The Shards: Rich kid in 1980s L.A., a Primal Urge Boy, two downlow boyfriends, a serial killer, and Tom Blythe's d*ck. Plus Wes Bentley when he was cute

 

Link to the n*de dudes

When I was researching my profile of soap opera kid Redding Munsell, I discovered that nihilistic author Brett Easton Ellis is gay!  I did a conference presentation on some of his novels awhile ago, when I was at USC, and had him pegged as heterosexual -- and homophobic.  Now I'm interested in The Shards on Hulu, a tv series about Brett's years as an alienated, nihilistic teenager facing a serial killer.  Plus it's set in Los Angeles in the early 1980s, so maybe it has nostalgia value. 

Warning: It's produced by Ryan Murphy, who usually presents his gay characters as amoral monsters.

Scene 1: Brett (Igby Rigney, left) tells us that The Shining opened on May 23rd, 1980, and he wanted to see it as soon as possible, because the original novel made him want to become a writer. In fact, he had already started Less than Zero.  So he had to go without the gang.  

Igby is nearly n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Smoking a cigarette, he drives his dad's Mercedes down the streets of Westwood (near UCLA). He parks right outside the theater (tv cliche), buys his Junior Mints, and sits down to see a tall, tan "stunningly handsome" boy who aroused "some primal urge."  After some lingering glances, the boy walks out.  Wrong screen, buddy?

After the movie, Brett can't find the boy. That's because he left the theater.  "His name was Robert Mallory (Homer Gere, left the son of Richard Gere. n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends), and his arrival at my high school will coincide with a season of horror and murder that will destroy us all."  Don't give away the story!

Scene 2: Brett tells us that kids today have it easy, with no problems (except for global warming, fascism, racism, homophobia, transphobia...) His generation fought serial killers, including the most sadistic of them all.  Brett, stop giving away the story!  It's annoying!   

A girl arrives at her gigantic palace, and can't find her dog, the fish tank is half empty, and everything in the medicine chest is turned upside-down.  

Later, she goes to the supermarket to put her lost dog flier up amid the dozens of others, and sees the one for her dog, up already!  As she gets into her car, she is grabbed, knocked out, and shoved in a van.

Scene 3: Brett and his girlfriend zoom down the Pacific Coast Highway, exuberant about being sixteen and able to drive, so they have infinite freedom!   Cut to the group having patty melts at the Hamburger Habit (I remember that place): a guy, a boy-girl couple, and a girl on each side of Brett moving in to kiss him.  Geez. at least let him finish his burger.

The group shrinks to four as they have dinner at the Galleria before playing at the video arcade, browsing at Tower Records or buying books at "any of the large bookstores that dotted the streets" in those days before Amazon took over.   I'm all for nostalgia, but this is getting egregious.  Tell me more about how everything was perfect in the Good Old Days, Grandpa.  Besides, I was there, and he's exaggerating the number of bookstores. 

I think the flashbacks have stopped.  They're at Girlfriend Debbie's place, and she's warning them not to spook her $1,000,000 Arabian horse.  Girl of His Dreams Susan and her boyfriend Thom (Graham Campbell) start making out.  Brett looks on longingly.  Adult Brett explains that Susan was the most beautiful girl in the world, and he still considers her the Love of His Life, although they never dated.  Debbie just started making out with him one day, so what are you going to do?  Are you sure you're gay, buddy?

Cut to a montage of Brett diving into his pool, getting dinner from the housekeeper, working on his writing, and doing under-the-covers stuff. 

Scene 4: Brett asks Girl of His Dreams Susan and her boyfriend if  they're coming to the last party of the summer at Debbie's house.  Thom says they'll be there, but Debbie's dad makes him uncomfortable: "He's so goddam gay!"  Got a problem with gay people, Thom?  Good thing your buddy Brett is straight.

