Feb 3, 2026

Gemstones Episode 1.9 : Kelvin goes dark, Keefe goes down, and Captain America saves the day. With a Haitian dude bonus

**Go directly to the n*de guys**

Episode 1.8 ended with all of the Gemstone siblings and their partners broken up, plus Gideon cast out from the family. It's going to take a lot of work to make things right again.

Chicken bone voodoo: After a flashback to Aimee-Leigh's death (and a bee that will re-appear later in the episode),we cut to Eli finding about about the blackmail, Jesse's assault of Rev. Seasons, and Judy's embezzlement. Kelvin stood by and let them do things that he knew was wrong, so he's just as guilty. Eli angrily fires them all.

Jesus never dated much: Sibling movie night at Kelvin's house ((notice the K and the arcade game behind their couch). They're watching The Neverending Story at the scene where Artax horse/companion of the hero Atreyu (Noah Hathaway, top photo), is literally consumed by his sadness, sinking into the Swamp of Sadness to his death. Atreyu yells: "Fight against the sadness. You have to try. You have to care. You're my friend. I love you." Suddenly Kelvin bursts into tears (Top photo: star Noah Hathaway, no doubt one of the teen idols of Kelvin's youth).

In the movie, the Childlike Empress is sick, thus allowing the Darkness (hopelessmess, despair) to slowly devour the Kingdom of Fantasia. Young hero Atreyu is looking for a cure to save Fantasia, but he is unable to save his horse/friend Artax. Maybe Kelvin is thinking of how he couldn't save Keefe from the Nothing.

But for now, Kelvin is lost in his own Sadness: "My emotions are all over the place. I feel like I'm coming unhinged." The siblings ignore him, so he repeats: I'm in emotional turmoil, dealing with some very painful questions about myself."

"For real?" Jesse immediately becomes serious. Remember, he thinks that Kelvin is gay, but in denial. Is he ready to come out?

Nope. "I've always felt like, maybe, I'm Him." He's always felt like he is Jesus? Say what? Dude, that's full-blown psychosis.

Actually, many cult leaders claim to be Jesus. Wikipedia lists 40 in the 20th and 21st centuries alone, including Jim Jones, Marshall Applewhite, Charles Manson, Shoko Asahara, David Koresh. It doesn't usually end well.

Kevin's reasons: we both care about people; people like us, and want to follow us. Plus: "He didn't date much, didn't have the urge or the need to. That's me for days."

Fans sometimes use this line to argue that Kelvin is asexual or aromantic, not experiencing desire for anyone, but in a heteronormative society, surely he means "urge or need to date women."

Jesse, aware of another reason for Kelvin's lack of interest in women, assure him that he's not Jesus, but "that doesn't mean you're not a decent man." Notice that he uses the term "man," signifying that Kelvin is grown-up, an adult, regardless of his sexual identity.

But Kelvin doesn't buy it. Another voice is telling him, "If you can't be him, maybe you can be me...Satan." We know from the Satanic Sweep and the Club Sinister rescue that, in Kelvin's eyes, Satan is all about s*x, or s*x is all about Satan. The only way he can explain his homoerotic desire, and maybe his homoerotic intimacy, is by fashioning himself "the Dark Lord of the family." After all of this, how did fans continue to argue that Kelvin was straight?

He's very tired -- he hasn't been sleeping well lately. Because he usually shares his bed with Keefe? And he misses Mama, who used to tell him that everything's gonna be ok. She's gone, so Jesse and Judy step up: "Everything's gonna be ok. You'll get it figured out." It's not hard to figure out, Dude. Lots of people are gay.

Some bonus Haitian guys before we continue. N*de dudes on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

He's not my boyfriend: Earlier in the episode, Kelvin reveals that "he's coming apart," certain that his lack of interest in women and recent forays into "darkness" signify that he is the Devil. The siblings tried to comfort him, but apparently it didn't help: he shows up at the teen group wearing a Goth teddy boy outfit, mascara, pale lipstick, dark glasses, and shiny vinyl pants, and announces "I have transformed myself into something Dark." He's not Jesus, but a vile creature of sin. He must leave them.

But his replacement, Ronald Meyers (Josh Warren), is "pure": chubby, greasy-haired, an assistant manager at the GameStop. One can't help but conclude that "pure" means "never had s*x," a contrast with Kelvin, who obvioulsy has.

Kelvin makes a dramatic exit. Dot Nancy, whom he rescued from Club Sinister, scoffs, as if to say "What an idiot!", and follows. "Is this about your boyfriend?" Notice that she is not being pejorative; she honestly believes that they are a gay couple.

Kelvin corrects her: "Ok, no, he's not my boyfriend. We're just a couple dudes who like to hang out. Why?" He's being awfully nonchalant -- compare Season 3, where "rumors swirling around" drive him into a panic. He's already the Dark Lord, a being infused by homoerotic desire, so why get upset over a simple mistake?

Fans who insist that "Kelvin is straight!" often point to this statement, but maybe they're not "boyfriends," partners in a caring, emotionally-fulfilling relationship. Kelvin believes that Satan is all about s*x, not love, so whatever he feels for Keefe -- whatever he does with Keefe -- must be driven solely by lust.

