"Meet Me in St. Louis": the movie that spawned the "Have Yourself" monstrosity. With A LOT of d*cks to get you through it, plus Adam Devine and Will Robinson

Link to the n*de dudes 

(I recommend the NSFW version. You'll need to see some d*cks).

December is the cruelest month, asserting that you must feel ecstatic every second of every day or there is something wrong with you, while overwhelming your senses with bright lights and crowds, and assaulting you with melancholic nostalgia and horribly depressing songs.  And the most depressing song of all is the "Have yourself" monstrosity.  One line is guaranteed to push my general Christmas depression into dark despair. Fortunately, singers extend every syllable indefinitely, so I'm usually able to run out of the store or shut off the tv during "Haaaaaaaaaaaaave youuuuuuuurself..."

I thought that I could expiate the demonic power of the monstrosity by researching where it began, with a viewing of Meet Me in St. Louis (1944) when I was nine or ten years old (in the 1970s!).

Opening: It's the summer of 1903, which many adults in the 1940s recalled through the nostalgic haze of childhood. 

It's the era of empires: after the Spanish American War, the U.S. occupied the Philippines, Guam, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico, building a colonial empire rivaling those of Britain and France.  

It is the era of the robber barons like Rockefeller and Vanderbilt, who amassed huge fortunes and transported Italian villas brick-by-brick to the new world. 

The Wizard of Oz, Peter Pan, The Bobbsey Twins, Kim, and The Call of the Wild are on every kid's bookshelf.

Everyone in St. Louis, the 4th largest city in the U.S., is all agog over the upcoming World's Fair, also known as the Louisiana Purchase Exposition.  Although a paeon to American Exceptionalism, it will have exhibits from 65 countries. They'll be able to see X-ray machines and wireless telephones, gawk at "primitive tribes," and eat hot dogs, hamburgers, and cotton candy for the first time.  And hear the song "Meet Me in St. Louis," about a man whose wife leaves him to go to the fair.  And may never come home again.

Trigger #1: Nazarenes were taught that fairs were Satanic, so this represented evil.  Also, I recalled a song about a boy who is coming home late from some other fair, no doubt the victim of foul play:

Oh, dear, what could the matter be -- Johnny's too late from the fair.

At 5135 Kensington Avenue, a trolley-ride away from downtown, fancy businessman Alonzo Smith (Leon Ames) and his family are eagerly anticipating the fair, and watching as the daughters fall in love. 

Esther (Judy Garland) is in love with the Boy Next Door, John Truitt (Tom Drake, left and top photo), who isn't interested.  She sings:

How can I ignore the boy next door?

I love him more than I can say

Doesn't try to please me, doesn't even tease me

And he never sees me glance his way

You forgot the last line: "Maybe he's gay."

 Trigger #2: I hated Judy Garland after seeing her in the horrifying Wizard of Oz (the Witch counts down the minutes to her death!).  Later, I heard that to ever listen to Judy Garland songs meant that you were gay, which was horrifying (I was extremely homophobic during my closeted high school years).

Tom Drake (top photo and right) was "a deeply closeted gay guy, given to despair." terrified that someone would find out. 

Rose (Lucille Bremmer) is in love with Warren Sheffield (Robert Sully), but he's dating another girl (June Lockhart, who would become the Mom on Lost in Space).

Left: Billy Mumy as her son.  

Danger, Will Robinson!  If you value your Christmas cheer, do not continue!

Little Sister Tootie (Margaret O'Brien) is apparently in love with the Ice Man, with whom she discusses whether St. Louis is the greatest city in the world.  But there's really no discussion; of course it is. And they didn't even have that Arch yet.

Margaret O'Brien,  only 8 years old when she was roped into Meet Me, had a career that lasted through the 2000s.  Her last movie role to date is in This is Our Christmas (2018), where a family tries to save their beloved bakery from an evil developer (Margaret) and her son (Vincent de Paul, left).

There's also another daughter, a son, Lon Junior (Henry H. Daniels, Jr.), a grandpa, and a sarcastic maid (lesbian actress Marjorie Mains)

The Farewell Party: Lon Jr. is leaving for Princeton, so they throw him a party.  The Boy Next Door is invited!   Judy Garland/Esther asks him out, but she waits for him at the trolley all afternoon, and he doesn't show up.  

Hoping to find a new beau, she sings "The Trolley Song":

I went to lose a jolly hour on the trolley

And lost my heart instead

With his light brown derby and his bright green tie

He was quite the handsomest of men

I started to yen so I counted to ten

Then I counted to ten again

Halloween: At a bonfire, Little Sister Tootie claims that The Boy Next Door hit her, so Judy Garland / Esther goes to his house and punches and bites him..  Actually, he was trying to protect her from the police. Esther apologizes, and they kiss and start dating. 

Brace yourself: depressing lyrics after the break.  And a lot more c*cks (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

"A Real Pain": Cousins have wacky adventures or a Dark Night of the Soul in Poland. With Kieran Culkin's backside.

