Gemstones Episode 2.4: BJ gets baptized, Baby Billy gets Funyons, and there's incest, cake, and frolicking muscle boys

  

Link to the n*de dudes.

This is my favorite of the season. Although we continue with Eli and Kelvin's intertwining darkness, we add two more or less lighthearted plotlines, starring Judy/BJ and new characters Baby Billy/Tiffany.  They are all tied together by the question of eros/phileo: how can we reconcile the erotic desire that leads to permanent romantic partnerships with the love of family and friends?

A Boy and His Cat: Flashback: Charlotte, North Carolina 1993.  Going in fresh, pretending to have never seen Season 1, we are introduced to new characters, the grinning, fast-talking Baby Billy, his wife Gloria, and their special-needs son Harmon, in the mall at Christmastime,  Later we will discover that Baby Billy is a ne-er-do-well, constantly coming up with sleazy scams and get-rich quick schemes.  He and his sister Aimee-Leigh were child stars before she went on to a career as a serious gospel singer and married Eli Gemstone.  Baby Billy never forgave her for "abandoning" him.

  

After Harmon gets a photo on Santa's lap, Gloria goes off to shop, leaving father and son alone. Baby Billy offers to let Harmon choose any Christmas present he wants.  He chooses a cat. Then Baby Billy says that he's going off to buy Funyons, onion-flavored snack rings (this will become important later).  Instead he runs away, abandoning his family! 

Remember the Lissons?: We cut to Jesse and Amber hanging out with the Lissons -- the megachurch pastors  planning a Christian resort  -- and discussing how close their friendship has become.  Jesse breaks the news that they can't get their Daddy to fork over the money to invest.  He's asked multiple times, but Eli refuses to budge.

Lyle is aghast. The Gemstones are worth over $600 million; surely Jesse can afford $10 million on his own?   Nope, it's all Daddy's money.  Jesse will control it someday, of course, but not until Eli dies.  

The Lissons are irate, lambast Jesse and Amber for being poor, and break off the friendship.  I think they just liked you for your money, guys.

The Judean Desert:  Kelvin and Keefe figure that they can restore the confidence of the God Squad with a 40-day field trip in the Judean desert.   They walk across the Gemstone airfield, Kelvin in a military coat with a leopard-spotted beret, and Keefe in an oddly feminine black robe, with his backpack in front.  

Notice the Ace of Spades on Kelvin's coat. Some fans think that he is subtly coming out as asexual,  Actually, it was used by British regiments in World War 1and II, and by American soldiers during the Vietnam War, symbolizing luck, victory, or death.  

But the Ace of Spades is the most powerful card in the deck, so Kelvin probably chose it to signify that he is the most powerful man in the group, the Alpha.

Uh-oh, Martin, Eli's chief accountant and right-hand man,  intercepts  them. Eli has refused to pay for the trip.  Do you see a parallel between Kelvin/Keefe and Jesse/Amber's problems?  

Kelvin bats his eyes, touches Martin's chest, and begs: "You got here too late.  We already took off. Please?"    Wait -- are you flirting with Martin?  Homoerotic hotness doesn't work on everyone, dude.

And it doesn't work: Martin lays down the law  Kelvin is forced to break the news that his father said no, thus losing even more of his authority with the God Squad musclemen.

I Know What a Tomater Is:  In the Gemstone Parking Garage, Eli finds a tomato smooshed on his windshield.  The Tan  Man (James Preston Rogers) appears and says, threateningly, "Get the message?"  

Eli pretends that he isn't sure -- maybe something to do with a broken heart?  The Tan Man growls, howls, flexes and clarifies: "you hurt my boss's feelings real bad, and he's not the kind of guy who likes to have hurt feelings."  So, what kind of guys enjoy having hurt feelings?  "He wants an apology."  

Having confronted far more formidable foes, Eli is not impressed by the Tan Man's theatrics.  He sends a message for Junior:"tell him to go f*ck hisself."  

