The shirtless parking valets: A shock of joy on "Suburgatory" on the night before Thanksgiving. With Mohr and Parker backsides and a lot of bare chests

 

Link to the n*de dudes

When I was growing up, you almost never saw a bare chest on tv.  On the rare occasions when it happened -- Denny Miller surfs to Gilligan's Island,  Ponch and Jon hit the beach on CHIPS, Kevin poses for an art class on Mr. Belvedere -- you felt an intense, palpable joy.  Not desire so much as understanding.  This is it, what we were made for. Beauty.  Truth.  The Eternal Masculine. 

With the advent of cable and then streaming tv, nearly every actor took off his shirt frequently, and some even put their junk on display.  And of course we can go online and see 100 n*de men before breakfast. When you see it all the time, that shock of joy vanishes.  

But it returned on Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011, the night before Thanksgiving, when Suburgatory aired Episode 1.8, "Thanksgiving."

Suburgatory (2011-14) starred Jeremy Sisto (left, showing his sausage) as George Altman, an architect who moves his teenage daughter Tessa (Jane Levy) from Manhattan to Chatswin, Connecticut.  She is not pleased, but she tries to find some semblance of cool amid the Mean Girls, Dumb Jocks, and Ladies Who Lunch.

It was not our favorite show -- mostly women in the cast, a lot of heterosexism, and some low-key gay stereotyping -- but it aired between The Middle and Modern Family, so we had no choice.

George's backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

In Episode 1.8, it's Thanksgiving in Chatswin, and Tessa is upset because Dad George has rejected their traditional Manhattan activities for dinner with the ultra-rich Dallas Royce.  In the B Plot, Tessa's friend Lisa is upset because her middle-class Mom, Sheila Shay, insists that she wear a "Puritan dress" to their Thanksgiving Dinner.

 When Tessa and Dad George arrive at the Royce mansion, they see shirtless valets parking the guests' cars.  

Whoa, that shock of joy came rushing back!  

Maybe because it was so unexpected.  Who hires shirtless valets?  Especially at Thanksgiving, when it's in the 30s and 40s out?  And there are twelve people at that party. Why do they need four valets?  

Director Alex Hardcastle was not even trying to be realistic. He presented us with a vision of masculine beauty to counterbalance the feminine vibe of the rest of the episode (spoiler alert: Tessa's friend Lisa spends about ten minutes of air time n*ked, in protest of that Puritan dress). 

The first Indian Valet vanishes immediately, but when George's friend Noah hands his car keys to the second, we get a bare chest and shoulders close-up.  He looks like a college athlete.

He disappears, but as Noah walks toward the door, we see the two Pilgrim valets, one extremely muscular, the other a rather thin twink.  No closeups, but they are visible for several seconds, organizing the various parking slips.

Later we get quick glimpses of the two Indian Valets at the Royce table,  so they must be Royce relatives co-opted for the job.  The Pilgrim Valets are visible at the middle class Shay table, so presumably they were hired. 

But who are the actors?  In 2011 I let the scene slip into memory, but last night I saw it again during a rewatch.  With 15 years of experience on this website, RG Beefcake and Boyfriends, and Tales of West Hollywood, I am equipped to research their other acting roles,  look for n*de photos, and check their social media to see if they are gay. 

More after the break.

"Slow Horses," Season 6: Gay Lenny Rush bonds with a hunky hacker and a slow horse spy. With Oldman and King Lear c*ck

Link to the n*de photos

 I could never get into Slow Horses, on Apple Plus, but when I heard that Mr. Lenny Rush had a starring role in Season 6 (2026), I dove in.

The title may be misleading: "slow horses" are British spies assigned to Slough House (pronounced "slow" in Britain) because they screwed up a mission or because the higher-ups didn't like them. 

Boss Jackson  (Gary Oldman, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) assigns them dull, repetitive tasks in the hope that they'll get bored and resign. His assistant is former hacker Roddy Ho (Christopher Chung)

He butts heads with River (Jack Lowden, left), a promising young agent who made a big mistake in a training exercise, and was banished to Slough House.  River's Dad is the evil CIA agent turned mercenary Frank Harkness (Hugo Weaving), and his grandfather is the retired legendary spy David Cartwright.  But only Evil Harkness plays a role in Lenny's plot arc.

Ben Tavassoli plays one of Evil Harkness's assistant mercenaries.

