Complete Savages: In 2004, a sitcom about a dad and his five macho sons fails dramatically. With Ryan Pinkston, Jake's junk, and two n*de Carradines

 

Link to the n*de photos

In September 2004, ABC added Complete Savages, about a single dad raising five "savage" sons, to its "TGIF" Friday night schedule, expecting a hit.  Star Keith Carradine belonged to a famous showbiz dynasty, Erik von Detten was a well-known teen idol, and there were many famous guest stars, including Betty White, Shelley Long, and even President George W. Bush.  Yet the ratings were awful, and it was yanked after 15 episodes, with the remaining four burned off during the summer.

Maybe Savages  didn't do well because its lead-in was the third season of Eight Simple Rules, a nuclear family sitcom left in a precarious position after the death of John Ritter, who played the Dad.  Episode 3.1 got some buzz when son Rory (Martin Spanjers) showered with guest star Sam Horrigan, but after that viewers abandoned Rules for Joan of Arcadia on CBS, and it  ended up with a dismal rank of #90

Or maybe it was because of its similarity to Quintuplets, over on Fox: Andy Richter starred as the father of five kids, including dreamy short guy Ryan Pinkston (left) and Jake McDorman (right, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

Maybe it was because Savages was produced and directed by Mel Gibson, whose homophobic, racist, and anti-semitic mania was just starting to limit his box office appeal.  

On RG Beefcake and Boyfriends: A n*de Mel Gibson in 1985, when he was presenting as a leatherman and the source of gay rumors.

In 2004, I was at the age where you sometimes wanted to stay home on Friday nights, but felt guilty about it, so I may have dropped in an episode or two while "not feeling well" or "having a lot of work to do."  I think that Savages failed due to its astonishingly retro premise, an assertion that hegemonic masculinity is a biological imperative, so "all" boys are naturally violent, aggressive and posturing, into sports, cars, mechanical stuff, and especially girls.  

The savages cannily personified each of the characteristics of hegemonic masculinity.

Dad Nick (Keith Carradine, left): Big Wheel, be powerful, in charge, a leader.  He worked a firefighter, along with his younger brother Jimmy (Vincent Ventrescu, top photo).

 Jack (Shaun Sipos), an aspiring musician: His plotlines involve juggling  multiple girlfriends, so Playboy, be obsessed with women, willing and able to do things several times a day, and so good at it that you are rarely rejected.   Shaun went on star in Melrose Place, The Vampire Diaries, Krypton (where he played the bi Adam Strange), Reacher, and Outer Banks..

More after the break

Daryl Sabara: Juni grows up, fights cannibals, bikers, and Satanists, and show his stuff, but I'm still depressed

Link to the Daryl and Antonio Banderas n*de photos

Spy Kids (2001) stars gay actor Antonio Banderas (left) and Carla Gugino as a husband and wife spy team.  Well, actually, their son and daughter, Juni and Carmen (Daryl Sabara, Alexa Vega), who get swept up in an age-appropriate diabolical plot involving tv host Fegan Floop (Alan Cummings, who is bisexual in real life).   

Although everyone is ostensibly heterosexual, some reviews call the film a queer classic due to the extremely hot Dad -- and Mom, apparently, which led to the "queer awakening" of an entire generation of lesbians; the shy, bullied, gay-coded Juni; the kick-ass Carmen; and the gay-coded villain who turns out to be not all that villainous.

There were 3 sequels:

Spy Kids: The Island of Lost Dreams (2002) strands Juni and Carmen on a Jules Verne-Dr. Moreau "mysterious island," where they run afoul of a mad scientist creating animal hybrids.  Carmen gets a boyfriend, but Juni remains gay-coded.

I didn't see Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (2003) where Juni must venture into a video game to save his sister, but the queer coding ends with him meeting The Girl.  He also meets two guys, video game teammates Ryan Pinkston and Bobby Edner.

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

The 2011 Spy Kids: All the Time in the World minimized Juni and Carmen in favor of a new sibling team.  The brother is played by Mason Cook, who would go on to Speechless.

During the Spy franchise, Daryl Sabara appeared in the usual one-shot tv spots: Will and Grace, Fatherhood, House, American Dragon: Jake Long, and so on.

He has a starring role in the animated lion-drama Father of the Pride (2004-05) as Hunter, a shy, anxiety-ridden Lord of the Rings nerd. That is, basically Juni as a lion.  In one episode, his grandfather Sarmoti thinks that he is gay, or as the fan wiki says, "homosexual; but this is absolutely not true."  Rather homophobic, aren't you, fan wiki?

In a 2006 episode of Criminal Minds,  Daryl plays a teenager who charges men to watch him make videos.  So he has an OnlyFans site?  The agents convince him that what he is doing constitutes prostitution, and will put him in danger from predators.  It is all presented as extremely sleazy, and one can't help but conclude that being gay is always seedy and sordid.  

Normal Adolescent Behavior (2007) is an anti-hookup cautionary tale,with no gay content: three girls and three guys in a friendship group pair off randomly.  Daryl appears as Nathan, who crushes on the mother of one of the girls. Ugh.

