"White Lotus": Checking Season 3 for gay characters, homophobia, Thai guys, and Patrick Schwarzenegger's d*ck

Believe it or not, I'm actually thinking of giving The White Lotus Season 3 a shot.  It takes place in Thailand.  I've visited: beautiful temples and monasteries, the Grand Palace.  I took a class in Theravada Buddhism at the Institute of Buddhist Studies. I'm into Asian guys.

Sure, it's produced by major homophobe Mike White, and the earlier seasons had some of the most offensive gay predator stereotypes, but...it's Thailand.  

But before investing, let's see how homophobic it is with the "Season 3" anad the "Coming Up in Season 3" trailers.   

Trailer:

1. An Anglo husband, wife, and three young adult children, and a middle aged woman come ashore, followed by a plus-sized African-American woman, while the voiceover tells us, "At the end of the week, you'll be a different person." 

I think they are Timothy Ratliff (Jason Isaacs, left), wife, daughter, and sons; and Belinda. 

2. Montage of female Thai dancers, Rick (Walton Goggins) kissing his girlfriend, and Three Women crying, screaming, and jumping out of a window.  The voiceover:  "What happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand."

3. Establishing shots of the resort, with the manager, maybe Fabian (Christian Feidrel),  saying "Our hotel is the best in the world."  

Montage of the Three Women hugging in the pool, Rick kissing his girlfriend, someone entering the ocean fully clothed, a ceramic monkey, gunshots, and drowning.  So we'll have some murders.

4. The Three Women toast each other. "To Thailand, and a week of memories."  Some couples on a boat. 

Then back to the Ratliff family from Scene 1.  Mom is happy that her children are all together, but they are miserable. 

5. Belinda from Scene 1 getting and giving massages, so she can bring her skills back to Maui.  I guess she's going to become a masseuse.

6. Rick and his girlfriend going to dinner.  She tells him that this is a wellness resort, so he should get a facial, because everyone thinks that he's her father.  She will help him find his joy again.

7. The Three Women hugging and laughing. One lies down in a bikini. 

8. Tax Evader Timothy Ratliff gets a phone call. He won't tell his family what it's about, because "We're poor now and Daddy's going to prison."

9. A masked robber invades a jewelry store.  Maybe he's Timothy, trying to make some money?  A cop, maybe Gaitok (Tayme Thapthimthong) runs out to apprehend him,  and gets clobbered.  A new security guard is told, "Your job is to protect the hotel."

10. Cop Gaitok says "I don't want to hurt anyone," and fires his gun, while his girlfriend tells him "You've got to be stronger than this."

11. Tax Evader Timothy Ratliff asks his wife, "What if we lost everything?"  She would "not want to live." Uh-oh, she's going to be murdered.

12. The Three Women laughing and hugging some more.  One cries.

13. One of the Ratliff sons, I think Lochlan (Sam Nivola), asks his brother Saxon (Patrick Schwarzenegger, left),  "What if this life is just a test, to see if we can be better people?" over a montage of a shirtless guy approaching Massseuse Belinda, Rick holding a snake, and Cop Gaitok and his girlfriend watching a show and laughing. 

Saxon finds the "Life is a test" theory ridiculous.

14. A shirtless Saxon twirls a woman, Timothy pulls out a gun, fireworks, a woman in a bikini, Rick kissing his girlfriend, partying, Buddha, partying, a woman's legs, a corpse, screaming.

15. A man tells Belinda the Masseuse, "Go big or go home."

The only male character not shown with a girlfriend is Lochlan Ratliff.  Let's try the "Upcoming Trailer:" After the break

Who is Theo James, why is he n*de so often, and has he been in anything gay-positive?

  

In White Lotus Season 2, Cameron and Ethan (Theo James, Will Sharpe) and their wives visit the Italian resort, and start flirting with every woman in sight, plus each other. In Episode 4, Cameron even says "I want to do stuff to you."  But it is just queerbaiting; the two never lock lips.  In fact, they hate each other.

You could probably figure that White Lotus, well known for its shocking homophobia, would never portray an actual gay romance.  After all, it was created and written by Mike White, aka The Devil. 

