Noah Centineo: The Boyfriend of your Dreams, with five butts, three bulges, two d*cks, and no gay characters.

  

Link to the N*de Dudes

I've used stills from Noah Centineo's adult video as illustrations twice, but I don't know who he is, only that he filled in when Jake T. Austin left The Fosters. So, time to do some research.

He was born in 1996, and first appeared on screen with a kids' film, The Golden Retrievers, in 2008.

He appeared in three episodes of Austin & Allie, the first Disney Channel teencom to feature a canonical gay character, but he didn't play the gay character.

More guest spots on teencoms like Marvin Marvin and Shake It Up, and then his first starring role, How to Build a Better Boy, 2014.  He plays Jaden, the jock that science nerd Mae is crushing on, so she builds a cyber boyfriend to help win him. Matt Shively, left, plays her brother.

There's some some adult pictures in SPF-18, 2017, but it's not Noah, it's Jackson White, a depressed musician.  The focus character has to choose between Jackson and Noah, who is mourning the death of his father.  It gets a 3.3 rating on Rotten Tomatoes, probably because it is advertised as a romantic comedy, but is actually a depressing angst-fest.  

After 53 episodes of The Fosters, 2015-2018, Noah starred in To All the Boys I've Loved Before, 2018, but he's not the one loving the boys.  He's the Love Interest of focus character Lana, whose letters to her secret crushes are made public, destroying her life. 

In Sierra Burgess is a Loser, 2018, loser Sierra gets the help of the school's It-Girl to win the Boy of Her Dreams, Noah.  It also stars Will Peltz, left, as Spence, the It-Girl's boyfriend who dumps her.

More after the break

Nicolas Bechtel: Soap opera prince and Stuck twin femmes up, hot tubs with hunks, still believes. With two Prince prongs and a Cole c*k

  

Link to the n*de photos

The next person in my "Profiles to Do" folder that I've never heard of: Nicolas Bechtel.  I get a positive vibe from his name due to the lesbian cartoonist Allison Bechdel, whose Bechdel Test measures women's representation in movies.

But I'm sure he has no connection to that.

According to Wikipedia, Nicolas was born in 2005 in Fontana, California, nd is  best known as Spencer Cassidine on General Hospital and Lewis Diaz on Stuck in the Middle.

Prince Spencer Cassidine was born in 2006, son of Greek prince Nicholas Cassidine (Ty Sheridan, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).  He began his life fighting, born  premature and infected with the deadly virus that was rampant in Port Charles. As a baby he goes through a paternity test, kidnapping, attempted murder, and his dad's near-fatal illness (it's General Hospital, after all).  

Nicolas plays Spencer from 2013 to 2020: he is  trapped in a fire and severely burned, kidnapped twice more, and sent to juvenile hall after stalking his mother.  

A 2020-24 Spencer, played by Nicholas Chavez (left), is attacked by the Hook Killer, beaten into unconsciousness, and kidnapped again. Finally he drowns in the River Seine (or maybe not).  He is heterosexual, with four girlfriends at various times. 

The Disney Channel's Stuck in the Middle (2016-18) stars Jenna Ortega as Harley Diaz, an engineering prodigy who is "stuck in the middle," third of seven children. She has three brothers, aspiring singer Ethan (Isaak Presley) and the twins Lewie (Nicolas) and Beast (Malachi Barton).  Neither of the twins seem to have any hetero crushes, according to the episode synopses and fan wiki.

Left: Malachi Barton has muscled up.

Nicholas has 14 other acting credits on the IMDB, including episodes of Good Luck Charlie, Baby Daddy, Girl Meets World, and American Crime Story.

He's got a 7-episode run in Rake (2014), with Greg Kinnear as a defense attorney who gets beat up a lot. 

Two movies:

The List (2013): Michael Peña stars as an FBI agent tracking down a killer who is targeting everyone on a list of people in the Witness Protection Program. Gary Cole (n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) plays his boss. Nicolas plays a kid. 

More after the break

Paxton Booth: The "Coop and Cam" brother likes girls' clothes, unicorns, and c*ck sparring, but does he like guys? With Galvin d*ck

 Link to the n*de photos

Earlier I profiled Dakota Lotus. Coop of the Disney Channel teencom Coop and Cam Ask the World.  Now it's time for 16-year old Paxton Booth, who played little brother Ollie.  He has a femme presentation and a quirky fashion sense, and check out his photos of theater marquees:

"C*ck Sparrer Sold Out."