"Yeah, he's pretty gay," Brett agrees, "But he's won two Oscars. Maybe he can help get my book made into a movie.  Ok, I checked the producers of "Less Than Zero."  Google AI insists that they're all "not gay" and make "family films."  

More after the break

The N*ked Thugs: Danny McBride thinks we won't like these dudes. Is that even possible? With chubby guy bonus.

Go directly to the d*cks

Commenting on the frequent male n*dity in the first season of The Righteous Gemstones, Edie Patterson said "We're not gay baiting" (using the term wrong), and Danny McBride (Jesse) claimed that gay men "won't like these d*cks."

Nonsense.  All danglers are beautiful. Big, small, thick, thin, micro, they all draw us toward the power and promise of the male body.  

And the rest of these guys ain't bad, either

They are a group of thugs hired in Episode 1.3 to take down megachurch pastor Eli Gemstone by destroying his satellite church, set up in a shopping mall.  He gets the upper hand and humiliates them by forcing them to run n*ked through mall.  

1. Casey Hendershot (top photo), who has played a variety of mobsters, bouncers, rednecks, serial killers, and miscellaneous miscreants.  He didn't show us his junk, but his physique more than makes up for it.

2. Zach Osterman is a Savannah, Georgia-based actor who appeared on Danny McBride's previous show Vice Principals. He's an avid cosplayer, gamer, comic book fan, ghost-tour guide, and pizza expert.  Some people with his physique get fat-shamed and size-shamed, so it took a very positive self image for him to agree to bare it all for Gemstones viewers.  

It was worth it.  He's easily the cutest of the trio.

3. Justin Matthew Smith  has 29 acting credits on the IMDB, plus a special thanks for the short The Runner.  Nothing wrong with his junk.

The Running of the Boys: The guys and some extras are forced to run through the mall n*de, as the shoppers all laugh at them.

Why is male n*dity  assumed humorous for the viewer and humiliating for the subject?  If I saw one of these guys running through the mall, I would not be laughing.

Bonus chubby guys after the break

Jeremy Sumpter's half-n*de Peter Pan gave a generation of boys their gay awakening. But has he done anything gay lately? Or n*de?

Link to the n*de dudes

I always find the Peter Pan mythos disturbing.  

The creepy last name "Darling." 

The creepy dog in the nanny cap.  

Sewing a shadow onto Peter's bare feet.  

Shooting Wendy, thinking that she's a bird.

 Having to yell "I believe in fairies," or Tinker Bell will die.  

But the 2003 version, starring Jeremy Sumpter, was the most cringe.

What are the Freudian implications of Captain Hook, the pirate who wants to kill Peter, played by Jason Isaacs, who also plays Wendy's dad?   The father who is in love with the daughter, and doesn't want anyone else to be with her.

On RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: Jason displays his d*ck in White Lotus

Whose idea was it to make Peter Pan a s*x symbol, with 13-yeare old Jeremy Sumpter bouncing around in little wisps of nothing much?   A loincloth would be less revealing, and less embarrassing to watch. 

For adults, anyway.  I understand that a lot of gay kids had their "gay awakening" watching Peter flex and fondle.

In the mythos, Peter wants Wendy to become his "mother," but a s*x symbol has to get The Girl, so here Peter and Wendy fall in love. Not subtext, full on canonical with "I love you" and a kiss.  

And the Lost Boys, instead of staying in Neverland, are adopted by the Darling family.  Darling, what a cringy name.  They will grow up to fulfill their heterosexual destiny, with houses and wives and kids, and "wear a suit and tie and a serious expression in the middle of July."

The actors who played the Lost Boys mostly grew up to houses and wives as well. 

Harry Eden (Nibs), who shows his stuff in Flashbacks from a Fool (2008), has become a professional golfer.

George MacKay (Curley) has 54 acting credits, and has shown his bum several times (and there's a d*ck pic in his profile).  I remember him as gay-subtext Bill in the Stephen King time travel drama 11.22.63

N*de photos of both are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

More after the break. 

