Love in the Time of Sea Monsters

 

Link to the uncensored version

I thought that the gay subtext romance in "Below"  was a little underdeveloped, so I fixed it.  I hope I got the Newfoundland slang right

Fort McMurray was a sh*thole town in northern Alberta, where ox-dumb byes, former high school footballers and Newfie fishermans' sons, sweated and strained on the oil sands, and slept in too-tight quarters.  Where on the weekends, there was nothing to do but drink, gamble, and go down on guys.

Jay loved it.

It was just temporary, of course. Sometimes after staying up all night at the Rivers Casino, Jay passed All Saints Anglican Church, with husbands and wives and kids filing inside, the men in their Sunday suits, the women in sun dresses, and he thought, "That's me in a few years.  That's my destiny."  He wasn't really into s*x with girls -- he could take it or leave it -- but he was nearly 30, and finding a girl, getting married, and having a family was the only pathway to maturity.  To adulthood.  To living a normal life.

But finding a girl could wait.  There were too many Jesus hot byes in Fort Mac.

Then he lost $40,000 in a single night of drinking too much and not gambling enough.  Now it was $80,000, payment or broken legs,  due immediately.  He ran away to Calgary, and then home to Snook's Arms, a tourist village on the Newfoundland coast.  He never talked about home with any of the Fort Mac byes, so no one would know where he was. Hopefully.

Monday:

Snook's Arms wasn't as idyllic as Jay remembered.  Dad, an iceberg wrangler, had accidentally uncovered a frozen block of sea monster mucus crawling with ancient microbes, his brother Wade was having hallucinations, and his sister was upset over the theft of her engagement ring.  And Jay got a text: "You're a dead man!"  

Tuesday:

Half the town was getting sick from the ancient microbes, and the owner of the mucus block, an ancient sea monster, had re-appeared to chomp fishermen in half.  And Jay got another text:  "We know where you are, f*cko!"  

Wednesday:

In spite of all the paranormal threats, it was still Coming Home Year, so Snook's Arms had a week of festivities planned.  A girl Jay knew back in high school invited him to the Garden Party.  Maybe this was his chance at marriage and family, a normal life?

No such luck.  Before he could meet the girl, he was approached by two toughs.  He recognized Connor from Fort Mac:  he had gone down a few times.  A fellow Newfie, muscular, with red hair and a long red beard, but right mad. The other guy was black, slim, Jesus handsome, with a short beard and piercing brown eyes.

"Um...whaddaya at, byes?", he began.  "Welcome to..."

Connor punched him in the stomach.  The wind knocked out of him, he fell to his knees.  "What..."

"Me and me bye Mo had to take two flights, a three hour drive, and a ferry ride just to see ye, ye handsome devil.  The boss wants his money."

Connor punched him again, and the black guy -- Mo, maybe short for Mohammed?  -- kicked him.

"I been done, boyo -- I gots the money," he said, right skeezed.  "Almost.  I just need  a day or two to gather it up. Look -- I'll go down.  Both of ye."

Connor grinned.  "I admit, you're a  right mad c*cksman, me love, but not $60,000 worth."

"Just in a sign of good faith." 

"Eh...do us both, and you get two days." He led Jay off into the woods.

The s*x scene is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Thursday:

When the skeets approached again, Jay showed them proof of city residency.  "The province is paying us to relocate. I'll have $60,000 in just a few weeks."

"We need the money now, me bye!"  Connor yelled, right rotted.  He punched Jay again. 

"Just a few weeks -- I promise.  Just think of this as a vacation.  We can have a time -- there's a casino down in Grants.  I can get you some girls..."

"We're not here for girls!" Mo exclaimed, staring at Jay.  Was he threatening or turned on?

"Byes, then.  Whatever you're into."

This made Mo smile.  Still staring at Jay, he said  "I've never been out east before, Connor. I wouldn't say no to some sightseeing."

Connor laughed.  "And byes.  That's all you ever think about, innit?" Wait -- was he into guys or not?  

"Ok, Jay boy, we'll give you two more days.  But it will cost you another bj."

Friday:

The town was under a stay-in-place order due to the disease that had everyone thirsty for no reason, a cult of monster-worshippers that had his brother Wade running around bare-arsed, and the sea monster, who for some reason targeted only the family's enemies. Just a normal week in Newfoundland. 

Saturday:

They scoffed at the Chicken Bar -- talking, smiling.  Was Jay beginning to think of them as friends, just a few days after they were punching and kicking him?

On the way home, Jay suggested some other fun things to do during their stay.  "We could go whale watching, or fishing."

"Fishing sounds good," Mo said, smiling.  "I haven't gone fishing since I was little, back in Mogadishu."

"Where's that?"

"Somalia."  Jay didn't know much about Somalia, just that there were a lot of Somali refugees in Canada, some in the oil fields in Fort Mac. And he read an article once about the biggest d*cks in the world.  Somalis were in the top ten.

Imagining Mo's d*ck, he started to blush.  "What kind of fish?"

Connor ordered them to shut up.  Hey, they weren't turning onto the road that led back to the B&B!

Suddenly Mo pulled a gun.  Oh, shite!  His hands were trembling -- he was right shitebaked, terrified!   Jay could use his hesitation -- he jerked at the gun.  Mo shot indiscriminately, Connor screamed -- and they flew off the road into the bay. 

Jay managed to kick open the car door and swim out just as the sea monster attacked, its huge mouth chomping down on the car...chewing it?  "Jay, help!" Mo yelled.

Jesus shite!  He dove back into the bay and pulled Mo to safety, but he didn't reach Connor in time. The sea monster finished chomping on the car and disappeared.

More after the break

Jimmy Olsen's Secret Life, Part 1: Jimmy discovers that the Gemstones Do It Big

 

Link to the n*de dudes

Jimmy was prepared for a mansion rivaling Bruce Wayne’s – after all, the Gemstone motto was “Do It Big!”  But he still wasn’t prepared for the Gemstone Lake House, on Lake Murray, South Carolina’s biggest reservoir.  Tudor-style, with three round towers, four decks, eight bedrooms, two swimming pools, two boat launches, and a gazebo decorated with statues of the Greek gods Aphrodite and Apollo. 

Jesse Gemstone himself met him at the door, casually dressed in a checkered shirt and white pants. He shook Jimmy's hand and said “Praise be to He,” as if it was a standard greeting.   Jimmy had interviewed presidents and superheroes, but he was still in awe.  Rev. Gemstone was not only one of the three heads of the most successful Evangelical organization in the world, he was constantly in the news for everything from a mismanaged Prayer Pod debacle to numerous attempts on his life.

“Thank you for agreeing to the interviews,” Jimmy said. 

“It’s a visit,” he corrected.  “You’re our guest for the weekend.  Think of yourself as family – a long lost cousin.  You want anything, just ask.”  Then he flashed The Look – everybody did, Jimmy should have expected it, but he was still taken aback.  This was Jesse Gemstone!