If that means what I think it means, get me a ticket, too.

"Circle J*rks Live on Stage."

 Looks like Paxton and I share several interests.

Actually, those are both hardcore streetpunk bands from the 1970s.  I don't know if Pax is a fan or just expressing an interest in the names, but it's worth a closer look.

Ok biceps for a beginner, and the duck lips are rather femme.

Paxton Booth was born in Pomona, California in 2010, and started acting at age three, in a series of national commercials.  His on-screen work began with the short Greener Grass in 2015, and continued with guest shots on Hack My Life, Teachers, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and Adam Ruins Everything.

He played the Young Kenny on a 2016 episode of The Real O'Neals.  Kenny is the gay son in a conservative Irish-Catholic family, played as a teen by gay actor Noah Galvin (backside and d*ck on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends).

A promising start, buddy.

Paxton's most significant role to date was on Coop and Cam Ask the World (2018-20).  The titular siblings (Dakota Lotus, Ruby Rose Turner) host an internet show, Would You Wrather, in which fans vote on which prank they should do, or later which solution to a problem they should choose. 

Younger brother Ollie (Paxton, left) has a gay-subtext buddy (Fred Tsai), and non-heterosexist plotlines: he pours garbage into a classmates desk in order to impress him (say what?); gets lost in the mall while his siblings are babysitting him; is bullied by a boy at the ice rink; is trapped by a rock slide on a camping trip...gets a crush on a girl...

Dang, I knew it couldn't last.  First rule of teencoms: every boy, regardless of his age, must demonstrate that he is heterosexual.

A 2020 article in Jejune Magazine tells us that Paxton is "seriously woke" for a nine-year old.   He notes that he buys from girls' and guys' sections of the clothing store,and prefers pink, which results in a lot of bullying.  He wants to start a gender-neutral clothing line that will fight bullying and "give other youngsters a chance to fully embrace who they are."

He uses "who they are" as a closeted term for "gay," but later he (along with other Disney kids) wears  purple to note that he opposes LGBTQ bullying.

 More after the break

"Monsters at Work": 20 Years after "Monsters, Inc.", Has LGBTQ Representation Increased?

 Monsters, Inc. (2001) suggested that monsters have an economic motive for crawling out from under your bed: the psychic energy of children's screams is the main source of power for their society.   But scream-harvesters Mike and Sully (John Goodman, Billy Crystal) discover that children's laughter is more powerful, so the monsters change their tactics.  The two monsters are presented as a classic straight man-buffoon comedy team, like Abbott and Costello, and one of them has a girlfriend, but they still have a strong gay subtext.

20 years later, the Disney Channel is streaming Monsters at Work, an animated comedy set in the same universe: Tylor graduates from Monster University with a degree in scaring, only to find his skill set obsolete.  So he takes a job as a mechanic while studying comedy.  

Tylor is voiced by Ben Feldman, the Scott Baio lookalike best known for Superstore, who did a PSA in favor of marriage equality in 2012.  Could there be more open LGBTQ representation in the sequel?

I watched Episode 2, "Meet MIFT," in which Tylor goes to work for the Monsters Inc. Facilities Team.

Scene 1:  Tylor's first day on the job (last episode) was a disaster, so today Mom insists on driving him to work.  He doesn't care: the MIFT job is just a "temporary nightmare" while he is awaiting his move to the Laugh Floor (I knew lots of people like that in West Hollywood). 

Dimwitted tapir-monster Fritz (Henry Winkler) arrives and flirts with Mom. Then the orange blob-monster Val (Mindy Kailing), "Tylor's classmate at college and now his bff."  

She tries to hug him, but he shrugs her off.  I could do without the "Your Mom is hot!" stuff, but rejecting a girl is a nice way to start the day.

Scene 2: Tylor arrives at the Maintenance Department in the basement, where the team is waiting for an initiation ceremony: "When a part breaks down, we fix it.  If a machine needs maintenance, we maintain it.  We're the monsters behind the monsters!"   He protests that this job is just temporary.  "That's what we all thought. "

His first ceremonial task: "Wrench that nut!"  It sounds dirty, especially when he protests: "I don't want to wrench any nuts  I want nothing to do with nuts." Speak for yourself, guy.

