Link to the n*de dudes
The live action version centers on the boy, Lincoln Loud (Wolfgang Schaeffer), having adventures with his best friend, Clyde McBride (Jahzir Bruno). No doubt a classic gay-subtext buddy couple!
So maybe Lincoln and Clyde will have more than a gay-subtext buddy-bond. Maybe they'll be boyfriends!
I'm reviewing episode 1.6, "School Dance," to see if the boys go together. Or if there are any same-sex couples dancing. Or both.
Scene 1: The kids are making decorations for the Big Dance at their middle school, the Kangaroo Hop, while journalist Liam (Gavin Maddox Bergman) films interviews with them.
Gavin Maddox Bergman played Oliver Twist in Spirited (2022), young Ben in Salem's Lot (2023), and Cal Starr in Americana (2024). I'm getting a gay vibe from him, but the character of Liam is heterosexual.
First interview: Rusty Spokes (Nolan Maddox, left) and his girlfriend Charlie (named after a boy to provide a gay tease for those of us reading episode synopses). They discuss how much they love each other. "My favorite color is your eyes..." Rusty exclaims. Holy sh*t, these people are twelve years old. Were they, like, born horny?
Nolan Maddox (Rusty Spokes) is now 18.Strikingly femme Lincoln watches mournfully. Best buddy Clyde consoles him over Rusty dating Charlie. Wait -- you're into Charlie, femme boy? Did you not notice that she's a girl?.
When it's Lincoln's turn to be interviewed, he notes that he was going bring "just friend" Stella (figures you have a lot of girl "just friends"). But she's at a science fair, so it will be solo.
And Clyde will be going with dad's chiropracter's daughter.
Scene 2: Interview with Best Buddy Clyde's dads. They are concerned that their son has not yet found his First Love. He's in middle school, much later than most kids. They are so desperate for him to click with "that someone special" that they arrranged for Clyde's date with the chiropracter's daughter. So he hasn't expressed any heterosexual interest, yet the two gay guys never consider for a minute that he might be gay. That's awfully heteronormative of them.
Ray Ford (Dad Harold), seen here at his godson's graduation, doesn't mention kids of his own, but half of his Instagram photos show him cheek-to-cheek with various ladies, so I'm guessing straight in real life.
Stephen Guarino (Dad Howard) kisses a boy in Eastsiders, and makes out with a dude in Bearcity, so I'm going to guess that he's gay in real life.
Yes, I know that having two dads as a focus of the episode rather than just hanging around is a step forward. On Ducktales (2020), they just stood on stage, not speaking, for a moment at their daughter's award ceremony. But they're heteronormative bias is still annoying.
I'm skipping over a plot about baseball or something.
Scene 3: The Dads were looking forward to taking the pre-dance photos at their house, memorializing Clyde's move into his heterosexual destiny forever. I feel your pain, Clyde: my parents still have a photo of me and the girl I brought to the Harvest Dance about a year before I figured it out -- five boyfriends and a gay marriage later, it's still on the dresser in their bedroom!
Uh-oh, Best Buddy Clyde calls: the pre-dance photos will be taken at the Loud House, to take advantage of the appetizers provided by Femme Lincoln's dad. "No problem, have fun," the Dads say as their hearts are crushed.
Now they become irate: "The Louds have burglared our milestone -- the most important moment of our child's life." Most important moment? Really? Why are you so anxious for your son to be heterosexual? What's wrong with gay people, gay dudes?
More after the break