Since he was about 15 years old, everybody who saw Jimmy Olsen, except for kids and the very old, fell in love with him.  Man, woman, gay, straight, single, married – it made no difference.  Usually they weren’t really aware of what was happening, they just knew that they liked Jimmy and wanted to do things for him – he got a free dessert almost every time he ate in a restaurant, he was bumped to first class almost every time he flew, and he had never been turned down for a date or a hookup, except by Clark Kent – but sometimes they knew exactly what they wanted, and got a little aggressive.  God, he hoped that Jesse Gemstone wouldn’t get aggressive.

But all Rev. Gemstone did was caress Jimmy's arm a bit and lead him into the foyer and…the library, where the Gemstone siblings crawled after they were shot by Corey Milsap, and prayed for him as he died -- they prayed for their murderer!  

“I’m surprised that you want to spend time at this place, when you and your brother and sister were shot and almost died here.”

He chuckled.  “So, if I stayed away from every place where someone tried to kill me, I’d never go anywhere.”  Then he hesitated.  “This isn’t going to be one of those smear pieces, is it?   Frankly, I agreed to the visit because  I like some of your articles in the Daily Planet.  You’ve got heart -- not like that Lois Lane and her muckraking interviews with Superman”

“It's going to be about the Gemstone Miracle, how you survive and thrive after adversity.  I get you – I grew up in the South. In an Evangelical family.”

“But you’re not Evangelical anymore?”  Uh-oh, Jimmy felt soul-winning coming on.

“I’m a gay ally – my sister is trans.  And I just couldn't stand the homophobia in my home church."

“Believe me, that’s not a problem here.”  Next they moved into parlor where they held talent contests, and Corey Milsap did a Michael Jackson routine – before trying to murder his friends.  “Is there going to be a talent show this weekend?”

“Why, do you have a piece in mind?”

As Rev. Gemstone showed him the dining room, kitchen, sun room, and game room, Jimmy wrote his introduction in his head:

A cross between Elvis Presley and Conway Twitty, with the Van Buren sideburns and rings on every finger, Jesse Gemstone lives the Gemstone motto of “Do it big!”  He has been kidnapped by his uncle, assaulted by a close friend, and shot by another close friend, yet he doesn’t hesitate to open his home and his heart to a complete stranger.  

“My brother and sister and their spouses will be coming up for dinner, and my oldest, Gideon, will be arriving tomorrow.  Right now it’s just my wife and I, our other two kids, and their boyfriends.”

Wait – boyfriends?  Didn’t Jesse and Amber Gemstone have three sons?  Jimmy would have to check his notes.

Mrs. Amber Gemstone: The Preacher’s Wife

Mrs. Gemstone was in the kitchen, elegantly dressed, all in white as she brought a pastry – peach cobbler? – from the oven.   She wiped her hands on a towel to shake Jimmy’s hand.

“You must think I’m an old fashioned Evangelical housewife, subservient to her husband,” she said, pausing as she gave him The Look.

“No, I don’t think that at….”

She caressed his arm.  “But we don’t have full time staff at the lake house.  The service goes home after making lunch, so we have to either eat out or cook dinner ourselves.  But coming all the way from Metropolis, I thought you’d appreciate some real Southern cooking rather than the Root Cellar or Thai Thai.”

Jimmy pulled away.  “I’d appreciate that, Ma’am.”

“Open!”  She popped a spoonful of cobbler into his mouth – a big spoonful, and still steaming hot!  He cried out in pain.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!  Jesse, get a glass of milk for our guest!”

Amber Gemstone, resplendent in white, the picture of the elegant Southern woman, is expertly hiding some insecurity.  She longs to be a traditional Evangelical housewife, following St. Paul’s admonition to “be submissive to your husband,” but the three-time sharpshooting champion of Charleston doesn’t take kindly to being submissive.

Abraham: The Loud Son

 “Pontius and Stacy are  out on a pontoon boat,” Jesse told him.  “You can meet them later. Next up is my youngest, Abraham.  He just turned eighteen.” 

Stacy?  Ok, Jimmy must have misheard.  Jesse’s middle son had a girlfriend, not a boyfriend.

He led Jimmy out to the bigger of the pools – the one behind the lake house – where two teenage boys were playing a noisy sword fight game with pool tubes. They were high school aged, athletic.   When they saw Jesse and Jimmy, they jumped out of the pool and ran forward.

“Boys, this is Jimmy Olsen, the reporter who will be staying with us this weekend.  My son Abraham –”  he gestured at the shorter boy, who had a muscular physique and a shock of unruly brown hair.  “And this is his friend Ash” – tall and thin, with brown skin and curly black hair.

“Don’t be so retro, Dad,” Abraham said, flashing the Look as he took Jimmy’s hand.  “Ash is my boyfriend.  I’m gay.”

“Yeah, with a boyfriend, I figured.”  He dislodged himself from Abraham and shook hands with Ash, who of course flashed the Look.  

"I'll leave you alone to get acquainted."  Rev. Gemstone vanished into the house.

“Go ahead and publish it in The Daily Planet,” Abraham continued. 

“If there’s room in my article.”

“I figured it out when I was like six, but I was afraid to come out to Dad after what happened to my brother Gideon…”

What happened to Gideon?  Jimmy smelled a Gemstone story that he hadn’t read in a bio or seen on CNN.

“We’re big fans of Superman,” Ash interrupted.  “Have you met him?”

“No, but I’ve met Beast Boy, and I dated...I mean, used to be friends with the Green Lantern."

 Jimmy kicked himself.  He was in a family famous for being gay positive, talking to two loud-and-proud teenagers, and he was closeting his gay relationships.   

“Hey, want to go water-skiing before dinner?” Abraham asked.  “If you brought your swimsuit.”

“You don’t need a swimsuit,” Ash added, glancing down at Jimmy.  “The Gemstone Lake House is clothing optional.”

Living in the shadow of three generations of famous Gemstones, 18-year old Abraham has found his own way to be noticed: by being loud, by talking about what everyone else is afraid to mention: secrets, bodily functions, identities.  The first thing he says to you, after “Hello,” is “I’m gay.”

The full story, with n*de photos and s*xual situations, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: Jimmy Olsen's Secret Life, Part 2: Keefe singing, Jimmy twerking, and Gideon in his underwear

A World of Jimmy Olsens

Jimmy Olsen: Superman's Boy Pal

"Superman" (2025): You'll believe a man can queerbait

The18 best Gemstones stories: Kelvin with Percy, Cousin Karl with Vance and Percy, Keefe with Gideon, Pontius with Stacy. Plus Abraham comes out

  

Link to the n*de photos

I never wrote fan fiction before, but I got the urge frequently during the run of The Righteous Gemstones, to "fix" terrible plotlines, expand upon minor characters, and respond to the incessant "that doesn't make Kelvin gay" fan complaints.   There are 25 on Archive of Our Own, but I've only reposted 18 here:

Before Season 1

How do I Know If I'm G...:  Pontius pressures his older brother, 16-year old Gideon, into coming to his sleepover.  He invites the "juvenile delinquent" Manny, gets his first kiss, and wonders if he is g___.