     Link to the n*de dudes

A Real Pain (2024), on Hulu, is advertised as a wacky buddy comedy with Kieran Culkin and Jesse Eisenberg, touring Poland, with a lot of exteriors.   No doubt they are both absurdly heterosexual and will meet The Girl of Their Dreams, but it will be fun to see how quickly their heterosexual identity is established. 

 Besides, I'd like to see some of the sights, like the Jewish Museum in Warsaw and the University of Krakow. .

Not to mention Kieran's backside.

Scene 1: Benji (Kieran Culkin, left) is sitting in the airport waiting for David (Jesse Eisenberg), who is just walking out the door of his Manhattan brownstone.  He keeps calling: heavy traffic...no, it lightened up...Ok, so David is the Stick-in-the-Mud, Benji the Free Spirit.

At the airport, Benji grabs him and makes him twirl so he can see his cousin's butt.  Um...an interested in a guy's butt is a sign of gay identity.

He brought yogurt, and some weed for when they reach Poland: "They're not going to arrest two Jews for a little weed."

He chats up the TSA lady: "Her Dad does security for the Knicks."  This annoys David. Doesn't count as heterosexualizing him.

Priya made some trail mix for them.  Doesn't count: she could be an aunt or a sister.

Scene 2: On the plane, David has to take the middle seat. Bummer.

They discuss their back story: David works in digital ad sales, and Benji is a deadbeat. They haven't seen each other for a while.  They're going on a Heritage Tour of Poland.. wait, they're Jewish...is this a tour of the sites of pograms and concentration camps? 

Naw, who would want to see those?  Poland has 1000 years of Jewish history.

Later, David takes his prescription meds and gazes at a video of his daughter. Heterosexualized at minute 6.30. 

It's actually Jesse Eisenberg's real-life son, Banner.  I was confused by his long blond hair.

Scene 3: At the Warsaw airport -- "Welcome to Warsaw" sign in English.  They meet their driver. Some nice location shots as they drive through the city, but David is still gazing at that video of his son.   Why the heck aren't you looking out the window at this major European capital that you've never been to before?

They check in, retrive a package of weed from the desk clerk, and head up to their room. When David kicks off his shoes, Benji complements him: "You have really nice feet.  Graceful as fuck. Reminds me of Grandma's feet."  Foot fetish? Benji is giving off some gay vibes.

Scene 4: Tour Guide James (Will Sharpe, top photo) introduces himself: Not actually Jewish, but a degree in Eastern European Studies from Oxford.

The others in the tour are:

1. Marcia Kramer, recently divorced, from New York.  Her mother survived the camps. One of the cousins is obviously going to fall in love with her, but I'm not sure which.  Maybe David is divorced, and Benji's interest in men's butts and feet is supposed to be wacky, not homoerotic.

2.-3. Diane and Mark (Daniel Oreskes), an elderly couple. 

Daniel Oreskes has 40 acting credits on the IMDB, including The Sopranos, Law & Order, Ray Donovan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and Only Murderers in this Building.  He is heterosexual.

4. Eloge, from Rwanda, converted to Judaism.  He's a survivor of the Rwandan genocide.

The Cameroon-born Kurt Egyiawan is a British theatrical actor who has appeared in The Exorcist, House of the Dragon, Bodies, and Kaos.  No intel on whether he's heterosexual or not.

More after the break

Howard Cruse: Gay comics at their most depressing

I first heard of "Howard Cruise" in the early 1980s, when the Advocate featured his comic strip Wendel.  I thought that it was a nom-de-plume, a play on "cruising."  Turns out that it's really his name, but spelled "Cruse."

Wendel was an average-looking, not-too-bright, but extremely well-hung gay guy getting himself into mildly amusing situations as he negotiated life in the gay ghetto of New York.  Cruising, dating, romance...interspliced with homophobia, AIDS, despair, pain, sadness....

Soon the mildly amusing situations were overwhelmed by the grim and heartrending.  No character -- or reader -- ever smiled or laughed again, as Wendel faced gay-bashing, breakups, debilitating non-AIDS related illnesses, homophobia, AIDS, death, death, misery, depression, despair, heartache, pain, death, death, death.

This cover of a strip collection shows Wendel, his boyfriend, and their son watching in dismay as murderous hands approach, and the voice on the radio says: "We red-blooded, God-fearing Americans know what to do with the degenerates in our midst."

Who could stand to read the thing?

Eventually Cruse squeezed all of the tears he could get out of Wendel, and put him out to pasture, turning to other depressing projects.  In 1987, Dancing Nekkid with the Angels appeared: Comic Strips and Stories for Grownups.  

For grownups?  Does that mean that the gloves would come off, that the glimmers of humor that occasionally appeared in Wendel would be gone, replaced by "life is endless pain, unremitting agony!"

Sorry, there aren't enough antidepressants in the world to handle that.  I ran.

Next came a graphic novel, Stuck Rubber Baby published in 1995.

Ok, the title was disgusting -- who wants to read a graphic novel about a rubber baby with needles sticking out of it?

