Tyler Hynes: Atreyu and the Amazon teen graduates to Christmas romcoms with gay characters. Bonus Alexander Lincoln's d*ck

 

Link to the n*de dudes

Tyler Hynes starred in six romcoms in 2024.  That's got to be a record.

Shifting Gears. Tyler and a female mechanic are competing in the big car restoration show.  Guess what happens.

Holiday Touchdown: A woman tries to win the Kansas City Chiefs' Fan of the Year contest, while falling in love with Tyler,.  At Christmas.

The Groomsmen: First Look.  "Groomsmen" are the attendants of the groom who stand with him at the wedding.  Here they are Tyler Hynes, Jonathan Bennett, and BJ Britt.  

At the wedding, BJ Bulge...I mean Britt...meets the Woman of His Dreams, but they are separated for reasons.

The Groomsmen: Second Chances.  This time the second groomsman, Jonathan Bennett, is in love with Alexander Lincoln (left), and proposes at another wedding.  

Yep, a gay couple.

Alexander's d*ck is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.  I originally called it a Lincoln log, but no one got the joke,

The Groomsmen: Last Dance.  The third groomsman, Tyler, falls in love with a struggling cafe owner, a woman this time, in Italy.  I assume there's a wedding.

Three Wiser Men and a B*y.   It looks like Tyler, with the moustache, and Paul Campbell, the one with the limp wrist cuddling with him, are a gay couple, but they're all brothers.

I don't know if Paul Campbell's character is gay or not.  Maybe the limp wrist is just a misdirection.

It's a sequel to Three Wise Men and a Baby (2022), with TYler and Paul helping Andrew Walker (left), when he finds a baby on his doorstep.  Now his adopted son is in kindergarten, and they have to help him with the big Christmas pageant.  At age 5?.

As far as I can tell, none of them fall in love, but their mother does.

Wait -- who am I profiling, again?

Oh, right -- Tyler Hynes. 

Born in 1986, the Canadian actor began performing on stage in A Christmas Carol at age 8 and Tommy at age 10, before hitting the teencom circuit with roles in The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo, Are You Afraid of the Dark, and Lassie.

It's impossible to research a book entitled Amazon nowadays, for obvious reasons, but I think the 1999-2000 tv series was based on a novel.  An airplane crashes in the Amazonian jungle with a soap opera-load of survivors, who are taken in by a Lost Tribe of good, kind, benevolent white people and run afoul of a load of violent, demonic, cannibalistic Native Americans (but their leader is white). Tyler plays a survivor who goes native. 

Yes, I watched.  It was awful, but I'm a sucker for lost civilization stories.

More after the break

I also watched The Other Me (2000), a Disney Channel movie about a middle-school student (Andrew Lawrence) whose clone is subject to rapid aging.  Not to worry, he is cured and joins the family as an "identical cousin."  

Well, it starred Andrew Lawrence, the youngest of the bodybuilding Lawrence brothers.  What do you expect?

Wait -- I'm supposed to be profiling Tyler Hynes.   He played one of Andrew's friends.

Then came a Neverending Story tv series (2001-2002), with Tyler as Atreyu, the fantasy hero played by Noah Hathaway in the original movie.  It spun off into several tv movies that were subjected to  massive hyperbolic advertising: the greatest cinematic experience of all time, 100 times better than the Harry Potter series.  I watched half an episode.

Then Tyler sort of faded from view  He appeared in some Canadian productions that didn't get broadcast in the U.S.  15/Love, Sophie, Valmount, Len and Company, The Girlfriend Experience, Heartland

Five episodes of  Warehouse 13 (2009-13), a sort of X-Files rip-off with Mulder and Scully investigating supernatural artifacts housed in a warehouse in South Dakota. Eddie McClintock and then Aaron Ashmore played Mulder.  

Tyler played an inventor trapped in an interdimensional limbo.  He might be gay: he's rescued by his sisters, not by a girlfriend.

16 episodes of 19-2 (2014-15) with Jared Keeso (left) and Adrian Holmes as disgruntled cops in Montreal.

8 episode of Letterkenney (2019-21) as Long-D*ck Dierks, antagonist to focus character Wayne. No, we don't see the long d*ck

Lots of romcoms: The Mechanics of Love, Falling for You, Flip that Romance, Sweet Carolina, Roadhouse Romance, Always Amore....

And lots and lots of Christmas romcoms: It's Christmas Eve, The Mistletoe Secret, The 12th Date of Christmas, My Christmas Family Tree, An Unexpected Christmas. 

How do they keep coming up with plotlines?  Oh, right, it's the same plot recycled over and over.

When I started this profile, having not seen Tyler on screen since 2002, I figured that he must have grown up into a super-hunk and favored us with n*de photos and maybe a gay video, like Mason Cook and Raviv Ullman. 

Definitely not a super--hunk.  Nice abs, but I had to crop out a huge, flamboyant ring, and the cragginess is burning my retinas.

That's a lady hiding behind him.

Tyler is the producer of the Groomsmen series and a lot of music videos featuring gay artist Oliver Heldens (right), shown here with DJ and gay video star Tristan Jaxx.  So he may be gay, but I doubt it: gay actors don't usually take 300 roles where they have to make out with ladies.

And no n*dity.  I checked everywhere.  Not a d*ck or backside in sight. Which is ok, I guess: Tyler has the right to keep his privates private.

Besides, his costars and Tristan Jaxx have more than made up for it.

See also: Mason Cook: The "Speechless" star grows up, turns Bohemian-hipster, shows us his d*ck

Michael Seater: The "Life with Derek" guy grows up, gets a boyfriend, and shows us his Derek d*ck

Phil of the Future's future: Disney star Raviv Ullman on the Torah, wearing dresses, and his penis

Andrew Lawrence