Next he has to pass through the Doorway of No Return to the land of Infinite Commitment.  "But...this job is just temporary?" "That's what we all thought."

Scene 3: Mike from the original movie returns from an 18-hour shift of refilling laugh canisters. His boyfriend Sully, now the CEO, tells him to take a break, but there's no time: somebody has to keep the kids laughing.  Plus he has a comedy class to teach at lunch.  Sully: "You can't keep going like this." 

Scene 4: The MIFT team pretends that a break room table is Tylor's new office.  

Troublemaker Duncan (Lucas Neff) gives him an assignment: a cannister that needs refurbishment, or it will explode in 20 seconds.  It explodes.  Duncan laughs evilly.

Lunch time: Tylor goes off to his comedy class.  The others are upset: what does he need  to learn comedy for?  It's almost as if he doesn't plan to stay here forever.

Scene 5: The comedy class.  While Mike goes through a powerpoint presentation, "10 Rules of Comedy,"  Tylor complains about the MIFT team.  Surprise!  They followed him.

Left: Lucas Neff

Scene 6:  Mike leaves the rest of the lecture to the stern HR director, Ms. Flint,  and runs to a door portal.  His girlfriend warns him that it's not safe, but he goes through anyway, and is trapped!  His girlfriend? Mike is more obvertly heterosexual than he was 20 years ago.  That's not progress!

The MIFT team rushes into action.  They restore power to the portal and get Mike back, but now he's trapped on a conveyor belt.  The "reverse" lever is rusted shut; no one has the strength to turn it -- except -- Tylor!  The newbie saves the day!

Scene 7:  While they are celebrating, Ms. Flint arrives to pick up  coworker Banana Bread's things.  She was so impressed by his "nuanced insight into comic theory" during the comedy class that she is promoting him to the Laugh Floor.  

Ouch!  But at least now there's a vacant desk, so Tylor gets one of his own. And a wrench with his name on it. The end.

There's also a segment called Mike's Comedy Class, where Mike sings about the dangers of comedy: the kid could "bust a gut," shatter into little pieces, fall out of bed and hit their head, or have their butts fall off.

Mike and Sully:  The increased time given to the girlfriend reduce the gay subtext, although there is a glimmer  when Sully affectionately feeds Mike a cup of coffee.

Tylor and ?:  Tylor doesn't display any heterosexual interest, but I didn't see anyone for him to have a gay subtext with.  Maybe Fritz, who is very, very interested in welcoming him to the team?  But Tylor finds his attention annoying

LGBTQ Representation:  Still no open representation, just some tentative subtexts.

See also: "Population 11": Ben Feldman in an outback town with aliens, meat pies, secrets, lies, and dicks, doesn't get the Girl

The 18 biggest, hottest, or most surprising d*cks of the musclemen and bodybuilders from Arnold to Slab, with bonus Brian

Link to the n*de photos

I've dated/hooked up with a few musclemen, and seen lots more at the gym, at my old job as an editorial assistant (actually gopher) at Muscle and Fitness, and in various backrooms, darkrooms, saunas, and bear parties.  To be honest, their pecs are usually more impressive than their packages.  It's as if the universe allows you to be massive in one place or another, but not both.  But there are exceptions, and besides, what's wrong with having a small one?  It gets the job done just as effectively as a big one.

Here are 18 bodybuilder/musclemen whose d*cks are extraordinary due to their size, the guy's hotness, or the surprise of seeing it on screen or in a video.  

1.`. Arnold Schwarzeneggar.    Everything starts with Arnold, who moved bodybuilding from a  subculture into the mainstream and opened the way for dozens of man-mountains to grunt and flex as they saved the world (or just America).  I saw several n*de photos in a friend's apartment in the 1980s, but 40 years later I can only find one online.

2. Peter Berlin (top photo).  You could argue that That Boy almost single-handedly changed depictions of gay stuff from sordid, furtive and guilt-ridden to bright and joyful.  

3. Angel Mock Curiel: After playing L'il Papi on Pose, the gay and trans ally vanished into civilian life.  But not before he posted some n*de photos.

