"Eternally Yours": Heteronormative vampire family, with some gay actors, Parker's backside, Jaren's dick, and Hiller's husband

  

Link to the n*de dudes

True Blood, on HBO (2008-14), had some gay vampires among the undead coming "out of the coffin. 

What We Do In the Shadows (2019-24), on "fearless" FX, featured a group of vampire housemates, most of them queer: "Some of my wives were men, and some were women." 

But Eternally Yours (2026), on CBS, the stodgy old people's network, is entirely heteronormative, featuring three male-female vampire couples: 

 

Couple #1. Charles (Ed Weeks, left) and Liz have been a married middle-aged vampire couple for 500 years and dislike each other, but the Council of Elders forbids divorce.

Couple #2: Max (Jaren Lewiston) and Emma, Charles and Liz's daughter.  They turned her when she was child with diphteria 200 years ago. Now a young adult, she started dating Max (Jaren Lewiston).  When he came to meet the parents, he was accidently hit by a marble bust, so Dad turned him to prevent him from passing away.  Not to worry, he enjoys learning about vampire culture and being part of the "coven." 

Jaren Lewison is a 5'7" Short Guy, and apparently gay in real life.  I posted a d*ck pic on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Couple #3: Jesse (the eternally shirtless Parker Young) and his elderly human wife.  Jesse was turned 150 years ago. He got married to a human woman, but didn't turn her, so she is now elderly, and must never learn about the existence of vampires.  Doesn't she wonder why her husband is still young, and her sons still teenagers?  Or why they drink blood at every meal?

Parker's backside is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

More after the break

The Little Carper: Short guy fishing expert from Cornwall has a muscular physique and a lot of male friends.

 

Owen G, the Little Carper, popped up on my Instagram recommendations, with 26,000 followers, plus 41,000 on Facebook.  He has a genetic disorder, acromicric dysplasia, resulting in a height  of about 3", small hands and feet, and distinctive facial characteristics.  But his main claim to fame is fishing.  There are dozens of photos and reels on his Instagram holding fish bigger than he is, winning awards, and being interviewed by fishing magazines.

And going to world fishing contests.

And being sponsored by fishing, boat, and outdoor equipment companies.

And going fishing with muscular buddies.  

Not much other biographical information. He's from Cornwall, about an hour's drive from Bath.  As of this writing, he's sixteen years old.  He's also interested in  skiing, baseball, and darts.

Here he gushes over attending the 2026 World Darts Grand Prix, and meeting champion Luke Humphries (below).

I can see why.  You into dudes, Owen babe?

Answer after the break

Jimmy Olsen, Superman's First Boyfriend

Many gay boys growing up in the 1950s and 1960s dreamed of dating Superman.   In 1954, Daily Planet reporter Jimmy Olsen got his chance: he began to appear in his own comic book title, as Superman's "boy pal."

What, precisely, was a boy pal?  A boy sidekick, like Kaliman's Solin?  An adopted son, like Batman's Robin?  Jimmy wasn't a boy or even a teenager: he was tall and sturdy, with the standard comic book body-by-Michelangelo (since reporter outfits are not particularly revealing, almost every story required him to be in underwear, in a swimsuit, or ripped out of his clothes). 

The "boy pal" relationship differed considerably from ordinary friendships:

1. It was physical.  Superman and Jimmy flew with their arms wrapped tenderly around each other, a position that no one else, not even Lois Lane, rated.

2. It was romantic.  Superman gave no one but Jimmy a gift of jewelry (a special signal watch).

3. It was of public interest: “There goes Superman’s boy pal!” passersby would whisper, and when the duo quarrels in “Superman’s Enemy” (Jimmy Olsen 35, March 1959), every stage of their breakup and reconciliation made Daily Planet headlines. 

4.  It was exclusive: each had other friends and even other sidekicks, but in “Superman’s Super Rival” (Jimmy Olsen 37, June 1959), when Jimmy seems to be courting a newly-arrived superhero named Mysterio, Superman is so jealous that he challenges the rival “pal” to a fight. 

5.  It threatened heterosexual romance: in a fantasy story, “Jimmy Olsen’s Wedding,” (Jimmy Olsen 38, July 1959), Jimmy’s girlfriend agrees to marry him only under the condition that he never see or contact Superman again (one can’t imagine why). He complies for several years, but eventually he cannot bear to be separated any longer, and arranges a secret rendezvous with his “pal.” His wife discovers him in the act (of what?), shrieks in anger. and leaves him.

