"Snatch": Caper Movie With Two Unintentional Gay Subtexts

 

Snatch (2000) has a complicated plot with lots of unlikely coincidences, people surviving multiple lethal injuries, and impenetrable dialogue, even with subtitles.

I gathered that there are two interconnected plot arcs: first, something to do with a "diamond as big as the Ritz," which was stolen from a jeweler in Belgium, and passes from hand to hand as everyone tries to track it down; second, a member of the Irish "traveler" (nomadic) community who is a proficient bare-knuckles boxer (played by Brad Pitt, who is frequently shirtless, but his physique is ruined by multiple rings and huge tattoos).

Every pair of criminal partners has a gay-subtext relationship, but here two stand out:

1. Turkish (Jason Statham, top photo) and Tommy (Stephen Graham, left) handle the Irish traveler plotline, but they also run afoul of the diamond several times, and end up with it (and a dog).  Turkish explains that although they're partners, they "don't hold hands or walk along the beach."  Nevertheless, their bond is physical and permanent.

2. Small-time crooks Vinny (Robbie Gee, left) and Sol, (Lenny James, below) mostly handle the diamond plot arc, which means they get into more trouble: they are captured by various bad guys (erm...worse guys, I mean) and are nearly killed several times. Finally they are arrested when the police find several bodies in their trunk (although they didn't actually kill anyone). 

 They have an extremely physical relationship, including hugging, laying heads on shoulders, and at one point holding hands (I think).

Adding to the subtexts is the total lack of heterosexual desire or romance.  There are no major female characters; no one is shown having sex with a woman or ogling a woman. Only the minor character Franky Four-Fingers is even shown with women, and then only in a split-second shot.  There are some naked ladies in photos and calendars on the wall, and once in a pack of playing cards, and that's it. Considering that gangster movies usually feature incessant shots of gangster gals and strippers on poles, this is amazing.

An article from 2000 reveals that Paul O'Boyle, who played the minor character Patrick,  "shocked" Brad Pitt, Lenny James, and director Guy Ritchie during filming, when he mentioned that he was going away for a vacation with his partner.  They asked "What's her name?" "Gareth."  "Funny name for a girl," they responded in heteronormative ignorance, before catching on and being shocked. 

Guy Ritchie didn't fire him on the spot, but I gather from his shocked reaction that the gay subtexts are unintentinal.

The 10 Most Depressing Christmas Songs

November is my favorite month.  The air is brisk and cool but not too cold for jogging, it gets dark at a normal hour, tv and the theater are going strong.  Even though there's my birthday and Thanksgiving to celebrate, it's still relaxed and easygoing.

Then suddenly it's December, cold and dark all the time, people scatter, the campus is deserted, you have 1000 papers to grade, and you spend two weeks running around at breakneck speed buying and wrapping presents, putting up decorations and a tree, addressing cards, planning and going to about 1000 parties, getting sugar overload.  Then you get on an overcrowded airplane to spend two more weeks doing it all over again back home with the relatives.

All the while you're expected to be deliriously happy.  If you lose that robotic grin for an instant, you're ostracized as a Scrooge and a Grinch.

To facilitate your delirious happiness, you are subjected to a constant barrage of music specific to the season.  The problem is, most Christmas songs are not happy.  They're wistful, nostalgic, mourning lost youth and long-gone friends, or else bemoaning the fact that time is passing, we're all getting old and going to die soon. 

How are you supposed to be joyful when all of the songs you hear are about loss and despair?

Here's a list of the worst offenders.

1. White Christmas.  "Just like the ones I used to know."  A bittersweet look at Christmas past, in our long-gone childhood, before global warming, with a slow, lugubrious melody that makes you want to cry.

2. The Christmas Song ("Chestnuts roasting on an open fire").  Humorous lyrics with a wistful, sad melody.  Talk about mixed signals!  Mel Torme, who is Jewish, wrote this on the beach in Florida.  There was no Jack Frost nipping at his nose.

3. The Little Drummer Boy.  There are actually no lyrics to this song, or just a few.  Mostly it's nonstop onomatopoeia ("rum tum tum"), and a slow, wistful melody.