During/After Season 1

My Boyfriend and my Satanist Ex-boyfriend at Thanksgiving Dinner.  Kelvin wants them to stay closeted at Thanksgiving Dinner with Keefe's family, but his ex-boyfriend, Daedalus, is coming, too, and wants to get back together.

Is there S*x After Death?  Scotty dies in Episode 1.8, but Grandma Aimee-Leigh guides him through all the moments of Gideon's life, so he can forgive him for all the moments lost to pettiness and fear.

Kelvin and Keefe under the Christmas tree.  After the events of Season 1, everyone thinks that Kelvin and Keefe are boyfriends -- except for Kelvin.

During/After Season 2

BJ's Angels.  I envision Gideon and two members of the God Squad getting jobs as detectives in a Charlie's Angels parody, with BJ as Charlie.

During/After Season 3

B*ndage doesn't solve everything.  There were several hints in Episodes 1-2 that Kelvin and Keefe were into tie-up games, so I wrote a story where they guys break up during a scene, then reconcile when Kelvin arranges for Keefe to get a job as manager of the Gemstone Health Club.

Kelvin's Rebound Date with Percy.  Percy appears in just one scene, as an interior designer working on the church board room.  In this story, Kelvin is distraught after the Episode 3.4 breakup, and his siblings suggest that he move on...with a date with Percy.

Gideon Moves out of the Friend Zone. After the Episode 3,4 breakup, Gideon gets the nerve to ask Keefe out.  They have a hookup, but is that enough to move out of the friend zone?

The Kiss Heard 'Round the World.  The day of the Episode 3.8 Kelvin/Keefe kiss, seen through the eyes of Amber, Gideon, Eli, Judy, Keefe, and Jesse.

More after the break

Pontius Gemstone, the Boy Named Stacy, and the E*rotic Alphabet. With a special appearance by Gideon Gemstone

 

 Link to the n*de dudes

Stacy awoke with Pontius' arms wrapped around him, his head on Pontius' chest.  He could resist reaching down to stroke his.....

"Mmm...keep doing that." 

"Sorry, I didn't know you were awake."

"I try not to sleep when you're lying in my arms.  I don't want to miss any of it."  He leaned up, and they kissed.

"Good morning."  Pontius' gaze was intense, yet warm, comforting, loving.  

"I love you," Stacy said.

Instead of saying "I love you" back, Pontius leapt out of bed.  "Be right back -- gotta pee."  He bounced to the bathroom.

 While listening to the pee-sounds  -- why was that *rotic?  -- Stacy looked around the room: New dresser, desk cluttered with books and headphones, a map of the world taped to the wall, drawings of car designs, a bookcase with mostly Matchbox car models, three dusty guitars that no one had ever used, a glowing neon P.  

Pontius had replaced a poster of a bikini babe with a muscleman because Stacy asked him to, and cleared a drawer for some shirts, socks, and underwear, but it was still his room, Pontius with capital P, in the house he shared with his brother. 

They met last July, when Stacy was shot in the Gator Farm Massacre, and Pontius visited him at the hospital.  Since they, they had hung out almost every day.  

There were movies, concerts, plays, Queer Youth Game Nights. dinner at Jason's Steakhouse after church, volunteer work, a Halloween Party, Thanksgiving with Stacy's family, Christmas with the Gemstones, New Year's Eve in Myrtle Beach -- yet whenever Stacy hinted at moving in together, or getting their own place, Pontius deflected, changed the subject, or bounced out of the room, and God forbid he say "I love you."  Did he think of Stacy as a boyfriend or a buddy? 

Sound of the water running, a towel being yanked, and then Pontius rushed out of the bathroom. "So, what we were talking about?"

"Me on my stomach, I think."

"No, on your back.  I want to look at you."

The full story is on  RG Beefcake and Boyfriends . Hint: there's kissing and stuff.

See also: Kelton Dumont's Hot Photos, Part 3: Birthday biceps, bare bottoms, ruggers, and brothers for life

Pontius Gemstone and the Boy Named Stacy

Johnny Berchtold: I have good news and bad news.  The good news is his junk 

Pontius Gemstone and the Boy Named Stacy: What happened after the Gator Farm Massacre?

Link to the n*de photos and s*xual content

Note: This story takes place about a week after the Gator Farm Massacre in Righteous Gemstones Episode 4.8

July 7, 2025:

Stacy woke slowly, his eyes gradually adjusting to the hospital room. The monitors on his left side, the nightstand with cards and books on the right.  The window that looked out onto the parking lot, with maybe a little green beyond.  A countertop loaded down with "Get Well" balloons.  Two chairs -- wait, there was a figure sitting in one.  His eyes weren't focused yet -- who was it, his brother?

"You're not here to tell me how lucky I am, are you?  Another inch, and the bullet would have hit my aorta, and I would have bled out before the paramedics arrived?  God was watching over me, but not the 17 men that Cobb killed?"

"Hell, no."  Stacy recognized the voice...but...the guy slid his chair over to the bed with a loud screech.  His friend Pontius!  Well, not really a friend -- Stacy had seen him on tv and at the Salvation Center, of course, but they didn't really meet until he started going to the skate park last month, and they had only spoken a few times..   "I'm here to tell you to get well, so I can get back to watching you wipe out your *ss on the tail slides. "

"Har-har, big joke.  Dude, you know you're a wannabe mobber.  Just wait til I get back to that skatepark."  He hadn't realized how much he missed skating, and jamming about skating.

Pontius grabbed Stacy's free hand and pressed it against his own.  "I brought you some chocolate Turtles, 'cause you know, you're into reptiles, working at the Gator Farm, but they accidentally got eaten in the car on the way over."

"Jackass!" 

He laughed.  Stacy felt surprisingly happy to see him. His brash, no-nonsense attitude was the perfect remedy to a week of "God had his hand on you!"

"I wanna know what it was like to work for Jeffrey Dahmer.  Did Cobb like, give you body parts to feed to the gators?"

"It was weird.  I liked working at the Gator Farm. Cobb was so nice to me, always asking about my classes and the Salvation Center, and and all the time he was killing people, and he kept that guy Big Dick as a slave, like five feet from where I was mopping the floor."

"Yeah, dude, if you knew, you could have splattered the mother-f*cker!"  

"Hey, do you think he was asking so many questions because he was keeping tabs on your Grandad?"  

"Probably.  Seems like every year, some guy pops up with a grudge against my Grandad, the World Famous Eli Gemstone or whatever."  He reached up and squeezed Stacy's left shoulder.  "Does this hurt?'

"No.  I was shot in my right..."

"How about this?"  He moved his hand down to Stacy's crotch and squeezed.

"Hey, knock it off!"

