, Inforeach, Republic Wireless, the North Carolina Lottery.

And theater: A Raisin in the Sun, A Streetcar Named Desire, The Shadow Box, Black Nativity, Midnight of the Soul, and The Wiz.

More after the break

Nude Photos of Stephen Dorff

 Stephen Dorff appeared in Episode 3.1 of The Righteous Gemstones as Vance Simkins, one of the three Simpkins siblings, arch-rivals of the Gemstones.  He hasn't done much since, but hopefully he'll be around -- and shirtless -- at some point in future episodes.

Stephen Dorff has been a Hollywood hunk and dramatic and comedic staple for 40 year.  Go through his list of acting credits on the IMDB and count the movies and tv shows you haven't seen -- it will be easier. I remember his 1990s work most fondly: S.F.W,, I Shot Andy Warhol, City of Industry, Blade, Cecil B. Demented.  A surprising number of gay and otherwise queer characters.

In a 2006 interview, Dorff said that he's surprised he's not gay because when he was young, he liked to watch women...getting dressed?  Wait --why would a young gay boy want to see naked ladies?

He has displayed his chest and butt in a number of movies, and there is an extensive frontal scene in Shadowboxer (2005). 

The full post is on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends