"Howl" for Ricky Schroder, with Ricky's d*ck

  

Link to Ricky's d*ck and backside

I saw the cutest guy of my generation destroyed by madness, ranting hysterical n*ked...

Who played a "poor little rich boy" on Silver Spoons (1982-87) on my dream Saturday night, immersed in the buddy-bonding of Bosom Buddies, Jennifer Slept Here, and Mama's Family.

Whose boyfriend, Alfonso Ribeiro, went on to display his muscles and bulge on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Who became a teen idol without taking off his shirt, who made gay boys sigh just with his dreamy eyes and smile

Who graduated to play a young soldier (Too Young The Hero, 1988), a cowboy (Lonesome Dove, 1989), and the juvenile brother of Brad Pitt (Across the Tracks, 1990), all men who knew the manly love of comrades

 Who hooked up with Mark Patton the Scream Queen but then threw himself into the closet of wives and sons and locker room homophobia

Who buddy-bonded with Dermont Mulroney in There Goes My Baby (1994), before they were both shipped off to Vietnam, one to die and the other to open a surf shop and cry over his lost love

Who forgot the endless summers of our youth

Seeing, touching, and tasting c ocks and endless balls.

Who crashed into movies and tv shows that no one saw, harsh, gritty, repellent, "make America great again" vehicles.

Who played a detective on NYPD Blue (1998-2001), with a woman's body below his gyrating backside

More after the break

N*de Photos of Brad Pitt

 

Brad Pitt has been part of our lives since his cowboy hitchhiker took off his shirt in Thelma and Louise (1991). A short list of his most beloved movies has to include Interview with the Vampire, Legends of the Fall, Fight Club, Ocean's Eleven, World War Z, and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Only one gay role -- The Normal Heart (2014) -- but lots of gay subtexts, from vampires to con artists to imagniary friends.

Brad is regularly listed as the hottest man alive or the sexist man alive, and he doesn't appear to age -- he's still as buffed todayas he was is 1993.  And, fortunately for us, he's not shy about showing off his physique on camera.

The n*de rear and frontals are on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends.

"Bullet Train": 11 assassins, Logan Lerman, and queerbaiting on the train from Tokyo to Kyoto. With some nude dudes

Link to the nude dudes

Friday's Movie Night movie was Bullet Train (2022), starring Brad Pitt as a professional assassin assigned to do an "easy" job, grab a briefcase full of money, on the bullet train that travels the 440 km (220 miles) from Tokyo to Kyoto in two hours. He doesn't realize that the train is crowded with other assassins, professional and amateur.

1. The Father, Andrew Koiji, wants revenge on The Prince, a gang lord who had his son thrown off a building.  

2. The Prince is also on the train, but he doesn't recognize her. She forces him to retrieve the money and load it with explosives, to assassinate her estranged father, #6, below.

3.-4. Tangerine and Lemon, Andrew Taylor-Johnson and Brian Tyree Henry, a queerbait couple.  After nearly two hours of the two bickering, being affectionate, and discussing their life together, director David Leitch loses his nerve and makes them brothers.

They have rescued...

5. The Son, Logan Lerman, top photo, from kidnappers, and also retrieved the ransom money that Brad Pitt is supposed to steal.    But the Son is killed, I forget by whom, so....

6. The Son's father, Russian crime lord The White Death, Michael Shannon, shows up to kill Tangerine and Lemon and whoever else he thinks flubbed the job. 

More assassins after the break

"Burn After Reading": or better still, burn before reading

Three days after watching the execrable O Brother, Where Art Thou, the song "I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow" is still in my head.  My friend suggests that we add to my woes with Burn After Reading.

"I saw part of it before," I tell him.  "I walked out of the theater when something inexcusably horrible happened, turning it from a comedy iinto a monstrosity!"

"Give it a try," he says.  "Watch it all the way through before making a decision."

If I watch with him, there will be cuddling.  If I don't, probably not.  So here goes.