"Just checking to see if your junk still works. Scoot over."  Pontius slid onto the bed next to him, so their thighs and legs were touching, and grabbed the tv remote.  "You get any p*rn on this thing?" 

"I don't think you're supposed to do that." 

"So call a nurse and complain."  

Stacy had never sat pressed against someone before, except maybe his brother when they were little.  He dated a couple of girls, back before he figured out that he was gay, but they never did any hugging, just handshakes and goodnight pecks.  He had been with two guys, but they were just hookups, don't say hello in the hallway the next day.  Was this what having a boyfriend felt like? Were they cuddling?  

Wait -- wasn't Pontius straight?

Pontius was casually clicking on the remote as if the closeness didn't bother him at all. Flustered, Stacy tried to think of something simple to talk about. "Did you know that your Grandad visits me every day?  Your brother Gideon has been by, and Kelvin.."

Uh-oh, Pontius took that as an accusation.  "I would have come before, but I've been busy.  Gideon is starting a new Christian-themed skatepark.  I'm going to be the manager"  He stopped on Spongebob Squarepants, then put down the remote and took Stacy's hand.  Their fingers interlocked.

They watched in silence for a few minutes.

"This is nice," Stacy said.

Pontius started to blush, a reddening in his neck and face.  "Yeah, well, touching a dude is good for healing, or some New Age bullshit." 

He had a thin, tight frame, small hard biceps, some cool tattoos, and the most beautiful hands.  Why had Stacy never thought of asking him out?  

Reason #1: Stacy was a straight-A student at the College of Charleston, a biology major, planning to become a herpetologist. And Pontius was kind of a screw-up.  Fun to hang out with, but no goals, no future.  Wait -- managing a Christian-themed skate park?  

Reason #2: Wasn't he straight?

"I've seen this episode," Pontius complained.  Let's find some chicks, or some dudes."  He clicked until he found a soap opera with a shirtless hunk sitting on a couch. "Awright! Check out those pecs! Man, I'd love to be working on those."

"I thought you were...you know...you like girls."

The full story, with n*de photos and ex*plicit situations, is on RB Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: "Dad Can't Know I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Romance, with a special appearance from Pontius and Stacy

Jackson Tessmer: from Hebrew School to toga parties, with angst tv, Christian drama, Asa Butterfield, and n*de selfies

Pontius Gemstone, the Boy Named Stacy, and the Erotic Alphabet

Reacher, Episode 3.1: The man-mountain bonds with a gay college boy with a drug dealer dad, and there are plot twists and d*cks

Nick Vardakas: Sex toy guy, lucky f*king dude, Atari spirit, Dillon's boyfriend, IT major. A lot of d*ck pics, but is he gay?

Jimmy Olsen's Secret Life, Part 2: Keefe singing, Jimmy twerking, and Gideon in his underwear

 

Link to the n*de dudes

In Part 1, Jimmy Olsen visits the world-famous televangelist/megachurch family, the Gemstones, at their Lake House to write a story for The Daily Planet, and learns that something happened to Jesse Gemstone's son Gideon that no one will talk about. On Friday, he interviews several family members.  It's Saturday morning, time for the gay couple  Kelvin and Keefe.  Then Gideon arrives.

Kelvin Gemstone: The Top Christ Following Man

On Saturday morning, Jimmy came downstairs to the staff bustling about, cleaning bedrooms, mopping, vacuuming.  Most of the family had already finished breakfast and scattered to the boat or the swimming pools, but Kelvin and Keefe were still in the breakfast nook.  The youngest of the Gemstones was short, sturdy, muscular, and femme, a Tom of Finland drag queen, married to a long-haired muscleman with a fading “Hail Satan” tattoo visible on his forearm. 

“Good morning!” Kelvin called, flashing the usual Look.  “I hope you got a lot of rest, ‘cause we have a full day planned.”

Jimmy sat next to him.  A waiter jumped forward to fill his coffee cup and hand him the breakfast menu.  He ordered the Denver omelet and sourdough toast. 

“To be honest, after the noise and honking horns of Metropolis, it was hard to sleep in the quiet.”  Especially with his superpower revealing who was going at it at 3 and 4 am.

“Back when I was in Satan’s Baby, we toured in Metropolis a lot,” Keefe said. “I used to be a regular in the gay club scene up there.  Have you been to The Metropolis Eagle?”

Why did Keefe think that Jimmy would be hanging out in gay clubs?  “Your heavy metal past is a story waiting to be told. Maybe I can interview you later?”

He pretended to look down at his mostly-eaten frittata.  “Thanks, but I like to stay out of the spotlight.  I’m the roots of the tree, and Kelvin is the branches.” 

Ok, so he wouldn’t be getting much information from Keefe.  Time to interrogate Kelvin. “So you came out publicly last year, but I’m sure the family knew long before that.  How did you come out to them?”

“Well, I didn’t really need to come out to them – they knew long before I did, back when I was a kid and sneaked peeks at my sister’s teen magazines. It took me forever to figure it out for myself.  I was in denial for years, until…”  He hesitated.  “I guess the kidnapping.”

But that was in 2023.  He had the God Squad, a cadre of bodybuilders living in yurts on his front lawn, in 2022.  How could he not know?

Keefe objected, too: “But we were doing stuff back when we first met, when Gideon and Scotty….” Kelvin shot him a harsh look, and he trailed off.

Obviously Kelvin was trying to control the narrative, present himself as unaware until 2023, so he could claim not to know about Gideon and Scotty….who the heck was Scotty, and what did it have to do with Kelvin?

“Keefe, are you sure you won’t reconsider that interview?  Maybe we can do it while swimming later.  I heard that the Lake House was clothing optional?”'

Keefe flashed the Look and glanced at Kelvin, who nodded his consent.

Keefe Chambers: the Heavy Metal Rocker

City boy Jimmy learned to swim in a public pool, had been rescued from a sinking ship by Beast Boy, and was trembling with fear on the floating dock as Keefe dove into the 200-foot deep water of Lake Murray   (Kelvin stayed behind to do some work with Prism.)  He pulled himself up, rocking the dock – the guy weighed 200 pounds – and climbed up to the slide. 

He paused.  “Aren’t you coming in, Jimmy?” 

“No, thanks -- I’ll just work on my tan.  But I’m enjoying watching you.”  Jimmy hesitated, realizing that it sounded like he was interested – and maybe he was.  The guy was massive everywhere.  If he was going to accept one of the three-way hints this weekend, it would be with Kelvin and Keefe.

Keefe tumbled down the slide, dove in again, and then lay on the beach towel next to Jimmy – so close that they were touching, of course. 

“Tell me about how you and Kelvin met,” Jimmy suggested.

He grinned at the memory.  “It was at Charleston Pride 2019.  I was passing out fliers for Baby Queef – my solo act after I quit Satan’s Baby.  Kelvin came to one of my performances, and that was it.  For me, anyway.  It took like three years to convince him that we should be more than s*x buddies, and five years to talk him into marrying me.”