Link to NSFW version

But Theo James is not personally homophobic; he has been interviewed an a dozen gay magazines, he wants to play a gay action-adventure hero, and he was in the running to play gay pop star George Michael.  Let's check his previous work for gay roles

The Time Traveler's Wife (2022) features (straight) lovers stymied by the guy's frequent involuntary time slips.  Heterosexuals all the way down, although it does give us some nice rear and frontals.

Sanditon (2019-22) is an adaption of a novel that Jane Austen left unfinished at her death in 1817. There is actually a gay character, outed in the second season. Theo plays Sidney Parker, whom focus character Charlotte love/hates with the "He's arrogant!" trope.  

In the animated Castlevania (2018-21), Theo plays Hector, whose plot is propelled by that horribly cliched Dead Wife Trope.  

Archive (2020)?  Another guy with a Dead Wife, who he tries to recreate with an android.  Yawn.  I'm beginning to think that it will be tired cliches as well as heterosexuals all the way down.  Are the butts and dicks worth the trouble?

Lying and Stealing (2019)? Caper romance between two thieves.

How it Ends (2018)?  "In the midst of an Apocalypse, a man struggles to reach his pregnant fiance, who is a thousand miles away."  That' actually the motive behind about half of the characters on The Walking Dead: "I'm looking for my wife!"

Before The White Lotus, Theo was most famous for the Divergent series, four movies set in a teen dystopia where people are classified according to their primary virtue: Candor, Dauntless, Erudite, Abnegation, and Amity.  He plays Four, a Dauntless instructor who romances focus character Beatrice. 

Ok, let's try Theo's future projects.  In the upcoming The Gentleman (2024), Theo plays Eddie Halsted, who inherits his father's estate without realizing that it is the front for a drug empire.  And he...falls in love...with...

I give up.

But at least there are lots of Theo James rears and frontals on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: The Resort: Skyler Gisondo disappears at Christmas in a scary Mayan resort.

Bobby Hogan: Christian, Spiderman, Marine, gay teenager, with some significant selfies

"The Lake": Sleazy Mayor Jerry O'Connell wants a three-way with Justin and his date. What's a gay guy to do?

Link to the nude photos

I already reviewed the first episode of The Lake, a comedy about a gay guy who returns to the Lake where he spent summers during his childhood, with plots about bonding with the teenage daughter he never met and trying to save his grandfather's beloved cabin.  I want to review Episode 4 because: it features a gay three-way with 1990s heartthrob Jerry O'Connell

Link to NSFW version

Scene 1: Everyone is cheering at the junior lifeguard trials. Justin (Jordan Gavaris, left) and his Daughter watch from a distance and make fun of them.  But they're only being slightly sarcastic today, because they have won a victory: the board voted against the Evil Maisy's scheme to renovate (that is, tear down) the cottage Justin visited in as a child -- he never actually lived there, but he is desperate to keep it the way it was, a sort of anchor to his past.  Most of the plot arcs involve Jason trying to keep the cottage out of Evil Maisy's clutches.  

Speak of the Devil: Evil Maisy drops by to introduce Jason to Gil the Thrill (Jerry O'Connell), who  is running for Mayor.  Gloating, Evil Maisy notes that the Mayor can re-classify the cottage as a farmhouse, which doesn't need Board approval to be...torn down!  

To make matter's worse, he's hot for Jason!  Dude, maybe you could convince him to not-reclassify the cottage by getting on your knees? No, not to beg.

Scene 2: By the way, Daughter's Crush (Jared Scott), who also happens to be Evil Maisy's son, won the lifeguard contest.  The first Chinese-Canadian Junior Lifeguard in Lake history!  He gets his sash and the keys to the legendary Boathouse while Mom, Dad, and his brother Opal (Declan Whaley) watch.  No, Opal is not trans, or nonbinary.  He's a femme gay boy.  

After the boys leave to hang out with Justin's Daughter, Evil Maisy and her Semi-Evil Husband (Terry Chen, left) discuss the evil scheme.  "Remember, Dear, this is Justin's fault.  He sabotaged my previous play to destroy his childhood memories, mwah-ha-ha, so, so stay frosty."

