Link to the n*de dudes
Reruns of the original series (1966-69), with Captain James T. Kirk (William Shatner) fighting Klingons, taking off his shirt, and kissing alien babes
The Next Generation (1987-94), with Wesley Crusher (Wil Wheaton) as a far-future teen idol and the Borg saying "You will be assimilated."
Deep Space Nine (1993-1999), with a Ferengi named Nog (Aron Eisenberg) buddy-bonding with the captain's son.
Voyager (1995-2001), where Captain Janeway, her crew, and the rebels they are fighting are zapped to the other side of the galaxy.
There were no gay characters in the far-future utopia, but there were few or no gay characters anywhere on tv, so we didn't really notice.
We have long known that the original Star Trek pilot had Captain Christopher Pike (Jeffrey Hunter) insteaed of Kirk and a female first officer named Number One. In "The Menagerie" (Episode 1.15), they were retconned as the crew of the Enterprise before Kirk took over.
Fast forward a lot of years, and Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (2022-) features the voyages of the Enterprise under Captain Pike (Anson Mount, left), with younger versions of familiar characters Scotty, Uhuru, Nurse Chapel, Spock, and even James T. Kirk (serving on another ship). And in the 2020s, there's bound to be some gay representation.
Scene 1: The Enterprise heads to Purmantee III for three days of shore leave, but Number One plans to stay behind to do work. La'an thinks that she is avoiding an old boyfriend there. Spock asks to join them, but La'an shoos him away; they're dating, but "it's weird."
Remember when the original Enterprise took shore leave on a planet where anything you think of appears? (I'll take me, Adam Devine, and Patton Oswalt on a tour of the Musee d'Orsay on Christmas Eve.) The aliens who built it didn't realize that some species can't control their thoughts, but after some mishaps they make the necessary adjustments.
Cut to Captain Pike practicing defensive moves with his girlfriend. She is so aggressive that he wonders if she is angry with him, but no, she was mad before because of "you know what you did," but she's fine now. Just, when they get to the shore leave planet, could they stay in a nice hotel instead of camping?
Scene 2: The heterosexualizing is interrupted by an urgent message from the Vulcan High Command. The Planet Tezaar does not yet have warp drive, so the Prime Directive states "no contact." But the Vulcans made contact before the Prime Directive was instituted, and gifted them with a nuclear power grid. Now the grid has to be fixed, or the planet will suffer a nuclear meltdown. The Vulcans are too far away to do it, so it's up to the Enterprise crew.
I can't wait to see the planet. Remember when the original Enterprise visited a planet immersed in 1930s gangster culture? Or Halloween ghosts and witches?
But they can't just disguise themselves as Vulcans. For reasons, they have to become Vulcans, with the appropriate DNA. 200 years of advanced genetic technology says that it's impossible, but Nurse Chapel jury-rigs somethng in 20 minutes.
Scene 3: Pike and four ladies are transformed. Hey, no fair! The old Star Trek always had cute guys in red uniforms going along.
The DNA-changing serum doesn't work on Airhead Hippie (Carol Kane) -- LSD doesn't either. Spock (Ethan Peck, left) offers to go in her place, but no, "You're only half-Vulcan."
Excluded from the party, he seethes with hurt feelings.
Scene 4: They relent and allow Spock to come along, but he has to carry all of their stuff. So Pike and company are racists? They don't like "half-breeds"?
Back on the Enterprise, the Bridge Crew (which consists entirely of women) is shocked when the away team enters the structure immediately and repairs the grid in a few seconds -- they thought it would take hours. Me, too. I was expecting Tezaan culture, some misunderstandings, maybe some arrests, like we saw on the old Star Trek all the time. We didn't even see the planet's surface!
They beam up. At least there are two guys in the transporter room! The one on the left is Doctor M'Benga (Babs Olusanmokun), who according to the Star Trek wiki has four ex-wives, and the other may be Scotty, the future ship's engineer -- pushing 60 when he's in James Kirk's crew a few years later, but here played by 30 year old Martin Quinn.
I can't tell if Martin Quinn is gay in real life or not: he does comedy povs where he's gay, but some where he's straight. Who cares? At least he and M'Benga bring some testosterone to this episode of Girls Gone Wild: Outer Space.
Uh-oh, the away team can't turn back to human! Something went wrong with Nurse Chapel's serum! I saw that one coming a mile away.
Spock is noticeably upset, envisioning a future of racial harassment and discrimination.
Scene 5: They are examined by the doctor. Nurse Chapel suggests that when she spent 20 minutes developing the serum, she was a stupid human and made a mistake, but now that she is a far superior Vulcan, she'll be able to fix it and make them human again.
Spock suggests that the others be quarantined until the cure is developed, as being Vulcan will play havoc with their personal relationships, but they disagree: as far superior Vulcans, they'll be much better at being friends and lovers.
The doctor say ok, but no shore leave.
More after the break.