Keefe Chambers was on his way to an impressive career – lead singer in a heavy metal band, a solo act as a Satanic comedian, friends with musical giants Ozzie Osborne and Trent Reznor, covers of “It’s Raining Men” and “I’m Coming Out” that charted in France. But he gave it all up to stand in the wings, quietly supporting Kelvin Gemstone, his best friend, boyfriend, and eventually his husband.

“So Charleston Pride, June 2019, right?”  Jimmy fished. "Was that before or after Gideon and Scotty?”

“Gideon came home from California later, after I moved into Kelvin's house.  Maybe in January or February?  Scotty came up a week or so later, and stayed through...well, stayed awhile.”

“A boyfriend?”

“Probably.  I mean, we had them over for dinner, like they were a couple.”

“So Gideon is gay?”

Keefe patted his shoulder. “You'd better ask him yourself.  He likes irises and Greek food.”  He dove into the water again.

If Rev. Gemstone allowed Gideon and his boyfriend to live openly in his house in the spring of 2020, the thing that happened couldn’t be about being gay.  Unless he started homophobic, kicked Gideon out of the house, and somehow the relationship was restored.

Gideon Gemstone: The Superhero

They returned to the house, changed clothes, and joined Kelvin and BJ for a game of cornhole (yes, that was the name) on the veranda.

Gideon drove up on his motorcycle just before lunch.  He was in his mid-20s, a little shorter than Kelvin, with a tight, firm physique and an open, slightly freckled face. 

“Sorry I didn’t come up earlier, Mr. Olsen. I had an emergency at the skatepark to take care of.”

“It’s Jimmy.”

“Then I’m Gideon.”  He smiled as they shook hands.

Wait – a smile, but no Look.  This hardly ever happened!  It was an immense relief to touch someone without seeing that rush -- he didn’t want to stop holding Gideon’s hand. Then he realized that Gideon was staring at him, and dropped it.  His face begain to burn.

Keefe nudged Kelvin and whispered something.  They both beamed.  Matchmakers?  But this was the opposite of matchmaking – Gideon was the first person he’d met in a long time who wasn’t interested!

 Gideon shooed away a staff member and grabbed his own bag.  Jimmy took his arm as they walked into the house – still no Look.  Kelvin and Keefe followed.   “I want to hear about the skatepark ministry, but I think the Daily Planet readers will be more interested in the times you saved the day.”

“Me – saved the day?  What do you mean?”

“You helped your Grandfather escape the militia thugs, rescued your Dad from the kidnappers, hunted down the Cycle Ninjas...”

“He’s like Superman,” Keefe exclaimed.

Gideon laughed.  “Wait – aren’t you friends with the real Superman, Jimmy?”

“No, but I used to date the Green Lantern.”  Coming out as bi – well, in this family, straight people were in the minority.

Jimmy couldn’t ask Gideon about “the thing that happened” at lunch, with everyone around, but afterwards, as the others were prepping for the talent show or lounging on the veranda, he tried.  He sat down with Gideon in the Game Room, pulled out his recorder as if it was a formal interview, and began with: “You moved between California and South Carolina several times.  What brought you out there the first time?”

“I wanted a career as a stuntman, and California is the place to be.”

“Oh.”  Jimmy was disappointed, but he knew that interview subjects need some human connection to feel comfortable enough to open up. “Same thing with me.  I wanted to be a journalist, and I couldn’t do that, not really, in Asheville.  It had to be Metropolis, a thousand miles from home.”

“Do you miss your family and friends?” Gideon asked. 

Wait, was he trying the human-connection bit?  Maybe it was what preachers did.  “Sure.  But I talk to my folks every week, and Chloe – that’s my high school sweetheart, or at least she thinks she is – once a month or so.  She’s married to the Green Arrow now.”

Gideon laughed. “Green Lantern, Green Arrow – you guys are really into green.  I should fix you up with Kelvin – everything in his wardrobe is emerald, or teal, or chartreuse.”

It was a pleasure being around Gideon, not having to worry about the subtle caresses, the carefully veiled – or not so carefully veiled – flirtations.  Jimmy wished that they could just hang out and talk about regular things, but he was on a schedule, and he needed a Gideon profile for his article. 

“What about you?  I already heard about your ex-boyfriend Scotty, but have you dated anyone lately?"

Gideon stood and walked away – or rather, stomped away -- without another word.

The Talent Show

When Jimmy came down for the Talent Show, Gideon was sitting in the front row.  Like Judy yesterday, he gestured for Jimmy to join him. 

“I’m sorry I left so abruptly before,” he began.  “It’s just that Scotty is a sore spot for me.”

Before Jimmy could ask for more details, the show began with Rev. Gemstone dressed as Elvis Presley, singing “Love Me, Tender" to a teddy bear.

Gideon nudged Jimmy to offer him some of his popcorn.  Where was the popcorn?

Next, Mrs. Gemstone played Beethoven’s Sonata 8, Pathéthique, on the piano, BJ did his magic act (badly), and Judy sang her mother’s hit, “Toodles Until Tomorrow”

These things, they cannot last, the past is the past
If you look back, you'd see them behind us
For the road leads us on with the moon and the sun
 Wake up, move along and say goodbye

Gideon sniffed and brought a handkerchief to his eyes – allergies, or was he crying?  

It was Pontius and Stacy's turn.  Dressed as surfer dudes, they performed “Summer Lovin’”, turning it into two gay guys describing their summer boyfriends.

Summer loving, had me a blast - Summer lovin', happened so fast
 I met a boy, crazy for me  -- I met a boy, cute as can be.
Tell me more, tell me more, 'cause the evening sounds sick.
Tell me more, tell me more, like how big was his...car?

He got friendly, sittin' on the grass -- he got horny, grabbin' my...beach towel
We stayed out 'til nine o'clock....we made out, I sucked his...dreamsicle
Tell me more, tell me more -- did you meet Mom and Pop?
Tell me more, tell me m ore -- did he bottom or top?

 Gideon wrapped his arm around Jimmy’s shoulders, and Jimmy relaxed into him.  It was different, touching someone who didn’t have the Look, wasn’t overwhelmed with desire.  Comfortable – relaxing. 

Next, Kelvin and Keefe stood.  "We need two volunteers for our act," Keefe announced.

"I see two hands up," Kelvin announced.  "Jimmy and...what's that guy's name?...Gideon.  Come on, you can hold hands later."

They dragged the guys into the music room, and had them change into swimsuits and raincoats: "You dance along.  When I point, pull off your raincoats and do a sort of stripper routine, got it?"

The song was "It's Raining Men."

Humidity is rising, barometer's getting low  -- how low, dude?
According to gay sources -- like Lambda Legal?
The street's the place to go -- get going, boy!
'Cause tonight for the first time -- just about half-past ten
For the first time in history, it's gonna start raining men!