Best Medicine: Josh Charles as a doctor in small-town Maine, with three gay characters, Josh's backside, and Segarra d*ck

 

Link to the n*de photos

I don't care for tv medical dramas (or comedies, which are medical dramas with jokes), but I remember Josh Charles from Wet Hot American Summer and The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and there are some gay actors in the cast list, so I'll give Best Medicine on Netflix a try.

Ugh, the guy's name is Dr. Best.  Having the main character's name in a pun in the title?  That cliche was already ancient in the days of Get Smart and Hart to Hart.  I'm going to just call him Josh.

Scene 1:  Josh arrives at the picturesque town and stands in a long line at the bait store.  A woman gets in line behind him.  The cashier asks if she's ok.  She says she's fine, but starts to break down, and runs out.

Cut to Josh being interviewed for the job offf town physician.   The committee likes the font on his resume.  Uh-oh, the crying, "I'm fine" lady rushes in.  She's on the committee, too.  Love Interest: I called it.

They're ready to offer him the job, because he's the only one who applied, but Love Interest wants to ask a few questions, like "Why do you want to leave the Big City for a small town?"  Yeah, it's mostly women who do that, at Christmastime.

"Um...er...I...um..wanted a change..."  You burned some bridges back home, didn't you, Josh Baby?

Josh's backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

The father and son janitors (Carter Shimp, John DiMaggio) come in to break down the wedding arch.  "There was going to be a wedding," head interviewer explains, "But..."  

John DiMaggio voices Bender in Futurama.  Carter Shimp (left) may be gay in real life.  "So how's your bedside manner?" Love Interest asks.

"I don't have one. I use my incredible intellect to cure people of crazy diseases that no one has ever heard of.  They're usually happy."  

Everybody but Love Interest votes to hire him.  He starts immediately, and there are sandwiches.

Love Interest: "I don't trust you. You're sexy...um, I mean arrogant. I'm keeping my eye on you."

Josh: "Speaking of eyes, you might have glaucoma in your left eye.  See your opthamologist right away."

Scene 2: Josh arrives at the Salty Breeze, where proprietor Greg has keys to his office for him.  He introduces his "partner in work and in life," George (Jason Veasey)

Stephen Spinella is gay in real life, and was in the original production of Angels in America.  Jason Veasey keeps his s*xual orientation a secret, but he's on the board of directors of the LGBTQ youth organization Live Out Loud.  Good job of staying closeted, buddy.

They go into detail about why they left the Big City, their pet pig, and the wedding between the Sheriff (Josh Segarra) and Love Interest that got called off. 

The Sheriff arrives with more details: Love Interest dumped him two weeks before the wedding, but he's fine, he's enjoying his freedom, and he's planning a big party for the night he was supposed to get married. So they installed the wedding arch in City Hall two weeks in advance? 

The Sheriff's d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Scene 3: Josh arrives at his office, actually a house, tries to shoo away a dog, and talks to a group of teenagers.  "Dr. Best?  More like Dr. Worst!"  "Is there a Mr. Dr. Best?"  "No, girl, he's from Bougie Boston."  "He's giving off hetero vibes!"  

Another gay character, maybe Liam, played by Josh Hoon Lee, who has a BFA in Musical Theater. Here he's playing Theo, best friend to Jack Hale's Pippin, at the Timber Lake Playhouse.  

Back to Josh: Inside his house/office, he meets his incompetent, content-creating receptionist and his first patient: Gilbert (Michael Potts) has gynecomastia (lady stuff).   "But don't tell my wife.  It's too humiliating."  Wouldn't she notice?

 Josh assures him that it's quite common in older men.  He wants to run some tests, but Gilbert will have to come back after Josh hires a nurse to draw some blood. 

"Why don't you do it?  The needles and tubes are right over there."

"Nope."  Josh rushes out.  Are you too good for phlebotomy, or are you afraid of blood?  A weird fear for a physician.

More after the break