If you want to skip there whole thing and go directly to the butts and dicks, here are some links to:

Nude photos of Brad Pitt

Nude photos of Dermot Mulroney

Burn After Reading (2008) is a Coen Brothers "comedy" about a lot of old, bald, ugly guys in suits who have offices in Washington, DC.  Most have  jobs dealing with government secrets, but there's also a divorce lawyer, a plastic surgeon, and a guy who used to be a Greek Orthodox priest but now runs a gym.  I can't tell them apart, but according to the IMDB, they're played by John Malkovich, Richard Jenkins, David Rasche, J. K. Simmons, Olek Krupa, Michael Countryman, J.R. Horne, Hamilton Clancy, and Armand Schultz. 

I'm going to use the actors' names.  It will be easier to keep track of who's who.

State Secrets agent John Malkovich, who resigns from the State Secrets agency  and writes his memoirs.  Will this be like "The Prisoner," where a secret agent resigns and is sent to the Island?  "We want in-formation."

Nope, his memoirs don't actually contain any classified information.  

Meanwhile his wife is having an affair with fellow State Secrets agent George Clooney

In preparation for asking for a divorce, she copies all of Malhovich's financial information, plus his memoirs, onto a computer disk.  She give it to her lawyer, whose secretary loses it at the gym.

Where it is found by two conniving gym employees, Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand, who I always confuse with Frances Sternhagen, Cliff's mother on Cheers.   They think it contains government secrets, and blackmail Malkovich for its safe return.  When he balks, they try to sell it to the Russians.

Aha, finally we get to the protagonists!  At least the two that are pushing the blackmail plot.

Why are they committing this act of treason, the only crime other than aggravated homicide that can get them the death penalty?  Well, Sternhagen wants money for liposuction for her saggy arm and belly fat.  Even though her doctor tells her that those areas will respond to exercise.  

And she works at a gym.

Pitt  is just an idiot.

Did I mention that Sternhagen also happens to be dating  Clooney, the guy having an affair with Malkovich, the man she's blackmailing?  Do all State Secrets agents go to the same gym?

Sneaking around the house looking for more government secrets,for some reason, Pitt accidentally encounters Clooney, who thinks he's the man that's been following him (in another plotline). 

Caution: horrible plot twist ahead::  Clooney kills him!  WTF?  You can't kill the protagonist, ever, and certainly not halfway through the way through the movie.  How can he have his complications, crisis, denoument, and conclusion?  There's nothing left for the movie to do!  

But it goes on. We switch protagonists -- now it's Clooney.   Sternhagen (who he is dating), complains about her missing friend.     Clooney doesn't realize that he killed the friend, so he agrees to help look for him.  Wait -- wasn't Brad Pitt wearing a gym uniform?  And Sternhagen works at the gym.  How hard is it to figure out?

Malkovich, meanwhile, believes that Sternhagen's boss is the blackmailer, and kills him.

We adjourn to some old, ugly guys sitting around talking about what happened next. It's complicated, but it ends up with with Malkovich  in a coma, Clooney in Venezuela, and Sternhagen agreeing to keep quiet if they pay for her liposuction.

Wait -- the first rule of moviemaking -- show, don't tell.  It's like watching The Wizard of Oz, all the way up to where Dorothy and her companions reach the Emerald City, then adjourning to Dorothy telling Aunt Em "So we went to the witch's castle, with lots of adventures on the way, and in the end we defeated her."

Terrible way to end a terrible movie.

Gay content:  

A tiny bit of beefcake, the rather muscular arms and shoulders of one of the guys Sternhagen has sex with.  Clooney and Pitt are fully clothed throughout.  Coming Up Daisy, the romantic comedy that Sternhagen brings her dates to, stars Dermot Mulroney, but he's fully clothed, too.

One homophobic slur.

One racist stereotype.

Brad Pitt's character is probably gay, but nothing is ever said.  He just fails to express any interest in women.

But at least I got some cuddling out of the deal.

"Once Upon a Time in Hollywood": Where Were You in 1969?