Raviv Ullman, formerly Phil of the Future, plays one of the guys in the friendship group.

Next Daryl played Tim Scottson in 7 episodes of Weeds (2005-12), about suburban marijuana growers. He shot his stepmother Nancy Botwin because he assumed that she was responsible for his father's death, but she recovered and hired him as her assistant.

Worst. Prom. Ever. (2011) has Daryl planning the perfect prom for his girlfriend, but when her two friends tag along, things go crazy, with a car crash, armed thugs, Satanists, and an amorous lady biker.

In The Green Inferno (2013), some student activists go to the Peruvian jungle for ecological stuff, and are captured by cannibal tribe.  

A cannibal tribe?  I thought the "spear-throwing savages" trope went out with Johnny Quest. But at least the guy dragging Daryl toward the cooking pot has nice abs and a basket.

Daryl gets a girlfriend and shows his stuff before being eaten.

More Daryl after the break

Matthew Jeffers: Elizabethan earl, comedic foil, gay dwarf who fights aliens. With short guy bonus

Link to the n*de dudes

 I don't like the latest (and final?) Walking Dead series, The Ones Who Live: Rick and Michonne, the "heroes" of the zombie Apocalypse even though they make really stupid decisions, are still alive!  Gay characters lose their partners after an episode, or don't even mention being gay except in an off hand comment, but heterosexual romance gets infinite space. 

.Michonne hasn't heard from Rick for years, but she knows he is still alive, and is so desperate to find him that she leaves her two kids behind to search the zombie-infested wilderness.  And she keeps running into people who put their own lives on hold, abandon their family and friends, and leap into deadly danger to assist her in her search. "Heterosexual romance is Everything!  Of course I'll help you!"

But I liked Nat (Matthew Jeffers), the loose-cannon chemistry expert who...drops everything to help Michonne find Rick, becomes her swishy gay-coded best buddy, and dies on the way (it's a sacrifice for heterosexual romance, which is Everything, so he dies happy).  He doesn't display any heterosexual interest of his own, and he's got a cool "screamstick" that can take out helicopters.  In the video game, it's a level 34 weapon that causes 7284 points of damage and can "destroy heaven and Earth."

I'm into short guys, as you know from my profiles of Ryan Pinkston, Daryl Sabara,  and Frederick Koehler -- so really short guys are something of a fantasy.  The shortest I've ever hooked up with was about  4'10."  

Enough about the 4 feet.  Let's talk about the 10 inches.

Matthew Jeffers is 4'2"

Born in Baltimore in 1991, Matt graduated from Towson University with a degree in theater arts. He has 9 acting roles listed on the IMDB, notably 34 episodes as nurse Mark Walsh on the medical drama New Amsterdam (2018-22).

More after the break

Ryan Pinkston: Hottest of the Short Guy Brigade, martial artist, teen jerk, gigolo, gay cop. With costar dicks

Link to the dicks

I've never been interested in tall guys; I like them short, the shorter the better, and in the 2000s, the 5'4" Ryan Pinkston was one of the hottest of the Short Guy Brigade

Born in Silver Spring, Maryland, a suburb of Washington DC, Ryan got his start in martial arts: he received his black belt in Wushu Kung Fu at age nine and went on to championships in karate, kung fu, and tae kwan do.

An interview on the Jenny Jones talk show landed him an agent, and within a month he had roles in Spy Kids: 3D (2003) and Bad Santa (2003), and he was helping Austin Kutcher play celebrity pranks on Punked.

But there was a problem.  Although handsome, muscular -- and short -- Ryan was typecast as an aggressive wise guy, basically a jerk. So that's the sort of role he received

In 2004, the 16-year old got his own tv series, Quintuplets, about teenage quintuplets with conflicting personalities.  His Patton was pushy and aggressive; brother Parker (Jake McDorman, left) was the athlete, and Pearce (Johnny K. Lewis, below) was the nerd, who actually danced with another boy in a "prom" episode.

Johnny K. Lewis is nude on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Next came the boorish Felch in Revenge of the Nerds (2006), chronic liar Sam Leonard in Full of It (2007), and Fletcher in the homophobic College (2008), which paradoxically offered an extensive homoerotic subtext.

Ryan's guest spots on the teencoms Out of Jimmy's Head and Hannah Montana were a little better, jerks with a soft, sensitive side.

But then he hit the bottom of the barrel: teen sex comedies. Foreign Exchange (2008), Extreme Movie (2008) with Frankie Muniz, Adventures in Online Dating (2009).

At least he had no problem with shirtless, shower, swimsuit, and semi-nude shots, although he drew the line at nudity.  And he was fine with rolling around with other guys naked.  Teens could sigh over the homoerotic subtexts even if they didn't like his characters.
 
But then, in 2010, something remarkable happened: a complete turnaround.  Ryan's characters changed from jerks to nice guys, and coincidentally some buddy-bonding was added to the girl-crazy schtick.

Boy Band (2010): in 1982, his Greg buddy-bonds with Brad (Michael Copon) to form the first boy band in history.

Tower Prep (2010), about a school for kids with paranormal powers: his Gabe has a crush on Ian Archer (Drew Van Acker).

