Halloween Tales of Beefcake

Tales of Halloween (2015) is an anthology of 10 Halloween-themed stories.  It made the rounds of film festivals and was released on video-on-demand, and now is streaming on Netflix.

The stories all have different writers and directors, so they vary tremendously in tone, some grotesquely violent, some humorous. And in quality: clever, even intriguing plotlines juxtaposed with boring cliches.

But they have one thing in common: they cast some of the most attractive beefcake stars who ever sat on a casting couch.

1. "Sweet Tooth": A candy-seeking serial killer, with  Austin Falk as Kyle.

2. And Hunter Smit as the Killer.

3. "The Night Billy Raised Hell": a young boy eggs the house of a reclusive man who turns out to be the Devil.  With Adam Pascal as The Dentist.

4. "Ding Dong": A man learns that his wife eats children.  With Marc Senter as Jack.

5. "Trick": Vigilante trick-or-treaters.  With John F. Beach as James.

More after the break.

"Sigmund and the Sea Monsters": Johnny Whitaker and his boyfriend encounter a blob

The Krofft animatronic Saturday morning shows like Pufnstuf and Land of the Lost usually involved boys trapped far from home, but the 1973-1975 entry, Sigmund and the Sea Monsters, used the "I've got a secret" theme instead. Sigmund (Billy Barty), a three-foot tall blob of green tentacles, is expelled from his abusive family for being “a rotten sea monster.”

 He wanders up onto the beach and befriends two human boys, Johnny (Johnny Whitaker) and Scott (Scott Kolden). 

Most episodes involve Sigmund being befuddled by human society while hiding from his bullying brothers (who need him back for some mercenary reason), and the boys being likewise befuddled by sea monster society while trying to hide Sigmund from human authority figures. Jack Wilde of HR Pufnstuf showed off his adult physique in one episode.

Johnny Whitaker had previously starred as the saccharine Jody on Family Affair, which no cool kid could stand watching for more than 30 seconds, and as a shepherd boy who stupidly jumps off a cliff and becomes The Littlest Angel, seen here with Herman Munster Fred Gwynne.  So boys who liked boys didn't hold out much hope for Sigmund.

But he gave them a surprising amount of teenage beefcake, more than any other Saturday morning show in the 1970s.  His opening shots at the beach, in a swimming suit and then a muscle shirt, showed a toned body with surprisingly firm biceps, and later he sauntered around the set in impossibly tight jeans that almost allowed gay kids to overlook his hair, fluffy, carrot-red, with the texture of cotton candy.

In Tom Sawyer (1973), Johnny and Jeff East also displayed their 1970s physiques (and butts: on-screen n*dity was fine in those days, as long as you were under 18).

More after the break

Michael Yerger: Bragging incessantly about being heterosexual while making gay videos

 

I was looking for beefcake photos of Joel Rush, who plays Sky, the God Squad bodybuilder who shoves his d*ck through the glory hole at Keefe in Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.6.

I stumbled upon his lookalike Michael Yerger, center:born in 1998 in Knoxville, appeared on the reality shows Survivor and Survivor: Ghost Island  in 2018, now a real estate broker and model,  represented by DT Model Management.  

Link to the n*de photos

He's bulked up a bit since 2018.

The first photos I saw of him were nudes, for gay sites like MMScene and Instinct. 

 First a rather tame semi-d*ck shot.

And a side-view, covering it

Then a full onslaught.

And getting a little help from a buddy.  So he's obviously gay, right?

Except when I checked his Instagram and Facebook pages, I found 32, 000 pictures of him hugging, kissing, and licking the face of a lady, so many that you get that queasy feeling.  

Especially the licking, gross!  

A guy in France licked me once, and I kicked him out of my apartment using every French cuss word I could think of.

Here's one of the least disgusting shots of  Michael putting every body part he has into his girlfriend.

No humorous posts, no homoerotic teases except for this photo. captioned "Me and the guy she tells you not to worry about."  I don't know what that means, but one of the comments states that gay guys always find each other.  

So is he bi?  But there were only two photos with guys amid the first hundred or so, completely overwhelmed by "I'm heterosexual!  Isn't being heterosexual great?  Don't you wish everybody was heterosexual?"  

You're sending me mixed signals, buddy.

N*de photos on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also: Joel Rush's Hot/H*ng Photos, Part 1: Why does everybody else in his movies get n*ked?

"Join Kelvin's God Squad": Recruitment video gives us the dirt on the muscle cult, with a lot of muscles and a dick or two

Daniel Boone: a Big Man

Daniel Boone was a man --
He was a big man!

Sounds good so far.  When I was seven or eight years old, I was all for watching tv shows about a man, especially a big man.  Especially a big man who was a "dream come-er true-er."  

But Batman was on the other channel.  No kid in his right mind would pick a cowboy over the Dynamic Duo.  I never saw a single episode of Daniel Boone when it originally aired.

I've seen one since, for research purposes. Not a lot of gay content.  Not a lot of cowboy content, either.

1. Daniel Boone (Fess Parker)  is a family man, with wife and kids.  If you have to be a cowboy, at least hang out with other guys.

2. He has a sidekick anyway, Mingo, one of the least convincing Native Americans on tv, actually played by singer Ed Ames (who, although Jewish, became famous for recording the Chrismas song "Do You Hear What I Hear").

3.  It's not even the Old West.  This is Kentucky during the Revolutionary War.

4. While other cowboys were happily displaying monumental physiques, Fess Parker is kept strictly under wraps.  The only cast member to take his shirt off is Darby Hinton, who plays Daniel's preteen son Israel, and his buddy du jour.

Prior to Daniel, Fess Parker had starred in other Disney productions, notably Davy Crockett, Old Yeller, and The Light in the Forest (ignoring the crush of James Mac Arthur).  Afterwards he retired to run a vineyard and give conservative speeches.

Darby Hinton apparently was the first crush of some gay boys of the Boomer Generation, but he didn't have much of a teen idol career (this photo is from Getty Images, not from a teen magazine).

Post-Daniel, he's best known for the sexploitation Malibu Express (1985), as a Magnum P.I. clone who keeps encountering nude women and swishy gay stereotypes while trying to solve a murder.  At least he looks good semi-nude.