Such an overt same-sex romance made me scrounge to beg or borrow all of older Jimmy Olson comics I could.  The issues I could buy in the store (the series lasted until 1974) were no good; about 1965, Jimmy and Superman broke up.  Though they stayed on friendly terms, no further stories featured their romance. 

And the special signal watch was never seen again. Perhaps Jimmy returned it the day he told Superman over coffee, “it’s not you, it’s me.”

In 1972, Jimmy found a new boyfriend, an African-American cop named Corrigan, whom he sometimes even called his “pal.”

Unfortunately, the homoromance was not maintained in tv versions of the Superhero.  Smallville gave Superman two boyfriends, but neither were Jimmy Olsen.

 See also: Jimmy Olsen's Secret Life, Part 1: Jimmy Olsen finds out that the Gemstones do it big

A World of Jimmy Olsens

"Superman" (2025): You'll believe a man can queerbait

Gemstones Episode 4.9: Do Gideon and Pontius reconcile?  Do the siblings die?  Does Corey moonwalk?  With some cocks to get you through it

Tyler Alvarez: Gay-subtext foster, vandal, blockbuster, and ghost, but is he gay in real life? With two Tyler and four other d*cks, plus Gavin Munn

 

Link to the d*cks

In Minimum Wage Episode 1.2 (2026), thirty Drama Club teens descend upon the pizza place, making impossible demands and being outrageously entitled.  Tyler (Tyler Alvarez), the most entitled of the lot, acts like a stereotypic gay drama club boy, hanging on his bestie, Teala (Teale Dunn).  But he is actually straight; they are dating.

They are reprising their characters from the teen romcom Crush (2022): High schooler Paige pursues her crush, a female track star, but ends up with her sister.  Amid all the lesbian representation, Paige's "gay" best friend (Tyler), is actually straight, with a girlfriend (Teala). 

I wanted to know if the cute (and short) Tyler Alvarez has played any other gay-coded straight guys, or even gay-coded gay guys.

Question 1: Any actual gay characters?

Tyler was born in 1997 to a Dominican-American father and a Puerto Rican mother.  He attended the LaGuardia High School for the Performing Arts, class of 2015.

While still in high school, he was cast as Diego in Every Witch Way (2014-15), featuring a girl at Hogwarts...um, I mean Iridium High...who discovers that she is the Chosen One.  Tyler plays Diego, a Churi Kanay (who can control the elements).  He's straight.

Next, High School Lover (2017): A 17-year old girl falls for the older Francois Arnaud (d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) and her dad is upset.  Isn't it also a crime?  Tyler plays Larry, her best friend and comic relief.  I read a plot synopsis and an interview, but nobody mentions whether he is gay.  

And Declan on five episodes of The Fosters (2018), about a lesbian couple raising a crew of foster and adopted children.  Declan is a streamer with an implied crush on Jude (Hayden Byerly), who famously came out while in middle school.

American Vandal (2017-18), surprisingly, is not about the motorcycle gang, it's about actual vandalism at a high school: phallic images painted on 27 teachers' cars.  Tyler's Peter Maldonado and his friend Sam (Griffin Gluck) team up to find the culprit.  They don't express any heterosexual interest, and are often interpreted as a gay-subtext couple.

Tyler also played the violent, homophobic Benito on six episodes of Orange is the New Black (2015-19) and Malcolm, a girl's toxic, manipulative boyfriend, on five episodes of Never Have I Ever (2021).

He had a starring role in Blockbuster, which premiered on Netflix in November 2022 and was cancelled in December (but it's still there, in case you want to look it up). He plays Carlos, a "casually queer" video store employee who starts a "he's arrogant!" romance with Damon (Max Lloyd-Jones), culminating with a kiss.

On Ghosts (2023), Tyler plays Ralph, a "basement ghost" cholera victim who dates Stephanie, a victim of a 1980s psych-slasher.  After they hook up, he ascends to the afterlife.

Wait -- I thought this sounded familiar.  Tyler Alvarez is a Short Guy, 5'6".  I posted a profile after I saw him on Ghosts, but deleted it due to low pageviews. 

Maybe a d*ck or two (or three) will push up the pageviews this time?  The one on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends definitely looks like Tyler.

More after the break