The full story, with n*de photos and s*exual situations, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: Is There S*x After Death?: A Gideon and Scotty story

Previous: Jimmy Olsen's Secret Life, Part 1: Jimmy Olsen finds out that the Gemstones do it big

Santa Clarita Diet, Episode 1.9: A Medieval Serbian book, a gay subtext, twink pics, and maybe a Skyler d*ck

It's Raining Men

A World of Jimmy Olsens

Jimmy Olsen: Superman's Boy Pal

"My Three Gay Sons and...ugh..Vance Simkins": Jesse find out about Gideon. And Abraham. And Vance.

  

Link to the n*de dudes

October 18, 2025:

When Jesse walked into the media room, he saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert on the big tv -- drag queens in the Australian outback -- and Pontius with his arms wrapped around someone.  They were kissing.

For a moment he thought it was a girl, proving that this "bi" stuff was just a phase.  But no, it was Stacy, the long-haired femme guy who was shot and almost killed at the Gator Farm Massacre.  How did he and Pontius manage to find each other?   

Sure, Stacy was a nice guy -- maybe too nice for his a*hole son.  But after Kelvin coming out, then Cousin Karl, then his friend Levi, plus both Daddy and Uncle Baby Billy mentioning gay romances in their past, and now Pontius. Who was next,  Martin?  Aunt May-May?  Jesse was getting a little tired of being an ally.

“Hey, cool off," he called down.  "Give your tongues a rest.  Is that all you ever do?”

Pontius raised his head.  “Of course not," he said with an evil grin.  "We do a lot of stuff. Wanna watch?”

"Don't be a smartalec.  You gonna go to the Queer Youth Game Night at Kelvin's house, or you gonna stay here and make out?"

"Stay here and make out?" Pontius asked, looking expectantly at Stacy.

"No, we're going. It's important for us to socialize with other queer youth."  He stood, took Pontius' hand, and pulled him to his feet.

"You're always going to get your way," Pontius said, smiling.  "If only you weren't so gosh-darned cute."

Gosh-darned?  Jesse thought.  Maybe Stacy is a good influence on him.  

"One more for the road," Stacy said, "And then we'd better get to that party."  He leaned up and kissed Pontius.

"Disgusting display!" 

It was Vance Simkins, the megachurch pastor whose homophobic rants almost pushed Kelvin back into the closet, before he rallied, came out on national television, and won the Top Christ Following Man of the Year Award.  

 “Who let you in?” Jesse asked, frowning.  "I defeated you in that duel, remember?  So stay on your own side of the state."

“The security station was letting everybody through, if they said they were coming for the party.  What party?"

“Kelvin and Keefe's Game Night," Jesse said, omitting the "queer."

But Vance caught on anyhow.  "Good thing I dropped by.  Is this one of them decadent parties with little holes in the wall, and guys hanging in stirrups? ”

“It’s just board games,” Stacy said.

"But the party you're planning sounds fun, too," Pontius added.  "Can Stace and I get an invitation?"

Vance grinned.  "Well, if it’s perfectly innocent, you won’t mind if I come along.”

“It’s for queer youth and their allies under age 25," Jesse said.  "Now, you’re obviously queer, but you haven't been 25 since...The Battle of Fort Sumter?”

"Besides," Stacy added, "A lot of the kids are traumatized by growing up in homophobic churches.  Some are closeted, worried that their parents will reject them, even kick them out of the house.  It's supposed to a safe space -- no  homophobes allowed."

“I am not a homophobe, young lady, or fella, or whatever you think you are.  I just want to see the kinds of games homo...um, queer youth play.  Or should I call the police and tell them about the illegal stuff going on in Kelvin's little den of iniquity?"

Jesse sighed.  He was probably bluffing, but... "Ok, Vance, you talked me into it.  We'll go over and check it out. Boys, you go on ahead.  We'll be there in a bit."

There were only two ways to get into the party: they had to either turn 21 again, or bring food.  Jesse dragged Vance to the kitchen, and they loaded up the two trays of lemon bars that Amber was planning to bring to the Marital Problem Group tomorrow -- he would drop by the all-night bakery and replace them later.  

They had to park on the lawn at Kelvin's house.  There were about a dozen cars parked outside, plus two church vans.  Assuming that they carpooled, Jesse estimated that there were about fifty teenagers and young adults at the party.  Hopefully none of them were kissing!

Kelvin's boyfriend Keefe answered the door with his fists raised.  "Pontius and Stacy told us you would be trying to get in.  But we don't allow homophobes."

"Down, boy!" Vance said with a laugh. "I promise to be on my best behavior."

"We're just dropping off some snacks for the group.  Two dozen lemon bars -- Amber and our housekeeper Tanya made them."

Keefe looked suspicious, but he dropped his fists.  "Well, I do love a good lemon bar. Come on in."

They carried the trays from the foyer into the formal parlor, where about twenty people were sitting in small groups.  Kelvin, leading what sounded like a Gay Trivia game, nodded at them.

"Hey, Buddy," Vance said, "Isn't that your son Geraldine?  The one who wants to be a preacher?"

It was definitely Gideon and his friend Clay, the Classics major -- really, who majored in Latin? -- sitting with their backs to them, playing a "How well do you know your partner" game with two girls, one with pink hair. 

"They must be here as allies.  See, they're with their girlfriends."  Why hadn't Gideon mentioned having a girlfriend?

The question was “What tv show does your partner watch, but feel guilty about?”  One of the girls guessed “Euphoria!”  The other:  “Wrong – the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” 

Gideon’s turn: “Cobra Kai.”  Clay: “Cobra Kai!  You're right!”  They got the point.  They kissed.

Vance laughed.  "Why so surprised, Jesse?  Didn't you know that your son was gay?"

A few years ago, when Gideon was with Scotty, Jesse figured that they were a couple, and went out of his way to be accepting.  He announced "I love my gay son."  But Gideon said he wasn't gay...right?  Did he change his mind?

The full story, with n*de photos, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Next: Pontius Gemstone, the Boy Named Stacy, and the *rotic Alphabet. With a special appearance by Gideon Gemstone.

See also:  A Perfect Southern Gentleman: A Karl and Percy Romance

Gavin's Cute/Cool Photos, Part 3: A boy and his monkeys, a boy and his fish, n*de bikers, and bodybuilder buds

Gideon Gemstone and the Return of Scotty Steele

"How do I know if I'm g....": A Young Gideon Story

 

This story features Gideon Gemstone (Skyler Gisondo) of The Righteous Gemstones as a teenager.  All of the subjects of n*de photos are over 18.

Link to the n*de photos

“Hey, Bro,” Pontius called, rushing up to Gideon’s locker at the Riverpointe Christian Academy in Charleston. 

“Hey, yourself.”  Gideon was a bit suspicious: his younger brother rarely talked to him at school.  Sometimes he didn’t even accept a ride home, preferring to call one of the Gemstone drivers to avoid being seen with a “glee club nerd.”  An odd insult, since Gideon didn’t belong to Glee Club.

“Are you staying after for gymnastics?”

“No, that’s on Tuesday and Thursday. Why, what do you need?”