That will all change in a moment, when Dot shows him Keefe's instagram page. He has returned to his old job as a performance artist at Club Sinister: "The baby is back!" and "Haven't I fallen far enough?"

More after the break

Responses from fans: "I'm psyched! I can't wait!" "We're off to never-never land!"

Yelling "No, no, no," Kelvin rushes off. Why is he fine with turning into the Dark Lord, but upset when Keefe becomes one of his followers? Maybe because his transformation was all about wallowing in self-pity, while Keefe's is for real. He is about to be destroyed, spiritually, psychologically, and maybe even physically.

Gideon in Haiti: Before we can find out what happens next with Kelvin and Keefe, we cut to Gideon in Haiti: colorful "third world" shots of goats, a taverna, Gideon meeting a group of kids, and so on. The Water 2 Haiti ministry reflects the real Water for Life, which has been sponsoring well digging and irrigation since 1983.

Jesse tracks Gideon down and asks him to come home. He refuses: he's doing missionary work to expiate his sins, so he can find peace. Jesse will have to find anothe way to reconcile with Amber.

Check out his reaction when Jesse notes that Scotty has died: eyes wide, mouth agape, trying to restrain a whimper. Sure, the guy robbed and assaulted him, but he was still Gideon's first boyfriend, and apparently really good in bed.

BJ is Shocked: Back to the Gemstone Compound, night. BJ wants to do a grand gesture to get Judy back (you dumped her, remember?), but Brock the Security Guard makes fun of his name and won't let him in (he lived there before the breakup -- wouldn't Brock know him and let him by default?).

Rejected at the gate, BJ says "It's time to be a man" and finds an isolated place with a fence he can climb over. We get a good view of the amusement park as he sneaks through. But the stealth plan doesn't work: he is surrounded by security guards and tazed, killed in a death-and-resurrection scene.

A Transitive State: Meanwhile, Kelvin is trying a grand gesture of his own (you dumped him, remember?). He arrives at Club Sinister with yet another party going on (or is there always a party in the Satanic realm?) He pushes through the crowd (and, significantly, shrinks back with audible “Ewww!” at the sight of a n*de lady), and finds Keefe's old friend Daedalus.

"Keefe is discovering some things about himself," he says. What does Keefe not know about himself? Surely he knew that he was gay.

Then: "I transformed him back into the earliest state of his being. He's sinking beneath his reality as we speak. He's regressing to a transitive state." I couldn't find an exact meaning for this phrase, but it probably means a state where you can be transformed into a different person.

Kelvin threatens him: “Take me to him right now! I will f*ck you up!”

Daedalus immediately backs down and leads Kelvin to a private room. Keefe is floating in a milky liquid like amniotic fluid, wearing a gimp outfit with his private parts exposed. This is performance art: party guests are watching him descend past the womb into oblivion. Some are inhaling or drinking his life force.

Tony Cavalero notes that the fluid is composed of watered-down Elmer's Glue which, combined with the lubricant used to squeeze him into the gimp suit, had the look, feel, and taste of s*men (let's ask ourselves how Tony knows what it tastes like). Keefe is drowning in s*men!

Kelvin thinks that Satan offers strength and power; you become a Dark Lord. But he is wrong. You become nothing, absorbed and obliterated by the Sadness.

He pushes away the "hissinig demons," ignores Keefe's arousal, jumps in, and starts tearing off the tubes and wires. Um...dude, he gets oxygen from those. The mask comes off: it is Satan, not God, who forces us to live in masks, hide who we are from the world.

Kelvin kisses Keefe's forehead and presses their faces together, crying and yelling "F*ck the Sadness." This is a call-back to Atreyu yelling "Fight the Sadness" in The Neverending Story earlier. Finally Keefe returns, gasping and sputtering, to the world of the living. He explains: “I was so lost without you…then the Beast came for me, and I let it in. Hold me.” Kelvin responds: “Shh. I’m here now.”

"I'm still really high.": a kicker to add some levity to a critical scene.

Tony Cavalero states that he and Adam were going to play it for laughs. Then director Jody Hill told them that this scene was an "affirmation of their love." So they played it with real emotional intensity, and ended up in tears

This is not a spiritual leader saving his disciple, or a good buddy saving a friend; Keefe is the damsel in distress in a 1940s movie serial or superhero comic book, rescued from certain doom, whispering "if it weren't for you, I'd be...." before the fade out kiss.

For example here Captain America saves Bucky from a sinister mad scientist.

From being gassed to death.

From being snaked to death.

A full-grown adult man: To complete the parallel Kelvin/Keefe and Judy/BJ stories, Judy retrieves BJ from the compound's security office. He explains that he is now "a full-grown adult man," so he wants romance. Are you listening, Kelvin? "Let me teach you about relationships." She agrees.

The siblings just have to reconcile with their Dad and retrieve the offering money from Baby Billy (who incidentally, dies from a lightning strike and is resurrected by a bee sting).