Scene 3: Justin is going through withdrawal from junk food due to Daughter's health consciousness, so he runs into the Tuck Shop, sneaks behind the counter, and grabs some chips. Manager Riley (Travis Nelson, below) appears. Beep! Gil the Thrill (mayoral candidate Jerry O'Connell) is contacing them both on Grindr.  Nice chest, and he's into three-ways, but he's in cahoots with Evil Maisy!  

Scene 4: Cut to Daughter and her Crush discussing the evil scheme.  Even though he's Evil Maisy's son, Crush wants to keep the cabin, for a reason too complicated (and gross) to explain. 

After Crush leaves, Scandinavian Hippie Ulrika comes in with a fish to be tested for herpes.  A big deal --if it tests positive, they have to close down the lake for weeks-- no boating, swimming, waterskiing, or construction.  Hmm -- Daughter has a idea.

Scene 5: Justin talks to Jayne, apparently his only Ally in the cabin plot.  She is upset because Daugher's Crush won Junior Lifeguard instead of her own daughters. "Grr...Evil Maisy and her family ruin every.  The next time I see hre, I'm going to tell her...."  Whoops, at that moment Gil the Thrill appears. "...how excited I am about her cook-out tonight.  I'm bringing crab cakes."

When she leaves, Gil gets down to business: is Justin into hooking up, or what?  "No way -- you're on Evil Maisy's team, trying to destroy my childhood memories!"  But, he says, he might change his mind about the issue while Justin is on his knees. Hey, that's sexual coercion! I know, I thought of it first. 

:"Thanks, but I have a date with Riley tonight." "Bring him along, and it's a done deal.  I'll stick it to Evil Maisy after I stick it to you."

More sticking after the break

Eastbound & Down: The water park and cocaine party episode, with some naked guys

I haven't done a review for a few weeks -- busy with work assignments, and besides, not much out there that seems promising.  But I reviewed the first episode of Eastbound & Down a long time ago, so let's see if foul-mouthed, homophobic washed-up baseball player Kenny Powers gets any character development.  I'm reviewing Episode 4.3, because it takes place in a water park.

Scene 1: The washed-up baseball player now has a wife and a boyfriend, Stevie, played by Steve Little.  They praise him for "killing it" in an interview to become a tv sports commentator.  Stevie makes a vulgar comment about the wife's vagina, which makes Kenny angry, but Stevie thinks he's over-reacting.  He's just very excited.  He eagerly punches a car window, and screams in agony at his now-broken hand. 

The wife goes home so Kenny can take care of the mess.

Scene 2: Breakfast. Even though this is only Season 4, Kenny has two five-year old kids.  He tells them that, due to his newfound showbiz fame, they're going to be rich.  He has gifts: a candle for mom, a backpack for the girl, a growling wolf for the boy: "A strong male role model, so he doesn't turn out weird." Presumably he means "gay."   Um...how about a puppy?

Scene 3: Kenny and Boyfriend Stevie arrive for his first day at his tv star job.  They brought gift baskets for the Star (Ken Marino).

Star: "Who's this handsome dude?  Is it your fuck buddy?"

Boyfriend: "I wish!"

Ok, so they're not boyfriends. A gay friend who is openly in love with Kenny, who doesn't mind because he likes the attention? This means that he's not homophobic, anyway.

Scene 4: Kenny bursts into his brother's house wearing a stocking, claiming that "ths is a home invasion."  They don't believe him.  His nephew Wayne (Bo Mitchell) is being photographed in graduation robes, but he's just getting a GED.   Kenny criticizes him for it, then gets down to business: the family is estranged, so he wants to buy their love with tickets to the Congo Canyon Resort.

They don't think he's really changed, so he rescinds the invitation: "The only people who get to get wet are people who are nice to me." 

Scene 5: Kenny bought a robot.  Wife thinks he should take it slow, but he talks her into going to the water park.

Scene 6: At the water park. No beefcake except a little of Stevie.  He looks at five preteen kids and says "Look at my family, so smiling and loyal.  They love me so much."  He has kids?  I thought he was gay, and in love with Kenny?

He passes out drinks to the gang, saying "Celebrate, don't masturbate."  Then a toast, to the new tv star, "The love of my life, Kenny Powers."  Why does he keep saying things like this?  

Kenny complains that Tel wore a speedo (obscured closeup, no bulge).  "Tel" isn't in the IMDB.  A fan blog lists a Dontel, played by Omar J. Dorsey, but Omar is tall and black, and this guy is short and Hispanic.