Season 6, Episode 2: Someone is murdering retired spies, including former Dog (internal affairs investigator) Aaron Nasmith.  

His son Reece (Lenny), age 16 or 29, depending on who you believe, sees the murder, and is caught on a a security cam as he runs away, so now the murderer can identify him -- and rub him out.

Misdirection: two assasins (including Kyle Solle, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) are murdering the other former spies, but Reece's Dad is unrelated.  

Episode 3: Head Slow Horse Jackson and Hacker Roddy take the sarcastic, street-smart Reece into "protective custody."  He wants to play an arcade game, so Roddy lifts him up to the console and goes off to get coins.  But Jackson finds a burner phone in Reese's backpack with one number in it: Evil Frank Harkness's!  He rushes off.   

Roddy: "I thought we were going to play a game?"  So you were lookng forward to playing with the kid?

Reece orders Roddy to help him dowm, but it looks like he's demanding a hug. If I didn't know better, I'd identify their interaction as "he's arrogant!" argumentative flirting.

We discover that Dad was blackmailing the evil Frank Harkness over a stolen spy personnel file.  So Frank killed him, and he just had his hackers identify Reece from the security cam!

More after the break

Alex Sampson: How does a 22-year old singer/bodybuilder bring back West Hollywood memories? With modern singer d*cks

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Someone named Alex Sampson appeared on the teen idol site with a dozen flexing muscle photos.

Whoa.

I need a hero -- I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be gay
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

--"Holding Out for a Hero" (1984)

Sampson or Samson is a traditional name for a muscleman (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

I'm living in the forest of my dream
I know the night is not the way it seems. I must believe in something, so I'll make myself believe that this night will never go

-- "Self Control" (1984)

So who is Alex Sampson?  His tattoo says "The True North, strong and free," so he's Canadian. 

There's nothin' left to talk about
Unless it's horizontally:

Let's get physical, physical

Let me hear your body talk.

-- "Physical" (1981)

And gay, or at least open to gay fans.  An Instagram follower says, "No shirtless gym pics!"  Alex responds, "There are people here, Dave."  

People, not women.  He's aware that gay men are looking at his muscles. 

They say they have to see his real personality
That's alright for them, but  it ain't enough for me
I need what the eyes can see: his anatomy.

I want muscles.

-- "Muscles" (1982)

We've established that you've got muscles, you're Canadian, you heart Korea, and you're gay or gay-positive.  Have you done anything else, like..acting?

 Whoops, he's just a singer.  I don't usually profile singers, since I don't listen to music much -- it's too distracting for background noise while doing anything else, except maybe housework and the treadmill at the gym, and then I listen to the music popular during my years in the gay mecca, West Hollywood.

But how can profiling a singer born in 2004 bring back memories of the 1980s?

Alex was born on January 20th, 2004, in Atikokan, northwestern Ontario, the "canoe capital of Canada."  Very isolated, 2 1/2 hours from Thunder Bay. 

People always told me, 

Be careful what you do, 

Don't go around breakin' young men's hearts.
And Mama always told me,

Be careful who you love,

Be careful who you love...
-- "Billie Jean" (1983)

He knew that he wanted to become a singer from elementary school, when he sang "Gold" by Owl City at a talent show. 

Never heard of them, but the lead singer is Adam Young (n*de photo on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).  

Maybe he sings off key, but that's alright with me.
'Cause what he does, he does so well,
Makes me wanna yell,
Let's hear it for the boy

-- "Let's Hear it for the Boy" (1984)

He began posting covers on TikTok, and released his first original song in 2019. Several others followed.  In 2023 he signed on with Warner Records, and released several singles.  He was named one of People Magazine's Emerging Artists of the year.

More after the break

Montgomery Brothers Manscaping: If you've got a d*ck, we're on it

 

Link to the n*de photos

This is a fake ad for Montgomery Brothers Manscaping, featuring Karl and Chuck Montgomery (Robert Oberst, Lukas Haas) from Righteous Gemstones Season 3.  Tumblr didn't get the joke, and deleted my account for "commercial activity"

Montgomery Brothers Manscaping

For all your manscaping needs
Beards, pits, pecs, pubes
"If you've got a d*ck, we're on it."

Karl Montgomery is not only an owner, he's a customer.

No job too big or too small.

Need your chest chiseled for the beach?

More after the break