Operation Taco Gary's: A gay video star, Keefe, the "American Pie" guy, the d*ck that got censored, tacos, and aliens. And everybody's gay.

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Tony Cavalero (yes, I still follow his Instagram) announced that Operation Taco Gary's, which he completed in 2023, has finally found a broadcast home, on Amazon Prime. I've been waiting for this for awhile, so here goes:

Scene 1: As the radio announces the death of actor Jason Biggs (best known for the American Pie franchise), a guy runs through the woods in his underwear, holding a book or a box.  He yells "F*k you, Biggs!"

Flashback to the child Underwear Guy and his buddy or brother trying to destroy their neighborhood.  As an old fat guy sunbathes in s Speedo, Child Underwear Guy accidentally pushes his buddy into a wall, knocking him out. He runs away, past a sign saying "Moving sale. Please buy my stuff." 

Scene 2: In a run-down house, a guy is lying on the bed, despondent, while his roommate or boyfriend, Luke (Dustin Milligan), sells off their stuff. They're moving to Ottawa. Wait -- the moving sale is in the present. What about the kids?  They weren't Underwear Guy and his buddy?

Someone asks about a painting of the Pope eating dinner with Big Foot.  "It's not mine.  I'm basically Jewish."

"That's not true," a voice calls from another room.  "I've seen his p*nis."  (Censored description).   

It's Underwear Guy, Luke's long-lost brother!  He's a conspiracy theorist who lives off the grid, and he brought the painting because the Catholic Church is supressing evidence of Bigfoot.

They discuss Luke's move to Canada.  "You got a girlfriend  up there?"

"No.  I wish." Heterosexual identity established at Minute 7.  "I'm a new paleontology researcher. I start on Monday."

Underwear Guy guilts his way into an invitation to come along.  Who was the roommate despondent over Luke leaving?  Maybe a random person trying out the bed?  A little confusing, director!.

Scene 3: Driving to Canada on narrow country roads through the woods.  On the radio: "Jason Biggs' death has been ruled a homicide"  Underwear Guy looks suspicious.

Left: Research reveals that Underwear Guy is played by Simon Rex, unrecognizeable from his early days in gay-ish videos.

They stop at Taco Gary's for lunch.  Undewear Guy claims that his days of scamming the Portuguese mafia out of Taiwanese ketamine are over.  He just wants to be a good brother.

Cut to the police breaking into Luke's empty house.  They find a Taco Gary's wrapper and conclude that Luke is now helping Underwear Guy. 

Scene 4: An ugly guy with a physique that's um...well, I'm sure he has a nice c*ck.  He awakens, brushes his teeth, and heads to the dentist office to protest the practice of putting microchips in our teeth.   

Getting gas nearby, Luke and Underwear Guy see him. So he's going to join the team?

Uh-oh, Underwear Guy sees a car, rushes over, and accosts the old lady driving with a hunting knife. He shows her a taco, and refers to the "TG Truce of '21."  She doesn't know what he's talking about.  "Sorry, I mistook you for a member of the Coalition."

While he's gone, Luke checks his backpack and finds that his brother is not taking is meds.

Scene 5: They zoom off.  Hey, what about the ugly guy with the sign?  You spent so much time showing him getting dressed, I thought he would be a major character.  

Luke confronts Underwear Guy for not taking his meds, destroying his cell phone, and attacking the old lady.   He can't accommodate his brother's craziness anymore, and orders him out of the car.  But Underwear Guy gives him an injection that knocks him out, and drags him into the woods.

Scene 6: He awakens at night, by a campfire, remembers what happened, and tries to run away, but Underwear Guy injects him again.  And a third time. Just tie him up, dude.

Underwear Guy explains: he needs Luke's identity to sneak into Canada.  He's already stolen Luke's passport, wallet, and car keys, so he can't say no. "You'll get them back when we cross the border, and you'll still be in Ottawa in time for your new job."  How are both of them going to get into Canada with the same passport?

He gives Luke a high-tech, alien-made homing device to use instead of a government-hacked cell phone.

"This is a Rubik's Cube painted black."

Uh-oh, the cops have found their car!  Underwear Guy yells "We are armed and extremely dangerous!"  They approach with guns pulled.  Run!

They run. Luke and the two cops all hurt their ankles on the same log (not funny, painful to watch). 

They stumble across a white-haired guy camping, and by taking off his pants, Underwear Guy convinces him to give them a ride. So he liked your underwear?  

"By the way, I've kidnapped my brother, and I'm forcing him to help me against his will."

"No problem," White-Haired Guy says, no doubt thinking that they both must have big d*cks.

Scene 7: They stop at a gym and ride the mechanical bull while waiting for a badger (someone who helps you illegally cross the border).  She descends the stairs in slow motion while Luke gapes in Girl of My Dreams squishiness. I was wondering when he would meet The Girl.

