Jun 16, 2020

"Cosmos": Three Guys Sitting in a Car in the Dark

After wading through 23 blurbs of "movies we think you'll like" on Amazon Prime, all about men and women falling in love, I come to Cosmos (2019).  Three amateur astronomers intercept a signal that they think is from an alien civilization, but...

Sounds like the same plot as Contact. But at this point, I'll take anything that doesn't feature a man and a woman falling in love.  The amateur astronauts are all men...a good sign. They doubtless have wives and girlfriends at home who won't understand their obsession, but I can handle that.

Plus it stars Tom England.  This might not be the right one, but it's a promising start.

Scene 1: Harry (Joshua Ford), Mike (Tom England), and Roy (Arjun Singh Panam) are driving through the English wilderness at night, listening to "Space Gab" on the radio.

Closeting the Sikh by naming him "Roy Kennedy"? Maybe the role was already written when he auditioned for it, but why not just change the character's name to something more Indian-sounding?

Roy has been away from the group for a few months.  Mike says "It's great to have you back," and then, tentatively, "What are you doing this evening?"

Asking him for a date? Does he have a crush on Roy?

They get to the observation site and unload their new telescope, named Annabelle, which, Mike declares, "Makes life worth living."  Roy points out that it is "stiff, and lifeless, and weighs a ton," not like a real relationship.

Later, Roy is sitting in the car while Mike works on something on the roof.  His crotch presses against the window.  Roy doesn't seem to appreciate the bulge.

If pressing your salami against the glass doesn't get his attention, he's a lost cause.  Time to move on, Mike.

Wait -- we're  still in Scene 1?

Fifteen minutes in, and still in Scene 1. 

Are they going to be chatting and flirting with each other in a darkened car through the whole movie?

I fast forward.

2 hours at that observation site in the dark, then driving down a country road again, to stop and talk to another guy in the dark.   Oh, and Mike and Roy hug.  I guess they agreed to date after all.

Regardless of the gay subtext or text, I don't get it.  Where is the scene with them trying to get government officials to listen?  How about the scene where their home life is affected by their "obsession"?  And the scene where they meet the aliens?

Who would make a movie that's nothing but sitting in a dark car for two hours, talking about nothing?  Who would expect anyone besides their mother to watch it (and Mom would be fast forwarding)?

The writers/directors are Elliot and Zander Weaver, two brothers who apparently have never been to film school.

Or seen a movie before, ever, in their lives.

Or looked up the definition of "movie" in the dictionary.

Guys, it's a moving picture.  There has to be movement.

Maybe I'll just take a peek at one of those movies about a man and a woman falling in love.


  1. "Roy Kennedy" could be a joke about how call center workers are ordered to pretend to be American if anyone asks where they're from (usually Bangalore), so he's always "_monosyllabic American name_ from Texas". It's a joke going back to the 90s.

    1. Interesting idea. This is a British movie, so I guess workers in Bangalore pretend to be from Manchester.

  2. There are plenty of crappy "movies" on Amazon at least this one had an attractive cast- just try sitting through "House of the Paranormal"

    1. "House of Paranormal," starring Jeff Profitt as a house-flipper trapped in a house that wants to flip him.Not very attractive, but he looks like he's built or husky. Now if only he would take off his sweater.

  3. It sounds like Le Camion, the 1977 art film by Marguerite Duras, one long ride during which nothing happens.


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