A Touch of Pink: Whiny Gay Guy, Free-Spirit Bisexual, and Cougar Mom

In A Touch of Pink (2004), Pakistani-Canadian Alim (Jimi Mistry) is living in London, with some kind of behind-the-scenes job in the movies.  He is morose, depressed, and quirky, always having conversations with his imaginary friend, Cary Grant.  But he still manages to land a partner, bisexual free-spirit economist Giles (Kris Holden-Ried).

There are free-spirit economists?

Then Alim's bitter, fault-finding Mom arrives from Canada for a visit.

You know what that means: hid all the gay books and beefcake photos, move the Economist to the guest bedroom, and pretend that you're engaged to his sister.  You've only seen that a few dozen times before.

But you haven't seen what happens next.

  The Economist flirts openly with Mom, calling her "beautiful," and taking her out for a romantic day of sightseeing and dancing cheek-to-cheek.  At this point, I assumed that the Economics would end up dumping Alim for his mother.  But that's not the direction the movie takes.

Roiling with jealousy over his the Economist's romantic interest in his mother, Alim decides to come out in stupidest way possible -- by showing Mom his photo.

Wait -- that's supposed to put the kibosh on her romantic interest?

All hell breaks loose. Mom returns to Canada, and the Economist is so upset over the loss of his cougar girlfriend that he breaks up with Alim and starts dating an Olympic Gold Medalist.

Right, whenever you break up with a guy, Olympic Gold Medalists are always waiting to zoom in.

But not to worry, Mom switches from homophobe to gay-rights activist overnight, and finds a new beau, a poetic janitor.  

The Economist and Alim reconcile. Deciding that he doesn't need an imaginary friend anymore, Alim dismisses Cary Grant.  Cue the fade-out kiss.

There were a few interesting bits:

1. Cary Grant behaves exactly like what you would expect: "Hide everything!"
2. Alim's cousin is gay but intends to marry anyway to "keep up appearances.
3. The bizarre  love triangle
4. Mom's conflicting attitudes toward the West.  She grew up watching old Cary Grant movies,  discovered that the real London was nothing like that, and now hates all things Western.  But not really.

But that's not enough to overcome the tired, contrived ending,  or the whiny, unpleasant character of Alim.

By the way, the title is a parody of That Touch of Mink (1962), a Cary Grant-Doris Day romantic comedy that no one except movie buffs has ever heard of

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Victor McLaglen: Boxer turned Silent Movie Boyfriend

Victor McLaglen was a British boxer who retired in 1920, moved to Hollywood, and became a popular character actor, mostly in parts that emphasized his towering height and bulging muscles: Hercules, Strong Boy, Biff Williams, Bull Stanley, Big Steve Andrews, Big Ben Wheeler

 He often appeared in movies directed by the homophobic John Ford, costarring with the homophobic John Wayne.

Yet the gay subtexts were everywhere.

1. The Unholy Three (1925). Three circus performers, a strong man, midget, and transvestite, form a "queer" criminal family.

2. Beau Geste (1926).  Buddy-bonding in the French Foreign Legion.

3. The Cock-Eyed World (1929).  Two marines (Victor, Edmund Lowe) compete over girls in Russia, Brooklyn, and Latin America.

4. The Lost Patrol (1934).  Soldiers lost in Mesopotamia during World War I take their shirts off while trying to find their way back home.

5. The Great Hotel Murder (1935).  Victor and Edmund Lowe are back, now novelist and detective competing to see who can solve a murder.

6. South of Pago Pago (1940).  Victor and Jon Hall take their shirts off while competing over a girl in the South Pacific.

7. The Quiet Man (1952).  Victor plays an Irishman who doesn't like the idea of American John Wayne marrying his sister, so they fight, tearing up the town, and end up buddies.

8. The Abductors (1957). Victor and buddy Gavin Muir plot to steal the remains of Abraham Lincoln.  No nudity, but by this point he's 69 years old.

Victor was married 3 times, but if you look closely at his personal life, you can find any number of provocatively intimate same-sex friendships.

Mighty Med: Comic Book Fans with a Secret Life

In Mighty Med, which just premiered on the Disney XD Channel, two comic book fans, Kaz  (Bradly Steven Perry from Good Luck Charlie) and Oliver (Jake Short from Ant Farm, left) go through a secret portal to a hospital for superheroes, villains, and various sci-fi and fantasy characters.  

Upon discovering that they have a special rapport with the ailing superheroes, the Chief of Staff, Horace (Carlos Lacamara), offers them jobs.

They must now juggle the "normie" requirements of home and school and heterosexual crushes with their secret life at the hospital, where they must fend off the evil machinations of various anti-normie factions, including Horace's nephew Alan (Devan Leos).

There's certainly a lot of potential gay symbolism in the disdain that the fantasy beings feel for "normies."

And a lot of gay subtext potential: the two besties are tailor-made for bromance, and the supervillains who want to infiltrate Mighty Med, Wallace and Clyde, appear to be a couple.

Not a lot of beefcake so far, but superhero patients like Tecton (Jilon Vanover) and Titanio (Chris Elwell) always have spectacular physiques, and it's only a matter of time before one doffs his leotard.

Gay Supervillain in Training: The Thundermans

The latest in the "my secret" teencoms is Nickelodeon's The Thundermans, which premieres on November 2nd.  It's about is a retired superhero, Thunderman, who is trying to live a "normal life" incognito in Hiddenville (!).

First thought: you might want to change your name.

Hank Thunderman (Chris Tallman) and his wife Barb (Rosa Blasi) are the standard fat-doofus-husband-hot wife couple that we see everywhere on tv, but Hank is particularly doofus-like.  He's constantly trying to revive his superhero powers and failing miserably, like a former high school football player trying to relive his gridiron glory after losing the battle of the bulge.

We aren't told exactly why they have to go incognito, but I suspect that it has something to do with Hank's increasing impotence around supervillains.

Their four kids also have superpowers to hide.

Teenage Phoebe (Kira Kosarin) is a "good girl," a straight-A student who plays by the rules, including the rule of "no non-supes in the house," which sort of keeps her from having friends and negates the desire for a "normal life."

She has a best friend, Cherry, who suspects her secret.

Her twin brother Max (Jack Griffo who doesn't want you to say "gay") is a wannabe supervillain who wants to attend Villain University in a few years.  Apparently he's going to be a stereotypic gay villain, pushing up the feminine-coded mannerisms, although he'll be dating a girl by the third episode.

The younger kids, Billy (Diego Velazquez) and Nora (Addison Riecke), have super-speed and heat vision, respectively.

Oh, and there's Dr. Colosso, a supervillain transformed into a bunny who acts as Max's mentor and confidant.

There is an inevitable comparison with the Disney Channel's Wizards of Waverly Place, about a family of wizards, complete with a Dad who has lost his powers, two teenagers, one conniving and one straitlaced, a best friend who suspects the secret, and a rambunctious preteen.  It's too soon to see if it will have as many gay subtexts, or as much beefcake.