“Well, a ride home.”

“Why – the drivers are both busy, and your pogo stick’s in the shop?”

Pontius smiled, either not noticing the dig at his age, or too invested in whatever he wanted to care.  “And  can we stop for pizza on the way?”

This was really suspicious -- Pontius never invited him to go anywhere.  Maybe the age difference was too great for them to really be friends – Gideon was in eleventh grade, with a girlfriend and college plans, while Pontius in eighth grade still played with toys.  

Maybe they didn’t have much in common – Gideon was into gymnastics and acrobatics (he loved tumbling with Uncle Kelvin at the Gemstone Teen Center), while Pontius was into…well, hanging out with his buds and telling dirty jokes.  Or maybe they just didn’t like each other.  He must want a big favor, Gideon thought.

 They climbed into the Lexus that Granddad Eli gave him for his sixteenth birthday and drove down to Famulari’s, the go-to pizza place for all of the Gemstones, probably because the delivery guys didn’t mind driving ten miles out to the Compound.  The moment they sat down, Pontius said, "Ok, here’s the thing. I want to have a sleepover Friday night, and you have to come."

"No way, José! 16-year olds do not go to slumber parties.”

“You used to like them.”

“Sure, and I used to like Battlebots, too. I grew up.”

From his 10th birthday until last year, when he graduated to the high school building at the Academy, Gideon and Pontius hosted sleepovers at least once a month. They each invited two or three friendss, plus their younger brother Abraham by default. 

They spent the night playing video games, watching tv, eating snacks, and bragging about how late they were staying up.  Then they bedded down in the Kid Guest Room, Pontius and Abraham on the top bunk, Gideon and another boy “on the bottom,” and the rest in sleeping bags.   Gideon always took awhile to choose his bed partner: not necessarily his best friend.  Maybe even one of Pontius’s friends, if he was cute. 

How did I know which boys were cute?  Gideon thought, surprised by the memory.  Why did I care?

"We haven't had one for a long time!" Pontus protested.  "And Mom says I can't have one by myself – you have to be there, too."

The waiter came – a rather chunky, sandy-haired guy from Gideon’s Biblical History class – and they ordered their usual bacon-cheeseburger pizza (sometimes Mom and Dad called for something “healthy,” and they had to scour the menu for healthy toppings.  What kind of pizza topping was healthy?).

“What will my friends say if they find out I went to a sleepover with a bunch of eighth grade dorks?  What will my girlfriend say?”  He and Katie had only been dating for three weeks, but Gideon mentioned her every chance he got. “Katie likes lima beans. Katie’s aunt lives in Belgium.  Katie’s favorite Harry Potter character is…”  

"They won't all be dorks," Pontius said.  "How about if you can invite some of your friends. Whoever you want.”

"As if!  My friends are way too cool for sleepovers!”

"Well, maybe not one of your friends, just guys that you like.  You know, want to spend time with, like the guys that Uncle Kelvin hangs out with”

Gideon felt the anger rising.  “I do not want to spend time with guys like that, Jackass!  Uncle Kelvin is gay, and I have a girlfriend!”

Pontius laughed.  “You dummy, no way is Uncle Kelvin a homo!”

“How do you know?”

“Number One, he’s got muscles.  Number Two: he works with kids…”

“You’re an idiot. Gay guys have muscles sometimes, and they can work with kids like anybody else.”

Pontius sneered. “Number Three, he never brings a little fruity friend to the family dinner….”

“Maybe he’s afraid to bring a boyfriend around. Granddad Eli might kick him out of the church.”

“Number Four: He doesn’t live in California,”  Pontius said with a flourish, as if that was a definitive argument.  “Why do you want Uncle Kelvin to be gay so much?  Are you in love with him?  Do you want to, like, hug and kiss?” 

“Dude, that’s my uncle!” Gideon said, disgusted.

“Ok, so if he wasn’t your uncle, you’d be all into him.”  He made pucker sounds. “Oh, Thweetie, your muscles are so big! Kiss me again!”

“You’d better stop talking trash about me if you want me to come to your darn sleepover.” 

“Ok, ok, sorry…Thweetie.”  He giggled. “Now pick two guys that you want to invite. Somebody you want to spend time with.”

“Someone you want to spend time with” made sense to Gideon.  Maybe a guy who was a little standoffish at  school, or constantly involved with his own clique.  This could be his chance to break through and make a friend.

"Ok, let’s go for it. For my first boy I pick Derek from Gemstone Teen Time.”  A tall, blond 10th grader with a round angelic face.  For some reason he went to public school, not the Academy.  When he got the lead in the drama club production of Oklahoma last fall, Gideon made his Mom and Dad and brothers all go to see him, but they didn’t hang out afterwards. 

"No problemo.  Derek and me are tight."  He paused.  "So...who's the second boy?"

More after the break. 

Gideon Gemstone and the Return of Scotty Steele. With a Special Appearance by Clay Chang

 

Link to the n*de dudes

Gideon's Prayer Time

Gideon's Prayer Time is at 11:00 am Wednesday!  Who's free at that hour except nursing-home oldsters?  And College of Charleston students, I guess, watching Gideon Gemstone reading off notecards the same words he has written on a powerpoint slide.  

It's stupid of me to  be here, but when I saw him at the Prism party yesterday, smiling, unconcerned about the many LGBTQ people around him, I figured he must be gay.  And beautiful, with a round face, light blue eyes, a slim, tight physique obvious even under his uncomfortable-looking Sunday suit. 

I feel like a total language geek, but I'm a Classics major, taking a seminar in Catullus, so can I help it if he popped into my head::

Equal to Jove that youth may be

Greater than Jove he seems to me

At the sight, my senses fly.

I needs must gaze, and gazing, die

Yesterday Ricky pulled my jaw off the floor and told me that he was Gideon Genstone, Kelvin's nephew.  He was standing right next to his grandfather.  I'm not going to approach a guy standing next to world-famous evangelist Eli Gemstone! 

Who am I kidding?  I was too shy anyway.

Prayer Time has certainly proven that Gideon is no Jove.  The existence of God, his omnipresence, the expiatory sacrifice of Jesus Christ, all in 45 minutes of stumbling theological jargon, with the conclusion: "love one another"!  

I'm having second thoughts about my gaydar.  Gay guys never become ministers - with Kelvin an obvious exception.  Plus Gideon never comes to Prism, even as a guest speaker.  I've never even seen him with Kelvin and Keefe.  Surely if their nephew was gay, they would hang out.

He's looking at me!  He made direct eye contact!  Of course, I'm probably noticeable, the only Asian and only person under 90 in the audience.  Still, doesn't that mean something? 

"You can stay or you can go, but it's over."  Weird way to end a service -- not even a closing prayer. I stand behind the oldsters so I'll be the lasst one out, and I can start a conversation.

He's smiling -- a good sign.  I shake his hand -- warm, firm, s*exy?  "Hi, I'm Clay Chang."