She actually works at the gym, at the smoothie bar.  While they are talking, Underwear Guy tells Luke, "I know that look. You're attracted to her, aren't you?"  Hey, that will ruin his chances with The Girl.

Turns out that she's not really a badger.   But she has nothing else to do today, and Underwear Guy always has "crazy, fun" ideas, so why not?

More after the break

"The Mitchells vs. the Machines": Don't Say the Word, but Katie is....

 

Just a few years ago, there were no openly identified gay characters in any children's or family movie or tv series, ever.  Then, gradually they began appearing, in quick, blink-and-you miss it scenes: two dads drop off their son for a sleepover, a boy has a rainbow flag on his wall. More often than not, they still refuse to Say the Word, leaving the "lies, secrets, and silence" intact.     

I heard that the 2021 movie The Mitchells vs. the Machines was different: it doesn't try to hide the fact that protagonist Katie is gay. 

Creator/director Mike Rianda noticed that he was basing Katie's character on queer people.  He knew that the studio bigwigs wouldn't allow non-heterosexual people to exist, so he made Katie gay without telling them.  Then animator Lizzie Nichols wrote them a "heartfelt" letter: "We do not want to silence ourselves for fear of a bigoted few. We have to be on the side of what is right and just."  There was some pushback and some "very nervous people," but in the end they agreed.  

So let's see how they reveal Katie's queerness to the viewers.

Prologue: Some real family photos, with the taglines "blessed" and "family first," and a voiceover: "We all want to be the perfect family." Ruh-roh, "family is everything" rhetoric usually means "only heterosexuals need apply."

Scene 1: We start in the midst of an apocalypse, with robot monsters searching for "the last humans," and the family driving in a panic. 

Flashback to a few days before.  Katie Mitchell tells us that she has always felt like an outsider -- she never "fit in" -- (queer code 1),  so naturally she became a filmmaker (queer code 2: a rainbow button.  But you have to be looking for it to notice).  

Since Dad is played by Danny McBride, I have moved this review to Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends.

The Strange Ones: Pedophile and his boyfriend may be the same person, or they may be dead

The reviews say that the relationship between the boy and the man in The Strange Ones is a mystery, but it's not a mystery to me.  Strange is often used as code for gay, as in The Strange One, or Alex Strangelove.  The boy and the man are lovers, promoting the stereotype that gay men are all pedophiles (or in this case ephebophiles).  So I'm watching it, to see how a homophobic movie could get made in 2020.

Scene 1: 14-year old Sam (James Freedson-Jackson) walks through a burning house and looks down at his father, who is dying.  Cut to a car trip through the wilderness of upstate New York, no doubt where Sam and his 20-something boyfriend Nick (Alex Pettyfur) are fleeing after the murder.  They stop for gas, and Nick throws away some incriminating evidence, while Sam gets a text from a friend asking "Why haven't you answered?  Are you dead?"  Sam texts back "Yes."

Maybe he really is dead?  He died in the fire, and Nick is the Angel of Death escorting him to the afterlife.

Scene 2: Back in the car, they share a sandwich (so the dead still eat?) and drive down a deserted highway.  They're heading for a cabin that Nick knows about from his childhood (hey, what if Nick is adult Sam?). 

Scene 3: They stop in a diner.  Nick asks "Are you having fun?"  Weird question to ask of someone who is on his way to the afterlife.

Nick makes a coffee cup disappear to prove that this isn't the real, physical world.  It's all happening in Sam's mind, no doubt during the last few seconds of his life.  But he reiterates their cover story: two brothers on a fun camping trip.

Scene 4: The car breaks down (Charon never had that problem on the River Styx!), so they walk to  one of those old fashioned hotels where every room opens onto the parking lot. While Sam jumps in the pool and pretends to drown, Nick makes arrangements with the flowsy manager, Kelly  She's so turned on that she lets them stay for free.

Sam gives his name as Jeremiah, which reviews latch onto as proof that he doesn't know who he is, but it's obviously an alias.  He doesn't want to be identified as the kid who started the fire.

Scene 5: Kelly calls for a tow truck, and then gives them a ride to the repair shop.  Sam is stuck in the truck bed (grr -- a girl getting between him and the Angel of Death!).

Back at the hotel, where they are sleeping in the same bed, Sam suggests that Nick have sex with Kelly.  Nick shrugs.  Might as well -- beats sex with an underage dead kid.    He leaves Sam to his drawing of a swirling void and goes to the office for the seduction.

Scene 6: Sam is watching a tv news story about the fire and his dead Dad.  I would usually find that odd, but in movies whenever you turn on a tv set, there's a story about your situation on.  He looks out the window, where Nick and Kelly are frolicking in the pool.  This makes him jealous, even though it was his idea.

