Link to the n*de dudes
Scene 1: Brooklyn, 1994. Bill Clinton is in the White House, I'm in West Hollywood, Mariah Carey is topping the charts, and Friends premieres on CBS:
So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A
Four teens (Sameer, Matty, and two girls) descend into eerie catacombs, until they come to the room where "they conducted medical experiments." They're doing a "truth or dare" thing where they have to spend the night.
Sameer: "I'm not scared. I just like to sleep n*de, and it could get a little awkward."
Uh-oh, Matty's kid brother Anthony followed them! Mom's going to be furious. Matty forces him to leave.
Suddenly a machine switches on, gas squirts out, and Matty's face dissolves. A gruesome image.
Scene 2: Brooklyn, 2024. Teen twins Devin and Cece (Sam McCarthy, Jaden Bartels) exit the subway and complain about having to leave their friends in Manhattan to live with Dad, the grown-up Anthony (a craggy, dissolute-looking David Schwimmer). He picks them up in a car. Are you sure this is Brooklyn?
At home, Dad Anthony yells at neighbor Trey, also called James Junior, for blocking his driveway. "But your mom always let me park there."
"She didn't have a car."
Inside, the living room is crowded with boxes. Back story: Dad has moved into this house after his mother went into assisted living with dementia, and he's going through her stuff.
In other news, "I've really been looking forward to your aunt's brain surgery." WTF? Who looks forward to that? He means because then they can come live with him.
Wait -- the twins are living with their aunt, not their father? What's wrong with him?
The micromanager passes out his extensive list of rules, but emphasizes that the main rule is: "Stay out of the basement." He gives them a tour: he's a botanist, working on a lot of plant types that will revolutionalize the botany world. Shouldn't you be working in a lab somewhere? But stay out!
Scene 3: Dinner at Gwendolyn's restaurant. Gay couples at the tables behind and in front of them. Back story: Cece is starting debate camp tomorrow. She hates it, but you need "a thing" to get into college.
Next up, Devin: He claims to be ok, given "everything that happened," but he was suspended for getting into a fight. Nope, not gay.
CJ drives up on his motorcycle. Dad introduces him to the twins. Back story: he's working here, at his parents' restaurant, for the summer. Dad suggests that maybe Devin would like to work there, too. Playing matchmaker, buddy? I don't have any hope that he'll be gay, but there may be a gay-subtext buddy-bond between him and Devin.
He has to make a delivery, but the guys are all meeting at the park later. "Y'all should come." Maybe specify which park, and what time?
Scene 4: On the way home, Dad sends the twins inside so he can chat with a crying woman in a car. She notes that the father of Trey/JJ, the neighbor who Dad argued with, stopped by the police station to file a harassment complaint. According to the Google AI, harassment consists of repeaed acts that cause the victim to "fear for their safety," Telling someone to not block your driveway certainly doesn't count.
The woman promised to talk to Trey/JJ's Dad, but "be careful. He's big on conspiracy theories."
In other news, she managed to pull some strings and retrieve his brother's things from the night he and his friends dissolved. . Moldy clothes with dissolved Matty all over them, from 30 years ago?
The woman has been thinking a lot about that night, but Dad doesn't want to hear it. He cuts her off and heads inside.
Scene 5: The twins come downstairs while Dad is arguing with his ex wife on the telephone. Wait -- they were living with their aunt, but she's having brain surgery, so they moved in with Dad. Why weren't they living with their mother?
Dad assures them that although they hate each other, they both love the twins. He made burnt waffles, which they reject. It's the next morning. What happened to meeting the guys in the park later?
Left: This show is a little beefcake-light, so here's a photo of Sameer, one of the melted teen (played by 28 year old Arjun Arthalye).
More Sameer after the break
The n*de photo is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.
"But you haven't seen her since you were in eighth grade."
"Yes, but she's the Girl of My Dreams, so..."
They are interrupted by the manager trying to kick out a young woman, who is going live with a claim of discrimination, but the manager goes live, too, and she leaves. I don't understand.
Scene 7: The park."Later" apparently meant the next day. CJ is talking to his buds, all guys. He greets them. Frankie is there, too; she hugs the twins. Maybe they met during a visit with their grandmother?
While Devin tries an awkward flirtation, Cece drags CJ away. So we have two heterosexual couples forming.
Uh-oh, Frankie's boorish jerk boyfriend gets jealous over her talking to someone else, and intervenes. And it's Trey/JJ, the neighbor whose father filed a harassment complaint! So now the nerd will have to wrestle the Girl of His Dreams from the Jock, like in an 1980s teen comedy.
The Jerk is played by Stony Blyden, real name Þorsteinn Sindri Baldvinsson Blyden, from Iceland. He notes in an interview that he learned English from watching Friends.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear,
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
Frankie introduces Trey/JJ as "my boyfriend" with a disgusted grimace, as if she hates him. You're in, buddy! Just play the "nice guy" angle, and she'll dump him instantly! You might also want to bring up the size of your d*ck.
Trey/JJ insults Devin by implying that he is a girl, and drags Frankie off. You're the one dating a girl with a boy's name, jerk.
Scene 8: Remember that Devin's twin Cece dragged CJ off? They're not flirting with each other. Instead, Cece is approached by the girl from the supermarket. "I like your lip gloss." She grabs it and applies it to herself.
"My Mom says I'm not supposed to share lip gloss. Germs." What about kissing?
Shoplifter girl saunters off, leaving Cece flustered and turned on. So we have a lesbian romance starting? When is CJ going to pair up?
Next CJ drags them to a discussion of "family history." He tells his friends that the twins' uncle was one of the teens who melted in 1994. "Actually, they just went missing in the haunted mental hospital. No one knows what happened to them."
So CJ's friends consist of a straight couple, two lesbians, and a gay guy.
Eye-batting furiously, the intensely turned-on Girl of Devin's dreams asks "So you're not afraid of the haunted mental hospital?"
"No."
Seething with jealousy over the imminent loss of his girl, Jerk snarls "Why don't you prove it?"
I'm out of space, so I'll just fast-forward to the end to see if anyone hooks up.
At the end of Episode 8, when the crisis is resolved, Cece and the Shoplifter Girl discuss doing "that long-distance thing" and walk off holding hands, so they're a couple. No kissing?
Devin and The Girl of His Dreams are a couple, obviously.
Jerk is ok with it. He hugs CJ, but I don't think they're a couple. But lesbians are better than nothing.
Left: Ivan Amaron Bullon, who plays a pedestrian in one episode.
See also: School Spirits: Dead girl and her gay bff try to solve her murder.
Jamar Pusch: A lot of biceps, an occasional d*ck
No Good Deed: Four lesbians, a gay son, a gay realtor, Oedipus, and Phoebe from "Friends"
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