4. Nate Stone (left).  I had to research a dozen Nate Stones before finding the former Bunk'd hunk, having a friend photograph him in his parents' house.  Points for the obscurity and the chutzpah.

5. Bridger Buckley.  I'm not sure that the Hot Pizza Guy from The Neighborhood really belongs to the anonymous donkey-stuff, but how could I not post it? 

6. Tony Cavalero has bulked up considerably since his days as Keefe on The Righteous Gemstones, but he hasn't posted any new shots, so all we have is the isolation tank d*ck in Episode 1.9.

7. Brock O'Hurn.  Torsten from The Righteous Gemstones, Zeus, Hulk Hogan, Super Hot Warrior Man who displayed his massive salami on Euphoria.  Are you tired of seeing it by now?  

I didn't think so. 

8. Bill Cable.  The guy posed in Drummer and Playgirl, dated both Pee-Wee Herman and Elvira, Mistress of the Night, buddied with Christian Brando, and appeared in Basic Instinct with Michael Douglas.  Actually, name anyone famous in the 1980s, and he was there.

9. Sylvester Stallone.  In the 1990s, it was shocking to discover that the grunting, scowling Rocky and Rambo made an adult movie in his early days.  It was also shocking to see his backside in Tango and Cash (1989).

More after the break

10. Leon Mallett: The East Anglia Boy went all the way in an adult, which for some reason fans didn't like. 

11. Steve Bond.  If all you knew of Steve Bond was the skinny kid in Tarzan and the Jungle Boy (1968), e, and you picked up a Playgirl magazine in 1975 to find him all grown up, you'd be shocked, too.

12. Blair Jackson, from the "Wicked Lips" episode of The Righteous Gemstones, offers us every potential d*ck shots, from the huge to the not-so-huge.

13. Dan Cudmore.  The guy has been all over Marvel and DC tv series, playing man-mountain gods and villains and showing his stuff.

14. Derek Yates.  The Smiley-Face Emoji Guy from How I Met Your Father has many n*de photos online.  He may be more famous for his d*ck than for his acting.

15. Ryan Potter.  The bi Supah Ninja and Beast Boy only gives us a faceless video, but he's Asian, and he's got a big one, so who's complaining?

16. Marcus Adair:  You saw him for about 30 seconds on The Righteous Gemstones, playing one of the mercenaries hired to take out the Cycle Ninjas who kept attacking the family.  Fortunately, he offered us a closer look.

17. Pete Hinwood.  A deltoid and a bicep, a hot groin and a tricep, makes me shake.  Makes me want to take Charles Atlas by the...hand. 

18. Kurt Ostland: Slab from the Disney Channel's Mr. Young has grown up, bulked up, and shown us some j/o photos.

Honorable mention: Brian Cage, left, one of the demi-god wrestlers of Disclosure Day.  I just posted a profile of him and his fellow demi-god, Lance Hoyt, two days ago, so I'm not sure if there will be enough pageviews to keep him or not.

Callan Farris: The Unsittable Jeremy drops in on Disney teencoms, kisses boys, learns about gigantic d*cks on the darkweb

  

Link to the n*de dudes

This photo on the teen idol site drew my interest. Dude is either gay or pretending. 

His social media offers more photos of the two guys kissing him, plus standard buddies hugging, and no icky girls.  On RG Beefcake and Boyfriends, he poses with "I keep my private life a secret, but I'm dating a dude" Pedro Pascal. 

He's Callan Farris,  best known for the Disney Channel teencom Gabby Duran and the Unsittables (2019-21).  13 year old Gabby soon learns that her charges are "unsittable" because they are alien children hiding out as humans. 

Callan plays Jeremy, a shapeless blob who is next in line for the throne of Gor-Monia, on Earth to hide from would-be assassins.  Most of his plots involve misunderstanding human customs, or having his alien powers accidentally cause disasters.  

The episode synopses and fan wikis don't mention any heterosexual interests. But Jeremy considers Gabby's friend Wesley (Maxwell Acee Donovan of  That 90s Show), his "sister" (he doesn't quite understand gendered nouns).  And he is "fond of" Julius (Kheon Clarke), a waiter at the teen hangout.  Sounds like a lot of gay subtext going on.