Upon research, I discovered the title is actually an incredibly obscure reference to what happens when a condom (aka rubber) gets "stuck," allowing semen to escape and conception to occur.  That's even more disgusting.   And it doesn't seem like a problem gay people have often.

It is the semi-autobiographical story of a boy experiencing the unremitting agony of life while growing up in the 1950s South.  Of course, most everyone he meets want to kick him out of the house, beat him up, arrest him, or kill him because he's gay, but that's only the tip of the iceberg of the gloom and despair:
1. His parents die in an auto accident, naturally.
2. He has sex with a woman to "cure" his gayness, and gives up the resulting child for adoption.
3. His friend is murdered.
4. A community center is bombed, killing lots of his friends.
5. His other friend is murdered.

Ok, I get it: gay people are doomed to lives of constant pain, unremitting agony, sadness, heartache, depression, despair, tragedy, gloom, death, death, death, death, death.

Or is it everybody, just the human condition?

I just bought From Headrack to Claude, a compendiu of  Cruse's 1970s Barefootz underground comix, Wendel (of course), some Stuck Rubber Baby, some depressing one-pagers, and a send-up of the 1950s comic book Little Lulu.

Her traumatic memories involve child molestation, drug addiction, masturbation, fetishes, and...well, you get the idea.

Claude is about how all religious people are violent homophobes who want to kill us.

Geez.

Look at this picture of a guy with washboard abs and huge veiny biceps.

Now try to convince yourself that life is unremitting agony.

"Crack-Duck": A Gay Couple in a World of Monsters

Danny Lacy (1989-2019), son of actors Jerry Lacy (Dark Shadows)  and Julia Duffy (Newhart), died on April 5th after a long battle with depression.


A 2007 graduate of Agoura High School in Agoura Hills, California, he was a comedian who performed with the Groundlings and Second City.

Here he and James Mastrioanni star in "Douchebag Karma": two douchebags plan to use date-rape drugs to get with some girls.  But they are so stupid that they take the drugs themselves, and pass out.

 Danny's acting credits include such lighthearted fare as  All I Want for Christmas, Correcting Christmas, and a Christmas Reunion.

Rather ironic, given that his most memorable creation was Crack-Duck.

Danny was always drawing weird, surreal, disturbing pictures of monstrous creatures.  Some appeared in a 2017 book he co-wrote with Mike Levine, At Least You're Not These Monsters ("So you hate your body?  At least your body makes sense.")   Crack-Duck was one of his creations, a grotesque wide-eyed duck with a crack in his skull.

In 2014 Danny teamed up with animator Stephen Sloan and various family friends to bring Crack-Duck to life in a series of 5-minute cartoons on Youtube.

Now Crack-Duck is living a life of not-so-quiet desperation, alone, self-hating, and miserable, manager of a down-and-out apartment building, Grungetown Towers.

He interacts with other monstrous beings, like his constantly enraged landlord Skiitch, and Zqiygyxz, an Enlightened dog who performs surgery on the sun.

An ongoing subplot has Skiitch realizing that he's in love with Crack-Duck.  But they're both boys.  How is that possible?

In Episode #4, Crack-Duck is tired of being rejected by countless women, so he walks up to random strangers on the street, screaming at them to love him.  Skiitch comes out as gay and interested.  At first Crack-Duck is leery, as Skiitch is 40 years old!  But he decides to give it a try.

After that, Crack-Duck and Skiitch are presented as romantic partners, fighting their demons together.  Although they're closeted to their friends.

Reviewers, of course, are quick to yell that Crack-Duck isn't gay, just lonely enough to try out a gay relationship.

Hint: that's not how sexual orientation works.  If you're a straight duck, it's women or nothing.  A gay duck, men or nothing.  Crack-Duck is probably pansexual.

All episodes are on Youtube.

The Civilian Conservation Corps: Depression-Era Beefcake

Picture it.

1933:  The heart of the Great Depression.  40% of the U.S. population is out of work.  President Roosevelt, just  inaugurated March 4th, promises a New Deal full of federal programs designed to get the economy started again.

Among the unemployed are many buffed young twinks, aged 18-25.  Roosevelt tries to think of a way to get them photographed with their shirts off in those days before the physique magazines.

He comes up with the Civilian Conservation Corps, the CCC, who would be housed in work camps while engaging in federal improvement projects.

The first CCC camp opened on April 17th, 1933.  By July there were over 1,400 camps with over 250,000 young men at work (that's 10 hookups per day for 68 years).

At its peak in 1935, there were 500,000 workers in 2,900 camps.  Among them were future actors Raymond Burr and Walter Matthau.

There were also a few thousand older men (experienced workers), veterans, and Native Americans.

The CCC workers were unmarried (i.e., available), usually living at home and helping to support their parents.  They signed on for six months, with the option of returning for up to two years.

Apparently they weren't provided with shirts.

Their projects were diverse, involving soil conservation, making trails and shelters in state and national parks, building wildlife refuges, fighting fires, Here the CCC boys are at work on controlling the Mormon crickets that swarm in Nevada and Utah.  (Mormon cricket is the name of the species.)

Here they're posing with shovels in Bradford, Pennsylvania.

More after the break