Gemstones Episode 2.8 Continued: Macaulay Culkin grows up, the Cycle Ninjas break out, and Jussie Smollett shows his stuff

 

This is the G-rated version of the review.  Go to NSFW version

Baby Billy's Baby Boy: Harmon the special-needs son who Baby Billy abandoned at Christmas 1993. has grown into a special-needs adult (Macaulay Culkin), But nevertheless he has achieved the heterosexual nuclear family trajectory of job, house, wife, and kids.Actually, his wife has the job (a lawyer, "an educated breadwinner") but close enough. 

They are all watching Family Feud: "almost everyone has had their bottom ___ at least once." Sexual innuendo, har har.  The answer: spanked.

Suddenly the doorbell rings: it's a card with a photo of Harmon on Santa's lap the day his Daddy abandoned him.  Then his Daddy!  

Baby Billy wants to fix things between them, so he can move forward with his new son.  So it's not about Harmon, it's about you?  Harmon says just don't make the same mistake again, and "Can I hit you with a closed fist as hard as I can in the face?"  That's rather precise, but Baby Billy agrees, and gets walloped.

Out in the car, the ghost of Aimee-Leigh laughs at his bloody nose with kleenix affixed. 

Jesse Smollett and K-Fed: Back stage before Eli's  "welcome back" service, the siblings are in makeup and practicing their enunciation. They agree to make Daddy proud by showing how much they love each other. Judy says that she loves "Jesse Smollett" and "K-Fed," whereupon Kelvin makes a strange feminine gesture. 

Some vaguely-relevant dicks after the break

K-Fed is Kevin Federline, an actor, musician, and dj, known for his brief marriage to Britney Spears. 

Jesse Smollett is Jussie Smollett (top photo and left), an actor who came out as gay in 2015.  On the Fox drama Empire (2014), he played a gay musician trying to gain the approval of father, a hiphop mogul.  Sounds more like Kelvin.  

At least Jussie's character managed to kiss a dude. Kelvin won't get around to that for another umpteen episodes.

More vaguely relevant dicks: Terrence Howard, who played his father, Lucius.

Ione King, who popped up when I was researching Empire, although his only screen appearances were in the two Spartacus series.

Back to the siblings: They're going to take a photo with the Millins, an impoverished family that the church is gifting $50,000.  Judy wonders why they are bothering with such a small amount, "barely any money at all." It doesn't seem worthwhile.  "Poor people love money," Kelvin explains.  

Geez, just when you think these people have redeemed themselves...are they so lacking in empathy, or are they so out of touch that they don't realize that $50,000 is almost a full year's household income in South Carolina?

Wait -- where is Eli? 

Eli and Junior reconcile: Eli skipped his welcome-back service to make a surprise visit to Junior's wrestling studio in Memphis.  He couldn't have waited until after church?

Suspicious of his motives (naturally, after the run-in with Jesse), Junior comes armed with his own God Squad of four musclemen. But Eli has had enough: he doesn't want to fight. 

"But you ignored and disrespected me," Junior says, forgetting for a moment that Eli also broke his heart, "And sent your asshole son to threaten me with violence, to rape me.  What's up with that?"

Eli denies that he sent Jesse, and comes clean about his father murdering Junior's father. Junior is ok with it: "He was asshole, anyway." 

They stand so close together that one expects them to kiss.  But then Junior drops one last bombshell: he didn't send the Cycle Ninjas.  Someone else is trying to kill Eli.  But who?

Cut to the police station.  Sheriff Brenda is on the toilet, when she hears an explosion.  The lights go out, and the fire alarm goes on.  Out in the hallway, cops are lying dead.  The Cycle Ninjas have escaped!  The end.

One episode left, and a lot of questions to answer.

Vaguely relevant dicks on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends