Matthew Underwood: The "Zoey 101" It-Boy Logan plays himself again and again...and again, posts d*ck pics. With bonus Noah Beck

  

Link to the n*de dudes

The internet was all agog over d*ck pics of Matthew Underwood, aka Logan on Zoey 101.  I wasn't impressed.  First, the guy doens't even show his face.  Second, he rubs me the wrong way.  I can't quite remember how.

Oh, yeah.  It's that annoying smugness.  It's one thing to be heterosexual -- lots of guys are.  It's another to brag about it.  "I'm so entirely heterosexual, I'm the most heterosexual of all heterosexuals, I can heterosexualize anywhere, anytime.  Every girl wants to be with me, and every guy wants to be me."  

It's not just the character he plays: this post came directly from Matt's Instagram in 2025.

Born in "The Sunshsine State of Florida" in 1990, Matt began acting at the age of eight, and appeared on screen in some guest spots before hitting paydirt in Zoey 101 (2005-08).

Zoey (Jamie Lynn Spears) and her brother Dustin (Paul Butcher) are students at the prestigious Pacific Coast Academy, filmed on location in Malibu instead of on a sound stage.  Her coterie includes:

1. Logan (Matthew Underwood),  the fabulously wealthy son of a famous actor, an it-boy who is basking in the absurdly exaggerated longing of every girl who sees him.  Eventually he settles down with the nerd Quinn (see, looks aren't everything).

2. Chase (Sean Flynn, left), in love with Zoey but trapped in the "friend zone."  Eventually, she realizes that she is in love with him, but then she leaves him again.

2. Michael (Christopher Massey, right), mostly in charge of advising Chase to admit his feelings, although he eventually gets a girlfriend of his own.

Matt reveals that just after Zoey, when he was 19, he was harassed and then assaulted by his agent. The trauma prompted him to move away from Los Angeles and retire from acting.

He returned in 2017 to direct and star in two tv pilots with Sean Flynn, playing themselves: The Magic Studio, about kids who find magic rings, and The Golden Stars, about missing award statues. 

And some shorts: Time Hoppers (2018), Matt and Sebastian Cabanas  in silly costumes.

The Alien (2019): Matt, playing himself, and some girls meet a classic grey.

The Unicorn Sisters (2019): Matt helps some grieving girls write poetry. 

Kind of full of yourself, aren't you, Matt?

He appears with some girls in Remi (2021) and with the entire Zoey gang in the Jamie Spears music video Follow Me (2020).

Noah Beck plays an alternative Logan. 

Matt returned to the Zoey universe in Zoey 102 (2023): A struggling 32 year old film producer, Zoey is asked to be maid of honor at Quinn and Logan's wedding.  It took them 14 years to get married?  She also resolves her feelings for Chase.  After 14 years, he's moved on, girlfriend.

Matt's social media is mostly generic, landscapes, weird jokes, boating, pictures taken with the Zoey gang. He is currently single, his last heterosexual relationship (that he told fans about) in 2015. 

Three pics of Matt's d*ck and one of Noah's are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Not bad, but I'd rather see Noah Beck's abs.

See also: Shane Harper: the "Good Luck Charlie" and "God's Not Dead" guy shows his d*ck surprisingly often

Nathan Kress, Freddie from ICarly, grown up. Is he still homophobic? Is he still shy about showing his stuff?

"Malibu Rescue": Ricardo Hurtado hits the beach for a retro 1980s nerd-jock battle, with bonus lifeguard photos

"Malibu Rescue":: A Beach, No Girl-Craziness. What Else Do You Need to Know?

After Country Comfort, my next  foray into the works of Ricardo Hurtado led me to Malibu Rescue (2019), a pilot for a tv series on Nickelodeon.  I went in with some trepidation: most teen movies are heteronormative, with all adolescent passions and intrigues omitted in favor of "Girls are the meaning of life!  If we win this race (or whatever the Maguffin is), we'll get Girls!"  

But Savage Steve Holland's movies tend to go easy on the girl-craziness, so I gave it a try.

Link to NSFW version.

In the middle-class San Fernando Vally, teen operator Tyler (Ricardo Hurtado) plays one too many pranks, and as punishment, is assigned Junior Lifeguard Training.  I'd rather be saved by someone with an interest in lifeguarding, not a high school kid on detention.

 The training will take place in Malibu, home of ultra-rich, bullying snobs.This will become important later.

 

Tyler's fellow Valley Kid trainees, The Flounders, are woefully unprepared.  Have they ever actually seen a beach before?  They include two girls and the nerd Eric (Alkoya Brunson, who has beefed up since 2017).  Their trainer is a blond lady.  Not much beefcake potential so far.

Meanwhile, the rich townie snobs look down on Valley kids, and resent their intrusion into "our beach."  They include Tower Captains Brody (J.T. Neal, left) and Spencer (Cameron Engels).

Plus Garvin (Ian Ziering), the program director, hates Valley kids, and invited the Flounders just so they would fail the training and get ridiculed.

So it's on, nerds vs. jocks in a battle royale to see who gets to become real Junior Lifeguards. Wait -- do they really choose lifeguards via team competitions?

There is, indeed, a pleasant lack of heterosexual interest.  No one gawks at any girl, even for an instant.  There is no Girl of His Dreams for Tyler to pursue, nor a Girl Next Door Who Supported Him All Along for him to end up with. (There's heterosexual romance in the tv series.

However, there are no gay subtexts, either.  Tyler appears to have no friends.  There is no buddy-bonding, anywhere.  And a surprising lack of beefcake. This is a beach.  These are lifeguards.  Where are the muscular physiques?

Every guy on the beach, child, teenager, or adult, lifeguard, junior lifeguard, or civilian -- every guy -- wears a t-shirt and shorts.  Even in crowd scenes.

Have you ever heard of a beach where no male chests on display?  It's like the 1930s, when taking off your shirt in public would get you a citation for public indecency.

Ricardo Hurtado takes off his shirt exactly once, in a rescue scene where you can't see anything.

The lack of girl craziness is nice, but sometimes you need a little more than that.

My grade: D.

Bonus: Nude lifeguards, or at least guys from California, on the NSFW site.