BJ's Baptism:   As people file into the Baptismal Chapel, Baby Billy from the 1993 flashback, now with white hair and a whiter grin, performs "There is a fountain filled with blood" while his new wife, the young, very pregnant Tiffany, looks on.  So Baby Billy has solved the eros/phileo problem by abandoning his family altogether.  But be careful: that baby is going to make you a Family Man.

Outside, Kelvin argues that he cleared the whole God Squad to attend the baptism!  Nope, only he and a "plus one" are on the guest list.  The God Squad guys start murmuring again. Another blow to his authority! 

Kelvin promises to feed them all -- he asks his date, Keefe, to steal some food, resulting in humorous but ridiculous bits.  Do you really want to eat a shrimp that's been transported from the hors d'oeuvres table in Keefe's mouth?  Why not just go out for hamburgers?

Baby Billy begins the service, bragging that he's on the Christian Pop Charts now, and misnaming BJ as TJ.  He must not be very close to the Gemstone family, either.   Hey, the seat next to Kelvin is empty. Why isn't he sitting with his date?  Is Keefe already raiding the caterers for the after-party?

Next Judy sings: "When a man outgrows the family of his origin, and they've no place in his life./ Cause he's different now -- he's got to show them how."  

Wow, we're really zeroing in on the eros/phileo problem. Judy favors abandoning the family, too. She was originally going to sing "Rock my Boy's Body," emphasizing the erotic nature of her relationship with BJ (it was moved to the episode finale).

People stop to ask me, "How do you please your man?"
Take it from the black sheep baby, every way I can
Sometimes it's with fire, and sometimes with ice
Just don't get it twisted, this body's gonna pay the price

Eli takes over and completes the baptism.  Judy introduces him as "BJ Christian Barnes."  

More after the break

Beetle Bailey's Boyfriend

In 1950 Mort Walker started the newspaper comic strip Beetle Bailey, about a lazy, inept student at Rockview University.  The large cast of characters included students, faculty, and Beetle's longsuffering family (his sister eventually married and spun off into her own strip, Hi and Lois).

College humor didn't attract many reader, so on March 13, 1951, Walker had Beetle join the army.  He was stationed at Camp Swampy in South Carolina, where he has stayed ever since, still lazy and inept, still surrounded by a colorful characters: girl-crazy Killer, intellectual Plato, dimwitted Zero.

And Sarge -- Sergeant Orville P. Snorkle, Beetle's platoon leader.

Their relationship was antagonistic -- Sarge often yelled at Beetle and pounded him into a pulp -- but affectionate.  They were often shown hanging out together as friends.

Or more than friends.

As the years passed, and especially after Mort Walker's sons, Neal, Brian, and Greg, took over the writing in the 1980s, the homoromantic subtext became increasingly important to the plotlines.

Many gags involved Sarge's total lack of interest in women.

Beetle dated girls, but less and less frequently, as strips hinted that his main interest lay in the masculine as well.

Beetle exhibited a freedom of speech and action that no other soldier had, relishing his special place in Sarge's life.

They used blatantly romantic vocabulary and themes.

A number of strips hinted that Beetle regularly shared Sarge's room, or his bed.  Left: why are Sarge and Beetle in their underwear, in a room with a couch and a tv?  

Other characters treated them as a couple.

For instance, the top photo: "What do you see in Sarge?"  That's an odd question to ask about someone's commanding officer, but not at all odd if you are wondering why Beetle finds him attractive.

Or below, when the camp chaplain asks 'Can't you find better things to do than fight all the time?", overtly engaging in couple's counseling.  They consider some options, like going out to dinner and exploring the bright lights of the city, but can't think of anything more fun, exciting, and erotic.  At least, nothing that you can show in a family strip.

Their fights became the standard squabbles of comic-strip couples, where physical violence demonstrates affection rather than hatred.

The question is, were Mort Walker and his sons aware of the subtexts?


Doubtful -- bickering buddies are a comic strip staple.

Still, we have to wonder about the August 19, 2013 strip, with Beetle looking for the blue skies over the rainbow.  Sounds like he's coming out.