Link to the n*de dudes
Not to mention Kieran's backside.
Scene 1: Benji (Kieran Culkin, left) is sitting in the airport waiting for David (Jesse Eisenberg), who is just walking out the door of his Manhattan brownstone. He keeps calling: heavy traffic...no, it lightened up...Ok, so David is the Stick-in-the-Mud, Benji the Free Spirit.
At the airport, Benji grabs him and makes him twirl so he can see his cousin's butt. Um...an interested in a guy's butt is a sign of gay identity.
He brought yogurt, and some weed for when they reach Poland: "They're not going to arrest two Jews for a little weed."
He chats up the TSA lady: "Her Dad does security for the Knicks." This annoys David. Doesn't count as heterosexualizing him.
Priya made some trail mix for them. Doesn't count: she could be an aunt or a sister.
Scene 2: On the plane, David has to take the middle seat. Bummer.They discuss their back story: David works in digital ad sales, and Benji is a deadbeat. They haven't seen each other for a while. They're going on a Heritage Tour of Poland.. wait, they're Jewish...is this a tour of the sites of pograms and concentration camps?
Naw, who would want to see those? Poland has 1000 years of Jewish history.
Later, David takes his prescription meds and gazes at a video of his daughter. Heterosexualized at minute 6.30.
It's actually Jesse Eisenberg's real-life son, Banner. I was confused by his long blond hair.
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Scene 3: At the Warsaw airport -- "Welcome to Warsaw" sign in English. They meet their driver. Some nice location shots as they drive through the city, but David is still gazing at that video of his son. Why the heck aren't you looking out the window at this major European capital that you've never been to before?
They check in, retrive a package of weed from the desk clerk, and head up to their room. When David kicks off his shoes, Benji complements him: "You have really nice feet. Graceful as fuck. Reminds me of Grandma's feet." Foot fetish? Benji is giving off some gay vibes.
The others in the tour are:
1. Marcia Kramer, recently divorced, from New York. Her mother survived the camps. One of the cousins is obviously going to fall in love with her, but I'm not sure which. Maybe David is divorced, and Benji's interest in men's butts and feet is supposed to be wacky, not homoerotic.
2.-3. Diane and Mark (Daniel Oreskes), an elderly couple.
Daniel Oreskes has 40 acting credits on the IMDB, including The Sopranos, Law & Order, Ray Donovan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and Only Murderers in this Building. He is heterosexual.
4. Eloge, from Rwanda, converted to Judaism. He's a survivor of the Rwandan genocide.
The Cameroon-born Kurt Egyiawan is a British theatrical actor who has appeared in The Exorcist, House of the Dragon, Bodies, and Kaos. No intel on whether he's heterosexual or not.
More after the break
5. David recounts that he is boring, with the usual job, house, wife, and kids. Except his job involves selling those banner ads that pop up when you hit a website, and subscribe you to daily ads for mattresses and lawn care that you have to op out of, and he is painfully depressed.
6. Benji wanted to come on the tour because his grandmother just died. He's been broken up since, as she was his favorite person. She left some money in her will for them to take the tour, which he found appealing because he and David used to be very close, but lately his cousin has no time for him, and he is painfully depressed.
This is taking a dark turn, but at least neither of the guys is doing a tongue-lolling Girl of My Dreams gaze at Marcia. Maybe the Girl appears later.
Scene 5: Some very interesting establishing shots of Warsaw architecture, followed by the tour's first stop, the Ghetto Uprising Memorial. In 1943, as 250,000 Polish Jews were being transported to the concentration camps, a resistance movement stockpiled weapons and barricaded themselves in the ghetto. The Nazis attacked. 13,000 were killed.
Guide James cautions; "This will be a tour about pain... pain and suffering and loss."
And I'm outta here.
Although the promos suggest wackiness, and cinematographer Michał Dymek stated that he wanted to portray a bright, vivid, colorful Poland in opposition to the bleak "fetishizing" of the horrors of war, the tour is about confronting the Holocaust. They visit the Majdanek concentration camp and their grandmother's home town of Krasnystaw, a transit site for Jews being transported to concentration camps. Almost all of the 2500 Jewish residents were killed.
Plus we learn that beneath Benji's effervescence lies a deep pain over his frequent failures and the futility of life. He attempted suicide last year, whereupon David, who is also depressed, cut off contact, unsure how to face him.
They also visit the Museum of the History of Polish Jews in Warsaw and the Old Jewish Cemetery in Lublin, but I can take a virtual tour of those. No need to watch a depressing movie. F*ck the Sadness. Let's get a muscle hunk up in here.
On the bright side, neither of the cousins meets the Girl, and Benji expresses no heterosexual interest, unless he says something during one of the heart-to-hearts that I skipped over.
Victor Rivera: BFA in theater arts, D&D podcaster, stunt c*ck. With bonus Jesse Eisenberg backside.
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