I do not love thee, Justin Long. With an homage to Dr. Fell and "Green Eggs and Ham," and Justin's d*ck and backside and such

 

Link to the n*de photos

 In Latin class we learn the famous story of Oxford student Tom Brown, who was constantly getting in trouble.  The tyrannical dean Dr. Fell ordered him to translate the 32nd epigram of the Roman poet Martial.  So he said:

I do not love thee, Dr. Fell.  The reason why, I cannot tell.

But this I know, and know full well: I do not love thee, Dr. Fell.

That's where I got my title, "I do not love thee, Justin Long."  But for the poem, I think I'll use Green Eggs and Ham,

I do not love thee, Justin Long

I do not love thee as a tease

I do not love thee as a sleaze

I do not love thee carrying books.

I do not love your nasty looks.

I do not love thee climbing a rock;

Why would you need to hide your c*ck?

I do not love thee being hugged by a  dude.

You didn't hug back; it just looks rude.

I do not love thee you getting down.

Not with a girl's legs all around.

I do not love thee in Robin's tights.

After Burt's bulge, it doesn't look right.

More after the break

Paxton Booth: The "Coop and Cam" brother likes girls' clothes, unicorns, c*ck sparring, and circle j****, but does he like guys?

Link to the n*de photos and uncensored signs

So Paxton Booth is interested in c*ck sparring?  If that means what I 'm imagining, get me a ticket, too.

Circle j***, live on stage?  Looks like Paxton and I share several interests.

Actually, those are both hardcore streetpunk bands from the 1970s.  I don't know if Pax is a fan or just expressing an interest in the names, but it's worth a closer look.

Ok biceps for a beginner, and the duck lips are rather femme.

Paxton Booth was born in Pomona, California in 2010, and started acting at age three, in a series of national commercials.  His on-screen work began with the short Greener Grass in 2015, and continued with guest shots on Hack My Life, Teachers, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and Adam Ruins Everything.

He played the Young Kenny on a 2016 episode of The Real O'Neals.  Kenny is the gay son in a conservative Irish-Catholic family, played as a teen by gay actor Noah Galvin (backside and d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

A promising start, buddy.

Paxton's most significant role to date is on the Disney Channel's Coop and Cam Ask the World (2018-20).  The titular siblings (Dakota Lotus, and Ruby Rose Turner) host an internet show, Would You Wrather, in which fans vote on which prank they should do, or later which solution to a problem they should choose. 

Younger brother Ollie (Paxton, left) has a gay-subtext buddy (Fred Tsai), and non-heterosexist plotlines: he pours garbage into a classmates desk in order to impress him (say what?); gets lost in the mall while his siblings are babysitting him; is bullied by a boy at the ice rink; is trapped by a rock slide on a camping trip...gets a crush on a girl...

Dang, I knew it couldn't last.  First rule of teencoms: every boy, regardless of his age, must demonstrate that he is heterosexual.

A 2020 article in Jejune Magazine tells us that Paxton is "seriously woke" for a nine-year old.   He notes that he buys from girls' and guys' sections of the clothing store,and prefers pink, which results in a lot of bullying.  He wants to start a gender-neutral clothing line that will fight bullying and "give other youngsters a chance to fully embrace who they are."

He uses "who they are" as a closeted term for "gay," but later he (along with other Disney kids) wears  purple to note that he opposes LGBTQ bullying.

 More after the break

David Seville and the Chipmunks: The gay icons of my childhood turned live-action and straight

When Wiliam Saroyan's play The Time of Your Life (1939) was first performed, Willie the Pinball Player was played by his 20-year old nephew, Ross Bagsadarian.

But while the elder Saroyan specialized in wistful melancholy, Ross was famous for whimsy.  For the songs that I heard when I was a kid, with secret messages about something big and important that I wouldn't understand until I was grown up:

When I was six or seven years old, two teenage boys on a church bus singing "Come On-a My House" (1951):
Come on-a my house, my house
I'm gonna give a you peach and a pear and I love your hair
Come on-a my house, my house
I'm gonna give a you everything

What did they mean?  What was one boy offering the other?

And a warm summer night when I was four or five.  I was already in bed, though it was still light out, and I gazed out the window at a teenager walking down the street by himself.  He was singing about "a bird on his head," which turned out to be a David Seville song from 1958:

Wicked, wicked, cruel, cruel world, what have you done to me?
I deserve to be in someone's arms.

Someone's arms, not a girl's arms!

When my friend Bill's older brother Mike  babysat us, he sometimes played his guitar and sang. One night he taught us the words to "Witch Doctor" (1958).  He sang:

I told the witch doctor I was in love with you.

And Bill and I, facing each other, giggling, sang the chorus:
Ooo eee, ooo ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang

It was one of the best nights of my life.

In 1958 Ross recorded "The Chipmunk Song", which spun off into an animated sitcom, The Alvin Show (1961-62, and syndicated through the 1970s).  Ross's alter ego, David Seville, became the beset-upon manager of the singing group The Chipmunks.
1. Alvin, the troublemaker, Dennis the Menace in a red baseball cap.
2. Simon,  the intellectual
3. Theodore, the glutton




More after the break

Leon Mallett:Checking the East Anglia Boy's n*de photos first, researching his potential gayness and celebrity status later

 

Link to the n*de photos

I don't usually start researching based on some adult videos, but this guy has it all: cute face, nice physique, impressive beneath the belt gifts, in a series of very clear photos posted on several celebrity sites.  I'm just worried that he's not an actor, so I won't be able to profile him.

So I'll check the IMDB last.  First up: his social media, to see if he's gay. 

Tagline: Singer/Songwriter.  He could be an actor, too.  I'm continuing the research.

An East Anglia boy, from Norwich, about 2 1/2 hours east of London.  

Lots of beefcake shots and guy-hugging photos, no girl-hugging -- a good sign.

Wait -- in one photo, he's grabbing the "big couple of palavas" on Katie Price.  An interest in palavas is generally a sign of  male heterosexual identity.

But Katie Price is an actress, model, and public figure who performs at a lot of Pride events, and came out as a lesbian in 2025.  Maybe he's just being playful.

But Leon's sweater says "Alright, my darlin'?"  That's something you would say to a girl.

Ok, I'm ready to check the shirt-lifter's IMDB profile.

Leon Mallett, aka Leon James, was born in 1995 in East Anglia.  In 2014, he auditioned for The X Factor, the British talent showcase, as a member of the boy band Fifth Street, but didn't make it.

He and his brother Alex auditioned as a duo in 2017.  Alex was cut during Boot Camp (the first challenge), but Leon made it through the Six Chair Challenge, Judges' Houses, Week 1, and Week 2, whereupon he was eliminated. 

He returned as a special guest on The X-Factor: Celebrity (2019).

And he appeared as himself in the documentary When Celebrity Goes Horribly Wrong 2 (2020), about celebrity fails: Calum Best accused of assault; Nick Ferrari making r*cist comments; Chloe Goodman in  a feud with her sister.

No information on what Leon's scandal was. 

Next, I'll check his songs for gay hints.

In "East Anglia Boy" (2014), Leon praises his home province: the sights, the food, the shopping.  He meets a girl who likes his accent, but not his clothes. Sounds heterosexist. But it's a  parody "American Boy" by Estelle, where she meets a boy, so he would have to meet a girl.

"One Girl in a Million" (2014) sounds extremely heterosexist, but it was actually written by Leon's father.  Leon found it in the attic after his death, and recorded it as a tribute.

Leon's backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

More after the break.