The ladies start to get drunk, and wonder who's looking after the kids.  Kenny points out that the water is only ankle deep; if they drown in that, they deserve to die.  Everyone is horrified.

Scene 7: Montage of several boy-girl massages, girls in bikinis in the pool, a girl in a bikini smiling seductively at Kenny, a fat guy going down a water slide. closeup of boobs, another closeup of boobs.  

More after the break

"The White Lotus": A Shockingly Homophobic Portrayal of a Gay Man, Created, Written, and Directed by the Devil

 

I lived in Florida for four years, and never went near the beach.  You'll never get me on a boat.  Even going over a bridge pushes up my anxiety level.  So I wasn't sure about the HBO Max series White Lotus, set in a beach resort in Italy.  But someone told me that there were gay characters in Season 2, so here goes....

Scene 1: A beach resort featuring bikini models sitting under umbrellas.  A woman with her breasts hanging out of her swimsuit starts a conversation with two women who just arrived from America.  She's leaving in a few hours, but she praises the hotel, the staff, the food, and the wine.  So she spent her entire trip on a beach that looks like every beach everywhere?  Why not try to actually see the country?  Her semi-bare butt goes into the water for one last swim -- and she bumps into a dead body!

Cut to hotel staff Rocco and Valencia watching body bags being hauled away.  Several bodies of guests have turned up!

Scene 2:  A week earlier.  Two heterosexual couples on a boat, one distant and arguing, the other snuggling, kissing, and nose-rubbing.  Then a depressed woman, Allora, walking through town.  Her friend Mia asks what's wrong: "Massimo has a new girlfriend, and I'm jealous."  Mia drags her away: it's almost time for the boat to arrive.  So is this a flashback in a flashback, before the girls get on the boat with the heterosexual couples?

A boat arriving while the staff waves.  "Smiles, everyone, smiles!'   Allora and Mia look on from afar, wondering which one "he" is.  He who?  A new boyfriend met on Tinder?

Down on the dock, Employee Valencia tells the Old Guy: "I'm surprised you are here.  It's a long way from L.A., and you are quite old."  Way to insult your guests!  Next an unidentified older-younger same-sex couple; Cameron (Theo James, above) and wife, the kissing, nose-rubbing couple); Ethan (Will Sharpe, left) and wife, the distant, arguing couple (he forces her to drink wine); and a flowsy rich lady with a hundred suitcases, Ms. McQuaid. "I am your host, Mr. Roarke.  Welcome to Fantasy Island." 

Scene 3:  The White Lotus resort is in an  old hilltop convent, nowhere near the beach -- but with a view of Mount Etna. What kind of beachside resort is this, where you have to take a bus to get to the beach?

  Employee Rocco tells the two couples, who are apparently all friends, the story of the testi morti: a Moor came to Sicily and seduced a local woman.  When she discovered that he had a wife and kids back home, she cut off his head. It's a warning for husbands not to cheat. 

Then he shows  them that the two rooms connect through a secret doorway.  Ethan is up for wife-swapping, but his wife disapproves: "We won't be using that."   When the kissing, nose-rubbing couple leave, Ethan starts yelling at her.  Jerk! Not into it means not into it.

Meanwhile, the older-younger same-sex couple turn out to be father Dominic and young adult son Albie (Adam DiMarco), traveling with Grandpa Bert, who flirts with a female employee until the others reigns them in.  They're here to visit their ancestral town. 

So far the only potentially gay guest is Albie, so I'll fast-forward to his story.

Minute 24: Albie gets out of the pool (nice chest shot, but every other guy in the vicinity is fully clothed0.  He sits down next to Portia, a teenage girl who just got off the phone with a friend telling her to "get some dicks" while on vacation.  SHe starts crying because "they" have half a billion dollars but won't let her have any fun.  Albie consoles her.

Minute 46: They kiss.  Ok, so Albie is straight.  All of the other guests are married, hetero-horny, or both.  Who is the gay one?

Research reveals that he is Quentin, one of those aristocratic, decadent, fey Quentin Crisp types (parents don't know that their kid is gay when he is born, so why do gay guys on tv always have tired stereotype names, like Quentin and Blaine?).  This closeted jerk pays a group of straight men to have sex with him and introduces them as "my nephew and his friends."   He's also a drug addict and a murderer.  Pure homophobic sleaze.  

