"Rock Paper Scissors": Paper meets The Girl, Rock tries to prove that he's a Dave. With 2 gay characters, four Danny d*cks, and Mickey from "Seinfeld"

  

Link to the n*de dudes

"Rock Paper Scissors" is a game where players turn their hands into the objects, hoping that theirs will cover, crush or otherwise defeat their opponents.  Here Kramer and  his gay-subtext boyfriend Mickey (Michael Richards, Danny Woodburn) play on an episode of Seinfeld.

Danny's d*ck and four others are posted to  RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

When Paramount Plus recommended a tv series called Rock Paper Scissors, I figured it was for preschoolers, like Bananas in Pajamas.  But the fan wiki states that there are two walk-on gay characters, Hipponoid Commander (Episodes 1.1) and Dave (Episode 1.14), and Common Sense Media (the homophobic one) says that it is "completely inappropriate," with "strong LGBT undertones."  Can't let gay kids know that they exist!  So we'll check it out.

Episode 1.1, "Paper's Big Lie"

Intellectual Paper (Thomas Lennon), trying to invent something, is annoyed by the loud ninja practice of his roommates, athletic Rock (Ron Funches) and hipster Scissors (Carlos Alarazqui).  There's a knock on the door: it's their new neighbor, a female Pencil.

Cliche shot of Pencil walking in slow motion, her long hair blowing in the wind, while Paper gushes in "girl of my dreams" ecstasy.

She works for a high-tech company, so he pretends that he has a high-tech job, too.  His brain objects: "You work at a crappy store that sells technology."  But his nether parts outrank his brain.

Even when Pencil asks for a tour: Paper puts up a poorly drawn sign and claims that she can't go inside because they're working on a top-secret device that will produce unlimited food out of nothing. 

The human boss yells: "I don't pay you to talk to girls, I pay you to unravel the pile of wires in the back room."

Left: Threads says that this is Carlos Alarazqui, best known for "Rocko's Modern Life" and "Reno 911." I don't think so.

This makes Pencil a bit suspicious, but not the President of the United States: she saw the sign and figured that Paper must be super-smart.  The world needs his help. Lady is not too bright, is she?

Problem: The Hipponoids, "the most dangerous species in the galaxy," have the Earth surrounded.  The  Commander (Darin de Paul) explains that their planet is low on food, so Earth must hand over its supply. 

Perfect!  Pencil announces that Paper can make a device that will produce unlimited food, with no raw materials needed.

Paper's brain begs him to admit that he knows nothing about technology, but no, he thinks he can still find a way to fix this and Win the Girl.

In the workshop, Pencil praises Paper's tech expertise while building the device herself.  She seems to be just as invested as Paper in keeping up the Big Lie.  There must be some "Boy of My Dreams" going on.

When they show the device to the Hipponoid Comander, Paper tries to take credit, but accidentally breaks it.  He lies about that, too.

New plan: he'll bring his ninja roommates Rock and Scissors to the ship, and they'll knock out the aliens before they can invade the planet.

That doesn't work.  Finally Paper decides to come clean: "I was just trying to impress someone that I like, and the lie got out of control."

The Commander is sympathetic: back on the home world, he was an office drone, but he lied that he was  a great warrior to impress his crush.   Then he had to join the space force, and somehow he rose up in the ranks to become commander.

"There he is -- handsome, huh?"  He looks rather goofy, but Paper agrees.

"I've had to keep up this lie for 50 years!"  You'd better seal the deal soon, buddy. "And I can't invade Earth because then he'll find out that I lied, and never speak to me again."

Paper and the Commander find a solution that permits them to retain both lies: they pretend to use hand-to-hand combat to decide the fate of the Earth.  Paper wins, but "Your Commander is so tough that he 'accidentally' destroyed the device."

Whoops, Rock just fixed it. 

Gay Representation: The Commander as a muscular being fights stereotypes, and Paper responds nonchalantly to his crush on a male.  The writers could easily given him a crush on a female warrior, so this is a positive step.  But how about a scene where the Commander actually interacts with the crush? B

The next episode after the break

Episode 1.14, "The Character Quiz"

The guys' favorite tv show is The Gang's All Here, with 27 people living under one roof.  They take a quiz to see which character they are.  Paper and Scissors got Stephernie, so they are invited to the Stephernie Party next door (hosted by this muscular mouse).  Rock wants to be Dave, "kind, stylish, and made of granite," but he gets Creepo the Stinkboy.

"That can't be right!  I know who I am!"

At the Stephernie party: one of the guests brought the wrong kind of pizza, so is obviously just a wannabe, not a real Stephernie.  Each guest is quizzed about details that only a true fan would know, like her last name.  

Paper is the wannabe -- he's never seen the show, he just wanted to come to the party.  He hides in the bathroom; Scissors finds him and tries to help, but it is too late.  The other party guests punish them by dunking them into hot lava (Stephernie's favorite punishment), branding them Creepos, and banishing them to an abandoned petting zoo (the real Creepo's favorite place).

Left: Scissors is played by Thomas Lennon, best known as the offensive stereotype Lt. Jim Dangle (dangle, har har) on Reno 911.  His dangly bits on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Meanwhile, Rock puts on a wig and green shorts to prove that he's really a Dave.  

Dave is a hard worker, so he goes to the car wash and washes a random car.  

Dave is generous, so he donates without checking the charity ("we dig up the cemetery and play with people's bones"). 

Left: Ron Funches (Rock) tells us that this is his family, implying that he and his boyfriend have adopted a child. Actually, that guy is his son. Ron is straight and married.  He left his wife out of the photo to fool us into thinking that he was gay. 

Car-washing and donations don't work, so Rock decides to prove himself by playing Dave on the show.  He breaks into the studio and tells the real Dave, or the actor,  "Your wife needs you!"  

"You mean my husband?"

"Um...right.  He's in the hospital."

"The one where he works?"  

"Um,..right.  He needs you to help perform surgery."

"They let receptionists perform surgery?"  But Dave rushes out.

Wait -- is the actor gay, or the character? Is this scripted or reality tv?  Either way, shouldn't big fan Rock know this stuff?

Rock goes onto the stage and says Dave's line: "Guess who's constipated?"  Everyone applauds his comedic talent. 

But then the real Dave or the actor returns: "This Rock broke into the studio, lied about my husband, stole my script, and impersonated me!"

They brand Rock a Creepo and consign him to the abandoned petting zoo.

He notices that other Creepos are doing non-Creepo things, like hugging and ballet.  Getting a sudden epiphany, Rock rushes back to the studio and tells the actors, "We shouldn't be confined to narrowly-defined categories.  We're all more unique than a handful of archetypes. Let's stop treating people differently based on who we think they are."

Everyone applauds, and the director compliments Rock: "That's such a Janine thing to say."

Gay Representation: Dave, or the actor, is gay to set up a series of mistakes that Rock makes, demonstrating that he doesn't know much about him. But he's already been established as a fan, so this makes no sense.  I'm rather confused.  C.

Bonus: Some Danny di*cks.

See also: "Craig of the Creek": Silver Fist gets a sidekick, and the gay kid gets a boyfriend

Has "Phineas and Ferb" gotten more gay-friendly since 2007? With bonus Adam Devine and Malcolm McDowell

Adam Devine's House Party Episode 1.3: A bisexual foam party  is promised. With Ron Funches.