November 22, 1963: Failed writer goes back to practically perfect 1960. Does he buddy bond, or meet The Girl? With Franco d*ck but no gl*ry holes

 

Link to the n*de dudes

I love time travel stories.  I've read all the classics: "All You Zombies," "A Sound of Thunder," "By His Bootstraps," "Mimsy were the Borogoves."   Time travel movies, not so much: they all seem to be about meeting, winning, and finding infinite happiness with The Girl. But when 9-22-63 dropped on Netflix, I saw that the disillusioned writer and his buddy work together together to prevent the Kennedy assassination.  Gay subtext -- ok, I'm in.

Scene 1:  Elderly adult Education student Harry (Leon Ripper) reads a story about a boy whose his father murdered his mother and siblings on Halloween night, 1960.  Teacher Jake (James Franco) gives him an A+ -- right in front of the class.   What if he got an F?

Then Jake goes to the run-down diner near a horrible closed factory and orders a burger from elderly Al (Chris Cooper, backside on RG Beefcake and Bonding), who complains about his eating habits.  Not a good idea to diss the food you sell, buddy.  

The ex-wife comes in; they discuss his father's death, and then he signs the divorce papers.  This woman acts as if she is deeply -- very deeply -- in love with him, so why are they getting a divorce?  So they can reconcile later on, or just to establish that he's heterosexual?

Al goes into the kitchen for a few minutes, then returns, pale and haggard, and collapses.

Scene 2: Jake takes him home.  Big reveal: He's got cancer. "But you were fine five minutes ago."  "Come over tomorrow, and I'll explain everything"  

Back to class: A film about shock therapy in the 1930s, while students laugh and are bored.  So are we establishing that Jake is an awful teacher, or that kids today are awful?  

Scene 3: At the diner, Al says he'll explain everything  if Jake goes into the closet, looks around, and comes back.  I'd be suspicious -- there could be bodies in there, or he could lock you in and keep you a prisoner.  But Jake goes in...

And...plop!  He's outside the diner, but back in the early 1960s.  There's a billboard for Moxie Cola, and kids playing softball instead of scrolling on their phones.  So it's like the wardrobe that leads to Narnia, You can also get there via a secret staircase  (on Dark Shadows) or in an elevator (Time at the Top).  

It's a wonderful, joyous, absurdly idealized world.  I couldn't get a screenshot that would do it justice. Everything is very bright, with primary colors dominating. Delighted factory workers file out for their lunch break.  A milkman (Colin Doyle) drops a bottle, and exclaims "For the love of Mike!"  No profanity in 1960, har har. Three girls drive past in a pink convertible.

An old guy notices that Jake is from the future, and yells "You shouldn't be here!"   So he runs back into the diner, and ends up in the present day.

"You were just in October 21, 1960," Al explains.  The time portal always goes back to the same moment.  He doesn't know where it came from or how it works, and he hasn't told anyone about it. But now that he's dying, Jake has to take over his goal: to prevent the assassination of John F. Kennedy on November 22, 1963.  So he wants a random stranger to do the job?

Scene 4:  Jake accepts time travel instantly, but wonders why Al is interested in the JFK assassination.  "Because if JFK lived, he would have stopped U.S. involvement in Vietnam, all those boys would be alive, and the world would return to how it should be, always summer, with no rainy days, primary colors, and everyone joyful all the time."

Left: 1960s guys, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

"Then why haven't you prevented the assassination already?"

Al tells him to go back to 1960, carve something in the tree outside, and see if it's still there today.   

Scene 5: Jake goes back -- same moment. He pushes off the "You don't belong here!" guy, carves JFK while locals glare at him, and rushes back to the present.

Left: Josh Duhamel, who plays Adult Education Student Harry's father, the one who murdered his family on Halloween, 1960.  Yeah, I thought it was fiction, too.

Yep, the carved JFK is still there. 

"But if you go back through the portal, it will reset.  You can stay for years, but when you get back, it resets. And no matter how long you're away, only two minutes have passed in the present." That's a lot of very precise rules for a magical gateway.