Wait -- I didn't notice before, but this series is created by, written by, and directed by MIKE WHITE, aka The Devil,  the most disgusting homophobe in Hollywood.  This is the jerk who wrote and starred in Chuck and Buck, about gay relationships being only for adolescents experimenting on their way to a "normal" heterosexual adulthood -- then had the monumental gall to advertise it in gay magazines!  Apparently those poor souls who get stuck in their adolescent "gay phase" turn into decadent, fey drug addicted murderers.

Run away. Run away fast.  

"Secrets of Summer": Teens Save an Argentine Jungle Resort with a Wakeboarding Contest. And Singing.

 

Secrets of Summer, an Argentine teen drama originally titled Cielo Grande (Big Sky).  The icon displays two girls in the foreground, one with a surboard, and two guys in the background, one with a guitar.  There'll be music and surfing, and maybe some beefcake.  Gay characters?  Argentina legalized same-sex marriage before the U.S. did, so maybe....

Scene 1: A private plane.  Boy Without Guitar (Victor Varona) is busily texting while Girl with Surfboard -- Steff -- is reading an actual phyiscal letter, from someone named Paula: "I want to thank you for accepting me as part of the family. And Cielo Grande is way more than just some trophy. An important part of your past is hidden there."  

Scene 2: Establishing shots of a river flowing through a jungle. So, another resort in the wilderness, with no scenes set in Buenos Aires?  Non-Surfboard Girl  -- Luz looks delighted as she walks into the resort, Cielo Grande. A sign tells us "Big opening!" in English.  At the front desk, she greets  Guitar Boy -- Julian (Guido Messina).  "Welcome back!  There's a team meeting starting in a moment."

They hug, then gaze into each other's eyes in front of a trophy saying "Summer Crush."  Rather blatant, aren't you?

Meanwhile, on the plane, Steff tries to get her companion -- Tony, her wakeboarding coach -- to look up from his screen and check out the scenery.  "Um...yeah, it's nice."  He's sort of femme.  I'd think he was gay, except then the cast wouldn't be able to divide into two couples.

Plot dump: Steff plans to compete in Summer Crush, the same wakeboarding competition that Dad won 20 years ago.  (Wakeboarding is surfing while being towed by a boat).  Tony didn't want to come, but Steff insisted.

Scene 3: At the resort's staff, Luz hugs the other employees: boss Augusto (Martin Tecchi), Charlie (Luan Brum, left), and newcomer Nati (a girl)  The boss reveals that Summer Crush is back on after a hiatus of 12 years. They all get t-shirts to advertise the contest -- lots of cheering.  Plus they're re-opening Sky Vibes, the karaoke bar!  More cheering.  Plus Steffi, the world-famous celebrity wakeboarder, is coming!  Wait, a ringer?  Contests are no fun when it's obvious who will win.

Scene 4:  Luz and the newcomer head to their cabin.   Plot dump: Sky Vibes is important to Luz because her grandparents always sang there, back in the old days.  Their song was "Emergency Love," from 2003.  If they are in their 60s, wouldn't the abuelos prefer "Dancing Queen"?  

Meanwhile, Steff and Coach Tony are at a dock on the river, waiting for their boat.   The decrepit "tuna can" finally arrives, piloted by Charlie from Scene 3.  Tony complains about the lack of glitz.  

Scene 5: Luz unpacking and singing while Newbie Nati plays the guitar.    Then Luz gives Newbie Nati a wakeboarding lesson, which allows us to see what it's all about. 

Meanwhile, Steff and Coach Tony try to get checked into their rooms.  Tony scoffs because it is taking too long.  When the desk clerk turns his back, Steff steals the paper where he wrote down the computer password!  

On the way to their rooms, they meet Julian (the Luz-hugging guy).  Tony is not impressed with him.  So not gay?

When they leave, the desk clerk calls the Boss: "The squirrel is in the tree."  Is there some nefarious plot going on?  I hope so.

Scene 6:  Julian shows Steff her cabin (they're all separate, surrounded by jungle).  Breakfast starts at 7:00, no room service after midnight, no flirting. Well, he's got a crush on Luz, so....