4. Home for the Holidays.  You've got to be kidding.  When you see your relatives only once a year, they're strangers, and they've suddenly gotten a lot older, thus reminding you of your own inevitable progression toward death.  Oh, wait, the singer isn't really going home for the holidays; it's just a masochistic fantasy.

5. Holly Jolly Christmas.  Horrible heterosexist lyrics.

6. Good King Wenceslaus.  A beggar freezing to death finds his way through the snow by following the king's footprints.  All with a horrible ponderous melody.

7. We Three Kings.  The third king brings myrh: "bitter perfume, breathes a life of gathering doom."  You got that right.

8. We Need a Little Christmas.  Life is hard.  We've grown a little older, grown a little colder.  Holly and mistletoe won't help.  I heard this for the first time on an episode of The Facts of Life 30 years ago.

9. Blue Christmas.  Goes without saying.

And the worst of the worst:

10. Have Yourself a Merry...well, you know.  About the swift passage of time and the inevitability of death.  Judy Garland refused to sing the first version -- it was too depressing even for the Queen of Sad Songs.

Sam on "Mythomaniac": Butch Lesbian, Femme Gay Boy, Transgender, Non-Binary, or None of Your Business?

 

The French drama Mythomaniac just dropped amid my Netflix recommendations: a woman tries to get attention from her family by faking a cancer diagnosis.  

Ordinarly I would run from such a depressing premise, but then I saw this person in the trailer. mascara, eye shadow, a dangling earring, and red nail polish.  I couldn't tell if they were a butch girl, a femme boy, trans, or nonbinary.  

Their name is Sam, but that could go either way.  They are played by Jeremy Gillet, who is presenting as male in this photo, but elsewhere on their Instagram page poses in drag, so maybe transgender?  I still didn't know.

In Episode #4, "Niklas discovers Sam's secret."  The secret was no doubt being gay or transgender, which would answer the question of Sam's gender.

There were various plotlines -- everyone in the family has dark secrets -- so I just watched the sections starring Sam.

Minute 1;20: Mom's test results come back negative.  Dad (Mathieu Demy, top photo) and their kids, including Sam, hug her. Sam has short hair for a girl but long hair for a boy.  They're wearing a long-sleeved shirt and jeans.   They have a striking resemblance to Jo from The Facts of Life, but their gender is unclear, perhaps deliberately.

Minute 5:45: Sam in school.  The teacher compliments them on a good assignment.  Out in the hallway, a girl approaches to ask if Sam is going to Camille's tonight.  They say "no."  For some reason this enrages the girl, who asks if Sam is feeling guilty over what happened to Kevin.  Sam becomes irate and smashes her into the wall: "We're all responsible!  Fuck you!"  

The girl's friends comfort her, saying "She's totally crazy."  Aha, Sam is a butch girl.

Minute 8.27:  Sam visits an unconscious boy in the intensive care unit of the hospital (Kevin, I surmise), and puts earbuds in so he can listen to music during his coma.

Minute 16:29: Sam tossing and turning in bed.  They flash back to a night with a lot of teens gathered outdoors, smoking and drinking.  As Sam watches, a boy, no doubt Kevin, climbs onto a ledge, then stumbles and falls off.  I can't see why Sam would feel guilty about that; it wasn't their fault).

Minute 28.02: Sam, now in a leather jacket, leaves what appears to be a police station.  Their mother picks them up, and wants to know why they didn't tell her about the charges being filed.  Sam doesn't know.  Mom then prompts Sam on what to say in court, to avoid self-incrimination. Sam confesses: "It was my fault. We were playing Truth or Dare, and he got the dare to kiss me, and refused."  So does this mean that Sam isn't a girl, or that they are unattractive?  "I was mad, so when it was my turn, I dared him to climb on the wall."

Minute 44: Sam and their sisters in their bedroom.  Sister wants Sam to cut her hair, in solidarity with Mom's fake cancer.  The end.