Oh, the reason he suddenly got sick: he went through for two years while Jake was signing the divorce papers.

"So if everything resets, how can I prevent the JFK assassination?"

"You have to go through, and never come back."   

I guess we've established, that Jake hates his job, he has no friends, his wife has divorced him, and his father is dead, so he has nothing to stay in 2016 for -- except the internet, global travel, medical breakthroughs, gay neighborhoods, cultural diversity....but it's a trade-off: life is perfect in the 1960s.  The colors are brighter, everything tastes better, there's no crime, poverty, or divorce, kids respect their elders, and everyone is happy all the time. Um...I know this is Stephen King's nostalgic memory, but still, it's a little naive. Ok, a lot naive. 

Al has prepared a fake id for him, a lot of early 1960s money, and a notebook full of sports matches to bet on, so he can support himself.  

Jake thinks he is crazy and runs off.

Scene 6: The Adult Education Program graduation.  Everyone is bored, not-engaged, not joyous, and the principal disses Harry, so Jake says "Screw it!  I'm going back to 1960!"

Al's dead, so Jake grabs the stuff, goes to the diner, and heads through the portal.

More after the break. Caution: Explicit

Scene 7: Downtown Lisbon, Maine, beautiful, busy, perfect in every way.  Jake gets a haircut and a shave (no facial hair permitted in 1960), buys a new suit and hat, gets the best pie of his life in a diner, flirts with the high school girl behind the counter (hey, she's under age, or is that not a problem in 1960?), and buys a lemon-yellow convertible. The salesman is hot.

Scene 8: Buying the car wiped him out, so Jake goes to a tavern and makes a bet on today's fight -- not only the winner, but the round of the knockout, 35 to 1, with $100!  That's like $800 in 2016!  The gangster in charge of betting is suspicious, but agrees. He's hot, too.

Jake takes his money and gets a hotel room from a cute desk clerk.  Whoa, all the guys in 1960 are hot, while those in 2016 are crotchety, haggard, and grim.  Sign me up. 

Uh-oh, one of the guys at the bar sees Jake pocket his winnings, and tails him to the hotel.  Jake clobbers him and runs away.  Not that perfect, is it?

Scene 9: On the road, Jake encounters Jim Crow laws. So racism is rampant, but the food is incredibly delicious.  They actually make that trade-off.  

In Dallas, he heads to Dealey Plaza (where the assassination will take place), and has a meet-cute with The Girl, a Hitchcockian blond. They bond over a discussion of contemporary movies based on novels: Of Mice and Men, From Here to Eternity, The Manchurian Candidate (whoops, not until 1962).

Scene 10: Claiming to be a writer working on a history of Dallas, Jake checks into a boarding house (where you stayed before hotels), and meets the young, attractive, and widowed Mrs. Borland and her teenage son Henry, who calls him "sir" and did all his homework.   Jake is impressed -- this is how kids should act!

He watches a heterosexual couple out on the street and feels lonely, so he tries to call his Dad. Wait -- you're around 40, so born around 1976.  In 1960, your Dad would be a kid! 

The phone line gets zapped, the phone booth gets squashed, and he jumps out of the way just in time to avoid being hit by a car.  It turns over a few times, and the driver says "You don't belong here!" before dying.  He runs home and throws up.  Al warned him that the Past doesn't want to change, and will fight back to prevent you from changing something important.

Scene 11:  At breakfast the next morning, Jake discovers that Mrs. Borland's son Henry is anxious to "serve his country" by joining the army.  He finds this depressing -- Henry's a good kid, and no doubt he will die in Vietnam -- unless Jake can prevent the assassination!  Henry catches Jake staring at him, and thinks nothing of it -- no fear of "stranger danger" in 1960.

Back in his room, Jake recalls the briefing from Al.  "I want you to tail Russian expat George de Mohrenschield on October 26: "he's educated, charming, rich."  So you thought he was hot, Al Baby?  In 1962, he becomes Lee Harvey Oswald's best friend. Why is this rich guy hanging out with the destitute loser Lee?  

"They're swingers?" Jake suggests, har har.

