A gay romance on "Barnaby Jones"? Yes, the one starring Jed Clampett and Catwoman

It's the cold,  windy Thursday night four days before Halloween, during my senior year in high school.  The family has gathered in front of the tv set, as usual: the tv is on every night from dinnertime to bedtime, a backdrop to all of our other activities.

7:00: Welcome Back, Kotter.   The high school underachievers evaluate the principal's novel, John Travolta says "Up your nose with a rubber hose," and Horshak (Ron Pallilo) explains, yet again, that his name means "The cattle are dying."  Yawn.

7:30: What's Happening!. Inner city prettyboy Dwayne (Haywood Nelson) helps his dad run for city council.  I haven't figured it out yet, but I'm still mesmerized by the guy's bulge and backside.

At 8:00, my parents want to watch Barney Miller, but I go upstairs to watch James at Fifteen on my small portable tv.  It's the second episode of the teen drama starring Lance Kerwin as a high school swimmer.  

When it's over, I turn off the tv and start doing homework.  A few minutes later, my brother Ken comes clomping up the stairs.  "You'll never guess what they're watching down there!" he exclaims.  "Barnaby Jones!"

"You're kidding -- Jed Clampett as a private eye?"  The oldster detective is played by the star of the Beverly Hillbillies.

"And Catwoman is his secretary!"  Lee Meriwether, who plays Barnaby's daughter-in-law, was Catwoman on Batman.

"Gross!  Next they'll have Scooby-Doo!"

Ken laughs.  "Don't take my word for it.  Come downstairs and watch."

"Geezer tv?  No way!"  My friends would rib me unmercifully if they found out I had watched something as lame as Barnaby Jones!

Ignoring me, he flips the tv on, and clicks the dial to CBS.

No Jed Clampett, no Catwoman.  Two cute young guys, one in a muscle shirt that displays baseball-sized biceps, the other in skin-tight jeans that reveal an enormous bulge.  They are standing so close together that they seem about to kiss.

Muscle Shirt: You're the  man for me!

Tight Jeans: Let's not get carried away..."

"Two homosexuals?"  I exclaim. "You didn't tell me there were homosexuals on this show!"

Kenny shrugs.  "They must be the bad guys."

"Well, turn it off.  Seeing those freaks makes me sick!"

In the year or so before I figured it out, I was extremely homophobic.  Even my friends commented on it: 'What is your problem with gays?"  I thought of gay men as frilly little lacy things, fluttering about at their jobs as hairdressers and interior designers, destroying everything that was hard and warm and masculine.  Yet here were two hard-bodied, masculine gay guys.  How was that possible?

The next week I pretend to be immersed in a book in order to watch Barnaby Jones with my parents.  Tight-Jeans is Mark Shera, playing Barnaby's nephew, a law school student.  But he definitely likes girls.  

Born Mark Shapiro in 1949, a 1971 graduate of Boston University, Mark Shera got some teen idol attention for S.W.A.T. (1975-76), where he played Officer Dominic Luca.  This led to his gig on Barnaby Jones (1976-80), plus episodes of the usual 1970s and 1980s series: Love Boat, Fantasy Island, Murder She Wrote, Matt Houston. 

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