Wait -- when did Niklaus discover Sam's secret? Who is Niklaus, anyway?  Actor Marceau Ebersolt is shown in bed with Sam's sister, so I assume he's her boyfriend.  He appears in the episode but does not interact with Sam.

So I still don't know if Sam is a butch lesbian, a femme gay boy, transgender, nonbinary, or what? I guess one's gender identity is important only if one is interested in a date.  

Ok, there's a Mythomanic Wiki.  Sam is a transgender girl.  Niklas is a foreign exchange student staying with the family.  They start to make out, and when Niklas reaches down to Sam's crotch and finds a penis, he reacts badly and punches Sam in the face.    

I could have looked up the Wiki in the first place, but isn't it  more fun to figure out these things on your own?

"Home Economics": Gay and Straight Siblings Obsess over Money.

 That 70s Show ended 15 years ago.  The cast is now in their 40s.  Are you as shocked as I am?   Ashton Kutcher, who played prettyboy Kelso, has retained his youthful vitality and hunkiness, but Topher Grace, who played central character Eric Forman, looks surprisingly craggy and...well, old, and not in a good way (don't get excited, this is a parody CGI.).

His character narrates the story of Home Economics, with the conceit that it's part of a novel he's writing.  It would be a very hackneyed novel; it begins with "This is the story of...."

This is the story of three siblings.  Although they grew up with the same life chances, and they all live in San Francisco and have wives and children, they differ tremendously in economics.

1. Connor (Jimmy Tatro, left), the youngest, is also the richest, having invented a world-famous app.  He moved into Matt Damon's old house with his daughter and housekeeper.  Divorced, he's rich, muscular, and insecure, always looking for love in the wrong places.

2. Matt (Topher Grace), the oldest, is middle-class.  Formerly a best selling author, he has fallen on hard times.  He is forced to accept ghost-writing gigs and to ask his little brother for a loan.  His wife gave up her law practice to be a stay at home mom. Wait -- why doesn't she just go back to work?  Matt can struggle with writer's block while being a stay-at-home dad.

3. Sarah (Caitlin McGee), the middle child, is poor (tv poor, which means living in a huge, elegant apartment).  She is struggling to find work as a child therapist.  Her wife Denise is a teacher, but doesn't make enough money to support them. They obsess over coupons and thrift stores.  Really?  Teachers on other sitcoms make enough to live in the mansions that pass for middle-class on tv.

Let's take another look at Jimmy, since he provides the only beefcake in the regular cast: Matt, Connor, three ladies, and their kids, who are preteens or babies, no surly teen hunks wandering around. 

The title of each episode is a consumer product with price:

Wedding Dress, $1,999

Bounce House, $250

Opus 1 Cabernet, 4500

The Season 2 Episode "Bottle Service, $800" caught my eye.  Is that the price of a bottle of booze?

Connor wants to find a girlfriend, so he invites all the siblings along to an "East Side" club called Noice (ok, San Francisco doesn't really have an East Side.  Its neighborhoods are Mission, The Presidio,  Noe Valley, the Castro, and so on).   Matt complains about the music being too loud, his wife finds someone (Matthew Law) to help in her feud with another mom, and Denise complains that "this is the densest concentration of heterosexuals I've ever seen" (apparently she's never lived on the Plains), so she and Sarah set out to find some gay people.  They latch onto a butch-femme lesbian couple, but they are way young and way too into partying for the 30-something oldsters.

Meanwhile Tom and Matt are cruised by a group of about 30 girls.  Tom keeps insulting Matt so he will look better and get laid.  Finally he orders them an $800 bottle of booze.  But they are turned off by his bragaddoccio, and leave.  

Tom thnks he took Ecstasy, and freaks out, then becomes the life of the party.  He also has a run-in with the bouncer (Jenson Cheng)

Connor manages to find a girl, in spite of his insecurities (well, being muscular and rich probably helped).

Yawn.

There was really nothing wrong with the episode: some gay representation, a couple of cute guys, nothing offensive.  It was just very predictable.  All of the plot points were obvious from the start: insecure guy tries too hard; uptight guy loses his inhibitions; old people can't return to their youth. I think I'd rather watch Difficult People.