Link to the Theo and Noah nudes
Nikki's problem: Her boyfriend, Theo (Anthony Turpel), just wants to kiss, and she's ready to go downtown, but he's shy, and she's never had to make the first move before. Her last boyfriend was Nate the Stupid One, aka the Human Erection-- she'd just look down, and his cock would be in her hand. Whoa, these are teenagers. Let's keep it G-rated!
Ozzie's problem: He can't go to a kid's movie on his first date, but for a R-rated, he needs adults to buy the tickets.
In case you haven't seen Jason Mewes nude recently, he's on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.
Scene 5: Nate the Human Erection tries to break up with Betsy by claiming that he cheated with "Amy Pasta." But Betsy likes the idea, and suggests a three-way. Hey, these are teenagers!
Scene 6: Ozzie and Isaac are alone at the movie -- until the guys arrive to cover their eyes if something inappropriate comes on, like blood or boobs. Guys, boobs won't be a problem. Now, let's talk penises.
Scene 7: Back at the barbecue, Gwen's Dad Otis was allowed to cook, and now the wieners are all shriveled. Penis joke, har har.
Also, Grandma Kitty was trying to prevent Gwen's parents from having sex, but they had sex anyway. "It wasn't your fault. Trying to stop us made it hotter."
Dad Otis also blew off the big, important truck-driving lesson, letting his daughter down, so Leia and Gwen drive off by themselves, with no lessons.
More after the break. Caution: it gets even more explicit.
Scene 8: Nate the Human Erection is calling random women named Amy to find someone willing to have the three way, so his girlfriend won't know that he lied about cheating. They all hang up. Maybe text them a photo of your penis?
Jay the Pretty One suggests getting super-clingy and scaring the girlfriend away.
Scene 7: The girls only got a few blocks. Still, Otis is furious Instead of yelling, Grandma Kitty suggests talking, seeing what's bothering her.
Scene 8: Ozzie and Isaac sneak into the G-rated movie, Homeward Bound 2, which they actually preferred but were afraid to admit.
Nikki is in the same movie with her boyfriend Theo, the one shy about pulling his penis out. She tries the "reaching for the popcorn and missing" trick. He's fine with it.
Uh-oh, Sony and Bunch are helicopter parents, and come searching for Ozzie and Isaac. They yell: "We are looking for two young boys." Pedophile jokes are surprisingly common in this show.
Scene 9: Gwen explained that she stole the truck because her Dad keeps breaking his promises and is never there for her. They have a heart-to-heart. Awww.
Scene 10: Ozzie/Isaac and Nikki/Theo at the diner for their post-movie milkshakes.
The dates were a success: Theo wants Nikki to pull his cock out again, and Isaac says this was the best date he's ever been on.
Meanwhile, at another table, Nate the Human Erection comes clean about still being in love with Nikki, in Nikki's earshot. The girlfriend dumps him, but Nikki doesn't want to get back together, so the Human Erection is out of luck. Maybe Jay is available.
Scene 11: Dad Otis finally giving Gwen her truck-driving lesson. Awww. The end.
Beefcake: None.
Heterosexism: Three heterosexual couples among the teenagers, two among the adults.
Gay Characters: Maybe the aging hippie couple. Otis and Isaac are treated as just another couple, with no homophobia anywhere. However, they have no physical contact whatever at the movie, while a row or two over, Theo is getting groped.
My Grade: Better than no representation at all. But I can't help noticing that Isaac does not appear again.
Bonus: This review seemed a little beefcake-light, so I'm including a nude photo of Anthony Turpel, or someone who looks like him.
And the Human Erection, actually Noah Centineo.
The Fosters: 12 hunks and hunkoids, all grown up. With more Noah Centineo
The Out-Laws: Adam Devine has a crush on Pierce Brosnan. Don't you? With Reyn Doi.
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