Link to the d*cks

In Modern Family Episode 5.11 (2014), gay couple Mitchell and Cam are considering booking a wedding venue from the officious Mr. Quigley. But when they step out for a moment to discuss the expense, a girl calls to books it for her Sweet Sixteen party. But it turns out that she's a student in Cam's music class -- so crazy schemes and mishaps follow.

Wait -- Mr. Quigley is cute...and much shorter than Mitchell and Cam! A new member of the Short Guy Brigade!

Actor Matt Crabtree has a strong social media presence, with Facebook, Instagram, Youtube, Twitter, and Linkedin, plus his own website. So it's easy to piece together his biography.

He grew up in McCleansville, North Carolina, near Greensboro, where he was the "shy, quiet, stuttering boy" who began to entertain his classmates by doing impressions. In 1995, he received his B.S. in Biology from the fundamentalist Campbell University in Blues Creek, North Carolina. Another bio says that his degree is a BFA in Theater.

Nice chest, buddy.

Next Matt enrolled in a nursing program at the Medical College of Virginia, but he dropped out after a semester for a national tour of She Loves Me, then a European tour of West Side Story, and a stop in Chicago to train at the Steppenwolf Theater.

His other theatrical roles change from resume to resume:

The Book of Liz: I figured it would be about Elizabeth Taylor, but it's actually a series of comedic sketches by Liz and David Sedaris

The Hom*sexuals: This one is usually omitted.

The Santaland Diaries: a one-man show based on a David Sedaris' anecdote about working as a Christmas elf at a department store.

Left: He must be on break.

The Illusionarium: "an immersive, theatrical magic show."

Fully Committed: a comedy a chef taking reservations for his restaurant, with one actor playing 39 characters.

Matt has 51 acting credits listed on the IMDB, beginning with some shorts and going on to episodes of Diagnosis Murder, The Parkers, Nip/Tuck, Malcolm in the Middle, The O.C., Bones, and Masters of S*x.

He is particularly proud of a "hilarious" run Episodes 8.2 and 8.18 of Will and Grace (2005-06): he plays the Stage Manager of Jack's tv show, Jack Talk

Stage Manager: "We've got a problem."

Jack: "If you got somebody pregnant, Straighty, that's your problem, not mine."

And Falling Upwards (2012), a comedy about unemployment. I can't find out anything else about it, as it gets drowned out by the Falling Upwards about an apprentice angel (2019), the podcast starring Aimee Kwan (2024), and the book on spirituality. Charlie and his future wife Michelle C. Bonilla (left) are the creators, writers, and stars, seen here with Deidre Edwards, and Pip Lilly.

Pip Lilly -- obviously a stage name -- is a "big ole Gen X queen" who uses he/him pronouns.

Most recently Matt played an attorney in two episodes of Harlem (2023) and Charlie's father in City on Fire (2023). Charlie is played by Wyatt Oleff, but I can't find out anything else about him, except he meets a Girl who introduces him to art, music, and love -- but that's every young man in every movie ever made.

And I seem to recall Wyatt kissing Skyler Gisondo.

More after the break

Into doing stuff, Matt? Could I see your d*ck first?

(It's on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.) Well, maybe...but I'm skeptical. It looks nothing like the one in the photo above. There are a lot of Matt Crabtrees around, and even more Matts who "work at the Crusty Crab"

So, no gay characters (probably) and just one dick pic (probably). Is Matt gay in real life?

His Instagram has a lot of photos of him hugging, kissing, and describing the attractiveness of ladies.

He celebrates his anniversary with Michelle Bonilla. Except according to an article in LGBT News, she came out in an Advocate article in 2005, and had a female life partner, who passed away in 2016. Maybe he meant the anniversary of their tv show, Falling Upward?

His crush of the 1990s: Alyssa Milano of Who's the Boss. Mine was Tony Danza. Dude is straight.