"Check to see if he becomes Lee's handler, hired by the Russians or the CIA to plant the assassination idea into Lee's head.  If he is, kill him.  If not, kill Lee." (Played by Daniel Webber, top photo).

Scene 12: Jake tails the Rich Guy as he kisses his wife goodbye, climbs into his white convertible, and heads to a Kennedy-Johnson rally.  A lady flirts with him as she points out a free seat.

"We do not promise an easy fix to the problems of our society," Kennedy says.  "But we will move forward with vigah."  Comedians of the day had a lot of fun with Kennedy's accent, which survives today in Mayor Joe Quimby on "The Simpsons."

Everyone applauds wildly.  

Afterwards, Rich Guy heads for the VIP reception upstairs; Jake scams his way in.   A lady flirts with him as she offers a Kennedy-Johnson campaign button.  Geez, ladies are flirtatious in 1960.  I guess when you have no political or economic power, it's your only option.

He notices the Rich Guy hugging Jackie Kennedy, but before he can approach, security guards start chasing him.  

He runs down the stairs, through a corridor, and down a basement corridor, and hides in a storeroom bathed in red light.  Are you going to kill Oswald, then ironically become the guy who assassinates the President?   The lights start to zap, which indicates that the Past is trying to reset a big change.  A swarm of cockroaches attack, and he is knocked out.

Scene 13: Jake  awakens in a basement room, with two security guards wanting to know why he scammed his way into the VIP Room. Uh-oh, they searched him, and found a knife labeled "Vietnam 1961-1975" But they didn't examine it closely.   You brought something from the future with you?  

He convinces them that he's just a Kennedy fan who got carried away.  What about the concussion? 

Back to Al's briefing: "One night was very important, because I could feel the past pushing back.  The Rich Guy took his wife to dinner at El Conejo."  Wait -- why did you send Jake to the Kennedy rally if it wasn't important?

Scene 14: Jake at El Conejo.  He avoids getting involved in the unrelated fight outside, as Al instructed him,  bribes the host to get the table next to the Rich Guy, and tries not to be set on fire by the Past pushing back. Al never got farther, but Jake puts out the fire with his coat, and moves in.   Rich Guy and some guys from the CIA are discussing potential "assets," but the Past makes the room too loud to hear much, just "...how about Lee Harvey Oswald?"  

The associates leave.  Rich Guy notices Jake staring at him, and heads into the back, up some stairs, and down a corridor.  Do they have gl*ry holes down there?  No, he's getting with a lady.  Disgusted, Jake rushes out.

"So the CIA asked Rich Guy to recruit Lee!" Jake exclaims on the way home.  Success!

Uh-oh, the Past has pushed back again.  The boarding house is on fire!  All of his notes are gone! Mrs. Borland's son Henry is dead, but Jake is mostly worried about his notes. 

Jake decides to screw it and go back to the present, but first he wants to make a side trip to Kentucky to keep Hank's father from killing his family on Halloween night (From Scene 1, remember?).  The end.

Beefcake: A lot of cute guys.

Other Sights: Very impressive exteriors, very crowded, with period clothes and cars everywhere.

Heterosexism: Jake is constantly flirting, and getting flirted with.

Gay Subtexts: Just an occasional brief hint and misdirection, like the glory holes that weren't there.  We haven't even met the buddy, Bill (George Mackay, left).

My Grade: My suspension of disbelief suffered when Al just planned on a random customer taking the job, and when Jake just takes it.  

Plus a lot of inconsistencies: Why does the Past not want Jake to talk to his Dad?  Why does Al have him tail the Rich Guy to a Kennedy rally?  

And the "wasn't 1960 wonderfully perfect in every way?" gets annoying fast.  C

Bonus: James Franco n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: "Oz, the Great and Powerful": A walking p*nis (not in a good way) finds true love, two wicked witches, and a flying monkey

Luke Benward: Fried worms, Disney movies, Christian music, gay friends, an adult video, and a n*de Cameron Monaghan

Time Travel Movies: Winning the Girl of Your Dreams with Science