 Wait -- Leonardo DiCaprio is 46 years old, and Brad Pitt is...ulp... 57?  When did that happen?

Great Caesar's bust is on the shelf, and I don't feel so well myself.

They are together in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019):

Rick Dalton (Leo), once the star of a popular tv Western, is now (in 1969) relegated to guest-spots as villains on other people's shows.  His friend Cliff Booth (Brad), "more than a brother but less than a wife," can't find work either, and works as Rick's assistant and driver.

We see them going through a typical day.  Rick preps for a guest spot as a villain on Lancer, starring a star-struck James Stacy (left), played by Timothy Oliphant; bonds with the very precocious 8-year old Trudi Fraser (Jodie Foster?), who plays his victim; can't remember his lines and flubs two scenes; and invites Cliff over to watch tv, order pizza, and spend the night.

Meanwhile, Cliff takes his shirt off (what Brad Pitt movie doesn't require him to take his shirt off?), gets fired from a stunt job for beating up Bruce Lee (played by Mike Moh), and picks up a hippie chick who lives at Spahn's Movie Ranch.  There he spars with several other members of the cultlike hippie "family," including Tex Watson, Susan Adkins, Linda Kasabian, and Patricia Krenwinkle.  Sound familiar?

Although both are established as heterosexual, the bromance between Cliff and Rick has a deliberate gay subtext.  They'll only hug in private (hint-hint), Cliff has his own place, but often spends the night with Rick (hint-hint); in the final scene, Cliff turns out to be "more than a wife": Rick definitively chooses him over her. 

Rick (and Cliff, when he sleeps over) live next door to famous director Roman Polanski (Rafal Zawierucha) and his girlfriend Sharon Tate (Margo Robbie), but they don't have the nerve to go over and introduce themselves.  We see a typical day in Tate's life, too: she picks up a hitchhiking hippie chick from Spahn's Movie Ranch (ulp!), buys a book for her boyfriend, and goes to a screening of her movie, a spy spoof starring Dean Martin called The Wrecking Crew.

Not to worry, both Roman Polanski and Sharon Tate's sister liked the script.

On August 8th, 1969, Rick and Cliff have just returned from six months in Italy, where Rick starred in some spaghetti Westerns.  Rick has just married his co-star, and there are no jobs in the foreseeable future, so he has has no money, and can't afford to have Cliff living with him anymore.  They are both heartbroken over this decision.  Leaving the jet-lagged wife asleep, the two go out to dinner, and come home extremely drunk.

Meanwhile, Roman Polanski is away making a movie, so the eight-month pregnant Sharon Tate invites some friends over: her ex-boyfriend Jay Sebring; coffee heiress Abigal Folger; and her boyfriend Wojciech Frykowski.  

Around midnight, some hippies from Spahn Ranch, on order from Charles Manson to go to the Polanski house and kill everyone inside, make a wrong turn and end up at Rick's house.  

I'm not going to say what happens next, but it's quite different from what really happened that night.  This is a fairy tale, after all: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Beefcake: Some hunks at a pool party, and Brad Pitt shirtless.  What more do you want?

Gay Characters: Deliberate gay subtext between Cliff and Rick.

Heterosexism: None.  Rick's wife seems mostly a publicity stunt, and she definitely plays second fiddle to the great love of his life, Cliff.

Feet: I could do without the closesups of shoes and bare feet, especially the ones that take up a quarter of the screen.  It is possible for a girl to sit without shoving her feet into the air, you know.

1960s: An amazing number of famous names, movies, tv shows, songs, and even iconic streets from the Hollywood of the era appear or are referenced.  If you were alive during the late 1960s, you'll  probably be overwhelmed by nostalgia.  If not, you'll be constantly asking your partner "Who's that?  Was that a real show?  Did that really happen?" 

My grade: A if you remember 1969, B+ if you don't.

See also: Nude Photos of Brad Pitt

Nude Photos of Leonardo DiCaprio