Callan was born in Los Angeles in 2007.  No other information about his childhood is available, but from his last name ("warrior" in Arabic) and some of his early roles -- Syrian Boy, Kadir Siddiqui, Rafi Elshami -- I'm guessing that he's Arab-American. He started his career in commercials, and moved into television playing "Very Sweet Kid" on a 2016 episode of Dr. Ken.

On the IMDB, Callan lists his "most famous" works as Gabby; Kings (2017), about a family in South Central during the 1990s L.A. riots; a 2018 episode of Grey's Anatomy where Jackson (Jesse Williams, n*de on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends) treats a boy with cancerous tumors on his scapulae (shoulder blades); and the preschooler series Rocketeer (2019-20)

Two of his pre-Gabby roles have gay content:

In a 2018 episode of The Conners, gay kid Mark goes to the school Halloween party as iconic painter Frida Kahlo, and is turned away for anti-drag reasons.  Callan plays the neighbor boy Kazim. 

In a  2019 episode of Fuller House: Spencer (Kallan) appears in a segment of Wake Up, San Francisco, showing viewers how to up-cycle objects that they would ordinarily throw away, like turning wine bottles into flower vases. He has a love-hate relationship with Max Fuller (Elias Harger, left).

More after the break.  

Ethan Wacker: The former teen spy, Bizaardvark manager, and Vanderbilt fratboy looks good in a suit. And out of a suit

 

Link to the n*de photos

I only knew three things about Ethan Wacker before beginning the research: 

1. At 5'7", he's a member of the Short Guy Brigade

2. He has an amazing physique.

3. He has a lot of male friends.  

A lot of male friends.

Actually, I'm getting tired of posting photos of Ethan and his male friends.  Let's check his biography.

Born in Connecticut in 2002, moved to South Korea and then to Hawaii.

His acting credits begin in 2006 (at the age of four!) with a video game called Papa Louie: When Pizza Attacks

More video games and animation followed, plus two episodes of the teencom KC Undercover (2015-18), a Disney Channel teencom about "an outspoken and confident technology whiz and skilled black belt" who becomes a spy.   

Ethan played the son of the Vice President of the U.S. 

Then he appeared in Hawaii Five-0, See Plum Run, Tour of Mythicality, and 63 episodes of Bizaardvark (2016-2019).  

More after the break

Blake Michael: The "Dog with a Blog" brother starts a band, stalks a teacher, vanishes into corporate. With Blake and Dano d*cks

 

Link to the n*de dudes

I haven't been watching Disney Channel programs regularly since the days of Hannah Montana, so all I heard of Dog with a Blog (2012-15) was buzz about how ridiculous the premise was: three kids discover that their dog is sentient, can talk, and actually has a blog where he discusses his experiences and tries to find other dogs.  How is that more ridiculous than a pop star pretending to be a regular girl, both daughters of a famous country-western music singer, and no one suspecting for an instant?

 But I reviewed an episode, and called it "The Disney Channel's Worst Show" due to its aggressive homophobia. Critics lambasted it for  "lackluster writing' and absence of any actual blogging.  Still, it averaged 3 million viewers in the first season, and was nominated for three Emmies.  

The main players, other than the dog, were Chloe and Avery, two tween sisters from a blended family.  But there was also a teenage brother, Tyler (Blake Michael).

Plus Dad Bennett (Regan Burns, Big D*ck Mitch on The Righteous Gemstones) and Avery's enemy/crush (L.J. Benet), who now has abs but smiling smugly as girls in bikinis surround him. 

There are n*de photos of Regan in my review of Episode 4.8  I haven't found any of L.J.  But there are some of Blake.

Blake got his start in modeling at age three, and had his first on-screen role at age eight, playing a restaurant patron in Chosen (2004).  Small parts in October Road, Out of Jimmy's Head, and The Mortician followed.

He had a starring role in Lemonade Mouth (2011), which I never saw because I thought the term referred to some kind of terminal cancer.  It's actually the name of a bad that five high schoolers who start a band -- I guess disgusting names are de rigeur for rock bands.  The boys are Charlie (Blake) and Wen (Adam Hicks).  Both get girlfriends, and the remaining girl gets a boyfriend, and so on, and so on.  Heteronormativity fulfilled. 

Sorry, this is the only photo I could find where the two guys are together, not bookending the three girls.