Cougars, Inc. (2011): his Jimmy and best friend Sam (Kyle Gallner) can't afford college tuition, so start an escort service pairing older women with teenage boys.  Hey, is that legal? Of course, they get in on the action, too.  We get a nice shot of Ryan's butt as the camera lingers on his supine body, but this only nudity in any movie.

Frontal nudity after the break

"Young Rock" Episode 2.12: Dwayne calls out a bully, works on his bluster, and offends his boyfr.... With bonus Crane cock

 

Link to the nude photos

 Young Rock (2021-23), about the early years of "The Rock," Dwayne Johnson,is one of my favorite comedies: an insider view of the 1990s pro wrestling subculture, a deliberate gay subtext between the modern-day Rock and his boyfr...best friend Randall Park, a near-absence of heterosexual romance, and endless vistas of locker room beefcake.  I reviewed "You Gotta Get Down to Get Up," Episode 2.12 of Young Rock, because it stars two of my favorite actors from the old days, Sean Astin and Ryan Pinkston.

Scene 1: Randall is upset because Dwayne didn't invite him to lunch with his best friend Forest Whitaker. They're boyfr....buddies.  Shouldn't he be invited by default?  Besides, it's only 24 hours until the presidential election; shouldn't Dwayne be out there, campaigning in battleground states?  

No, Dwayne says, he always goes his own way.  A story to illustrate:

Scene 2: In 1996, Dwayne is getting some wrestling experience in Memphis, living with his buddy Downtown Bruno, Ryan Pinkston, in a decrepit trailer with no ceiling.

Bruno is down on his luck.  He moved from playing a heel, Dr. Harvey Winkelman, to managing heels, but now he is just a referee for Jerry "The King" Lawler, Michael Strassner.

Strassner cock on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

They discuss his ring name.  Since his dad was Rocky, maybe Rocky Junior?  His family suggests Little Chief, his friends the Wild Half-Samoan.

Scene 3: In the locker room, Dwayne has been booked on a tag team, but they still need his name. He says "Flex Kavana."  

Back in 2034, Randall is surprised that it wasn't the Rock right away. No, Flex, because he's muscular, and Kavana, because it sounds Polynesian.

His tag team partner, Brian Lawler, played by Marcus Molyneaux, approaches. They knew each other as kids: Brian used to set up rings for Dwayne's Dad.  He's hot now,  so his ring name is Too Sexy Brian.    

They film one of those bragging promos, but Dwayne flub it by saying "We're naughty by nature but violent by decision."

More after the break. 

Will and Grace Rebooted: Not Awful, and There's Kissing

I don't have network tv anymore, so I only learned through the grapevine that the 1990s "gay men are really women" fest Will and Grace was getting a five-episode reboot.

 I just found out  that it returned for a whole season, a full fledged Season 9  (2017-2018), with Season 10 to start in October.  Curious, I dipped into a few episodes.

It's not awful.

Eleven years have passed, and the characters are pushing through middle age (Jack is 49 years old, Grace 51, Will  is 52, and Karen 59).

They have been rebooted: the relationships they had at the end of the last series have been dissolved, and there are no children to grow up and get married to each other.  Will and Grace are living together again.

Jack and Karen are still shrill and theatrical.

But Will and Grace are not quite as self-possessed.  Remember: "We don't believe in anything?"  Now they believe in things.  I guess you could get by with complacency in the Clinton 1990s, but in the alt-right era, it's time to march.

And the Fab Four no longer seem to hate each other.   The undertow of hostility is absent.  There are few barbs and put-downs, except for the ubiquitous ones about Will being too feminine and Grace being too masculine.

 The plotlnes are different. They face ethical dilemmas.


They face their mortality.  Grace has a cancer scare.  Karen's beloved housemaid Rosario dies.  Jack has a grandson.

They are actually affected by current events, although sometimes with a weird twist.  Instead of a bakery refusing to bake a cake for gay people, it's refusing to bake a cake for the President).

And being gay is different. In the earlier series, gay men were actually transgender bisexuals.  They thought of themselves as women, referred to themselves as women, and displayed traditionally feminine traits, with skin care products and romantic comedies.  They dated men (without kissing them), but they preferred sex with women and sought out female life partners.

Now gay men are still "girls," but they rarely express any heterosexual desire.

In the earlier series, gay men (or rather, transgender bisexuals) faced no homophobia.  Even the ubiquitous "You're really a woman!" wasn't actually homophobic, since they agreed with the evaluation.  There was no discrimination, no prejudice, no homophobic rage.  There was no coming out: everybody always knew, everyone was always out (except no kissing). Now there is homophobic bias.  There are guys on the downlow.  You have to come out to friends and family.

There are some hunky guest stars and recurring characters, like Kyle Bornhammer (above) as a secret service agent.

Ryan Pinkston (left), one of my long-time favorite actors, as a closeted cop who dates Jack.

Ben Platt as a 23-year old who dates "daddy" Will (I know the feeling).

Another of my long-time favorites, Michael Angarano, as Jack's son.

I'm actually not hating it.

At least there's kissing.

See also: Ryan Pinkston;  Will and Grace