Later, Nick sneaks in, washes off his dick, and climbs into bed.  He suggests that they stay at the hotel permanently instead of going on to the afterlife.  A girl is keeping you tethered to our world?

Scene 7: Sam wants to keep going -- the afterlife has to be nicer than this dump!  -- so in the morning he tells Kelly that NIck is gay (ya think?) , and just flirting with her to get a free room.  Also everything he has said since they arrived is a lie (well, he can hardly come out as the Angel of Death.  And he might be a kidnapper or a murderer.

I'd be calling the police, thinking that Sam was in trouble, but Kelly idiotically tattles to Nick: "He said you were a kidnapper and a murderer and..."  Nick yells at Sam and slaps him.

Scene 8:  Kelly goes to clean the room, and sees that only one bed was slept in (Not smart, guys -- everybody knows that you always muss up both beds).

Meanwhile, at the auto garage, the car is fixed.  Nick asks "Do you hate me now?"  Sam says "You can go ahead and kill me now."  Too late, buddy.  You're already dead.

Scene 9:  On the road again, through the mountains.  They stop and walk into the woods with camping gear and a shotgun.  Uh-oh.  They run into some hikers, who complain that it's not hunting season yet.  Nick says "Um...um...we're going to..um...do some target practice!"  Gee, you'd think the Angel of Death would be a little more adept at prevarication.

Scene 10:  They reach the isolated cabin.  Nick chops wood while Sam watches, turned on by his muscles.  Then they start a campfire and drink beer and chat.  Sam looks into the fire and starts to cry.

Scene 11: Morning.  Nick really is teaching Sam how to shoot.  Then they explore a cave where Nick spent the night once when he was a kid, after he ran away from his abusive father.  He came out a new person, "like time travel."

They hear a rustling in the woods, and suddenly Nick is shot!  He orders Sam to run, and then hides in the cave.  Sam, running awy, looks down and sees a man lying dead on the grass, and another approaching with a gun.  I'm lost.  What just happened/

Scene 12:  Sam hides in a barn, where two boys, Luke and Jeremiah (Owen and Tobias Campbell), find him.  "Are you new?" they ask.  "I don't think he's one of us."

Weird -- this shot of Tobias is not in the movie, and he's on the hotel set, not at the commune.

 Sam gets food, a shower, fresh clothes, and a bed at a mysterious cult/commune for teenagers.

Scene 13:  Gary, the commune leader, interrogates Sam  Sam says that he doesn't remember anything about his life before the camping trip "with his brother."  Yeah, dead people gradually forget their past life.

Scene 14:   Morning.  The boys get up and join a group assigned to do weeding.  Later Sam takes a shower, and flashes back (or forward) to watching deer with Nick.

Scene 15: Morning.  As Sam walks through the commune, he sees two police cars parked by the main building.  He turns and runs, but they catch him.  A  friendly social worker says "You're a real brave kid.  You've been through a lot."  Also, Nick is dead.

She interrogates him about his relationship with Nick and his father.  Nick lived across the street.  Sam used to spend the night when his father worked late.

So, just a gay kid and his adult boyfriend killing his homophobic father, burning down the house, and running away?  That's so darn mundane.  I was expecting a journey to the afterlife, or Nick as the adult Sam.

Scene 16: Sam is in the hospital, being checked for evidence of sexual activity.  Later, a girl visits with a get-well card signed by the whole class.

Scene 17:  The girl and her mother take Sam in.  They talk about Nick -- he was dating a woman his age before, so how could he be...you know? This is getting more homophobic by the minute.  Where's the Angel of Death when you need him?

The girl wants to know if Nick just "did things to" Sam, or if Sam "did things to"   Nick.  He says "Both."  She tries to start sex, but Sam pushes her away.  Rejected, she says "It's obvious that you were in love with Nick." (So Nick can just wait three years, and he'll be legal in the State of New York.  Or go to Ohio and wait two years.  Or go to Spain and have at it)

Scene 18:  Sam runs away, goes into the woods, and suddenly he's with Nick again.  And suddenly he's talking to Gary at the commune about his nightmares. Then Dad is apologizing for abusing him.  Then Gary says "It's not real.  It's all in your head."  Then Sam follows his spirit cat to the cave where Nick spent the night as a kid and turned into someone else.

Beefcake:  Nick shows his chest, and in one scene his butt.  Sam shows a lot more, if you're into that sort of thing.  A couple of cute guys wandering around the commune.

Gay Characters: Both Sam and Nick are gay, but it's all mixed up.

Homophobia:  Equation of being gay with pedophilia.

Disappointed:  Very.  I wanted something a little more interesting than two guys on the run after a murder.  But then there's the final cave.  Maybe Sam will spend the night there and come out as Nick.
It's fun to speculate.

My Grade: B