 "Gideon Gemstone.  It's good to see a young face at Prayer Time."

"It was an interesting presentation.  A lot of complex theology."

"Yeah...um...you don't have to be nice on my account.  I knew I screwed up."

Confiding in me?  Must be because we're the same age?  "No, it was fine.  You just need some instruction on homilectics."  I refrain from telling him that "homilectics" means "preaching."  "I took a class my sophomore year at Charleston Southern -- thought I was going to be a preacher."  I hesitate.  He looks at me quizzically.  Do I dare put my hand on his shoulder?  "I have my old class notes back in my apartment -- I can bring them by the church later, or if you want to have lunch..."  

"Lunch sounds great," he says with a smile.  

Suddenly I'm feeling hot.  My heart is racing.  "Ok...um, so meet me in an hour.  Do you want to go to Dudley's?  They're serving lunch now."

He frowns.  Because he doesn't know that Dudley's is a gay bar, or because he knows, and isn't gay?

Think of an alternative, fast!  "Or...um..the Brown Dog Deli, on Calhoun?"  

"Ok, Brown Dog Deli in an hour."  We face each other.  I can't stop grinning.  What do I do now?  Hug him?  Kiss him?  He seems to be having the same dilemma.  Suddenly we both laugh, and he reaches out for another handshake.  

"Bye."

Kelvin

Driving to my apartment, digging out my notes, doing 100 push-ups so I'll have a chest, showering, deciding on a hot but not slutty outfit, driving to the Brown Dog...that leaves six minutes to rush down Kelvin's office next to the Prism Prayer Room.  

No books except for several copies of the Bible,  no desk, just a serpentine-slide thing that looks like a throne, and a lot of exercise machines: our guy likes to work out during his office hours.  Right now he's doing bicep curls -- huge biceps!  I see them three times a week, but I still can't take my eyes off them.  Except to look at the enormous club-bulge in his gym shorts.  Is that real or augmented by a balled-up sock?   

"Clay, My Man!" he exclaims.  "Sit down!  How's that paper on Catullus coming?"  How does he remember all the details of everyone who goes to Prism?

"Fine, I guess. Still stuck in the introduction.  Actually,  I stopped by because I need your advice."

'That's what I'm here for, Boyo. What's on your heart?"

"Um...the thing is, I'm having lunch with Gideon in 53 minutes."

"Who...Gideon Gemstone?  My nephew Gideon?"  He looks surprised.  Too surprised.  "In the market for a new spiritual leader?"

I smile.  Kelvin is jealous!  "No, actually...um...I'm not sure whether it's a friend hang or a date.  I don't even know if Gideon is gay."  

This is the part where Kelvin tells me "Of course he's gay."  He would know, right?

But Kelvin frowns.  "I'm afraid I can't help you there.  I have no idea about Gideon.  He mostly keeps to himself -- we've never had a heart-to-heart talk.  I've maybe said ten words to him in the last year, and four of those words were 'Happy Birthday!' and 'Merry Christmas'"

My heart sinks.  Why would Gideon be gay and not confide in his uncle?  

"Has he ever brought a guy to a family dinner?"

"Not that I can...wait -- there was a guy named Scotty, a couple of years ago, came out from California to visit Gideon, and stayed for two or three weeks.  They were, like, together every moment."

"A boyfriend?"  

"I don't know, but he turned out to be a crook.  He robbed the church's Easter offering and left Gideon and his Dad tied up in the vault."  He pauses.  "Come to think of it, that's the last person outside the family that I've seen Gideon with."

My six minutes are over.  I thank Kelvin, steal anouther peek at his biceps, and rush out.

The Brown Dog

Gideon orders the Susan Hayward Salmon Salad.  I always get a Coney Island Chili-Cheese Dog with fries -- it's the Brown Dog Deli, right?  But I don't want to stain my shirt, or get onion on my breath on the off chance that there will be kissing later -- so I order the Soup of the Day.  

He reads aloud the list of required textbooks from my homilectics class: "Contemporary Preaching, Comedy Preaching, Preaching to People with Disabilities, Homilectics from an Asian-American Perspective..." Ulp, he skips over A Queer Homilectic.  "I like the Week 1 Lecture: 'Skip the slides, or at least use them well.'"

"Yeah, the idea is that preaching is different from lecturing to a classroom.  You're trying to reach people's hearts, not their heads."

"Sounds like you were very good at it."

"I just got a B+.  In my family, anything under an A++ is considered a failure."

"Is that why you tranferred to the College of Charleston and became a Classics major?"

"No, I just fell in love with Latin.  Ovid. Apuleius.  Virgil's Eclogues.  Formosum pastor Corydon ardebat Alexin." Oh no, it's about a guy named Alexis in love with the beautiful shepherd Corydon.  Why did I quote that?  What if he asks for a translation?

Saved by the bell: our food arrives, giving me a chance to change the subject.  "My parents wanted me to major in business and like sit in an office all day, talking about stocks or something.  They really didn't like my decision to major in classics -- dead languages, and not even Asian!  They had this image in their head of me with a wife and kids, a house in the suburbs, mowing the lawn, barbecuing, fixing the rain gutters..

"I had the same problem.  My parents wouldn't let me be me.  They had this image of me as a perfect little church boy.  When I was 18, I ran way to California, and didn't talk to my dad for a year."

A moment of connection!  I reach out and cup my hand over Gideon's.  He draws away. Because he's not gay, because he's not into me, or because he needs his hand to hold his fork?

I pretend not to notice.  "What brought you back to South Carolina?"

"I've been going back and forth.  A few months in L.A., then a few months at home.  I'm not sure where I belong.  Maybe I don't belong anywhere."

Gideon is lost, and lonely.  Gay or not, maybe he just needs a friend.

We eat in silence for a few minutes.  Then: "Are you busy tomorrow?"

Tomorrow night?  Like a real date?  Maybe he just needs a boyfriend!  "I have a seminar in Apuleus at 10:00, but I'm free after that."

"My Uncle Baby Billy is filming at tv show about Jesus as a teenager.  They're doing it campy, like a modern day high school."

I know -- I've dated the guy who plays Teenjus.  But I tell Gideon.  "That sounds interesting."

"Want to drop by and watch a rehearsal tomorrow? We could get dinner later."

He is definitely describing a date!

I spend the rest of the day vaguely listening to professors lecture and my roommate drone on about some video game, while thinking about Gideon.  Hopefully he's a bottom -- he's so soft and slim, sort of femme, he's got to be a bottom.  Not that I would mind going downtown.

The full story, with n*de photos and s*exual conversations, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

See also: Is There S*ex After Death?  A Gideon-Scotty Story

The Other Gemstone Brothers Stories:

Pontius Gemstone and the Boy Named Stacy.  With Stacy and Pontius doing it.

"Dad Can't Know I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Romance, with a special appearance from Pontius and Stacy

"My Three Gay Sons and...ugh...Vance Simkins": A Jesse Gemstone Adventure