More after the break

How to Eat Fried Worms: They Tease You Because They Like You. With gay subtexts and Luke Benward grown up

When I was bullied as a kid, my parents said "They tease you because they like you."  No, they assault you because they hate you.

Before about 1980, bullying -- physical or verbal assault -- was considered an inescapable part of life. Parents and teachers thought that intervention would turn the victim into a "sissy," so they did nothing, except maybe punish you for "tattling." 

Bullying still appears in tv shows and movies aimed at children, who are told, over and over, that you can end it by "standing up for yourself."   In Dear Santa (2024), a kid with dyslexia stands up to bully Gavin Munn (and wins the Girl of His Dreams) with a little help from Satan.

Thomas Rockwell's 1973 novel How to Eat Fried Worms does not involve bullying.  Billy bets his friend Adam that he can eat 15 worms, one a day for 15 days. If he wins, Adam will give him $50 for a new minibike.  Everyone is perfectly friendly throughout.  

And, coincidently, there is no Girl for Billy to win.

But the 2006 movie version is all about bullying.  New kid in school Billy (Luke Benward) becomes the target of raging bully Joe (Adam Hicks) and his cronies.   They prank him with a thermos full of worms, and then force him into a bet: eat 15 worms on Saturday (all at once?).  The loser has to come to school with the remaining worms in his pants.

Billy succeeds in eating most of the worms, causing Joe's cronies to defect to his side, leaving Joe humiliated and alone.  Then we discover that Joe himself is a victim, savagely bullied by his older brother Nigel.  Billy and his new gang defend Joe from Nigel.

One of the worms didn't get eaten -- it was accidentally put into an omelet that another character ate.  So they both technically lost the contest.  The last scene shows Billy and Joe both entering the school with worms in their pants, their arms around each other, now friends.

Plus Billy impresses the Girl of His Dreams.  Of course they had to throw that in as a final heterosexist dig.

But at least there are three gay -subtext moments.

More after the break

Spellbinder: Shirtless hunks in a Polish-Australian fantasy series, including Zybch Trofimiuk and Ryan Kwanten

Spellbinder (1995) which aired on the Disney Channel in 1996, one of the imported Australian series (others included Ocean Girl and Round the Twist) that would eventually be supplainted by the home-grown Even Stevens, Suite Life of Zack and Cody, and Hannah Montana. 

The title is precursor of those annoying one-word Netflix titles: it doesn't describe anything, and it really should be plural. 

But the series was unique: Australian-Polish science fiction-fantasy series about alternative realities.  It starred Zybch Trofimiuk as Paul Reynolds, an Australian boy who somehow finds himself in a Medieval world.  Everyone is terrified of the powerful Spellbinders, who look and chew up the scenery like villains out of Power Rangers.

Paul meets a girl, Riana (Gosia Piatrowska) and together they find a way back to his world.  But now the Spellbinders know that the other world exists, and they want to invade it.

The plotline sounds heterosexist.  Except Paul and Riana never fall in love; indeed, when they return to Earth, he introduces her as a "cousin from Iceland."  And he has a best friend, Alex (Brian Rooney).  When Paul vanishes, Alex is distraught.  When he returns, Alex grabs him with an enormous hug, treating him precisely as a lover.

Plus there were very memorable scenes of Paul changing clothes and taking a bath: a chest shot that endures through the years.

Zybch had a few acting roles before Spellbinder, notably Mike Masters, an astronomer's son, in Sky Trackers (1994). 

 Afterwards he retired from acting, returning for Clean (2005), not to be confused with Clean (2005) about a singer battling drug addiction.  This one stars Zybch as Kane, a boarding school boy who "confronts his own mortality" in a "climate of deception and s*xual intrigue, yearning and adolescence."  Huh?  

In 2024 he was profiled in The Sun: he is now an English as a Second Language teacher, with a wife and kids.  The article says that he is "almost unrecognizable," but he looks about the same to me.  Could we check out your chest, buddy?

Brian Rooney has 22 acting credits, most recently in episodes of Mr. In-Between (2021) and Wolf Like Me (2023).  He's also a Broadway actor with credits including Macbeth, The Cherry Orchard, and Jekyl and Hyde (if it's the same guy).

Sequel after the break