When he leaves, Steff reads the letter from Scene 1 again, and starts to cry.

Tony calls to complain about what a total dump the resort is, and to tell her that they will be training at 10:00 am.  Wait -- did they arrive early in the morning?  Don't most hotels expect you to arrive in the late afternoon?

Steff and her wakeboard equipment hit the beach.  All the guests seem to be teenagers.   Lots of shots of Steff or her pro stand-in doing wakeboarding stunts.  Luz and Newbie Nati, having their wakeboarding lesson, almost collide with her!  Wouldn't that be the drivers' fault?

 Surprise!  Coach Tony knows Luz, and is delighted to see her!  He doesn't explain how.  An old girlfriend, or a wakeboard student? I'm still hoping that he is gay.

While packing up, Luz and Newbie Nati buddy-bond and gush at each other.  Nati says she signed on at the resort to "try something new...save some money."  "And meet someone special?"  Luz suggests.  "Well...maybe..." Nati says, fluffing her hair and grinning...and...whoa, those girls are into each other!  But I thought Luz liked Julian from Scene 2? 

Scene 7: Charlie delivers another guest, a middle-aged man with a beard: Ron Lavalle (Francisco Bass).  He yells at his teenage son, Ian, for poking him with a drone.  Wait -- Dad got off the boat alone.  So his son was already there?   Then he complains that Ian is too busy with his youtube videos to concentrate on his schoolwork.  "But in three years I'll hit a  million on subscribers, and the money will start rolling in!"  Ian seems a little younger than the others, so he probably won't be involved in the "who's dating whom" plotlines.

As they are checking in, Augusto the Manager introduces himself.  "You look familiar.  Have you been here before?"  Aha, a mystery!  But they switch the conversation immediately to Teenage Ian getting all excited because his favorite pop duo is performing at the resort.  

Scene 8:  Augusto the Manager discovers that most of the wakeboard competitors have dropped out, so he's going to ask the staff to compete.  But...no one will pay to see that!  The resort will go bankrupt, and they'll all lose their jobs!

Meanwhile,  Sr. Lavalle and Ian (Byron Barbieri) greet Steff, who isn't happy to see them: "Why are you here, Dad?  I don't like you watching me compete!" Aha, he's the Dad who won the wakeboarding contest 20 years ago.

Scene 9:  Luz, Newbie Nati, Julian, and Charlie begin fixing up the decrepit, long-closed Sky Vibes, a cabin in the jungle.  Julian says that he used to be a regular. Hasn't Sky Vibes been closed for 12 years?  His favorite song was "Trapped," by Bruce Springsteen (1981).  How old is this guy?  He sings the whole song while gazing at Luz.  The others join in.

Coach Tony, walking past, is entranced --by the song, or maybe by Luz.  They chat; they're about to kiss when Luz is called away.  So Tony isn't gay, just feminine.  

Meanwhile, Steff tracks Sr. Lavalle and Teenage Ian down again, so  the spoiled brat can yell at them some more: "I don't want you here!  I can't believe you're doing this!  Ruining everything!"  Dad just wants to watch her compete -- what a jerk!   

Scene 10: Luz and Newbie Nati waiting tables in the resort dining room.  Coach Tony comes in to flirt.  Manager Antonio drops by, and Tony talks him into making Luz their guide.  They need a guide?  It's a bunch of cabins in the jungle.  Oh...wait, he just wants Luz to hang out.

That night staff and guest gather at the beach, and Manager Antonio announces the return of Summer Crush, the wakeboarding contest. Steff sneaks off, goes to the front desk, and hacks into the resort computer.  But before she can find what she's looking for, the Desk Clerk comes in, suspicious.  She hides behind the counter.  The end.

Beefcake: Surprisingly, none.  What is the point of a tv series about a summer resort without guys in swimsuits?

Other Sights:  Rough-shod cabins in the jungle.  They look like something from Gilligan's Island.

Gay Characters:  I thought Tony would be gay, but he's totally into Luz.  Maybe Nati wants a girlfriend. but Luz and Steff are both spoken for.

Mystery:  What is Steff looking for?   Otherwise it looks like a "let's save our resort by putting on a show," like the 1940s barn musicals starring Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland."